You surprised me again! I thought it would go straight to her chat with the trio about method and means. You delivered the information and threw a twist that her First Mate was not only a shifter but Paul's brother!
I hated that Dallas was going to give out the info as soon as she got it. Now I have to know what happened after she passed out!
well, you did it! I was spellbound by your quick description of the just one place. It was like i was there--in the Shop with Athenais. Just when it seemed to level out and I was worried that nothing interesting was going to happen, you wowed me with the steriotypical trio that are nothing like I was expecting. The story is progressing quickly and yet I want to know more. Well done!
All three scenes were very well written. I love the way you write a lot of information to describe everything and still manage to interject a an eye-catching phrase like: Bought at the low price of stolen. Love it! I do hope that these are just excerpts from scenes from a full-length novel because I would love to read it all.
The only thing bad I would have to say about it is that the scenes are a bit disjointed and the spacing makes it harder to read. Perhaps you could put a blank line between each line. It would make it appear longer and solve the eye strain.
Very riveting! I couldn't stop reading and I'm about to read Part 2. My only criticism is that you didn't capitalize the words Urga and Urgan(s) until the very end. Also I'm not sure if thurga is meant to be capitalized as well. A very well written piece nonetheless.
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/shalamaxar
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.07 seconds at 12:12am on Dec 22, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
