Characters
You and you. Well, mostly. I like the way you described yourself: the naught version, of course. I can almost "see" you like this, especially with the hand-stand stuff.

Plot
There wasn't much plot needed, just memory, I guess! :) The pace was steady. The whole thing was just nice.

Suggestion/Errors
So far, all right. Your sentences were neat. There's nothing much to polish up on.

My Favourite Part
As I watch the goofy things my little grandchildren do, I recently paused to think back when I was a kid. As memories would surface in my head, my oft repeated statement was, "I can't believe I did that!"
This part really had me hooting with laughter!! :)

Overall Impression
Excellent job-well-done! This is really impressive and all -- you're already a grandmother and yet you remember all this stuff. Plus you described certain areas in detail as well!
Anyways, I feel privaledged to be able to read this piece. Keep reviewing, keep writing. WDC rocks!!!

Thank you for sharing this with the rest of us here at WDC. Your effort and time spent to create this story is very much appreciated. Keep it up; you're doing great!

Don't forget to drop by my new forum "The Friendship Forum"  or help raise GPs to save my membership and also win prizes for yourself at:"Invalid Item" 
Cheers and keep writing,
~Sarah
Proud Member of The Paper Gang.

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Characters
I loved the woman. She's so bold and courageous, none like a scarycat at all. She's always witty and smart, sly like a fox. The guy is horrible. The way you have described them... I can almost "see" this scene unfolding, like I'm watching a movie!

Plot
The plot was wonderful, absolutely wonderful. The pace was so good, so far as it went. I was honestly impressed; short stories are hard to fill in the content! :)

Suggestion/Errors
"I will be at Mary’s to help her with her… Things.”
I believe the "t" of the word things does not need to be capitalized.

His tone suggested that he wanted to help Mary with more than just her things.
Here, there are more than enough emphasis on the words. This sentence should be light and not dragged into more emphasis. Remember, sometimes too much emphasises can bring down the strength of your sentences.

My Favourite Part
She did not wait to watch the fire engulf the house.
This sentence was simple, but yet it was powerful. Simple and powerful. Sometimes, over-elaborating can ruin your story, but here, you have used the words as an advantage and created the perfect kind of sentence that would definitely make readers hungry for more.

Overall Impression
I LOVED IT! The ending was definitely one of the bests. The conversations you included impressed me very much. As much as I would like to read more of this story, I find the size is just ideal and everything is not too jammed or cramped to create a story of meaningless jumbled-up words that ruin the entire plot. You rock, Ichigo!

Notes: I hope you remembered me. I do remember you gave me tons of reviews when I was still a newbie!

Thank you for sharing this with the rest of us here at WDC. Your effort and time spent to create this story is very much appreciated. Keep it up; you're doing great!

Don't forget to drop by my new forum "The Friendship Forum"  or help raise GPs to save my membership and also win prizes for yourself at:"Invalid Item" 
Cheers and keep writing,
~Sarah~
Proud Member of The Paper Gang.

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Characters
The wonderful hero. He never gives up, does he? From what you have said, I "see" he either believes or thinks he's going to lose, and yet he never gives up. In the end, he dies, but with pride.

Plot
Not much of a plot. Pace was good. These are one of the most important elements in one's story.

Suggestion/Errors
None, you did perfectly well. Keep up the good work!

My Favourite Part
Glowing red phoenix
Aflame like the sun
The hero has died
But the hero has won

Overall Impression
I loved it! I'm not much of a poetry person, but you still made me like it. This is one of the best poetry I have ever read. Write on!

Thank you for sharing this with the rest of us here at WDC. Your effort and time spent to create this story is very much appreciated. Keep it up; you're doing great!

Don't forget to drop by my new forum "The Friendship Forum"  or help raise GPs to save my membership and also win prizes for yourself at:"Invalid Item" 
Cheers and keep writing,
~Sarah
Proud Member of The Paper Gang.

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Characters
The main character -- the guy -- isn't pretty much described. Enough, that is. But I can "see" he is of pure evil. Or is he? He just seems to be a man bored of the same ol' routines.

Plot
The plot was well written, with something like a twist. It caught me off-guard while I was reading. The pace was set speeding like a race-car driver, or maybe just like the way the fire licked the building.

Suggestion/Errors
Nothing I see. The sentence constructions were great and there are no grammatical errors anywhere. :)

My Favourite Part
The following morning, Sam sat in at his desk and waited. The blistering flames shot along the floors, walls, and cubicles as though from a slingshot. Few on the lower floor had a chance to escape. The fire alarms roared for evacuation, but those on the upper floors found out too late; this was not a test.

Mr. Evil lets the fire start!

Overall Impression
Nice, sweet and a pleasent read. I'm glad I took the time to read it -- really worth it! Keep it up and keep learning! :)

Thank you for sharing this with the rest of us here at WDC. Your effort and time spent to create this story is very much appreciated. Keep it up; you're doing great!

Don't forget to drop by my new forum "The Friendship Forum"  or help raise GPs to save my membership and also win prizes for yourself at:"Invalid Item" 
Cheers and keep writing,
~Sarah
Proud Member of The Paper Gang.

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Characters
Grace was such an innocent, gentle and loving mother. It was sad the kind of life she was going through. I could almost "feel" the way Grace felt went she thought about her daughter, Katie, and when she didn't get to see her. How torn she must have felt.

Plot
The plot was wonderful! You have added some tragidy into the story to make it more "real" and I must say, a wonderful addition. The pace was pretty moderate, but just nice (for your kind of story, that is)

Suggestion/Errors

Katie was a surely a gift from God
I think it's supposed to be: "Kate was surely a gift from God", without the "a"

Better she not know she has grandparents and a father.
The "has" ought to be substitued to a "had"

That's all. I sincerely hope you do not take any offense from anything I have said! :)

My Favourite Part
Her parents sent back all her mail and pictures of Katie unopened. She could almost understand the shunning of a daughter but to show no caring or interest in their grandchild was hard to imagine. She would never subject Katie to that. Better she not know she has grandparents and a father. She would not let them damage her little soul with feelings of unworthiness and shame.
I know this is meant to be tragic, but I did enjoy it a lot. Well-written, I must say!!

Overall Impression
Loved it. I'm so hungry for more. I'm so glad I decided to read it and I so do wish there was a prequel or sequel to it. One of the best stories I have ever read on WDC... Keep it up!

Thank you for sharing this with the rest of us here at WDC. Your effort and time spent to create this story is very much appreciated. Keep it up; you're doing great!

Don't forget to drop by my new forum "The Friendship Forum"  or help raise GPs to save my membership and also win prizes for yourself at:"Invalid Item" 
Cheers and keep writing,
~Sarah
Proud Member of The Paper Gang.

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Characters
The stupid guy and the redhead. From what you have written, I see the man is a sort of "player" or just can't seem to get attractions over other women. I wonder how many wives or girlfriends he ever had before?

Plot
The plot was good. Smooth and not bumpy at all. The pace was fast but not too fast as to confuse the reader...

Suggestion/Errors
They dated for a month in a whirling romance -- Dancing, picnics, horseback riding.
I strongly believe the word "dancing" should not be capitalized.
The rest was fine. Take no offense of what I have said.

My Favourite Part
The part which goes...
He looked at the cute blonde...
Hilarious and original. You have a style of your own.

Overall Impression
Loved it! Simple, neat and original, something I like in a piece. Way to go, man!

Thank you for sharing this with the rest of us here at WDC. Your effort and time spent to create this story is very much appreciated. Keep it up and... Write on!


Cheers and keep writing,
~Sarah
Proud Member of The Paper Gang.

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"The WDC Angel Army" 
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Characters
The two characters are well-written. I see Jim is a quiet boy, while Janet is more loud, outspoken and frank. Good job!

Plot
The plot has been well-done; smooth and easy. The pace accelerated slightly in the end, but nevertheless remained moderate.

Suggestion/Errors
I don't see anything I need to correct. You seem to have edited the whole thing already.

Overall Impression
It was a good story; simply and plain, yet wonderful. This story has an originality and voice of its own.

Thank you for sharing this with the rest of us here at WDC. Keep it up and... Write on!


Cheers and keep writing,
~Sarah
Proud Member of The Paper Gang.

Please check out my new forum "The Friendship Forum"  and start participating!

The Friendship Forum  (E) A forum to discuss about the bestest and worst of friends we can ever have. Come look! #1577959 by Sarah~goodbye writing.com

Sarah~is having her exams soon

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Characters
Paul. Paul seems to be quite courageous in this story. From your descriptions, I imagine him as a smart and brave man.

Plot
Well-planned and enjoyable.

Suggestion/Errors
1.Meanwhile, automatic breaks held the small, glass-walled box in place, sixty floors above the lobby.
Isn't the word "break" supposed to be brake or something like that?

Overall Impression
Impressive work. I like your descriptions; you hardly repeated any words. Good luck with the contest and... well, see you soon!

Thank you for sharing this with the rest of us here at WDC. Keep it up and... Write on!


Cheers and keep writing,
~Sarah
Proud Member of The Paper Gang.

Characters
You did not describe anything about your characters, but by converstaion, you have "shown" the reader a lot of things, like the boy is 26, single, and hates to talk about bees and stuff.

Plot
There wasn't much plot here, but well... the reader can understand the message you wish to convey.

Suggestion/Errors
Nope, none. I don't see any!

Overall Impression
This was a good and funny piece. The conversations say a lot of stuff. You have written this piece so well... it really impresses me!

Thank you for sharing this with the rest of us here at WDC. Keep it up and... Write on!


Cheers and keep writing,
~Sarah
Proud Member of The Paper Gang.