Good descriptions of heat. But it's pretty predictable I hope that as you continue there is more going on, especially informing us more about the protag's powers and such. You should def continue the story
Please review my work if you get a chance, especially ALL YOU CAN EAT
It's a very strong poem and it has a really nice rhythm, throughout. the only hick-up that I experienced was at the end. The question marks and strange wording kind of train-wrecked what before was a song. Maybe that's what you wanted, but it's at least something to consider.
If you dont mind, please check out my stories, ALL YOU CAN EAT, and leave me some criticism.
It think its a very good piece. The conclusion is definitely good. The only suggestions that I would propose is that you concentrate more on the rhythm of the lines and the adjectives you use. Like, you use a lot of triplets of adj. and I think those could be used more often to give the pacing more rhythm. Of course, it is not poetry on purpose, but I think that might make more poetic prose.
If you don't mind, would you read and review some of my work, 'Sharp Things' or 'ALLYOUCANEAT'??
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/serenity5306
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.07 seconds at 1:23am on Nov 13, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
