The pace and flow of this poem just kind of sweep you up and cvarry you along. It reminded me of rafting in the river in the summer. A peaceful serene kind of feeling, but every once in a while, you have to watch out for rough waters. I liked the contrast between light and dark, the conflict of the soul and the struggle we all face to walk that thin line. The world is in such a chaotic state that it was easy to relate to these words and feel the emotion held within the words.
Well said! Plethora is also one of my favorites, as is digress!
I really liked this smattering of words. There were parts where you had me laughing out loud, such as the caution against improvising... "You have a nice plethora." (laughing still) This was a very creative and inspiring way to show people how to pull themselves out of the writer's block trenches. You didn't just say "do this and that" but you showed how a simple word can lead to a multitude. (there's that plethora again!)
Cheeky and fun. I'd recommend this to anyone looking for a fun read and a creative way to slosh through the mire. You're entertaining and educational all in the same breath which is a refreshing twist.
My only suggestion would be to maybe go back through and proofread. There were a few places where the punctuation got a little sloppy, but everything else was perfect! ;) Thanks for the fun read.
Wow. This essay really highlights some of the same issues I've been having. Burnout and excuse after excuse have kept me far from muse and pen. You wrote a beautiful and honest account of your struggles and perceived shortcommings, but this is a testament of success! I can't imagine the high you must be riding, having your work be in print, getting to hold that in your hands and know you've finally made it.
I hope someday I will reach that point. Until then, I will bookmark this so that I can return to it often and KNOW dreams can come true. We aren't always as bad off as we think we are. Thanks for sharing your inspiring tale and congratulations on all of your achievements!
What a deep and tragic tale this poem tells. I was swallowing back tears at the end, your imagery was so strong. I could imagine this woman so well, see the creases in her face, feel the heartbreak and fear that embodied her day to day life. It is a dark and bloodied history our nation was built upon...our foundation tremulous, lest we ever forget the mistakes of our forefathers.
This was amazing, the way you wove such a powerful tale with your words and brought it full cricle to the present day. It's a tale of slavery, but also of strength and survival, how humanity is capable of rising above the worse of circumstances not just alive, but with our heads held high.
Beautiful work. The only thing that confused me was how some lines would rhyme and some wouldn't. Since most of it was free style, and it worked so well, I didn't understand the sudden shifts.
I was taken in by your introduction. It sounds like you've led a very interesting and full life so far...something we should all strive for. My hat goes off to you for putting in eighteen years of dedication and service to others. Nursing is such an admirable career, and many times thankless. So, though you do not know me, thank you. :)
Your poem was beautiful. It raised many questions and puts our own experiences and thoughts so far to the test. Very valid points to ponder. There is so much to do in this world, so much to see...and our experiences are often only what we make of them. I believe anything can be looked at as good or bad, but chosing to view these things in a positive light and learn from them is always the best course of action. Of course without the lows, there would be no summits. :) You express this all quite well.
I saw this on the review page and wanted to read it for myself. I'm still trying to find my way around here and that smmed like a good place to find things to read. I really liked the title. It drew my attention right away--I've been on a wintery kick as of late.
The first thing I noticed was the stunning form. I'm not sure I've seen this before. It was almost like the Sestina format, but shorter and not as repetitive. It worked beautifully with your poem. I loved the imagery with the robins and the fresh swirl of colors. so often we look to see those birds after a long winter, knowing their return denotes an end to the long cold months.
Really enjoyable poem delivered with a message of hope and a nudge to remind us all this too shall pass. Thanks for sharing it!
Wow. This poem really got me thinking. I really wasn't expecting this. I thought this would be about the sea sirens, something mythological...but it wasn't. I've never really stopped to think so much about ambulances or everything connotated with them before. This was a very thought provoking and innovative piece of writing. Creative topic and the way you strung your words together to weave a story about these vehicles and what they denote was awe inspiring. :) Perfect as is!
This was beautiful. Sestina forms are so difficult to master. Many times they feel stilted and forced, the images flat. Yours read like a story and each line painted vivid pictures to be read and savored. It brought to mind the long days playing in the snow and the hot chocolate my mother always had waiting when I came inside, frozen as solid as any icicle outside! :) Thanks for the warm memories and for sharing your talents. This was an amazing piece of work.
This short story reminded me quite a bit of a fable. The wise words the grandfather spoke at the end reminded me of the grains of wisdom fables always deliver at the end. How deeply that could apply to all aspects of life too, not just whittling! I really liked what you had here. It was easy to read and the characters were both inviting. It felt very natural, very real, and you did a good job with the setting while maintaining pace.
My only complaint (if you could really call it that) is that it didn;t really feel complete. I kind of felt like I was dropped in in the middle and plucked out before the rest of the end was delivered. Maybe that was your intent, and if so, I apologize. What you had though was great. I enjoyed reading this and spending time with your characters. :)
Wow! This was brilliant. I loved the concept you used. so many parents would gladly take their children's place, and you took that idea and wove an original story from it. Brandon was very likeable and easy to relate to. He seemed like anyone's dad, gifts aside. This played out in detail, giving me time to care about the events and people. Each incident added to the suspense and mystery. I was pretty sure you were going for the tumor, just to stay orignal and unpredictable...but the end was satisfying. Mysterious, but satisfying.
I really enjoyed this gripping story. It played out perfectly. :)
This is very pretty, but I felt a bit confused. I think maybe there were a few words missing here or there, or somehow my brain short circuited which is very likely! :) Here is where I started to falter in understanding:
So that can have no choice
But to fall victim to my Fallen Angel
(It seems maybe "I" is missing from the first line? Also, in the beginning, it was as if the poet were speaking of an unknown entity, then they are suddenly directing their words toward someone definite...and then unknown again. Somehow, my brain became boggled in the process.)
Maybe keeping things to the unknown angel would make this easier to follow. At any rate, your words are still beautiful and the meaning behind this poem does not go unappreciated. Lovely piece of writing.
I'm speechless. This was incredible! I loved the impatience she radiated on the rooftop and the breathtaking passion that ensued. Your words were rich and sensual, lending to the atmosphere of the story and the already alluring nature of the male lead. Yum yum! My heart pounded in time with Patricia's, my breath, too, caught. This was sensual without being too graphic or lewd. All in all it was perfection!
Thank you for sharing a well written tale of erotica and passion. So few are penned with the taste you've demonstrated. The unique aspect of his feeding was also a new and refreshing twist. (sigh) Lovely, just lovely!
Wow! I really loved how this story ended! I never saw that coming! This story was a great blend of suspense and mystery. What a thrilling ride! Shorty had me intruiged from the moment we first saw him. Something did feel "off" about that character. Though how much so, no one will guess until the end. :)
This was not what I was expecting to read, but I mean that in the best of ways! You delivered a pleasant surprise and strayed far from the average ghost story one might anticipate just by reading the title. You also did a good job with the setting. The only question I have is why did she owe money to the biker? I couldn't really make heads or tails out of what would possess this woman to make the decisions she did.
Still, it was a wonderful ride! Thank you for sharing your work.
How ironic that so many of us could probably relate! I am definitely guilty of doing much the same with my time and offering the same excuses. This is a very honest look at yourself, your desires, and what is holding you back. I truly believe admitting we have a problem is the first step. :) Notice the we?
I thank you for writing this and putting it out that so that we might all learn from this experience. It's also a wonderful feeling to know I am not alone in such a conflict of interest where my own passion lies! Whew!
Hi! I'm new here too and the wintery title really caught my attention. Hopefully you don't mind that I've settled in for a visit. :)
Oh what sadness this short item evokes. :( My heart broke as I read about the loss of luster and wonder for the world. It's amazing how time can jade us, disenchant us from the joys we knew as children. You wrote that so well. Your wording was stunning. I felt myself become lost in your imagery and imagination. I could see so well the winter wonderlands and the great moon burdening the sky. Beautiful work.
There were a few hiccups, mostly due to translation, I think. For example:
Now when I think about it they brings tears in my eyes
((Now when I think about THEM they BRING tears TO my eyes.))
Now I never wonders why the chef in heaven do not keep
((Now I never WONDER why the chef in heaven DOES not keep))
I sadly realizes
((realize))
riding on a sledge pulled
((sled))
Just a few minor tweaks. :) If it weren't for these, you'd have garnered a perfect rating. All in all, this was a thought provoking story. I do disagree on one point though. The world does care if we are good or bad. One person can make all the difference. Every action we take effects the world around us, like the ripples spreading out in a pond. I hope somehow the magic returns and the world once again is a wondrous place.
What a heartwrenching poem. :( I wanted so badly to extend a hug and offer words of comfort, but what can someone really say? I'm sorry doesn't seem to cover it. For what it's worth though, I am deeply sorry for the amount of pain and suffering you've had to endure. No one should have to experience life under such a heavy shadow.
You leave the reader with strong images and a firm grasp on what it is like to endure the most brutal of days. My heart twisted with the notion that somedays it is almost too much to bear, but felt thankful that the love you have for your family sustains you. I pray someday this pain eases and that God grants you the anwers you seek. (hugs)
There were a few places where the lines didn't match up beat wise, but all in all this is a beautiful poem with a compelling subject. I wish you all the best.
I like the anger and passion behind this poem. You can really feel the emotion and force that drives it forward. It's taunting without being cruel and it feels like a lot of it spirals toward inner turmoil and pangs of regret. Is it really better to have loved and lost to have never loved at all? Sometimes, I think not! There isn;t a lot of information here to allow the reader to devise what happened between these two lovers and why, but the emotions are surely felt just the same. Nice work!
Oh my! What a delightful treat this was to read. It made me smile and laugh out loud! What wonderful imagery! I could see these saddened creatures so clearly and the subject matter is truly one of my all time favorites. I could easily imagine this with some wonderful illustrations along side each verse. Great flow and the rhymes didn't feel forced at all. Beatuiful show of creativity and humor!
Thank you so much for stopping by.
~Shayla~
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