This is very good. I like the refrain.
I like the examples you give and counter them with the poverish setting in the other country.
I think you did a great job writing this.
You expressed your point very well.
I had to read this line at least twice because it didn't sound right at first:
"Around their eyes and mouths flies swarm,"
It seems like it could be worded different.
This is a great song. I would love to hear this on the radio or something.
This is a wonderful poem and I am waiting for that glorious day.
You have some wonderful imagery in this poem.
You expressed this event very well.
The content is great.
The rythmn of the poem doesn't seem consistant though.
It starts out one way and ends another. I think the poem is great and maybe if you seperated it a little bit it would help the rythmn.
What bad luck.
The title of this is intriquing and made me want to read it and find out what it was about.
You have some nice imagery in the beginning.
I like how you didn't tell right away what you heard on the news but gradually led us to it. I liked the mystery and the little bit of suspense from that.
I think there could be a little more details in the last couple of paragraghs.
Overall though, I thought this was an interesting read.
You did a good job writing this poem. I think the rythmn and flow is very good.
You expressed yourself well in this poem.
The second to last line in the second stanza doesn't seem to sound right. I don't know a better word in place of "which" but I think that is what is sounding off to me.
I think you have done a great job of expressing yourself in this poem.
You have some good imagery in here too.
I like the title and the style you wrote this in.
I think the first line is very pessimist and kind of detered me from wanting to read on.
I'm glad I did though, I thought this was good.
This is great. Great title for this story.
You have some great imagery in this story. I love your user of words.
I think you did a great job of taking the reader on a journey through the life of this character and the way you wrote it the reader can almost feel what the character is feeling.
I like the message you convey in this story also.
You have done a wonderful job.
Keep up the good work
I think you did a good job with this story. This seems to be a cute story for young kids to read except I don't know if the end would be appropiate for them lol.
I think you wrote this well, there was one line that seemed to have an error but I don't remember where it was. You did a great job with the dialogue. I really like the opening paragragh, you started the story out very well.
This is very nice. I love the symbolism. The last stanza was really great.
I think you chose a wonderful title that suits this poem very well. I thought the flow was very nice but I had trouble with this one line-
"That hurt was done is hard to tell"
It kind of doesn't make sense and it threw me off with the rhythm as I was reading it.
This was a very interesting story. You have great imagery here. I think you did a great job writing this. I love the first paragragh, it grabs the reader and I like the last paragraph it ends the story very well.
"That is until till we tried to rob the house"- either the until or till needs to be taken out of this sentence for it to make sense.
"I calmly sheathed his knife and looked at me and said"- should this be he looked at me?
"I watched in horror as waves of hearheat radiated off "
I found this to be very interesting. I read it twice because when I first read this I thought it was about someone had lost a loved one. (that they had died) but I read the subtitle and reread it and I think you did a great job. Some nice imagery. I especially liked the next to last stanza.
Ooh I like this story. And guess what, it gave me a smile lol.
I think you did a great job writing this. This is a story that I would like to think people will read it and try to ponder a way to anonymously help someone out and leave a legacy.
What I can get out of this story or the beginning of it is good but there are alot of mistakes here and it just seems to end abrubtly.
First you need to indent the first paragragh at least.
Therethey were both eleven
the second sentence is broken up for some reason, you might want to edit it and bring it together to make one whole sentence.
"he was a new kid at there school and he hadn't very many friends."- this sentence doesn't make sense. Maybe you could change it to he did not have very many friends or something like it.
"But they decided to knock for chris first."- Chris should be capitlized.
"Help
from chris."- again Chris needs to be capitilized.
The boys knnew (typo) their friend was in trouble
"They looked around for clues, it was marc who found them there were footsteps, two sets each behind each other."- Marc needs to be capitlized. I think this should be three seperate sentences. 'They looked around for clues. It was Marc who found them. There were footsteps, two sets each behind each other.'
You did a very good job writing this. I like the style you chose for this poem also. You expressed your feelings in this poem very well.
I like how you start and begin the poem with 'I remember' and I like how it emphasises the title.
“Uncles” who frequently visited me
in my little girl’s room.- I'm not sure what this means. I hope it doesn't mean what I think it does.
I think this is great. You have a great first line that sparks my interests. And the content of this story is great. I think you have done a good job of telling your life story related to this one thing.
I love the ending. The flow of this story is wonderful. Good Job!!
I think this is great. You express your feelings very well.
I think if you were once friends that you could be friends again but I really don't know the situation.
Anyhow, The only thing about this peice is I think you need to seperate your paragraphs. This could be one large paragragh like you have it but I think it would look alot better if you would could seperate it and at least indent the first sentence.
I think this is very good I like your wording.
Good Job
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/shadow777/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/4
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.10 seconds at 10:15am on Jul 03, 2025 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
(typo) their friend was in trouble