Hello! I am a participant of "Invalid Item" . I dropped by to read, rate and review your piece. This is my simple way to give you encouragement and motivation in your works. The comments and suggestions given are not intentionally made to offend you dear writer.
My thoughts/feelings:
This just reminded me of someone. I think the person in this piece was not able to experience how it was to love and be loved back in a sincere way that was why he searched and longed for it. He just cannot find Love because he was blinded or probably he looked for it at the wrong person or place. If I would relate this to others, some though would look for it from material things.
I felt that he was a lonely person who blamed God because there was no love in his life, and he associated love's non-existence with the miserable things he had experienced. I sympathize with him for he gave me an impression he was lost and started to drift into the dark.
If I will have the chance to talk to this man, I will tell him that love and God goes hand in hand. If he welcomes God in his life, I feel that love will blossom too in his life. I also feel that this special gift has to start within him before he expects it from others. If he does not have it, he cannot give it.
My suggestion/s:
My comment/s:
A reflective poem which questions love's existence from the point of view of a man who seemed not to experience the happiness behind this special gift. He also then started to believe that God did not made Love for him.
Thank you for sharing this piece!
Keep on writing!
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Want to become a WDC Frontliner? Visit: "WDC Frontliners Group" WDCF Website: "Invalid Item"
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Hello! I am a participant of "Invalid Item" . I dropped by to read, rate and review your piece. This is my simple way to give you encouragement and motivation in your works. The comments and suggestions given are not intentionally made to offend you dear writer.
My thoughts/feelings:
I think the narrator of the poem just broke up or got separated with the one he/she loves. I understood in this piece that what was left between them was their memories and past love. He/She was on his journey again to find his/her 'star,' the person meant for him/her and the one who will bright up again his/her life.
My suggestion/s:
I read that you were not sure where you want to place your punctuation marks. I would just like to give some suggestions:
I found my glimmering star one day,
But even the brightest fizzle away.
The only things left;
We bury inside.
My comment/s:
I like this part: "And new stars will need finding."
This is a love poem that can help inspire a brokenhearted person to love again.
Thank you for sharing this one!
Keep on writing!
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Want to become a WDC Frontliner? Visit: "WDC Frontliners Group" WDCF Website: "Invalid Item"
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Hello! I dropped by to read, rate and review your work. This is my simple way to give you encouragement and motivation in your works. The opinions and suggestions given are not intentionally made to offend anyone.
My opinion/s:
I think the word "treasure" has a lot of symbolism in this poem. I think it can be a love or a relationship which you are not sure of if it just existed as a memory, and you might have suppressed it because of your sad experiences, leading you to just consider it as a dream.
The stanzas that described the "treasure" can be understood easily. Your "simple little" poem as you have described it, has something meaningful to convey.
I like this part:
And in trying to change it,
Alas--it broke!
This may be a short stanza, but if I will read it more than once, this part makes me remember some thoughts and emotions on matters about love and relationships.
I like this poem because it is reflective. ^_^
Thank you for sharing! Keep Writing!
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** "WDC Frontliners Group"
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/shinichi
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.08 seconds at 5:16pm on Nov 23, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
"
Hello! I dropped by to read, rate and review your work. This is my simple way to give you encouragement and motivation in your works. The opinions and suggestions given are not intentionally made to offend anyone. 
My opinion/s: