The thing that made your poem catch my interest is that it shows Pilate acknowledging Christ mentally before, during, and after his trial. You portray Pilate's way of thinking very well, and I have to say, the last stanza was the most powerful. As in the Our Father, "..forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us..", this shows a thought that enters every person's mind. Your portrayal of Pilate makes me pity him. Very nice job!
While this poem had some strong points, at the same time, it had a few low points. It portrayed a confused and lost man given a new position. I liked how you showed Saul's thoughts of himself and the situation through his eyes. However, it did not explain to me why an evil character did an evil deed, which was part of the prompt. This piece focused more on the process Saul's mind went through.
Another thing (this is my opinion, personally, without regard to the contest) the usage of "god ugly whore" and "God's anointed ass" were very unnecessary. They put an immature touch on this otherwise good poem. I would try rephrasing it, maybe.
I like to start of with any negative comments first so that I can end on a good note. There are only a few for this piece, though. Please remember, I'm a grammar Nazi (even the little stuff makes me cringe). In the second line of the first stanza, "Lots of wine", I don't think the "lots" should be capitalized, and in the first line of the 3rd stanza, "The I swore..", I believe should be "then". Of course, these don't deteriorate my opinion of your poem.(: I absolutely love the form you used! It's unique and very fitting for this type of poem. You did a fantastic job of putting yourself into the character's shoes. You let us, as readers, see the thought process King Herod went through. You showed his personality by elaborating on his thoughts throughout the piece. This is a great piece - be proud of it!
I don't usually read short stories, but I'm glad I read this one. You made the characters come alive, in my opinion, and without excessive description, I could visualize in my mind what was going on. The plot was compelling and realistic with witty humor. The ending was clever. It makes me wish there was an epilogue to see what happens when they meet. :D
Another unusual aspect of this piece was that I found absolutely nothing to critique. Again, great job!
Hi there! Firstly I want to tell you that I know this isn't a finished piece, but it definitely has potential!
This poem has a unique style - having three lines that remotely rhyme, but the fourth not. I like it! The concept your work covers is well thought out, as well.
I do, however, have to point out a few grammar errors I spotted (being a grammar nut). :) After the first line, "I hope love is not just a word" should have a comma because the next line is not a continuation of that thought. You may want to put a period after the 3rd line, ending a sentence, and a colon after "Who’s going to stop this ongoing war", showing that the next line is an elongation of that thought. Personally, I would put a comma after the "Oh" in the first line of the 3rd stanza, and a comma at the end of that same line. A period after numb and an apostrophe in "cant" in the second to last line.
With your new type of poetry you are trying, the grammar might not be necessary. I thought I might as well point it out, just in case. :)
Wow, this gave me shivers. I'm not a parent yet, but this took me into the mind of one. Every parent, friend, and kid worries about this happening to someone they are close to. As much as I love books, poetry, and writing, very rarely do I get tears or shivers. Congrats, you got a little of both from me.
These haikus give me a whole new view of Las Vegas. While it is usually thought to be a busy, loud, crazy city, people tend to forget about the quieter part of it. The part where rain wakes you up in the morning and flowers grow just as they do in any other city.
I liked these a lot!
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/shells1321
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.06 seconds at 5:49am on Nov 05, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
