I have to be honest, I tend to cringe a little when I see word like 'Thy' and 'Thou' in poetry - to me they are often used to give the appearence of peotry and are not often actually in context and often they add nothing to the piece. I would not say that is actually the case here, I can certainly see what you are trying to achieve - The title as a piece of langauage has a certain feel to it, defiant, strong, it is very stoic.
I don't think the bulk of the writing reflects that, that not to say it is not good, the best verse for me come at the end of the poem.
I think with the title - you need quite defiant - short - to the point language which echoes this.
A good piece in many respects - but I feel there is more in here, it feels a bit laden in places.
This is very good - it is longer than I am normally able to stand in poetry.
But you have an obvious skill and you have managed to hold my attention well - I think that if you can't write a piece this long and manage to make it interesting you have really achieved something.
It's a really great piece, you can learn a lot about writing from it.
there are a couple of things you use in this poem which really add to it, the first is the couplet idea, I laugh becuase i am Happy, I cry becuase I am happy etc etc..
That works really well and in the least it shows that you think about the writing and that you try ideas out, this approach can only lead you to to understanding your writing more importantly improve what you write.
The second is the middle part of the poem, which really good - it's strange because on first glance this does not appear a very well constructed piece, but on reading it's good.
I really like the thought you have put into this.
James
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