This is a very.....intriguing way of making your point. While I too feel that everyone has a right to food and opportunity, I fail to see how New Year's celebrations are a slap in the face to the poor. However, because I agree with most of what you are trying to say, I'll present my review as a form of questions/inconsistencies that I notice in this article so that you, if you would like, can revise it so that the message is much more clear and heartfelt.
1. While I think I know what you mean about how fireworks may seem like a silly waste of money by those that have it, I would argue that fireworks are there for everyone to enjoy. It is difficult, if not almost impossible, to display fireworks in such a way that only the "rich" can view them. Fireworks strike me as a show that the rich pay for, sure, but that everyone can enjoy without having to pay a thing. I'm sure as heck not rich enough to pay for my own fireworks, but I still appreciate that I get to see them.
2. New Year's is often considered a time of rebirth and renewal, a time when everyone can celebrate that they have lived long enough to see the passing of another year and also a time of reflection to try to create a better future. This is a time when many people make resolutions to try to give more back and help those in need, and it falls right at the end of the "holiday season" in the West, during which people who usually don't contribute to charities for the poor often volunteer time and money. Choosing New Years, as opposed to some other holidays, almost sounds like you are bitter and resentful because people haven't continued to give, whereas this is a time when many resolve to give MORE.
3. Some facts would make your message have a lot more impact. Just saying that rich countries shouldn't spend so much on New Year celebrations means a lot less than "Countries spend an estimate of 1.3 billion dollars per year on New Year celebrations - imagine if that money went towards raising people out of poverty?" (made-up figure, fyi, NOT factual.) I have a pretty good feeling that people in "rich" countries personally donate much more money to charity than the government spends on New Year celebrations. Most developed countries have a very strong network of charities to donate to, and there are even watchdog groups that find figures on how much of every dollar goes to charity. People want to make sure that their money actually goes to people in need, NOT to the "rich" individuals running the charity, and charitable donations will often be impacted by these watchdog reports. So, instead of thinking "Wow, that is a lot of money wasted on celebrations!", I was left thinking "People were just giving to charities like crazy, trying to spread the wealth. What's the big deal about throwing one party?"
4. Your argument didn't seem to add up very well. At first you made it out like people celebrating New Years are being selfish, greedy, and simply trying to show off to the poor that they have money and can drink champagne, but then you turn around and say that you are not against New Year celebrations. Which is it? Are the people celebrating New Year's cruel, innocent, or simply wasteful?
I like that you are trying to comment on the unequal distribution of wealth, but remember its not due only to some nations being more developed than others. Even in the United States the majority of wealth is held by very few, so even Americans could argue about unequal distribution of wealth (and they do). Almost all nations have a small, extremely rich upper class, and then a much larger lower class. A reasonable quality of life is achieved when the majority of a citizenry is middle class. But this isn't due only to "rich" nations "wasting" their money - this is also due to the government of developing nations and how they choose to run the country. If the government suppresses worker's rights and doesn't provide basic services (such as education) then there will be small chance for a middle class, and aid money constantly being poured in from "rich" nations will only help that small number of people get even richer. Unfortunately, oftentimes the officials running the government are corrupt and embezzle aid money for themselves, leaving the developed countries with little recourse to try and help.
I think this is a good argument to make, but I also believe it could benefit greatly from some concrete facts, a more focused thesis, and stronger organization. |
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| (4.5)
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