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631 Public Reviews Given
639 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Casual, honest, sometimes blunt. If you don't want the truth don't ask me. I do try to be nice, but I will tell you what I think.
I'm good at...
I'll read your story and let you know how it makes me feel. I don't mind spending time providing details of what works or doesn't and provide suggestions for the author's consideration. Grammar is important but I'm not a real stickler. Spelling though, at least use spell check.
Favorite Genres
I'll read many genres if your story grabs me.
Least Favorite Item Types
Poetry, interactives.
I will not review...
I'll read most things. If I don't think I can, I'll let you know.
Public Reviews
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Review of BANG!  Open in new Window.
Review by Simply Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello: Angus

*Flower1* First Thoughts: My real first thought was, OMG what a piece of crap. That's the truth and I guess that's okay as that's what you were going for. I'd love to read what won, if yours didnt!


*Flower5* Consider This: Wouldn't change a thing.

*Flower4* Final Thoughts:You're an excellent writer and I'm sure you don't get tired of hearing that, and you did a perfectly lousy job here!



Thanks for sharing! All the best,



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Review of Falling Leaves  Open in new Window.
Review by Simply Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello Wolfbane:

I've read your poem. I like the idea you have here, however this isn't really a sonnet. The quatrains in the sonnet are 4 lines of usually 8 to 10 syllables. Here the syllable count isn't equal on each line.

As well the quatrains should be a single sentence/ thought, not a grouping of sentences.

The sonnet is a challenging form and I hope you decide to do more research into what they consist of.

Keep on writing poetry and researching the huge variety of forms available to you!

All the best,

Simply

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Review of Don't go  Open in new Window.
Review by Simply Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
I thought this was very well done. You infuse your poem with the angst of having a missing or absent father with the longing for him. You show your love for him and willingness to forgive him in spite of his failings. It is a mature, well planned and thought out poem. Well done.
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Review by Simply Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hello: Web Witch! I've read Boiled Peanuts, Grits and Straw Hats.

*Flower1* First Thoughts: Great title. Had an idea what it might be about, I was close! When I was finished there was no doubt. Full of wonderful imagery the reader can see the history, the old homes, the air scented with bougainvillea and water. Loved the description of days of yore, with linens, silver and china, no Chinet. Perfect!

And who hasn't felt that sense of loss after visiting what became a magical place and that time to return home comes much too quickly.

I enjoyed the description of the Scottish New Year's eve description as well. Just wonderful.


*Flower5* Consider This: Oh, consider nothing. This piece needs no changes as far as I can tell.

*Flower4* Final Thoughts: This was a lovely thing to read on a Sunday morning with my tea. Transported me from old living room to a warm and magical place.



Thanks for sharing! All the best,



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Review of I Saw  Open in new Window.
Review by Simply Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello: rcw! I've read I Saw, and here are my thoughts.

*Coffeet* First Impression: so a verse? Not sure this fits the definition of a verse, more like prose, but I digress.

A very personal experience but not uncommon for lots of people, I think, in some form or another. But you make this yours, it's very well written. Your word choice and the punctuation make this a very intimate thing. The reader feels like they are standing behind the woman at the desk. Your descriptions leave no doubt what your job is and we can see the tender breast and lace just as if we were there.


*Coffeeb* Consider This: Found nothing wrong here. I had to reread it to find something! But no, I found nothing to change.


*Coffeeg* Final Thoughts: Like I said, very intimate piece. Beautifully written.



Thanks for sharing. Keep on Writing!

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Review by Simply Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello: Storyo!

*Coffeet* First Impression: More excellent writing. Held my interest, I'm a great one for skipping ahead if I'm bored, but not in this case.

Great style, flows beautifully. I don't have to go back and reread to figure things out, which is nice. I liked the background info on Sergey, it just makes him more real. Really a good job.


*Coffeeb* Consider This:
You may want to rethink the "killed by an unexploded bomb" I know what you're talking about but it just sounds odd. If it's unexploded, it's not exploded??? Maybe ... killed by a bomb that had lay unexploded for years....

Not sure how I feel about this ... or if I missed it in the previous chapter:

No, Sergey thought, there's nothing that compares to the stinking confined spaces of a Soviet submarine; walkways lined with latrine buckets waiting to be dumped; crew that hasn't bathed since who-knows-when, and me with my fear of drowning.

I love using italics myself ... but I'm not sure you need to say, Sergey thought as that's why the sentences are in italics ... something to consider anyway.

*Coffeeg* Final Thoughts:

What can I tell you. To me, this is a very well written and entertaining story. Your characters are strong and your writing style is interesting.

I didn't notice any plot issues such as you mentioned in your email.



Thanks for sharing. Keep on Writing!

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Review by Simply Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello: Storyo! I've read Manhattan, Chapter 2 and here are my thoughts.

*Flower1* First Thoughts: My first thoughts after finishing this part were WOW! Strong writing, strong characters, lots of feeling.

I liked your use of italics in this and it was well formatted.

You show us well how the minds of many military men work, knowing they have a job to do, know they likely won't return and yet they still go ... I find that disturbing, fascinating and an inspiration.

As well Anna, loves Sergey, but cannot continue to deal with the him leaving knowing he's likely not going to return. Better to give him up than relive that over and over.

Your writing is very descriptive, I could see the kitchen, the sink, Anna so thin now ... wonderful. A pleasure to read.


*Flower5* Consider This: I found nothing that needs correction other than the use of double hyphens like this:

dress--tightly but em dashes are likely not available on here ... sadly.

*Flower4* Final Thoughts:


All in all an interesting and beautifully written chapter. I did read the first to get some background.

I'll be reading the next chapter shortly.


Thanks for sharing! All the best,



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Review of Stranded  Open in new Window.
Review by Simply Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*Castle* Hello Bikerider! I've read stranded and here are my thoughts.


*Shield1* Nice little murder and mayhem story set in the lovely Caribbean.

I did kind of wonder about the relationship between these people. They certainly seem to not be fond of each other.

The characters were realistic and the first murder was believable. So was the group dynamic after they decide to bury the poor victim and then lie about it.

Well done and entertaining.


Thanks for a good read,

Simply


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Review by Simply Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
*Castle* Hello Fran! I've read Princess Claudette, and here are my thoughts.


*Shield1* Nice creepy little story. The opening paragraph was very effective and while it did a little foreshadowing, it was also misleading in a great way. It made me think of recurring dreams...which this wasn't at all.

I liked your descriptions in this short, such as icy treacle ... now I've had frozen treacle and you don't want to be breathing that for sure.

I could see all the closed doors and the one that stood apart ... slight ajar.

Lovely descriptions...

*Castleright* I didn't find anything to complain about in this.

All in all a nice little short, worth reading.

Thank you,


Simply


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Review of Needles  Open in new Window.
Review by Simply Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*Castle* Hi Angus! I've read Needles and here are my thoughts.


*Shield1* Oh you are an evil man! That's a compliment right? Oh yeah it is.
Well this was creepy and nasty. The description of the dream and needles made me cringe, so it worked well.

Loved the descriptions in this .. memories etched like scratches on glass ... beautifully effective.

And the knitting needle over the eyes ... very scary.

*Castleright* Didn't find anything to complain about.


Great story as always.

Thanks,


Simply


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Review by Simply Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (1.0)
Wow, how sad.
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Review of Maria  Open in new Window.
Review by Simply Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello: Marigene. I've read Maria and here are my thoughts.

*Flower1* First Thoughts:You don't say this is a story, so I don't have a problem saying this sounds like a rant of someone who is mentally ill and requires treatment.

The writing is quite good, but the contents are very disturbing and sometimes confusing. Though I've read this several times, it's a little confusing especially where the photo and daughter comes into the rant.

I really liked this line: I am slumped over on this black horse of misery.

I found it difficult to get into this piece. The first paragraph is very dark and rather sad that anyone wants to be hated or that cruel.

The second paragraph tells of the blackness and slide into depression.

It goes on to mention the killing of animals and the desire for family. Frankly there is much I didn't like about this piece but it has nothing to do with the actual writing.

*Flower4* Final Thoughts:

I'm really unsure what it is I am reading or what it is you are trying to tell me with this piece. But I wish you well with it.


Thanks for sharing! All the best,



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Review of Little Atlantis  Open in new Window.
Review by Simply Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello:mik! I've read Little Atlantis and here are my thoughts.

*Flower1* First Thoughts:Interesting, refreshingly different. Reminded me of stories of the "gods" but that's okay. It was a good read. The characters were alive and individual.

Steve is a great character. I loved the prologue it was heartfelt ... the journals too, brought him to life, gave us background we needed to feel for him and his mom's sacrifice. The part where he breaks the rules is lovely and really shows us one side of his character. He even doubts his mum somewhat which I think would be natural considering the circumstances.

Maybe Bellator could be a little more menacing and more of a description would be nice, but hopefully that will come later.

I liked very much Hal and Lila. Terrific characters both of them. Hal a little amusing and Lila sweet and caring. A great couple



*Flower5* Consider This:

I didn't find a whole heck of a lot wrong ... but here's a few:

Seagull’s circled above hoping for a fry, or bit of bread, they’re cawing pulled my gaze up. they're should be their

You and Gram’s were there, Gram's should be Grams throughout except when it's Gram's island.

“A lock of hair, something you’ve held. That’s all it takes, for Bellator to tack you.” I muttered. Here should tack be track?


*Flower4* Final Thoughts:

I truly enjoyed reading this. I hope you carry it on. These characters deserve their story to be told!




Thanks for sharing! All the best,



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Review by Simply Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello:Bearclaw! Told you I'd drop in!! I've read Trouble Rides Into Town ...

What I Liked: Well since you read all my western tales I've come for yours. And I enjoyed this one. It gave me that feeling. You know it, that peaceful feeling, when things seemed to be simpler. When life was slower and closer to nature.

I liked Laredo and his name and his reaction to it. And his anger when Jubal told him of the hangings.

I enjoyed your descriptions of the places and people. I especially liked the small touches .. dust devils and the fact that these men looked after their horses well, for the most part.


Things To Consider:I just noticed a couple of things:

I watched the dust devils dance across the road by the wind, never noticing the old woman until she spoke.

Consider: I watched the dust devils dance across the road partnered by the wind, never noticing the old woman until she spoke.

"I don't know." I answered honestly. "I have no clue what you are talking about. Who do you think I am?"

Consider: Not sure if the term, No Clue, was used often in those days ... what do you think?

Jubal laughed. "Mother's do beat all. Don't they? Where you headed?"

Consider: This needs changing... "Mother's do beat all, don't they? Where you headed?"


Final Thoughts: I certainly hope that there will be more about Larado and what happens to Bryce Fargo. I did truly enjoy this and will look forward to reading it.




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Review of Moraël  Open in new Window.
Review by Simply Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (2.5)
Hi Cat!

I liked the idea of this, sad guy, tricky angel and evil, what more is there?

While I enjoyed the premise I think you can improve it. It tells me a lot but there are things you can show which would make the story more mature and interesting to read.

Take your first paragraph, you tell us a lot but consider showing more bringing us into the experience. Here is a very quick suggestion:

‘’Lord, please hear me,’’ the young man prayed. On his knees in the cool dim church, lost in prayer with eyes squeezed shut, Tim hoped with all his being that his wish would come true. Ignoring the damp which soaked his knees, he prayed on, "I need to be more confident. I need that job, if I could just get past the interview. All my life I’ve been timid and anxious. Please, do something. Help me. Send someone. Thank you. Amen.’’

Good luck with this piece.

simply
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Review of Lost Girl  Open in new Window.
Review by Simply Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello: Stevie! I've read, Lost Girl, as part of your ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** and here are my thoughts.

*Flower1* First Thoughts: WOW! Loved it. This piece was very well written, full of expression and did not fail to be interesting all the way through. The main character Monroe was very well done.

You show us his discomfort and impatience beautifully. The reader cannot help but feel the aches and pains from the long day and uncomfortable surroundings.

The first line was subtle and drew me in. I wanted to know why this man was not using his hands to speak today. What was different?


*Flower5* Consider This: The only quibble I have is small. It was the name of the victim, Mr. Bar, which rather put me off, so that I had to go back and read again, because of the mention of Marlow's bar. So even with the umlaut, it was a bit confusing.


*Flower4* Final Thoughts: All in all, very well crafted story. I truly enjoyed reading it! I rather liked the little twist of an ending as well. Well done!


Thanks for sharing! All the best,



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Review by Simply Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello: Ben Crawford. I've read Unbound Words, Chapter 1 for your ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** and here are my thoughts.

*Coffeet* First Impression: Not a real fan of the weirdly worded world of fantasy, I found this piece, written in real English, interesting and refreshing. While the characters had odd names, they weren't over the top and I found I could pronounce them in my head. (This ability is important to me as I do not want to be bogged down attempting to pronounce them ... it impacts the flow of the story for me. It a preoccupation I don't like.)

While I know I'm not in Kansas anymore, yet you ensure that I'm comfortable in the place I'm visiting. I recognize carriages and pens. There are things you say are real, like magic and magi. I know they don't exist but your writing is gently matter-of-fact and I find myself believing all of it. Very well done!

Kenton, I like, though his full belief of an unsigned and anonymous letter was a bit of a surprise. I enjoyed it however as it was a good introduction to a variety of characters.

Your story flowed very well and as I said earlier, I liked it, was comfortable joining in on this journey you are taking us on and found it was quite well written.

I found a few little things and they are noted below.


*Coffeeb* Consider This!

*Shield2* "How am I going to get any work done if the carriage hits every single hole in the road?" he said to himself.

*Beakerb* The italics tell the reader something is different, you do not need to add, he said to himself. Your reader will get it.

*Shield8* Dear Quin, This meant they must be on final approach to the capital city of Sayrune.

*Beakerr* I'm afraid I don't understand what the above means. Why does, Dear Quin, mean they are on the final approach?

*Shield1* Use of the word seamless is repetitive. Here: and the roads changed from a cobble stone to a smooth seamless stone road.

And in the next paragraph: The streets of the capital city are quite amazing, the seamless stone running through

*Beakerv* Consider using flawless in the second: The streets of the capital city are quite amazing, the flawless stone running through

*Shield3*This does not make sense. The shops could not guess what they sold?

Kenton saw Bookbinders, apothecary's, sweet shops and many more shops that could not even guess at what they sold.

*Beakero* Consider: ... and many more shops. Kenton could not even guess at what they sold.

*Shield5* "This must be the new seal of the Magi council; the old seal had five stars for the five headship schools, but now my school makes six," thought Kenton.

*Beakerg* We know Kenton is alone in the carriage, again the italics let us know he's thinking, not speaking.

*Shield6* The word classy seemed out of place. IMO it should be removed, as well the sentence is a bit awkward:

She was slender and wore a classy red dress that had a high neck and it flowed long to the floor. Kenton thought her clothing looked to be in the Shenala style, very modest but with a little dramatic flair.

*Beakerp* Consider: She was slender and her high necked red dress flowed gracefully to the floor. Kenton thought her clothing to be in the Shenala style, very modest but with a little dramatic flair.

*Shield9* It has been a while; how's your sister, " he replied.

*Beakery* It has been a while. How's your sister?" (During a two-way conversation it is not necessary, nor desired, that you say 'he said', he replied' each time someone speaks.

*Shield1* The word, Kid, seems out of place: "Kid, you do know that you can vote now, right?" said Torin.

*Beakero* I feel that even the irreverent Torin would not speak to Kenton like this. As well, your language is almost formal throughout this story and Kid, does not seem appropriate. I would simply remove it or think of an alternate word for 'kid'. Something that Kenton would understand and make notice of it. For example:

Chermim, you know you can ..., whispered Torin.

Kenton, taken aback by the reference to his youth, sat straighter.

*Coffeeg* Final Thoughts:
 This is a well written, interesting and well thought-out story. I am interested in the characters and enjoyed learning about Kenton and his world.

I look forward to more.

Thanks for sharing. Keep on Writing!

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Review by Simply Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello: Heather LT! I've read chapter 5 of Dragoman Challenge and here are my thoughts.

*Flower1* First Thoughts:Interesting and easier to read than the previous chapter of this I read before. It felt much more relaxed and real to me. I felt it flowed well and I didn't find myself stopping to note an issue as often.

I liked the descriptions in this and I found the dialogue to be well done as well.


*Flower5* Consider This:
*Star* I am not sure what 'purchase buy' means as one means the other: They were a purchase buy at the airport for the trip at the airport and she hadn’t a clue whether or not they’d come in handy


*Starb* Coffee would suffice to wake me up, she thought as a yawn broke free from her mouth.

Consider putting character's thoughts in italics like this. Also 'from her mouth.' isn't necessary, where else do we yawn from:

Coffee would suffice to wake me up, she thought as a yawn broke free.


*Flower4* Final Thoughts: Well, I enjoyed reading this chapter. It felt natural. Your characters are real and human. I liked the fact that Toby was frightened when he fell, rather than being a 'he-man' hero type.

Keep up the good work Heather!!

Thanks for sharing! All the best,



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Review by Simply Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Balloong**Confettip*This is an "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window. 7th anniversary Raid party Review!*Delight**Balloong**Confettip*

Hello: April Desiree! I've read Journey to Winter's End, finding it on the Power Reviewers Request Page, and here are my thoughts.

*Flower1* First Thoughts: Quite honestly, I've started to read this about six times, each time giving up after the first couple of paragraphs. It's me to be honest, I don't like oddly named characters and towns, just doesn't work for me. But I wanted to read this because it's been waiting since June. So I did it!

After starting to read this with an open mind, I found there weren't too many oddly name people or places. After a few more minutes and at about the halfway mark, I found I was engrossed and enjoying the story.

I liked the idea of a 'green' witch and her pet dragon. Six Winter Nooses (odd name, made me wonder why it's called that) doesn't sound like a place I'd like to live frankly.

I liked the voice in this and the language you used, if felt almost formal but correct in my opinion.

To me it flowed beautifully and I truly enjoyed reading it.


*Flower5* Consider This: Do dragons have coats? Coats are usually hair/fur when it comes to animals ... dragons would have scales or scaly hide, I should think.

*Flower4* Final Thoughts: Well all I can say is I truly enjoyed this story. I'm glad I decided to finally read it.


Thanks for sharing! All the best,



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Review by Simply Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello: Tina's Plotting! I've read, The Rest of the Story, and here are my thoughts.

What I Thought: Frankly I loved it. What a lovely way to tell us a story. Letter writing is almost unheard of today, but it was all we had once upon a time.

*Flower3* I liked how the son pointed out things that each of his parents would be interested in and how his upbringing stood out. He knew what he did was a little underhanded but he's right, if you don't try, you get nothing.

*Notepady* The choice of font and spacing wasn't lost on me ... he's not writing e-mail, he's typing and your choice was brilliant.

*Penr* I could find nothing to correct and I saw nothing I would change.

*Check5* Terrific piece. Well written and a pleasure to read!


All the best

*LeafR* simply

FOR


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Review by Simply Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello: Hello HB- Eid Mubarak WDC! I've read The Hardships of Childhood and here are my thoughts.

What I Thought: Well written piece about a topic we usually hear about in Canada. For the most part someone who was born in Canada has never encountered any like what you write about here.

It is very sad and unfair that children in so many countries do not have the same opportunities I myself had and my own son has had.

Your piece presented facts to us and introduced two children. You describe very well how their lives are and have changed when circumstances in their lives forced them to work.

You offer some interesting statistics and information. I agree that more must be done, but while you are correct that education is necessary. I think much more education for Western consumers is necessary. It is they who demand cheap goods and children are used to fill those demands.

Thank you for a well written article.


All the best

*LeafR* simply

FOR


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Review by Simply Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello: Hello Sum1! I've read Monsters Under Her Bed and here are my thoughts.

*Coffeet* First Impression: Very nicely written, descriptive, great details and dialogue. Characters believable. Title and first lines developed and maintained my interest. Loved the DUSTy Demons! Very well done.


*Coffeeb* Consider This: Frankly, I enjoyed reading this and thought it was imaginative and quite well done. However, I was disappointed by the ending. Myself, would rather have Dr. Andrews feel the dusty demons as he did and then end up like Lizzy. That's my take ... I found this ending a bit too predictable and I am sorry to have to say that, but I have to be honest.


*Coffeeg* Final Thoughts: I seriously hope the publishers like this just as you've written it. I do wish you every success as well!



Thanks for sharing. Keep on Writing!

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Review by Simply Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello: HuntersMoon! I am reviewing, Ho-Ho-Homeward, Bound for ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

*Coffeet* First Impression: Very imagination and amusing story. While there were no guffaws, there certainly was humour and a bunch of grins! Which is gnarly dude!

I liked this pair of long marrieds, they know each other well, enjoy their own humour and the company of each other. The dialogue was amusing and felt natural. Dwayne was perfect and I enjoyed Kris' reaction to him, while Merry had no issues.

The title was perfect and the opening sentence couldn't help but grab the reader by the lapels.

As well, the last sentence was priceless, great ending to a lovely read.


*Coffeeb* Consider This:

My only issue was you used, both some place and someplace.

“Some place south, I hope?” and;

Merry heard him say, “but next time, let’s go someplace where they speak English.”


While either is not incorrect, it would be better to select one or the other for consistency.


*Coffeeg* Final Thoughts: I had a lot of fun reading this. It was funny, witty and just made me smile!



Thanks for sharing. Keep on Writing!

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Review of The Last Request  Open in new Window.
Review by Simply Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello: Lynda with a Y! I am reading your story, The Last Request for your ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

*Flower1* First Thoughts: Interesting story about a condemned man. I thought you did a good job showing how this man justified things and twisted events to ensure he was a good guy in his own mind.

*Flower5* Consider This: There were some issues with this piece. It just needs some careful editing to put them right. I'll put the issue with a bullet and the suggestion below it:

*Bulletb* Oh, he had done some bad things and his judgement seem to be off many times. That's why he was here.

Suggestion: seem s/b seemed The word 'oh' is an exclamation, I would recommend that it be removed.

*Bulletg* Oh how he had tried to find that person, that helper, but in all the women he had known, he never was satisfied.

Suggestion: Again 'oh' is not necessary, suggest removal. For the section: but in all the women, it would be better as but OF all the women he had known.

*Bulletr* He heard the taping of footsteps as they walk to where he was.

Suggestion: taping should be tapping

*Bulletv* If that is what you wish, it will be done," the Warden said.

Suggestions: Input quotation marks at start of sentence.

*Bullet* it sounded like a core of soldiers

Suggestions: core should be corps

*Bulletb* He would once again rule over his soon to be ladies.

Suggestion: The sentence infers that he is making something that will soon be ladies. Suggest changing to something like, He would once again rule over all of the beautiful ladies from his past. Or He would soon rule again over all his beautiful ladies.

*Flower4* Final Thoughts: I liked this story. I just needs a bit of editing to polish up to a brilliant shine. Keep up the great work.


Thanks for sharing! All the best,



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Review of Kindred Souls  Open in new Window.
Review by Simply Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello: again Deswy! I've read Kindred Souls and thought I'd let you know what I thought:

*Flower1* First Thoughts:Umm, I like the idea of this. There are strong elements and things I really liked. Maybe it's too short, but I think perhaps if this was a little longer it could be much more interesting, much sexier and satisfying. It all happened at little too quickly and too matter of fact-ly. Personally I would like to see you draw out the meetings and seduction of these neighbours and then the discovery of what they are.

That said, that's my suggestion, compliance is NOT required! *Smile*


*Flower5* Consider This: I think I lectured you on the use of ellipses in your other story. The same goes for this one. I would recommend that you stop using them so often. Other than that, there isn't much to quibble about.

*Flower4* Final Thoughts: I did like this story. I thought it was sexy and interesting, though too quick for my taste. Then I'm not really in to really short fiction.

Keep up the great work. I think you're a good and imaginative writer!



Thanks for sharing! All the best,



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