Kittypuss, I enjoyed your poem. Good flow,an easy read. What I like most is that I can relate to what you say. My husband has many times said I am gullible and naive. No not really; I just believe in people. Mind you I have had some hard lessons with people, but for the most believe that there is good in all of us. Some we have to dig a bit deeper.
Lois, you have indeed had more than your share of change. I can relate to so much of what you have wrote. My husband is older then me, and an unexpected illness landed him in a wheelchair ten years ago. Yes other peoples lives go at a different pace than mine. The abnormal is normal in our household. Yes, I like the title of your article, it tells all. You have written a very interesting peice than everone can relate to in one way or another. Only for some run on sentences at the begining of your article this is an easy read. Keep on writing and thank you for sharing.
Tim Chiu, A very interesting poem. So very true what you say. Many people put athletes on a pedestal not thinking them human. Then when they show their human side of failing to live up to such high expectations the public hiss and boo. It is sad that someone who has worked years to be the best has to put themselves out their for all to see. When in the public eye all that hard word can be undone in one minute. Free form verse is a great way to show your thoughts on this subjet. Well done! Thank you for sharing and keep on writing.
Sheila, I like the sound of your choice of fun words.kids love the sound of squishy, gooy words. My problem with this is your rhyme. A couple places it falters. One place is the third verse. Boot do not rhyme with foot. So what happens it disrupts the flow. One other place is your second last verse. Maybe if you left out the three words it must be. So the verse would read////Here comes mommy, time for a bath. This is only a suggestion and said hopfuly to help you and not to demean your work in any way. thank you for sharing and keep on writing.
Old mom. Chuckling still as I write this. Good humor and most of it true I have no doubt. Written well witch makes it an easy read. After three children and now grandchildren I can relate. Although I have one friend that has come up with a solution that fits her household. You have to keep in mind she is a professor and works long hours. She takes each peice of art and scans it into the computer for the childs album. The ones not able to scan she takes a picture then scans the picture. Thus tosing the art after a week on display and showing the evidence to the kids.Just a thought I wanted toI share with you. Great story. No suggestions on changes. Keep on writing and thanks for sharing.
Malloyd, I like this story very much. Very believable characters. Also your dialogue is very good. You have a lot of meat in this short story, enough to make into a longer peice. My only problem is the ending. Would she feel her pulse right away or would she give her a gentle shake. Something instead of checking a pulse. Overall I enjoyed this very much. Thank you for sharing and keep on writing you have a talent and many more stories to tell.
Dean, I enjoyed her story. It gave me a chuckle. Enjoyed the ending very much. Funny how as the years go by our idea of success changes. Your dialogue is well done and believable. Thanks for sharing and keep on writing.
Ria, this poem is very dark and filled with torment and pain. What I get from it is you are talking about someone cutting themselves to relieve their pain. This is very sad. Cutting is a form of sickness usualy stems from some kind of abuse. It is not the answer. Getting profesional help also eases the pain and stops the cutting. Life happens, bad things happen, but we can not give in to the darkness and torment. To really let it go it needs to be done with help from others. When we try to hide the pain is when we are doomed to rot alone. But if we really want relief we seek the comfort of others and our creator. To give in is to let the abuser win. Thanks for sharing and keep putting your thoughs in writing it is also an exercise in cleansing.
Mockingbird, very well said. Sometimes it is easier to harp on the negative things. I think maybe it gives us an excuse to procrastintate and put off what we need to do. Hope you accomplish the goals you have set for yourself. Enjoy each day as it comes and keep on writing. Writing for me is an outlet. Thank you for sharing.
Tom, I read your story and it's pretty good. The dialogue is believable and so are the
characters. My problem is the middle of your story seems to go on too long. It takes a very long time to get to the ending. This is only my opinion and you can toss it in the
delete pile or "cut out the clutter." I know when we create a story and work on it sometimes it is hard to let go of even one word. Hope this helps. Keep on writing!
Scotty, very sad but that is how depression feels. Hoping it has lifted and left you in peace. Thanks for sharing and keep writing. I find putting thoughts on paper is like cleaning the clutter in a dusty closet, sets me free.
Lightbringer, I was very delighted by your story. At first I thought oh, it's going to be a ghost the guy don't know he's dead. Then has I continued to read I became intrigued knowing it went deeper then that. Love the way you ended. You captured my attention from begining to end. Very well written. Thanks for sharing and keep writing.
Artemis, I enjoyed your poem very much. Yes I know a little something about princesses. I have two grandaughters that believe they are royalty. With the proper images this can be a pictue book. The only problem I have with it is in a couple places your rhythm falters.Ex: the trees bow in reverance when they hear her name: Maybe istead of hear you can put something like the trees bow in reverance just hearing her name.....or hearing her name. What ever helps with the flow. One other spot: May she dance let her sing calling pixi and fairy. A comma placed after let her dance could help.Over all it is very good. Thank you for sharing and keep on writing.
I think your story is very inspirational!! Enjoyed the hat parade and how you described the scene. Cancer, especialy childhood cancer is heart breaking. It is becoming as comon as the flue. Not good. I chose this story to review because my son has just completed his nursing and wants to work with kids who have cancer. I think your story is good enough to be a picturebook and placed in school libraries for all to enjoy. Keep on writing and thank you for sharing.
Photos, I like what you are trying to portray in this poem. Something like God is in everything. My favorite line is; God is like the wind who listens to your sorrow and pain. My problem with this peice is the rhythm is not consistant. A sweet scent of sweet peas; I wonder if you put one more word here for ex: A sweet scent of fresh sweet peas, or a sweet scent of newly picked peas. Whatever works there. The line that reads: and never gives up showing you around. is an example of forced rhyme where you put something in for the lack of finding the right word. This is your work and these are only my thoughts. I hope this helps; poetry needs to be read aloud after you write a peice and see how the flow works. At least that works best for me. Some of my poems it has taken me a long time to find just the right word. Keep on writing and thank you for sharing.
Skelworath, This was quite a delight to read! You surprsed me at the end, it is not what I had expected. But then, it makes sense: as much as any dream makes sense. Love is the number one law of the universe. Your description is inviting and leaves me almost breatless. It makes one wonder where do we really go in a dream, another plane or is it .....................l? Thank you for sharing and keep on writing.
Dogwood, I enjoyed your poem very much. Yes, as we mature we understand what our fathers and mothers had to say held alot of truths, Very well put together. The rhythm works for me. Keep on writing and thank you for sharing.
Bikerider, I chose your story to review because I worked as an aid in a nursing home for several years. Ralph and Fred are very typical of the residents in a home. I like the idea of what you are trying to portray how a young boy, and a ball can change the moment and lift the mood even if short lived. When writing dialogue with just two people you do not have to include he said or she said. If two people are talking for ex:"Ralph how about a walk in the rain. "You crazy or something" "No, Fred I am not." This is just to show you dialougue can be done without the he she saids. It slows the pace of your story and interupts the flow. All in all you have the makings of a good short story. Keep wrriting and thank you for sharing.
Very good, Had a good chuckle. I guess we can relate that to other things in life. Yes I like the boat, Reading this I think about my father who has long passed from this world. He kept a journal for years. This I never knew until his death. He wrote short prose everyday in those little leather books and at the end of each page wrote a prayer. So these short bits of writing I can see many years from now read and reread by some loved one who is surprised at what they did not know about you. Keep on writing and thanks again for sharing.
sailing medic, I enjoyed this peice very much. Yes, I have been on the water when it was like glass, so I can relate to every word. Your discription is perfect. My only beef is the presentation. Wish you had done it in some sort of form instead of making it a paragraph. I chose this one to review because one of mine is about handlining. So I enjoy the sea very much. Great work. Keep up your writing and producing such great peices of art.
Randi Lee, I enjoyed your story very much. You and Calvin. I can relate for we have a shelti and our home is simalar, even to airplanes flying overhead. You show nicely your routine and love for this dog, even with all his barking. He is also your protecter. The only thing I don't like is the big spaces in between your paragraphs A great job! Keep on writing and than you for sharing.
Stricuckoo, Yes love and poetry seems to go together. Poetry is not easy to critique, because it is the writers feelings straight from the heart. One thing I have learned in the many workshops I have taken is to read your poetry aloud. Also get someone else to read it aloud to you and if you hear them stummble over what you have written something needs to be fixed. For me the rhythm is not smooth in this poem. Your first line seems to throw the rest out of synce. Just a thought but it seems one more word would smooth it out. For ex: The specter of our long lost love. Also your third line if you remove the tiny word as. Now give it a read through. This is your work and only my suggestion. All in all it is a very nice poem. Keep on writing and putting your thoughts in verse.
C Adam Thomson, I enjoyed your poem very much. We all have regrets of one kind or another. The rhythm works for me right up till the line; Often I wonder if in your life, upon your mind I weigh. Somehow the flow of your poem seems to have changed in that one line. The lines that follow are fine. Also, the sixth line of your first verse; maybe if you drop the word I. It would read , So with tear-filled eyes and a broken heart, my love for you rejected. Hope this helps. You have a lovely talent for words, keep writing and thank you for sharing.
Lightbringer, I enjoyed your tale to the fullest. You pulled me into the action with your powerful discription of the fight at the castle. I could feel the fear, this you protrayed so well;as you gave life to this entire peice. My only thought was at the very end. You mentioned heaven. My question is in that time did anyone have knowledge of going to heaven?Hummm just wondering? You have a great talent for this genre. Keep on writing and thank you for sharing.
Yes those ads are disturbing and you seem to have captured that feeling throughout your poem. Like the line 'fevered hill of ills'. Sad some people have to live that way. Nothing negitive to say about your work Good job, keep on putting your feelings on paper.
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