I love dark poetry and this was pretty good. Your imagery is all along the right lines and succinct with the idea of a "hidden" internal darkness. I suppose my only suggestion is in the first part. Your sense of rhyme is good throughout, but I think you take charge of it more towards the end than the beginning.
With dark poetry, I often believe it should be just as powerful as it is dark. As darkness to me is a form of power, whether good or bad is up to the person's perception, I won't get into that here, but I do think that the line "against the night I will forever lean" was a creative rhyme to "seen", but the line itself doesn't really do it for me.
When I think of internal "darkness" I don't believe I lean upon the night. That feels just a little cliche, just because the truly dark and depressing happens all the time, night or day. I think its almost more terrifying that it occurs when surrounded by the brightness of day, that something so loathsome and hateful can even exist in such an atmosphere, but it does. I really don't have a suggestion for what to change it to, but I think if you tweaked the phrasing to something a little bit more unexpected, it would do your well done rhyming justice.
All in all, well done. I know I explained a lot for my one suggestion, but I did enjoy the piece and think with or without changes, its solid work.
Wonderful and sweet. I don't have any children, I'm very much a child still myself, but I can definitely understand the motherly warmth coming from this. You paint a clear picture, I like the use of rhyme and the structure, as always I definitely think expansion would make a brighter picture, but as is is still very well done. Beautiful work :)
Really interesting. I'm not quite sure what you'd call this, but I liked it. The question at the top never truly gets answered, but you provide very interesting facts to keep the dice rolling, if you will. I do read my horoscope, haha, so this was definitely interesting for me, I'm always shocked by how similar the Virgo portrait is to me. I get a very mystical and mysterious feel from this and that's definitely how the zodiac is. Good job :)
I love the idea of this piece!
Hallows Eve would be my favorite time of year. I think the beginning could use a little more vamping although because the middle from "lamias and witches" to the end is very powerful imagery. I think due to the subject nature you could keep the first verse, but insert a verse or two of very powerful imagery right at the start.
Halloween is spooky, terrifying, mysterious, and most of all exciting. don't warm me up to the idea, i know what its like, throw me straight into Halloween night. I think some visuals of autumn would do well, the quiet crunching of leaves, the cool wind on your shoulder like a ghost's breath, the full moon casting dark shadows, etc etc. The creatures and spooks are a large part, but a lot more goes into the wondrous feelings of Halloween. If you give those parts some light, I think you'd have a very polished, unique piece.
Very nice! Your usage of rhyme was very interesting. I wasn't quite sure of where the piece was going to take me next, in the sense, that I as a native English speaker whom speaks other languages, wasn't really sure myself of how I felt about English. You instill a sense of pride in someone whom wears similar shoes, but has never even contemplated what her native language means to her. You give English a very good resonance within the reader, which I don't think it necessarily has most of the time. My favorite was near the end, you can feel your passion, while it also being light-hearted. Very well done through and through.
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