Dear Mr. Word,
Touching and tender, with a hint of Divinity. Well done.
Some corrections: "darting eyes of eagerness," i think fits better. "obvious port lest" - what does "lest" mean? do you mean 'west?' "as it's head resting on my arm" works better with "with it's head..." "allot" - "a lot?"
Also, many word combinations could use a hyphen between them: passenger-side, ocean-side, driver's-side, three-year-old, feel-good, sunshine-filled, sand-bordered, ocean-filled, half-way, half-hearted, passenger-side, jailbreak, teen-age (or teenage), four-footed, ill-willed, and goal-oriented.
Still, it was a good piece.
PGS
Dear SRK,
Wow, there are some things that work, and some that do not - my fault. I really tried hard to not make it sound dirty, but "He had the shepherd in the coccyx" does seem suggestive; I apologize.
Oddly enough, "I like to play with snot" works only too well :P
I'm thinking of trying another Madlib - sight unseen - (as opposed to re-doing one I know) but not for a while...this can be draining.
Thank you for creating the beginnings of a nonsensical piece just asking for special words from those that are game.
Oh, one more thing: the reference to snot reminds me of a joke - What is the difference between boogers and broccoli?
Kids don't eat broccoli.
PGS
Dear BB,
This was my first time working with Madlibs. I don't think I am any good at them...
Nevertheless, It is a quick, potentially amusing, action-adventure tale with room for quite original insane improvisations!
In retrospect, I think I should have written "IRS Audit" for the 'something scary' category :\
I gotta work on my adlib skills...
PGS
Dear FAD,
Short, and to the point - well done! Now, while you mention it's about 'fickle love,' I must say that I was thinking of a few other possibilities. It could be about a difficult life lived, or about a difficult significant other, or even about - ha - a first anything difficult: job, school, relationship, child, etc.
Perhaps you didn't intend for it to be these things, but they are what I thought of...
To carry a reader to different scenarios is the best thing that can happen to a poet; sometimes it is exactly what the author wants to occur.
Good work!
PGS
PS: I noticed you also have some big stuff in your portfolio.The trouble is, most people on WDC don't really have the time to invest in huge works. I know this, because I have some bigguns!
How about we make a deal: I'll read and review one or two of your monster stories, if you will read/review one or two of mine.
How does that sound to you?
Dear LM,
Sometimes I just can't turn my eyes away from a good spooky story - even if it's going to give me nightmares - besides, I don't like tales of suspense all that much: too much tension for me...
But...
It's the little pieces that attract me; somehow, I think that just because they are small they can't be as frightening as those huge ones that people turn out - folks like Stephen King, or Dean Koontz, or even EA Poe :(
You've scared me. Good work.
PGS
Dear GP,
Where to start...
A story (true?) with a message of hope can be inspiring; however, it can be improved by taking more time to make sure there are no errors - punctuation and spelling, to be exact.
I guess it's okay to not put Bobby's dialog in quotation marks, but it is difficult to determine what he is saying out loud and what he is thinking...
Commas and periods would be a good idea to prevent run-on sentences. As for spelling: at first, it looked like Bobby had stepped on bells." Dumbbells" is one word, "clothes,' "nowhere" is also one word, "homework," "overshadowed," "outcast," "sidekick," "hitting on the table" might not be what you meant - did you want to say "sitting?" "friendship", "then they pulled out a bag," "I got nothing to live for," "split second," "anything that ever made me happy," "I rung the door bell." Most of the corrections were because of what is known in English class as 'compound words" - two or more words put together to give a more accurate description of the object.
"But yet" is grammatically incorrect. "But" or "yet," but not both. It is quite untrue that 15 year old's have their lives figured out - sometimes it takes up until mid-20's (and sometimes never) before people know what they want to do with their time on Earth.
For what it's worth, I think this is a good story,
PGS
Dear Jake,
Hahaha! What an interesting idea for a non-rhyming prose-type poem!
Hmm...a desperate poem, looking for an author who can fix what's wrong with it - brilliant!
So I'm 'banging out a comment,' as you said, and I have to say that it is the most original piece I've had the pleasure to read.
One thing, though: I think the phrase 'git ur dun' is copyrighted by Dan Whitney AKA Larry the Cable Guy. You might not want him to see your rather intelligent work.
Keep 'em coming,
PGS
Dear C,
Positive and inspirational - well done!
Three minor spelling errors:
"the deep valley goes swiftly down," "where certain death seems so near," and "...in your night when hope seems gone."
Nevertheless, I am uplifted when I read this poem, and I find that this can be an excellent motivator for those who are still lost.
I enjoyed this very much,
PGS
Dear SG,
This is truly an inspirational poem! I enjoy positive works, and I have certainly enjoyed yours!
I have to say, though, that some of the sentences were somewhat long, considering that you were trying to put as much detail into each line, so it seemed like a considerable time before the rhyming connected. But, it is still a good piece...
One thing - a punctuation error: the line should read "...so we may fulfill our lives' (possessive plural) ultimate plan"
Loved it!
PGS
Dear K,
I'm not sure to whom you are referring with the line 'HE used to kill mice, now all he does is shuffle paper'? Who, in Santa's workshop killed mice? Also, I don't think any father - particularly as old as Nick Senior must be - would say 'what up'. That's too modern for a very old man to use. Perhaps 'what gives?' would be more appropriate here. At least it wouldn't be as current...
I'm still puzzled by this #1 guy - who is that?
PGS
Dear Shyla,
"You can't judge a book by it's cover" comes to my mind reading this well-thought-out piece.
It's always a good idea to consider someone's point of view, to put oneself in another's position, and try to see the world through their eyes.
Well done!
PGS
Dear AG,
This poem speaks to me in a quite loud voice.
I, too, am usually shy; I don't really have an ability to open up to people, but I found the loneliness intolerable. When meeting someone new, I just let them do all the talking at first, slowly getting to understand what it is that they are trying to say/do. I come from a family that are naturally gregarious - they can easily strike up conversations with complete strangers while I am constantly surprised at how well they make friends! But I have learned to gently insert myself into a group of people - just small words and paraphrasing what they are saying - to get a feel for the discussion again by letting them do most of the talking, and somehow they relax with me there, and then I relax. After that, it's a matter of not giving away too much of myself too soon. Folks have told me what a great conversationalist I am, and I hardly say a word! Really, most people just want someone to listen to them, and not interrupt.
My advice to you is - don't talk, just listen.Things have a way of working out to my advantage if I keep my mouth shut. Besides, not talking helps me learn more about others.
Give it a try - find some people you are (relatively) comfortable with, and let them do all the talking.
The more you try, the easier it gets.
PGS
PS: It is very easy to be brave on the Internet - no one is making eye contact, no one can see me, and no one has bad breath ;)
Dear AL,
Prose about addiction can sometimes be a touchy subject considering what kind of emotions well up while weighing the odds of whether or not to go back to it. Believe me - I know.
One spelling error: 'agitated' has only one 'G'. Other than that, good work!
The trouble with a habit is it numbs the body, mind, and - if you believe in such things - the soul. I have found that since beating my addiction I feel again. Man, feelings hurt, but they make me realize it's more important to hurt rather than shutting down and not giving a damn about anything...
PGS
Dear Anna,
What a lovely little tale. Australia seems like a lonely, dry place to me, way over here in Texas, USA. We have many hot, dry days too...
You told this story very well - I find no misspellings, no bad grammar/punctuation, just a piece of a ghost town, and its two remaining residents.
Not that it matters, but do you think there is more to the adventures of Harold and Peter? It seems like the existentialism found in the story can be revisited.
PGS
Dear K,
For centuries, if not millenia, there have been story of Asgaard and the Norse Gods, but this one is just a piece of a larger picture, apparently. I notice that only one of the more common characters is mentioned, and then only in passing. There's a lot to this story, and I assume a lot to come.
I hope to read the rest some day.
PGS
Dear S,
It's a fun little tale, but forgive me for saying this - I don't understand the ending, unless this is a beginning of a longer story?
Two corrections: 'then' is meant to be 'than' - it's a word describing comparison. and 'dodge' is capitalized - it refers to Dodge City, Kansas. In that Wild West cowtown, there was a ban for pistols within the city limits. The phrase "Get out of Dodge" means "leave town before the police arrest and jail you for carrying for carrying a firearm.
I think. But I definitely know what city from which the line originated.
PGS
Dear Y,
This poem reminds me of my own despair, oh so long ago, but not really that long ago...
People get desperate, want some kind of acknowledgment of guidance, from someone, anyone.
A tragedy occurs, and folks say, "I'm sorry." I have a theory about that: I think that they don't know what to say, much less what might make the sad person feel better. So when they say, "I'm sorry," what they're really saying is, "I'm sorry I don't know the right words/deeds to help you."
Like I said they just don't know what to say.
I also think that consolation is their way of saying, "You are not alone."
Good work.
PGS
Dear Fyn,
Short and sweet. Maybe bittersweet?
The images created by this prose makes me think of good times; not on the beach, but of loved ones gone but not forgotten. I'm talking about family, friends, and pets. There is sometimes a promise that we will see them again, depending on what we believe, or perhaps what we hope will happen after we depart...
I like your piece a lot.
PGS
Dear SV,
I did read "Hatred" but I didn't find it too interesting for me, anyway.
This story, on the other hand, is very good! The whole thing describes what has happened in this world, what will happen, and what the pilot will miss for what is obviously his last stand.
In 55 words or less.
Excellent.
PGS
Dear SV,
This contest reminds me of a very long Haiku - a limited amount of words or syllables creating an incredibly short story, and making it concise and to the point. In this competition, does it have to be exactly 55 words, or is that the most words that can be used?
A story told, in as few words as possible.
I once read a joke about the shortest story ever written:
Chapter 1: 'Coughin'
Chapter 2: 'Coffin'
PGS
Dear SV,
Now that's is a great dialog story! Everything is laid out, with just people talking to one another - brilliant!
I can find nothing wrong with the piece; good spelling, good grammar, well thought-out, to the point...
A well-crafted work!
Congratulations, and I hope you won the contest.
PGS
Dear MA,
Here we are again, a brilliant poem and I have to put the lowest rating I possibly can - it's so unfair to such wonderful work!
I think that the 'Zombie' craze has run its course, though; video games, re-working of classic novels ("Pride and Prejudice and Zombies" comes to mind), now poems??
A confession: I like Vampire Fiction - I have many novels dedicated to the genre on my shelves. I guess it's a matter of perspective...
If you like, why not head over to my portfolio (Shameless Plug, anyone?) and read a (rather long) story about a vampire policeman - unDEAD - to peruse another type of living dead creature.
Continue churning out such one-star - but not crappy - rhymes!
PGS
Dear MA,
I just read the caveat at the bottom of the poem; I apologize for the great rating I gave the Julie Andrews piece - sorry!
I'm new at this 'rating just one star' approach to good poetry - usually if something is entertaining I give more than a single star.
Does this also apply to giving Gift Points, too?
PGS
Dear MA,
This is the first in your series of 'Bad Zombie' poems, I take it?
Short, and sweet - I like it!
I don't get the 'Bahama' reference, though, and it has been a long time since I saw/heard "The Sound of Music" so forgive me for not being in tune with that part...
I want more!
PGS
Dear MC,
Although I have never read any of his stories, I have heard it said of Hemingway that he put as much detail in his descriptions of food and drink as he could. Your piece reminds me of this idea. Rich in detail, and rich in history, your is a wonderful little tale!
That last 'maybe' - it should be 'may be.' Other than that, I find no fault with this flash fiction!
I hope you won the prize,
PGS
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