Oedipus complex huh? I've never really read stories or seen movies that deal with carnal desire for your mother, it's a little unerving and yet interesting. What is up with the description "the first to love me and the last"?
Wow. I love when new writers, especially those who just signed up, outclass me in imagination, word strength, and style. It just makes me feel so warm and fuzzy to see that all my time and effort cannot compare to some newbie's first work.
LOL, I'm kidding (sort of ). I admire your work, I think it is really good.
Just one question. Are you going to enter your work in contests? Because I definitely don't need THAT stress.
Although it has the elements of a romance poem/ song, it doesn't challenge the reader's mind, almost to the point where it's predictable. The imagery just goes through the motions and the descriptions are cliche. When you think of a perfect person, eyes, body, smile are obvious traits, but when a perfect person talks, what does that person say? When a perfect person dresses in the morning, how does that person dress? The poem feels confined and not very deeply thought out.
Good intro to your character, some words don't seem to fit right though. Words like un-knowing Paladin or deep cut, bleeding and angry. Sometimes the characters seem odd like when the lady thanks Godrig for his cooperation, although it seems she's doing HIM a favor or an armored knight using a rapier. I admit that these aren't necessarily flaws, just personal observations. Honestly, it's a interesting, though not too original, introduction.
I am amazed and humbled. The metaphors! The simple and elegant descriptions! Motivation rising in me to build a character in my stories like her. Sorry! Stealing is wrong, I know. kekeke
This prologue doesn't grab the reader. You describe the horrible dangers of the forest but your character walks out tall and proud. The "invincible" character type is boring. Either he's from the forest and all these creatures are his 'buddies' or he walks into the forest. Understandably, he walks in with a bright grin and clean clothes. But if he steps out without a single encounter, sword still glimmering, then it seems unlikely that a few innocent villagers would give him trouble. You wrote 'that was all behind him now', that says to me that he was likely to meet some of those creatures and they are not going to serve him omletes. The magic, he had been told, still lurked beneath the surface of this pleasant land, eking its way out of areas of weakness where the sorcerers of old had failed to seal the evil in. Why does your character believe that the power he is trying to release is evil? It's the power of his ancestors right? Who does anything thinking that what they are doing is evil? Interesting morally corupt villans don't go: "Ha ha ha, I am going to do something, and it will ba eeevvvilll!!!"
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). I admire your work, I think it is really good.