This definitely hits the nerve of an American who doesn't read the news. With so few words, you've captured how gosh darn exhausting all of this is. It's so much easier to ignore than to change, especially when we're not in positions of power. Thanks for reminding me. Reminds me of an old proverb from 2016- "Shocked but not surprised."
Ah, this is a clever loop. I know for a lot of people relationships are confusing, and your poem highlights this. I also like the choice of second person. It's well chosen and I think it would make people think about their own experiences.
Aw, kind of a sad ending. I liked this story, though, it had realistic dialogue, and the inner complaining was well written. I think you could improve upon your descriptions, like what the mountains looked like that were worth that much risk. Add a pinch of background between Jason and Donna, and the story's perfect!
Wow, this really paints a vivid picture of somebody standing up to a cold-hearted businessman. Even though you aren't really sure what, exactly, is going on, it's easy to root for the tough kid. It's a fine speech and a fine sentiment.
I haven't really appreciated this kind of non-rhyming, free verse poetry until recently, when I read a book by A.S. King and saw some of the poems written in that.
Your poem is concise and lyrical at the same time. It paints a picture, but it kind of lends an elegance and greater meaning to a dog's reaction to thunder. Well done!
The plotline is realistic, a glimpse into the life of a cop in a relatively crime-free town. The descriptions aren't too overzealous, while still giving the reader an idea what the setting is like. The narrator's voice is strong and consistent. The reactions, I think, are realistic as well. My only problem would be that I would think Officer David would get out of the car faster, but it does make the prank funnier as he stews in his own panic.
Keep Calm and Write On!
-Sophie
The beginning is very funny. There are, I think, some minor errors with word repetition... Try to mix it up some more. The plotline is very realistic. Definitely potential there. I'm interested in seeing what happens next!
🙋See ya!
-Sophie
It was very interesting to read this story. I tried to enter this contest as well, though I couldn't, as I am not a paid member, but I was fascinated by seeing the different interpretations of this image. I loved the awkwardness between the characters, which makes it feel realistic.
The Katgirl
Amazing descriptive words. I love how you talk about art in all of its grandeur, its messy wonder. This spoke to me on a personal level, as I love to draw and think about the world as what it might be. It's a tough life sometimes, but filled with wonder.
I like the way the narrator discusses all of this in a causal attitude. If it were too emphasizing on the fact that there are cyborgs and whatnot in the universe of those characters. I am not really a big fan of sci-fi in general, but this is very well written and leaves me curious about what happens before and after this installment.
Hmm very suspenseful. Maybe put more time in between her hearing about it and finding it. I've had this issue before, having the story plotted out in my mind and rushing to get to the good juicy parts. But I love the way you described the stories that the grandmother told.😸
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