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OLDWARRIOR'S POETRY FOLDER
Want perfect poetry? THIS IS NOT THE PLACE. My simple poetry comes from my heart and soul.
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
It's All Derivative
The creativity of both AI and humanity. Grill A Christian (Sep 2025).
DORA
Pandora arrives at Glen Hartwell, and starts opening her box of tricks
Somewhere Only We Know
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin...
The Mountain Retreat
A family moves in to their new home and explores what they now own.
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Public Reviews
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1
1
Review by sindbad Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi
Norswede

This chapter of Embraced By Darkness marks a pivotal shift in the narrative, moving from external teenage angst to a more internal, psychological, and supernatural conflict.
Here is a detailed review of the chapter, focusing on character development, atmosphere, and pacing.
Plot & Narrative Flow

The transition from the "real world" of the therapist's office to the "dark world" of Emily’s dreams is handled with effective contrast.
* The Session: The introduction of Dr. Lowe provides a necessary grounding for the story. It establishes that Emily’s behavior isn't just teenage rebellion; it’s severe enough to warrant professional intervention.
* The Twist: The most compelling part of the plot here is the subconscious bait-and-switch. Emily expects to see a comforting figure (Josh) but instead sees a romanticized version of her "darkness." This adds a layer of manipulation—is this mystery man a suppressed memory, or a predatory entity mimicking her desires?
Character Analysis
Emily
Emily’s defensiveness feels authentic. Her internal monologue regarding her grandmother’s dementia is particularly poignant; it grounds her fear in a "realistic" family trauma (the fear of hereditary insanity) before the supernatural elements take over.
> Note: Her quick shift from "sarcastic/guarded" to "excited" about the mystery man at the end of the session shows her vulnerability. She is desperate for a connection that makes sense of her chaos, even if it’s dangerous.
>
Dr. Lowe
She serves as a classic "unwitting catalyst." While trying to help Emily with relaxation techniques, she accidentally opens the door for the entity to reach Emily more clearly. Her "condescending smile" makes her a character the reader—and Emily—initially dislikes, which heightens Emily’s isolation.
The Mystery Man / The Entity

The shift in perspective at the end of the chapter is chilling. Switching to his POV reveals that he is not just a dream but an observer. His possessive language ("soon they would be together forever") successfully shifts the tone from a YA romance-mystery to a supernatural thriller.
Atmosphere & Imagery
The author uses sensory details effectively to distinguish the two settings:
* The Office: High-end, academic, and safe (leather couches, mahogany, lemon slices).
* The Dream: Visceral and electric. The description of the man—silver-blonde hair and piercing blue eyes—contrasts with the "darkness" of the title, suggesting he is a "wolf in sheep’s clothing."
Strengths & Areas for Improvement
Strengths
* Strong Hook: Ending the chapter with the entity's perspective creates a high-stakes cliffhanger.
* Thematic Depth: Comparing the "hellish realm" to the grandmother's "peaceful dementia" is a sophisticated way to explore Emily's mental state.
Tips for Improvement
* Dialogue Tags: In the session with Dr. Lowe, some of the dialogue tags (e.g., "Dr. Lowe gave her that condescending smile...") are used frequently. Varying how the tension is shown through body language (fidgeting with the lemonade glass, looking at the ocean) could add even more texture.
* Pacing: The transition from Emily hating the session to "Thank you! That is a really cool idea!" happens very quickly. Fleshing out her internal hesitation a bit more might make her eventual acceptance of the "mystery man" feel even more tragic.
Final Verdict
Chapter 3 successfully raises the stakes. It moves the story beyond a simple "haunting" and into a psychological battle where the protagonist might be falling in love with her own tormentor...sindbad.


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2
2
Review by sindbad Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi
Joey Says...Where's Winter?

This is a classic "shaggy dog" story—a humorous narrative that builds up with a seemingly serious or moralistic tone, only to pull the rug out from under the reader with a sharp, irreverent punchline.
Here is a detailed review of the piece:
Overall Impression
The story is highly effective because it plays with expectations. By setting the scene in a Southern Baptist church and using a "test of faith" trope, you lead the reader to expect a story about moral failure or spiritual growth. Instead, it pivots into a situational comedy sketch. The pacing is excellent, and the dialogue feels authentic to the setting.
Strengths

* The "Slow Burn" Setup: The author spends a good amount of time establishing the stakes—Jake’s long work hours, the strain on the marriage, and the pressure from the mother-in-law. This makes the reader invest in the couple's "struggle," which makes the payoff much funnier.
* Character Voice: The dialogue between the mother and daughter feels grounded. The mother’s solution—"take him to church"—is a very realistic portrayal of a specific cultural mindset.
* The "Misdirection" Punchline: The real humor isn't that they broke their fast; it’s the location and manner in which they broke it. The pastor thinks they failed in the privacy of their home, but the reveal that they are banned from the grocery store (Albertson's) implies a much more public and scandalous "lapse" than the pastor realizes.
* Rule of Three: The story uses the "Rule of Three" beautifully. Jake describes three temptations: the laundry, the vacuuming, and finally the grocery store. This builds the tension until it snaps.
Tips for Improvement
* Show, Don't Tell (The Fidgeting): The description of Jake becoming "fidgety" as a "sure sign of fidelity to an experienced man of the cloth" is a great line. However, the author could add one or two more physical descriptions of Jake’s discomfort in the pew to heighten the comedy of his "abstinence."
* The Transition to the Store: The jump from the house to the grocery store is a bit quick. A sentence describing their frantic energy as they tried to "escape" the house might add to the comedic desperation of the characters.
* Formatting/Grammar: There are a few minor punctuation slips (e.g., "its like he just takes me for granted" should be "it's"). Cleaning up the apostrophes and commas would polish the professional feel of the piece.
Final Verdict
The story is a delightful piece of flash fiction. It manages to be "racy" without being explicit, relying on the reader's imagination to fill in the blanks of what happened in the frozen food aisle. It’s a witty commentary on the gap between rigid religious expectations and the reality of human nature...sindbad


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3
3
Review of Mirage Part One  Open in new Window.
Review by sindbad Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi
Sethorion

This first installment of "Mirage" is a compelling blend of urban fantasy and high-fantasy portal fiction. It establishes a strong central hook: the blurred line between a teenager’s neurodivergent-coded "creations" and a tangible, magical reality.
Here is a detailed breakdown of the story’s elements:
1. Narrative Structure & Pacing
The story utilizes a dual-narrative structure that effectively builds tension. By jumping between Kyle’s internal experience in "Tresgar" and the clinical reality of the hospital, you create a "Inception-style" layer of stakes.
* The Transition: The shift from the car accident to the coma world is handled smoothly. Using the name "Keil" in the fantasy world helps distinguish the two states of being while maintaining the character's identity.
* Pacing: The training sequences (archery, fencing, magic) move quickly. While this establishes Keil as a "chosen one" figure, it risks feeling slightly rushed. However, the sudden intrusion of the hospital reality (the rising heart rate) serves as a great "pacer" to remind the reader that time is running out in the real world.
2. Character Analysis
* Kyle/Keil: He is an empathetic protagonist. His "Creating" in the real world—making stars in puddles and leaf-monsters—makes him feel like an artist trapped in a world that doesn't see what he sees. His reluctance to use "Magical warfare" in Chapter 3 adds moral depth; he isn't just a power-hungry hero, but a thinker.
* Kya: She is the most enigmatic figure. Initially presented as an imaginary friend/wish-fulfillment, her appearance as a leader in Tresgar raises the primary question of the story: Is Tresgar a real dimension Kyle has accessed, or is his subconscious mind building a complex world to keep him from dying?
* The Antagonists: Hezron and the beast Megolith provide immediate physical stakes. The snake attack at the end of Part One serves as a classic cliffhanger that transitions the story from "training" to "survival."
3. Themes and Symbols
* Escapism vs. Reality: The story plays heavily with the idea of "Creating." In the real world, it makes Kyle an outcast. In Tresgar, it makes him a savior.
* The Stone Dagger: A classic "Chekhov’s Gun." By making it a one-use item, you’ve increased the tension for future chapters. The reader will be constantly wondering if the next threat is "big enough" to justify using it.
* Physicality of Thought: The detail that Kyle can feel pain from his creations is a vital "grounding" element. It prevents the fantasy world from feeling too low-stakes.
4. Technical Breakdown & Tips for Improvement
| Element | Strength | Area for Improvement |
|---|---|---|
| World Building | The concept of "Creating" is unique and visually evocative. | The rebel base feels a bit "generic fantasy." Adding more unique sensory details about Tresgar’s environment would help it pop. |
| Dialogue | The conversations between Keil and Nicodemus feel natural and philosophical. | Some of the "Council" explanations feel a bit like "info-dumping." Try to show their desperation through action rather than just Kya telling Keil they trust him. |
| Action | The snake (Megolith) attack is visceral and high-stakes. | Ensure the mechanics of the "Portal Charm" are explained a bit more so it doesn't feel like a Deus Ex Machina. |
5. Notable Quote/Moment
> "The individual leaves fitted together into a patchwork of what looked like birds feathers... A car came around the bend and hit Kaltag... The leaves scattered everywhere and the car drove past. Kaltag came back together on the other side."
>
This is the strongest piece of imagery in the story. It perfectly illustrates the fragile yet resilient nature of Kyle’s mind before the accident.
Overall Impression
"Mirage" Part One is a very promising start. It successfully makes the reader care about Kyle’s survival in both worlds. The mystery of whether Kya is a real person, a memory of "Casey," or a hallucination provides a strong emotional core that should be explored further in Part Two...sindbad


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4
4
Review of Crypt of Flesh  Open in new Window.
Review by sindbad Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi
Daniel Harris Blacke

This is a visceral and technically demanding piece of poetry. "Crypt of Flesh" is a "self-elegy"—a funeral song for oneself—written from the perspective of an unborn child.
It utilizes a highly rigid, percussive structure to mirror the biological and emotional violence it describes.
Here is a detailed review of the poem, broken down by its thematic impact and technical execution.
Thematic Analysis:
The Voice of the Unseen
The poem’s power lies in its unflinching perspective. By personifying the embryo, the author shifts the narrative from a political or social debate into a personal, horrific experience.
* The Title: "Crypt of Flesh" immediately recontextualizes the womb—traditionally a place of life and safety—into a tomb.
* The Tone: There is a transition from sorrow to "malice." It begins with the sadness of a life "stripped away" and "thrown away," but evolves into a vengeful consciousness in the fifth and sixth stanzas.
* The Conflict: The final quatrains are particularly jarring, using aggressive language ("Conscious bitch!") to highlight the betrayal the speaker feels toward the host.
Technical Execution & Form
The poet provided an incredibly dense "blueprint" for this poem, and the execution of those constraints is what gives the piece its unique "heartbeat" rhythm.
1. The "Heartbeat" Meter (Quatrains 1-4 & 7-8)
The 3-3-3-3 syllable structure creates a staccato, pulsing effect.
* Effect: Because the lines are so short (catalectic), the reader is forced to pause frequently. This mimics the thumping of a heart or the gasping of breath.
* Enjambment: By breaking sentences across these short lines (e.g., “I knew my / fornicate- / hated fate”), the poet creates a sense of fragmentation, as if the speaker is being physically pulled apart.
2. The Structural Shift (Quatrains 5-6)
The shift to 6-6-9-6 syllables provides a "widening" of the lens.
* Metaphor vs. Reality: Quatrain 5 is atmospheric ("casket's made of fear"), while Quatrain 6 is clinical and violent ("slaughter, carnage").
* The "Headless" Pentameter: The 9-syllable line ("It's murder, slaughter, carnage and death") feels intentionally crowded and breathless, rushing the reader toward the "embryonic demise."
3. The "Parenthetical" Interjections
In the final two stanzas, the words in parentheses—(How can you), (while they), (I'm being)—act as a "second voice" or a subconscious thought occurring between the heartbeats. This is a brilliant use of experimental typography to represent a fractured consciousness.
Critical Impression
Strengths:
* Rhythmic Precision: The poem succeeds in its goal of "mimicking a heartbeat." You don't just read the poem; you feel its pulse.
* Internal Rhyme: The use of "slant" rhymes (like fate/genesis or fear/near) keeps the poem from feeling like a nursery rhyme, maintaining its dark, gritty atmosphere.
* Emotional Weight: The word "genesis" (meaning beginning) contrasted with "demise" (meaning end) creates a tragic arc in a very short space.
Areas for Consideration:
* Density: The technical requirements the author set (the complex rhyme scheme a, b, c, d, f etc.) are so intricate that some of the "word play" feels slightly forced to fit the grid.
* Polarization: The shift into aggressive language in the final stanzas is a bold choice. While it heightens the "emotive effect" mentioned in the rules, it may overshadow the technical beauty of the earlier stanzas for some readers.
Final Verdict
"Crypt of Flesh" is a masterclass in form-fitting function. The poet didn't just write a poem about death; they built a rhythmic machine that traps the reader in the same "cold darkness" as the speaker. It is a haunting, technically impressive, and deeply provocative piece of gothic poetry..sindbad


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5
5
Review by sindbad Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi
Joto-Kai

This flash fiction piece, "Fifteen Minutes of Infamy," is a poignant study of political obsolescence and the cold indifference of the public. It captures a "fall from grace" not as a single explosion, but as a quiet, crushing realization of irrelevance.
Here is a detailed review of the work:
Overall Impression
The story is hauntingly effective. It captures a specific type of tragedy: the moment a powerful leader realizes they are no longer a protagonist in the eyes of the public, but a cautionary tale—or worse, a ghost. The contrast between Michaela’s "regal" self-image and her "feeble" physical state creates a strong emotional hook. You’ve managed to pack a significant amount of world-building into a few paragraphs, hinting at a cycle of political behavior that the public has grown numb to.
Strengths
* The Theme of Apathy: The most chilling part of the story isn't the "villainy" Michaela refers to, but the shrug of the compassionate woman. It suggests that the public hasn't forgiven her; they have simply moved on to the next crisis, leaving her trapped in her own guilt and ego.
* The Final Imagery: The ending, where people "marched through her personal space," is a powerful metaphor. It signifies that she has lost her "gravity." She is no longer an obstacle or an icon; she is just part of the architecture.
* Effective Dialogue: Her repeated line, "They are doing what I did," is brilliant. It’s ambiguous—is she warning them because she regrets her actions, or is she demanding to know why she was punished while others are spared? That nuance makes her character much more interesting.
Tips for Improvement
* Sensory Details: While the emotional beat is strong, the setting is a bit vague. Adding one or two sensory details about the "overhead television" (the flicker of the screen, the tinny sound of the news anchor) or the "mall/store" environment could ground the reader more firmly in the scene.
* Pacing the Collapse: The transition from Michaela standing and shouting to stumbling and collapsing happens very quickly. You might consider adding one sentence describing the internal "weight" of the silence she receives before she hits the wall, making the physical collapse feel like the direct result of the public's collective cold shoulder.
* Word Choice: You use the word "regal" to describe her at the start. It might be impactful to use a contrasting word at the end (perhaps "hollow" or "transparent") to emphasize how much her stature has shrunk in those few minutes.
Final Thoughts
This is a sophisticated piece of micro-fiction. It avoids the "melodrama" trap by focusing on the silence of the crowd rather than a shouting match. It leaves the reader wondering what she actually did, which is a great way to keep the story lingering in the mind after the final sentence...sindbad


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6
6
Review by sindbad Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi
Tim Chiu

This is my review: "The Essential Journey"

This is a heartfelt tribute to professional bowling and the grit required to reach the pinnacle of the sport. Below is a detailed review of the poem’s structure, themes, and areas for potential refinement.
Overall Impression
The poem effectively captures the grandeur and intensity of professional sports. By framing a bowling tournament as a "legendary trek" and a "perilous wilderness," you elevate the subject matter from a mere game to a heroic quest. The specific tribute to Norm Duke’s 2008 triple-crown feat provides a solid anchor in reality, making the poem feel both like a timeless motivational piece and a historical record.
Key Strengths
* The Heroic Tone: You use strong, evocative language (unfathomable expanse, perilous wilderness, gritty focus) that transforms the bowling alley into a battlefield of the mind and spirit.
* Thematic Clarity: The message is unmistakable—success is the byproduct of "insatiable desire" and "hard work." It serves as an excellent motivational piece for athletes in any field.
* Historical Significance: Mentioning Norm Duke's three consecutive majors adds a layer of authenticity that fans of the sport will deeply appreciate.
Tips for Improvement
While the poem is inspiring, a few adjustments could sharpen its poetic impact:
* Vary the Line Rhythm: The middle section ("The Professional Bowlers Tour offering elite bowlers / Huge sums of prize monies") leans slightly toward prose. You might consider more rhythmic phrasing to maintain the "epic" feel. For example: "Where elite titans vie / For fortune and the crown."
* Show, Don't Just Tell: You use many abstract nouns (passion, love, determination, belief). While powerful, you could strengthen the poem by adding a "sensory" detail of the game—the sound of the pins crashing, the slide of the shoe, or the weight of the ball—to ground the reader in the moment.
* Formatting the Tribute: Since the poem shifts from a general "legendary trek" to the specific story of Norm Duke, using a stanza break before "Back to back, to back" could help the reader transition from the abstract concept of the journey to the concrete example of the man.
Final Thoughts
"The Essential Journey" is a respectful and polished nod to the dedication required for mastery. It successfully bridges the gap between the physical act of sport and the mental fortitude of a champion.


sindbad


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7
7
Review of Unicorn Part 1  Open in new Window.
Review by sindbad Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi
hueloovoo... a dim blue hue.

This story, "Unicorn Part 1", is a poignant blend of contemporary realism and magical realism. It uses a supernatural transformation as a metaphor for gender identity and the relief of self-actualization.
Here is a detailed review of the narrative:
Plot Overview and Structure

The story follows Brian, a high school freshman who appears to be a stereotypical "jock" but suffers from intense gender dysphoria. Feeling trapped in a body that feels like a "cage," Brian attempts suicide by overdosing on medication found in the nurse's office.
Instead of dying, Brian undergoes a "spontaneous DNA change." He wakes up in the hospital as a biological girl named Chastity, complete with a physical unicorn horn that only those who "believe in magic" can see. The part ends with Chastity starting at a new school and meeting Marie, a fellow student who can see her true form.
Thematic Analysis
1. The "Cage" of Masculinity
You effectively establishe Brian’s internal conflict by contrasting his external "bearlike" appearance with the "slender and delicate" girl dancing inside him. The description of Brian moving carefully so as not to "shatter" things emphasizes the disconnect between his physical power and his gentle internal identity.
2. Transformation as Healing

The story shifts from a dark, heavy tone (suicide) to one of "miraculous" hope. The transformation is not just cosmetic; it is presented as a medical and spiritual reset. The doctor’s acceptance and the parents' immediate pivot to supportiveness—though perhaps idealized—serve the "inspirational" tag of the story, focusing on the relief of being seen for who you truly are.

3. The Unicorn Metaphor

The spiraling horn is a clever literary device. It represents:
* Uniqueness: Chastity is literally "one of a kind."
* Visibility: Only Marie, who is marginalized by her own mental health struggles (hearing voices), can see the horn. This suggests that "magic" is visible only to those who are open to truths that society labels as "crazy" or "impossible."
Strengths
* Emotional Resonance: The depiction of the "river wearing away the rock of a chasm" is a powerful image for the slow erosion of the self when living inauthentically.
* Pacing: The story moves quickly from the inciting incident (the overdose) to the resolution (the new life), keeping the reader engaged in the emotional fallout.
* Character Dynamics: The parents' reaction is heartwarming. While many stories focus on the trauma of coming out, this story chooses a path of radical parental love and protection.
Suggestions for Improvement
* Dialogue Naturalism: Some of the dialogue, especially from the doctor and the father, feels a bit "expository" (used to explain the plot rather than sounding like natural speech). For example, the doctor's explanation of the genetic testing is very clinical for such a fantastical event.
* The "Magic" Logic: It is unclear if the horn is physical or a projection. If the mother pulls a blanket over Chastity's shoulders, the horn would likely snag or be felt. Clarifying the physical "rules" of the horn would help ground the magic.
* Transitioning the Name: The shift from "Brian" to "Chastity" in the narration happens very quickly. Exploring the character's own adjustment to the new name might add more depth to her internal journey.
Final Impression
"Unicorn Part 1" is a sensitive exploration of identity. It takes the "trapped in the wrong body" narrative and gives it a literal, magical resolution. It is a story about the "miracle" of being allowed to exist as your true self, and it sets up an interesting dynamic for Part 2 regarding who can see Chastity’s magic and why...sindbad


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
8
8
Review by sindbad Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi
Tim Chiu

This poem, "Just Compensation: A Legislative Magnet," is a dense, high-energy piece of political commentary that blends surrealist imagery with a sharp critique of the current American sociopolitical landscape.
Here is a detailed review of the work, focusing on its themes, imagery, and structural impact.
Overall Impression

The poem feels like a "fever dream" of a news cycle. It successfully captures the chaotic, sensory-overload nature of modern politics—where high-level legislative debates coexist with "rubber duckies" and "air guitars." You’ve managed to weave the exhaustion of the "Trump years" into a broader existential anxiety about the future of freedom and technology.
The title itself, "Just Compensation," is a clever play on the Fifth Amendment, suggesting that the "payment" for our current political state is a fractured and "emasculated" society.
Key Strengths

1. Striking Visual Metaphors
The most powerful section of the poem is the Houdini metaphor:
Houses of leadership / Acting like a Houdini, / Escaping from an underwater / Glass tank / In handcuffs / And shackles;

This perfectly illustrates the feeling of political gridlock and the "performative" nature of modern governance. It suggests that leadership is more concerned with the spectacle of escape than with actual progress.
2. Juxtaposition of the Mundane and the Extreme
You effectively place domestic, everyday images next to scenes of civil unrest:
* "Monikered housewives" playing "air guitars" while inhaling "tear gas."
* "Bathers lounge in their private tub" while "foreign manipulations" and "vengeful attacks" loom outside.
This contrast highlights a central theme: the insulation of the private citizen versus the violent reality of the political machine.
3. Vocabulary and Tone
Your use of "beefy, magnanimous outcries," "prescient lockers," and "profligate extraction" gives the poem a sophisticated, intellectual weight. The tone is urgent and slightly cynical, fitting for a piece about "pulse-pounding revelations" and "appalling, anti-American strategies."
Areas for Improvement
1. Pacing and Breath
The poem is one long, continuous flow. While this mimics the "non-stop" nature of social media and news, it can be exhausting for the reader.
* Tip: Consider breaking the poem into stanzas based on thematic shifts (e.g., one for the legal/legislative aspect, one for the social unrest, and one for the technological future). This would allow your strongest lines to "breathe" and resonate more.
2. Clarity in the "Rubber Ducky" Section
The transition to the "rubber ducky" and "private tub" is a sudden shift in tone. While it represents a retreat into privacy or apathy, it feels a bit disconnected from the "technologically advanced" lines immediately preceding it.
* Tip: You might bridge this gap by highlighting why the bathers are undeterred—is it ignorance, or have they been numbed by the "artificial intelligence" and "social media" mentioned earlier?
3. Narrowing the Scope
The end of the poem covers a massive amount of ground: women’s rights, LGBTQ+ rights, foreign intervention, and global domination.
* Tip: To make the ending punch harder, try to tie these "heavy-handed tactics" back to the "legislative framework" mentioned at the start. This would bring the poem full circle, showing how laws (or the lack thereof) directly lead to these "vengeful attacks on freedom."
Final Rating: 5 / 5 Stars
This is an ambitious and linguistically rich piece of writing. It captures the specific "vibe" of 2026—a world grappling with the scars of the past and the uncertain, tech-driven threats of the future...sindbad


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
9
9
Review by sindbad Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi
Joey Says...Where's Winter?

This is a moving piece of creative nonfiction (or realistic fiction) that explores themes of altruism, the "quiet" nature of grace, and the stark realities of systemic hardship. Below is a detailed review of the story, focusing on its narrative structure, emotional impact, and themes.
Narrative Structure and Perspective
The story employs a unique and effective second-person perspective ("You"). By addressing the reader as the twenty-year-old mother in labor, you force a level of empathy that is immediate and visceral.
* The Hook: The opening imagery—the "gray-blue cheeks," the "swollen skin," and the "seventeen-month-old son lying across your legs"—instantly establishes the stakes. It isn't just a medical emergency; it’s a social and personal crisis.
* The Shift: The narrative shifts halfway through from the "You" (the patient) to the "She" (the nurse/case manager). This creates a powerful contrast between the person drowning in a crisis and the "lifeguard" who chooses to jump in without being asked.
* The Twist: The final reveal—that the narrator is actually the nurse’s husband—adds a layer of authenticity and personal pride. It transforms the story from a generic tale of kindness into a tribute to a specific person’s character.
Theme: The Definition of Grace
The central theme is the distinction between duty and grace.
* Duty is represented by the "tall, skinny nurse" who is efficient but bound by rules (not being able to give pain meds because of the toddler).
* Grace is represented by the case manager. She isn't on the clock, she isn't getting paid, and she is technically "not supposed to get involved."
The author argues that true grace is often invisible to the recipient. The young mother is in too much pain to "thank" her, and the nurse expects no recognition. This "anonymous" kindness is presented as the highest form of human love.
Emotional Resonance
The story is heavy with "dagger-like anguish," both physical and situational. The detail about the "baby’s daddy" hiding from jail and the fear of DCF (Department of Children and Families) adds a layer of grit. It doesn't sugarcoat the patient's life; it acknowledges that her woes may be "of her own making," yet insists she is still worthy of compassion. This makes the nurse's intervention feel more profound—it is unconditional.
Strengths
* Sensory Details: The "dripping of honey" to describe the slow passage of time during a contraction and the "softly beeping machine" create a strong sense of place.
* Pacing: The tension builds well as the reader feels the desperation of the mother’s isolation before the "woman of Grace" provides relief.
* The Ending: The meta-commentary at the end—the jab at social media's short attention spans—serves as a "call to action" for the reader to look for ways to make the world better.
Areas for Consideration
* Tone Shift: The ending becomes slightly defensive or cynical regarding the "people" who might find the task of reading "too daunting" or think the woman has "mush for brains." While this highlights the narrator's protective nature toward his wife, it shifts the tone from inspirational to slightly confrontational.
* Formatting: In the original text, the transition between the mother’s internal monologue and the nurse’s actions is seamless, but some readers might benefit from a clearer visual break when the "Case Manager" enters the story to highlight her as the "Proof of Grace."
Final Impression

"Proof of Grace or Something Else?" is a poignant tribute to the unsung heroes in the healthcare system. it captures a raw, "ugly" moment of human suffering and counters it with a quiet, beautiful act of sacrifice. It successfully challenges the reader to move beyond judgment and toward active, selfless help...sindbad


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10
10
Review of The Snow Maiden  Open in new Window.
Review by sindbad Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi
Thomas Browning

This is a haunting and atmospheric short story that blends elements of folklore, magical realism, and tragedy. Below is a detailed review of "The Snow Maiden".
Overall Impression
"The Snow Maiden" is a poignant exploration of loneliness, longing, and the thin veil between reality and the supernatural. Browning uses vivid, sensory-rich prose to transform a classic "Snegurochka" (Snow Maiden) archetype into a darker, more psychological tale. The ending is both tragic and beautiful, suggesting that the hunter’s "wish" was granted, though at the ultimate cost of his life.
Strengths
1. Sensory Imagery & Atmosphere
The author excels at creating a "chilled" atmosphere. Phrases like "icicles tinkling in the night wind" and "breath unfurling like smoke" allow the reader to feel the temperature of the story. The contrast between the "blue flame" of the lake and the "red rose" or "blood red scarf" provides a striking visual palette that underscores the theme of life vs. death (warmth vs. cold).
2. Pacing & Tone Shift
The story transitions effectively from a skeptical, grounded opening (the hunter laughing at the children) to a surreal, dreamlike middle section. By the time the maiden is "crawling like a spider" under his covers, the tone shifts from a whimsical fairytale to a supernatural thriller, which keeps the reader engaged.
3. The Ambiguity of the Ending
The duality of the ending is the story's strongest point. To the outside world (the children), it is a tragedy—a man found dead in the snow. To the hunter, it was a night of transcendence, love, and the fulfillment of a silent prayer. This creates a bittersweet "happy ending" within a tragic framework.
Critical Analysis & Themes
* Loneliness as a Catalyst: The hunter’s internal state (no wife, no food, no fire) is what truly "summons" the maiden. His desperation makes him vulnerable to the cold, both literally and metaphorically.
* The Nature of the Maiden: There is a subtle, predatory edge to the Snow Maiden. Her "spider-like" movement and the fact that she "came for him" suggests she is an elemental force that consumes life rather than a standard romantic interest.
* Symbolism of the Scarf: The scarf serves as the physical tether between the dream world and reality. It is the one item that transitions from his "dream" back to the waking world, proving (at least to the reader) that his experience was more than just a hallucination.
Tips for Improvement
1. Refining the Climax
The sequence where the maiden turns into a swan and they fly over the forest is highly imaginative, but it feels slightly rushed compared to the slow, methodical buildup in the cabin. Spending a few more sentences on the transition from the "holy shrine" to the "swan flight" could help the flow.
2. Clarifying the "Spider" Simile
The description of the girl "crawling like a spider underneath the covers" is very effective for creating a sense of the uncanny. However, since the rest of the story portrays her as ethereal and graceful, this specific image feels a bit jarringly "monstrous." If the intent was to make her scary, it works perfectly; if she is meant to be purely a "dream girl," a softer descriptor might fit the romantic tone better.
3. Dialogue Mechanics
The dialogue is poetic, but some lines (like "Not even the very flames of hell could ever melt your cold cold heart!") feel a bit melodramatic compared to the quiet, subtle beauty of the descriptive narration.
Conclusion
Rating: 5 / 5 Stars
This is a masterfully written piece of "Winter Gothic" fiction. It captures the lethality of nature and the warmth of human imagination in equal measure. The circular nature of the story—beginning with children building a maiden and ending with children finding the hunter—gives it the timeless feel of a true legend...sindbad


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11
11
Review of Mirage Part Three  Open in new Window.
Review by sindbad Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi
Sethorion


This conclusion to Mirage serves as a poignant exploration of the internal landscape of a creative mind. It transitions from a high-stakes fantasy battle into a psychological drama, ultimately revealing that the world of Tresgar is a manifestation of the protagonist's psyche.

Here is a detailed review of the final chapters.
Overall Impression
The story concludes with a strong "internal" twist. By personifying abstract concepts—Fear (Hezron), Wisdom (Nicodemus), Courage (Rameus), and Dreams/Wishes (Kya)—you’ve turned a standard "hero’s journey" into a metaphor for mental health and the escapism of a lonely creator. The emotional stakes shift effectively from "will the hero survive the snake?" to "will the boy choose reality over a beautiful lie?"
Strengths

1. The Symbolic Personification
The revelation of who the characters represent is the highlight of the piece.
* Hezron as Fear: The logic that he feeds on fear is classic but executed well here because it ties back to Kyle’s real-world anxiety.
* Kya as Dreams: Making her the "villain" of the final act is a sophisticated choice. It highlights the danger of living entirely within one’s own head.
2. Pacing and Action
The battle with Megolith is visceral and tense. The detail of the "stone dagger" being a one-time-use weapon adds a necessary limit to Kyle’s power, preventing him from feeling like an invincible "Mary Sue" character.
3. The "Dual-World" Tension
The "intercut" scenes—where Carol and the nurses are trying to save Kyle in the hospital while he is fighting in Tresgar—add a ticking clock element that heightens the stakes. It grounds the fantasy elements in a very real, life-or-death medical emergency.
Areas for Improvement
1. Dialogue Polish
Some of the dialogue feels a bit "on the nose," meaning characters explain their motivations too directly.
* Example: “I am Wisdom.” * Tip: You might make this more subtle. Instead of Nicodemus saying "I am Wisdom," he could say, "I am the part of you that knows the truth you're afraid to admit." This feels more like natural dialogue and less like a label.
2. Grammatical Consistency
There are a few typos and tense shifts that can be smoothed out in a final edit:
* "The lightening had burnt a smoldering whole in his robes..." (Should be hole).
* "You was always nice to you..." (Should be were).
* Watch for "then" vs "than" (e.g., "If he was Fear, than who are you?" should be then).
3. The "Choice" Scene
The moment Kyle chooses to return to reality is very fast. Given that Kya is offering him everything he ever wanted, the struggle could be more agonizing. Showing a brief "vision" of the lonely life he’s returning to versus the glory of Tresgar would make his choice to return to the real world feel even more heroic.
Thematic Depth
The ending message—that imagination is a "potent power" that must be "carefully handled"—is a beautiful takeaway for writers and readers alike. It validates the importance of dreams while emphasizing that they shouldn't be a cage used to escape the people who actually love us (like Carol).
Final Rating: 5/5 Stars
A very satisfying conclusion that elevates the story from a simple adventure to a thoughtful character study...sindbad


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12
12
Review by sindbad Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi
Tim Chiu

This is my review for: Allegiance to Democracy’s Souls.
This is a powerful, high-energy tribute to the military that leans heavily into grandeur and patriotic fervor. The poem functions almost like an anthem or a formal dedication, using elevated vocabulary to match the weight of its subject matter.
Overall Impression
The poem succeeds in creating a sense of monumental scale. By using words like "majesty," "peremptory," "sanctity," and "fortitude," you’ve elevated the soldier from a mere person to a symbol of national resilience. The tone is unapologetically celebratory and firm, which aligns well with the themes of military strength and "The Land of Stars and Stripes."
Strengths
* Strong Diction: Your choice of adjectives (e.g., "industrious warriors," "stately involvements") gives the poem a formal, classical feel. It sounds like something that would be read at a high-level military ceremony.
* Rhythmic Flow: While the poem doesn't follow a strict rhyme scheme, the cadence of the lines—especially in the first and last stanzas—is steady and authoritative.
* Thematic Clarity: There is no ambiguity here. The message of gratitude and the belief in the "God-given" sanctity of the nation are clear and unwavering.

The original line—"The strategic destruction / Of our horrifying enemies’ dissolution"—is a bit complex because "dissolution" usually means the act of breaking down or falling apart. If you destroy an enemy's dissolution, it technically implies you are stopping them from falling apart!
​Here are three ways to refine those lines while keeping your "stately" style:
​Option 1: Action-Oriented (The Most Direct)
​"Our peremptory resolve,
The swift dismantling
Of our horrifying enemies' ambitions
And their threats to our improving way of life!"
​Option 2: Focus on Protection (The Most "Stately")
​"Our peremptory resolve,
The valiant defiance
Of our horrifying enemies' encroachment
Upon our eminent and improving way of life!"
​Option 3: Preservation of Tone (Closest to Original)
​"Our peremptory resolve,
The resolute undoing
Of our horrifying enemies’ malice—
Preserving our eminent and improving way of life!"
​Why these work:
​Precision: Words like "ambitions" or "encroachment" give the enemy a clearer presence to be defeated.
​Flow: By changing "dissolution" to a word that describes the enemy's intent (like "malice" or "plots"), the "strategic destruction" part of the sentence feels much more powerful and logical.

Areas for Improvement & Tips
* Concrete Imagery vs. Abstract Concepts: The poem relies heavily on abstract nouns (liberties, status, precepts, sanctity). To make the emotional impact even stronger, consider grounding one of the stanzas in a concrete image. For example, instead of just "grit," you might describe the "salt on a uniform" or the "steady hand on a wheel." This contrast makes the "majesty" feel more earned.
* Complexity of Phrasing: Phrases like "the strategic destruction of our horrifying enemies’ dissolution" are quite dense. It takes a moment for the reader to untangle the double negative (destroying a dissolution). You might try simplifying a few of these longer lines to let the "punchier" words stand out more.
* Word Choice Precision: In the first stanza, you mention standing in the path of "imminent triumphs." Usually, one stands in the path of a threat. If the "triumph" is the goal, perhaps "Forging the path toward imminent triumphs" might align more logically with the "grit" mentioned in the next line.
Final Thought
"Allegiance to Democracy’s Souls" is a stirring piece of patriotic literature. It captures the "pomp and precepts" of military life while maintaining a deep sense of respect for the individual's "courage, grace, and fortitude."
Rating Recommendation: 5 / 5 Stars

sindbad


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13
13
Review of With Love  Open in new Window.
Review by sindbad Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi
Josh T. Alto


This is a poignant paranormal romance that effectively explores the "star-crossed lovers" trope through a supernatural lens. Below is a detailed review of "With Love" , focusing on its emotional resonance, pacing, and narrative structure.
Overall Impression
The story is a hauntingly beautiful exploration of regret and the idea that love can transcend the physical plane. It captures the bittersweet nature of "what ifs"—specifically, the realization of romantic feelings only after the opportunity to act on them has passed. The transition from a grounded childhood friendship to a metaphysical romance is handled with a gentle, dreamlike quality that fits the paranormal genre well.
Strengths
1. Emotional Authenticity
The narrator’s voice is honest and vulnerable. Her admission that she "never paid much attention to his feelings" because she was "too busy" feels very human and relatable. This creates a strong sense of internal conflict and guilt, which provides the emotional engine for the story.
2. Atmosphere and Sensory Details
The author uses sensory cues effectively to bridge the gap between the living and the dead.
* Olfactory: Mentioning Harry’s specific scent (even after he’d been running) grounds the supernatural encounter in a physical reality.
* Visual: The foggy day of his disappearance and the "oriental style" hotel room provide clear imagery that aids the reader's immersion.
3. The "Pact" Foreshadowing
The inclusion of their childhood discussion about reincarnation and their promise to send a sign is a classic but effective literary device. It sets the "rules" of the world early on, making the ending feel like a satisfying payoff rather than a random occurrence.
Areas for Improvement
1. Pacing and Narrative Flow
The story covers a vast amount of time (childhood through adulthood) in a relatively short word count.
* Tip: Some of the transitions feel a bit abrupt. Expanding on the "foggy day" he left or providing a specific example of their "philosophical discussions" could deepen the reader's connection to their bond before the supernatural elements begin.
2. Show, Don't Tell
The prose occasionally relies on "telling" the reader how the character feels (e.g., "I was totally confused; my senses abandoned me").
* Tip: Try to describe the physical manifestations of that confusion. Instead of saying she felt "totally empty," you might describe the physical hollowness in her chest or the way the room seemed to lose its color.
3. The Climax / Paranormal Encounter
The scene where Harry returns is the emotional peak. While the "sensual" nature fits the erotica/romance tags, the transition from being "startled" to fully engaging in the encounter happens very quickly.
* Tip: A bit more internal monologue regarding her fear shifting into acceptance would make that pivotal moment even more powerful.
Final Thoughts
The ending—the arrival of the physical postcard with the familiar signature—is a perfect "stinger." It moves the story from a "was it all a dream?" ambiguity into a definitive paranormal reality. It leaves the reader with a sense of closure while maintaining the mystery of how a ghost interacts with the postal service!
Rating Recommendation: 5/5 Stars. It is a very strong contest entry that balances the "paranormal" and "romance" aspects with grace...sindbad


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14
14
Review of The Sign  Open in new Window.
Review by sindbad Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi
Josh T. Alto

This is my review of "The Sign".
This is a poignant and atmospheric piece of supernatural fiction that effectively blends the mundane reality of a lonely life with the cosmic mystery of the unknown.My review will focus on the story’s themes, structure, and execution.

Overall Impression

"The Sign" is a haunting character study of Eddie, a man defined by his isolation and his yearning for a sense of purpose beyond his small-town existence. The story excels in its atmosphere; the descriptions of the oppressive August heat and the "dry riverbed" town create a sensory experience that mirrors Eddie’s own internal "drought" of hope.

The irony that defines the ending—Eddie finally receiving his sign only at the moment of his death—is both tragic and strangely satisfying.

Strengths
* Atmospheric World-Building: You do a wonderful job of setting the scene. The "unbearable and depressing" heat isn't just weather; it’s a metaphor for Eddie’s life. The transition from the dry, dusty beginning to the torrential rain at the end provides a strong narrative arc.
* Character Depth: Eddie is a sympathetic protagonist. His backstory—losing his father, caring for his sick mother, and being left behind by his sister—grounds his "bizarre" behavior in real-life trauma and duty. We understand why he looks at the stars: he is looking for an escape from a life that has been unyieldingly difficult.
* Symbolism and Irony: The use of the constellation Aquarius (the Water Bearer) is a clever piece of foreshadowing. The fact that the "sign" on the stone only reveals itself when wet (by rain and blood) ties back perfectly to his zodiac sign.

Areas for Improvement / Observations

* Pacing and Logic: The transition from the stone being "totally homogeneous" under scientific lasers to showing a clear "laser-carved" image when wet is a classic magical realism trope. However, the logic of the message itself is quite dark. The "sign" Eddie waited for was essentially a blueprint of his own death. It raises a chilling question: was the star "lucky," or was it a harbinger of doom?

* Narrative Distance: At times, the narrative feels a bit detached. For example, the car accident happens very quickly. Adding a bit more internal monologue from Eddie as he sees the car—the split-second decision-making—might increase the tension before the impact.

* The Ending Tone: The dog howling and the midnight train create a "mournful" and "ghostly" finale. It works well, but the detail about the stone rolling into a ditch to remain "unremarkable" is the strongest part of the conclusion. It suggests that Eddie’s miracle was for him alone, and the world remains indifferent to his discovery.

Technical Elements
* Word Count & Structure: The story moves at a steady pace. The "investigation" phase where he visits the research center and library provides a necessary bridge between the discovery of the stone and the climax.
* Imagery: The description of raindrops "as big as peanuts" and the "African drums" of Eddie's heartbeat are vivid and help the reader feel his frantic energy.

Final Thoughts

"The Sign" is a successful supernatural drama. It captures the "incurable dreamer" archetype perfectly. While the ending is somber, it grants the protagonist the one thing he wanted: validation. He wasn't crazy; he was just waiting for the rain...sindbad.


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15
15
Review by sindbad Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi
Spencer Stoner

This short story, "Unicorns are Evil!", is a clever subversion of the "pure maiden" trope found in classical fantasy. It balances character development with a cynical, modern take on mythical creatures.
Here is a detailed review of the story:
### Plot and Theme: The Subversion of "Purity"
The core strength of this story is its critique of the "purity" test. By having the unicorn react with comical dizziness to Ophelia (the experienced mercenary) but with genuine disgust toward Hero (the innocent survivor of trauma), the author highlights a profound moral truth: mythical judgment is often shallow and cruel.
The "villain" of the piece isn't a person, but the unicorn itself—a creature that cannot distinguish between "sin" and "suffering." This makes the ending, where the birds bombard the unicorn with droppings, incredibly cathartic. It serves as a symbolic "justice" for the judgment the girls faced.
### Character Analysis
* Ophelia: She is a fantastic "tough-love" mentor figure. Her dialogue is sharp, and her willingness to expose herself to public ridicule just to distract Hero shows a deep, hidden kindness. Her struggle to find "nice" words (like "ninnyhammer" or "milquetoast") adds a touch of humor to her gruff persona.
* Hero: She serves as the emotional heart of the story. Her insecurity about her scar and her past makes her a sympathetic protagonist. The "monster" reveal—implying she might be a werewolf or similar creature—adds a layer of fantasy intrigue that explains the unicorn's extreme reaction without making Hero feel like a "bad" person.
* Collen: Though he appears briefly, his timing provides the perfect "fairy tale" ending that the unicorn tried to ruin. It reinforces the idea that human love is more valid than magical judgment.
### Tone and Style
The author maintains a light, breezy tone that shifts effectively into emotional vulnerability.
* Humor: The "melancholy version of Pop Goes the Weasel" and the descriptions of the unicorn acting like it’s going to faint are highlights.
* Pacing: The story moves quickly from the quiet lakeshore to the chaotic "Unicorn Greet," keeping the reader engaged.
* Setting: "Silver Lake" feels like a lived-in fantasy tourist trap, which is a fun and relatable concept.
### Suggestions for Improvement
* The "Monster" Reveal: The mention of Hero becoming a "monster" (the claw pantomime) is a very significant plot point dropped near the end. While it explains the unicorn's flight, it feels a bit rushed. A slightly earlier hint about her nature might make that payoff even stronger.
* The Crowd’s Reaction: The story mentions the crowd looking at them like "reeking garbage." While this fits the "judgmental" theme, a moment where Ophelia stands up to a specific heckler might have added a bit more "mercenary flare" to the scene.
### Final Verdict
"Unicorns are Evil!" is a refreshing take on the fantasy genre. It treats its characters with dignity, acknowledging that "purity" is a flawed metric for goodness. It’s a story about found family and the idea that our scars and experiences—no matter how messy—don't make us unworthy of love...sindbad


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16
16
Review by sindbad Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi
J. M. Kraynak

In this story, the séance acts as a supernatural courtroom for Aimee Rivery, a character inspired by a real-life historical mystery. By setting the scene on midsummer’s eve in a dark room in Abbey Wood, the author bridges the gap between a 21st-century flash fiction challenge and an 18th-century legend.
Here is a breakdown of the Aimee Rivery séance and the lore behind it:
1. The Story: Aimee's Fatal Guilt
In the text, the séance is not a peaceful attempt to contact the "other side." It is a violent ritual of exposure.
* The Manifestation: The medium (the "spirit link") channels a "pencil-thin line of black" that takes the shape of a child. This is a classic horror trope: using the innocent image of a child to represent a dark, unresolved sin.
* The Execution: Aimee Rivery is "adorned in fine scarlet silk," a color often used in literature to symbolize sin or blood. The "intangible claws" that rake her throat suggest that her death in the story is a direct punishment for a crime involving her daughter.
* The Verdict: The medium’s final rasp—"None can escape their guilt"—recontextualizes Aimee from a victim of a haunting to a woman who has been hiding a dark secret, possibly the murder or abandonment of a child.
2. The Historical Inspiration
The real Aimée du Buc de Rivery (1768–1817) is the subject of one of history’s most famous "missing person" legends.
* The Disappearance: Aimée was a French heiress from Martinique and a cousin of Empress Josephine (Napoleon’s wife). In 1788, while returning from a convent school in France, her ship vanished.
* The Ottoman Legend: According to popular (though largely debunked) lore, she was captured by Barbary pirates and sold into the harem of the Ottoman Sultan. The legend claims she became Nakşidil Sultan, the "Queen Mother" (Valide Sultan) who influenced the empire with her French values.
* The Connection to the Séance: Your’s story plays with the "mysterious vanishing" aspect of her life. While history suggests she was a victim of pirates or the sea, the story suggests her "disappearance" was a cover for a far more sinister personal history involving guilt and blood.
3. Analysis of the Supernatural Elements
The séance utilizes several Gothic elements to build dread:
* The Vortex: The "swirling vortex of smoky blue liquid" escaping the medium's lips is an evocative description of ectoplasm, a physical substance spiritualists claimed was produced by mediums.
* Sensory Contrast: The author contrasts the "sullen well-offs" and their fine silks with the "decaying woman" and the "bone-shattering rumble," highlighting the thin veil between the civilized world and the "betwixt" world of the dead.
Summary of Themes
| Theme | Role in the Séance |
|---|---|
| Historical Mystery | Uses the real-life disappearance of Aimée Rivery to ground the horror. |
| Class Irony | The "sullen well-offs" are physically broken by a spirit they initially viewed with "skepticism." |
| The Uncanny | The shape of a child appearing between the sitters turns a domestic image into a source of terror...sindbad


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17
17
for entry "End of The Ridings..." Open in new Window.
Review by sindbad Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi
J. M. Kraynak

This flash fiction piece,End of the riding within, "The Things Betwixt..." , is a masterclass in atmospheric dread and the "closed-loop" paradox. At only 300 words, it manages to establish a gothic tone and deliver a chilling psychological payoff.
Here is a detailed review of the story:
Overall Impression
The story is hauntingly effective. It utilizes the "found footage" trope in a literary sense—where an object (the photograph) serves as both the catalyst for the plot and the eventual trap. The prose is lush and archaic, fitting the Victorian setting and the "dreadful dreary twilight" mood. The twist is satisfying because it recontextualizes the beginning of the story, suggesting a supernatural cycle of predestination.
Strengths
* Atmospheric Word Choice: The author uses "sensory" verbs and adjectives to build tension. Phrases like "malicious ivy," "cackling" doors, and "husks of ashen dead trees" create a sense of decay and hostility from the environment itself.
* Pacing: For a 300-word limit, the pacing is excellent. It moves quickly from the inciting incident (receiving the photo) to the climax (the flash), without losing the descriptive depth needed for horror.
* The "Loop" Concept: The horror lies in the realization that the narrator is not a bystander, but a participant in a recurring nightmare. By standing behind the dead man, he has fulfilled the image he was sent, implying that someone—perhaps the next victim—is now taking a photo of him.
Thematic Analysis

The story plays with the idea of Predestination vs. Free Will. The narrator notes a "distinct stirring" that implored him to forget the photo, yet he goes anyway. This suggests a compulsion that transcends logic, a staple of classic Lovecraftian or Gothic horror where the protagonist is drawn toward their own undoing.
Areas for Improvement / Tips

* Grammar and Flow: There is a slight subject-verb agreement issue in the first paragraph: "The contents of which was naught but a photograph." Since "contents" is plural, it should technically be "The contents of which were..." * Clarity on the Ending: While the "flash" ending is punchy, a tiny bit more detail on the narrator's reaction to seeing the camera (or who was holding it) could heighten the terror. Is it a tripod? A shadowy figure? Leaving it to the imagination is good, but a "glint of glass" or "a pale finger on the shutter" might make it feel even more immediate.
* Word Choice Repetition: The word "betwixt" is used in the title and twice in the text. While it fits the Victorian vibe, using it for the wine glass ("dangled betwixt his fingers") feels a bit forced compared to its more poetic use in the title.
Final Rating: 5 / 5 Stars
It is a tight, spooky, and well-executed piece of flash fiction that lingers in the mind long after reading..sindbad


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18
18
Review by sindbad Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi

Joey C

This is a detailed review of the article "Elephants, Tigers, and Bears, Oh My!".
Overall Impression

This is an engaging and eye-opening piece of literary commentary that serves as a bridge between two cultural icons: L. Frank Baum’s 1900 novel and the 1939 MGM film. The author’s voice is relatable, capturing the genuine "shock and awe" a modern reader feels when discovering that a beloved cinematic masterpiece is actually a loose adaptation of a "technically flawed" book. It is a thoughtful exploration of how a story’s spirit can outweigh its prose quality.

Key Highlights & Analysis

1. The Commercial vs. Literary Paradox
The author makes a compelling point about the book’s massive success (one in seven households owning a copy) despite what they describe as "poor" writing by modern standards. This section is particularly insightful for fellow writers, as it highlights a hard truth: commercial appeal and technical perfection are not always the same thing.

2. The "Loss in Translation" (Book vs. Film)
The article effectively categorizes the major discrepancies between the two mediums:
* Characters:
The revelation that the farmhands and Miss Gulch were MGM inventions is a standout point.
* Aesthetics: The shift from silver shoes to ruby slippers is a famous piece of trivia, but the author’s explanation of the "gray" Kansas setting adds depth to why the movie looks the way it does.
* The Macabre Origins: Mentioning the Tin Man’s tragic backstory (losing limbs to a cursed axe) provides a darker context that the film sanitized for a 1930s audience.
3. Tone and Style

The tone is conversational and "peer-to-peer," making it feel like a discussion in a writer's workshop. Using Paul Harvey’s "The rest of the story" catchphrase grounds the piece in a sense of nostalgic discovery.
Tips for Improvement

* Structure the "List of Differences":

While the "Oh my!" energy is fun, the middle section becomes a bit of a "laundry list" of facts. Using subheadings like "Missing Characters" or "Darker Plot Points" would help scannability.
* Clarify the "Tell" Argument: The author mentions the book is a "gigantic 'Tell' of the first order." Providing one short specific example of Baum’s "telling instead of showing" would strengthen the educational value for other writers.
* Link the Ending to the Beginning: The conclusion mentions that Baum’s later books were better written but less famous. It would be interesting to hear the author’s theory on why—is it because the "flaws" of the first book actually contributed to its magic?
Final Verdict
Rating: 5 / 5 Stars
This is a must-read for fans of The Wizard of Oz and a comforting reminder for aspiring authors that a great story can survive—and even thrive—despite technical imperfections. It successfully challenges the reader to look past the "silver screen" and appreciate the strange, imaginative, and often bizarre roots of American fairy tales...sindbad


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19
19
Review by sindbad Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi
Norswede

This first chapter of "Embraced By Darkness" sets a strong supernatural-gothic tone, effectively balancing the mundane struggles of a teenager with an unsettling, otherworldly threat.Sorry I posted this review after the chapter 2 review though I have read both the chapters simultaneously.
Here is a detailed review of the chapter:
Overall Impression
The chapter succeeds in establishing Emily as a sympathetic protagonist. You’ve created a sharp contrast between her external life—a comfortable, upper-class home in Vancouver—and her internal life, which is plagued by trauma, isolation, and a supernatural presence. The "vacuum" effect in the opening scene is a particularly strong sensory detail that heightens the tension.
Plot and Pacing
The pacing is brisk and follows a classic "day in the life" structure that works well for a first chapter.
* The Hook: Starting with the nightmare immediately introduces the conflict. The transition from the dream to the reality of her room being "too silent" creates a nice sense of lingering dread.
* The Twist: The ending POV shift is a classic trope in supernatural thrillers. It provides a chilling counterpoint to Emily’s fear, revealing that the "monster" doesn't see himself as a villain, but as a lover.
Character Development
* Emily: Her struggle with "two years of little to no sleep" gives her a vulnerability that makes the reader root for her. The detail about her origins in the Downtown Eastside provides necessary depth; it suggests she has a "survivor" mentality even if she feels like an outsider now.
* John: The father-daughter chemistry is charming and lighthearted. The "leather pants" joke serves as a good emotional anchor, making the later scene at school feel much heavier by comparison.
* The Entity: The closing paragraph gives us a glimpse into his psyche. The mention of her "aura" suggests a system of magic or spiritual energy that will likely be expanded upon later.
Strengths
* Sensory Writing: You do a great job describing the physical sensations of fear—the "ears popping," the "ice cold hands," and the "vacuum" of sound.
* Relatability: The high school scene, while painful, is very effective. The cruelty of the students regarding her mother’s mental health history adds a layer of "real-world" stakes to her "supernatural" problem.
Areas for Improvement / Tips
* Show, Don't Tell (Mental Health): When the girl taunts Emily about her "dead mother" being "crazy," it’s a powerful moment. You might strengthen this by having Emily show a physical reaction (a flinch, a specific memory flash) before she runs to the bathroom, rather than just stating she was "as crazy as her mother."
* Dialogue Tags: You have a good handle on dialogue, but watch for repetitive tags. For example, "she beamed," "she teased," "she shouted." Occasionally, letting the dialogue stand on its own or using an action (e.g., Emily rolled her eyes. "Okay Dad, TMI.") can make the flow feel more natural.
* The Transition to School: The jump from the breakfast table to the school parking lot is a bit sudden. A sentence or two about her drive or her thoughts on the "snooty" environment while she’s in the car could smooth that transition.
Final Rating: 5/5 Stars
This is a very promising start. It hits the necessary beats for a Young Adult Supernatural Thriller: a mysterious past, a relatable protagonist, and a "dark protector" figure whose intentions are dangerously blurred...sindbad


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20
20
Review by sindbad Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi
Norswede

This second chapter of Embraced By Darkness does an excellent job of building tension by blurring the lines between the "real world" and the supernatural "dream world." It balances teenage normalcy with a growing sense of dread.
Here is a detailed review of the chapter:
1. Plot and Pacing
The pacing is well-handled. You start with a slow, domestic scene that establishes Emily’s family life and then ramp up the intensity toward the end.
* The Transition: Moving from a sunny Saturday morning to a dark, supernatural experience at a hypnotist show is a clever narrative choice. It uses the concept of "suggestibility" to bridge the gap between Emily’s reality and her nightmares.
* The Stakes: The most compelling part of this chapter is the physical manifestation of the dream (the twisted ankle). This raises the stakes from "it’s just a nightmare" to "this is a physical threat," which is a classic and effective horror trope.
2. Character Development
* Josh: He is the standout character in this chapter. The contrast between his intimidating "Gothic" exterior and his protective, affectionate nature makes him very likable. His backstory—overcoming abuse and finding a path through art—gives him depth and makes the reader root for his relationship with Emily.
* Cathy: She serves as a strong "grounding" force. Her concern about Emily’s "breakdown" in physics class reminds the reader that Emily’s internal struggle is starting to leak into her public life.
* Emily: Her internal monologue reveals her isolation. Even though she is surrounded by people who love her, she feels she cannot tell them the truth for fear of being labeled "crazy." This emotional isolation is as scary as the shadow figure.
3. Tone and Atmosphere
The author successfully manages two very different moods:
* The "Real" World: Warm, humid, and loud. Descriptions of bacon and eggs, amusement park rides, and teasing banter feel authentic and safe.
* The "Dream" World: Frigid, silent, and monochromatic (white branches, black sky). The shift in temperature is a great sensory detail that alerts the reader that the "darkness" is taking over.
4. Key Strengths
* Sensory Details: The description of the "forest of dead trees" is vivid. The detail about the "gnarled white branches" glowing in the dark creates a haunting visual.
* The Ending Twist: Ending with the perspective of the "stalker" is a bold move. It humanizes the threat, making it more complex—he isn't just a monster; he thinks he is a lover. This "obsessive" angle is much creepier than a standard ghost.
5. Suggestions for Improvement
* The Hypnotist Scene: The transition into the trance happens very quickly. You might consider adding a few more lines about the hypnotist’s specific words or the rhythmic swinging of a watch to make Emily’s "falling under" feel more hypnotic and less like she just fell asleep instantly.
* Dialogue Tags: In the breakfast scene, there are a few places where the dialogue tags could be tightened. Instead of just "she teased" or "he replied," you could use actions to show their mood (e.g., Josh leaned back, his chair creaking, with a smirk.)
Overall Impression
This is a strong second chapter. It effectively moves the story from a "bad dream" premise into a "supernatural haunting" reality. The relationship between the siblings provides a strong emotional heart for the story, which makes the reader care about Emily's safety...sindbad


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21
21
Review of Wherever You Go  Open in new Window.
Review by sindbad Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi
Josh T. Alto

This is a beautifully atmospheric story that blends the "Twisted Tale" prompt with elements of the supernatural and the spiritual. It captures a sense of nostalgia tinged with mystery.
Here is a detailed review of "Wherever You Go",:
Overall Impression
The story is a poignant exploration of protection and fate. It uses a "circular" narrative structure effectively—starting in a peaceful present-day church and spiraling back to a traumatic, miraculous past. The pacing is deliberate, building a sense of dread that is ultimately resolved by a miracle. The central theme—that we are often watched over by forces we don't understand—is handled with a gentle, mysterious touch rather than being overly "preachy."
Key Strengths
1. Symbolic Imagery
The walnut tree is an excellent piece of symbolism. By establishing it as a representation of "family continuity," its "strange" death serves as a powerful omen for the destruction of the family home. It anchors the supernatural elements in nature.
2. The Mystery of Marianne
The character of Marianne is perfectly enigmatic. The author leaves just enough clues to suggest she is more than a human babysitter:
* The Recommendation: The fact that the "Winston" family had never heard of her confirms her otherworldly origins.
* The Language: The German inscription on the medallion (Gott schütze dich – "God protect you") and her "unknown" language suggest she is an ancestral or angelic figure.
* The Ladder: This is the most effective "twist." The ladder appearing before the storms shows she didn't just react to the fire; she knew it was coming and prepared the escape route in advance.
3. Emotional Resonance
The transition from the narrator "freezing" at the priest's words to his heart filling with "warmth" is a subtle but strong emotional beat. It transforms a potentially terrifying memory (a house fire) into a testimony of being loved and protected.
Areas for Improvement / Analysis
1. Narrative Tension vs. Logic
The narrator mentions that the father found the ladder against the window before the fire and accepted the excuse of "cleaning windows during a storm." While this highlights the father's obliviousness, a skeptical reader might find it odd that he didn't question why someone would clean windows in a downpour.
* Tip: Adding a small line about the father being "distracted by work" or "trusting to a fault" would further justify why he didn't see the red flag.
2. The "Twist" Execution
Since this was for a "Twisted Tales" contest, the twist is quite "soft"—it’s a benevolent twist (she was an angel) rather than a dark one. To sharpen the impact, you can emphasize the "conspiracy" aspect between the kids and Marianne a bit more, making the reader wonder if she is causing the storms before revealing she is saving them from them.
3. Word Count and Flow
The prose is clear, but some sentences are a bit long or use repetitive structures (e.g., "The sun was shining...").
* Example: "I do not know what brought me back but I bought a house near the forest; quite similar to the one we had had when I was young..." could be tightened to "Driven by an unknown urge, I bought a house near the forest—a wooden mirror of my childhood home."
Final Verdict

Rating: 5 / 5 Stars

This is a high-quality piece of flash fiction. It successfully evokes the "uncanny" feeling of a ghost story while maintaining the heart of a spiritual memoir. The ending provides a satisfying "click" for the reader as the priest’s sermon bridges the gap between the 8-year-old boy and the grown man...sindbad.


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22
Review of Once we were Gods  Open in new Window.
Review by sindbad Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi
Joey Says...Where's Winter?

This is a poignant and relatable poem that uses grand, mythological metaphors to explore the shifting dynamics of fatherhood and the universal experience of aging. Below is a detailed review of "Once we were Gods"
Overall Impression
The poem is a moving meditation on the "fall from grace" that almost every parent experiences. By framing a father’s early relationship with his son through the lens of divinity (Zeus, Apollo), the author captures the absolute awe children have for their parents before the "age of reason" hits. The transition from an all-powerful deity to a "burden" is handled with a heavy, effective sense of melancholy.
Key Themes & Literary Devices
1. The Metaphor of Divinity
The first half of the poem utilizes hyperbole to establish the narrator's "God-like" status.
* "To light my way the sun rose with my command."
* "When I moved my feet, the ground would quake."
These aren't just boasts; they represent how a toddler perceives their father—as the source of all safety, power, and creation. The "enchanted forest" and "fortress" represent the protected world of early childhood.
2. The "Turning Point" (Stanza 3)
The poem’s strength lies in its pacing. The sudden shift—"Then it happened, almost overnight"—mirrors the real-life experience of a child growing independent. The poem cleverly subverts the reader's expectation; we initially think this might be a poem about a literal fall from power or a fantasy epic, only to realize in the fourth stanza that the "catastrophe" is simply a child growing up.
3. Irony and Cyclical Nature
The ending provides a powerful, sobering twist. The narrator realizes his own father went through this exact same rejection when he turned five. This transforms the poem from a personal grievance into a universal cycle of life, suggesting that every generation must "dethrone" their parents to find their own path.
Strengths
* Emotional Resonance: The line "My breath now falls wasted on living ears" is particularly haunting. It captures the frustration of a parent whose wisdom is no longer sought.
* Contrasting Imagery: The contrast between "parting the seas" and being told "Get out of the way old man" is sharp and creates a visceral "sting" for the reader.
* Relatability: Any parent who has felt the sting of their child's first act of defiance or loss of wonder will find deep truth here.
Tips for Improvement
* Rhythmic Consistency: In some places, the line lengths vary significantly (e.g., the long descriptions of stars and rotation versus the shorter concluding lines). Tightening the meter in the "Godly" section could make the narrator's "commanding" voice feel even more authoritative.
* Word Choice: The phrase "vice and the songs of the wicked" feels a bit abstract compared to the very specific, grounded pain of the line "Get out of the way old man." Using more concrete examples of modern "noise" might heighten the contrast.
* Punctuation: There are a few extra commas (e.g., "entire world, began its rotation") that slightly break the flow. Smoothing these out would enhance the "voice" of the narrator.
Final Thoughts
"Once we were Gods" is a beautiful, bittersweet tribute to the fleeting nature of childhood innocence. It serves as a reminder that the "power" of a parent is not found in their actual ability to move mountains, but in the reflection of their child’s eyes. It is a 5/5 star piece for its emotional honesty and clever use of mythology...sindbad


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23
23
Review by sindbad Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi
Josh T. Alto

This is a beautifully atmospheric short story that explores the themes of grief, spiritual connection, and the "destiny" of home.
Below is a detailed review of "A Sort of Homecoming."
Overall Impression
The story is a poignant, lyrical meditation on the bond between generations. It captures the specific, hazy nostalgia of childhood summers and contrasts it effectively with the cold anxiety of adulthood and loss. The pacing is gentle—much like the "soft breeze" described in the text—and the supernatural element at the end provides a satisfying, emotional "full circle" moment.
Strengths
1. Vivid Sensory Imagery
You excel at creating a "sense of place." Descriptions of the purple poppy fields, the water lilies spanning ten meters, and the specific ritual of harvesting the bulbs make the setting feel like a character itself. The detail about using poppy seeds as a "blackboard" to learn the alphabet is particularly charming and original.
2. Emotional Authenticity
The narrator’s reaction to her grandmother’s death feels very real. Instead of a Hollywood-style "perfect goodbye," she experiences:
* Guilt: Arriving just as the grandmother passes.
* Fear: Being terrified of the house and the "ghosts" of the past.
* Avoidance: Running to the city to bury her feelings.
This makes the eventual "homecoming" much more earned and impactful.
3. The "Out-of-Body" Motif

The story introduces the concept of seeing oneself from above or behind. This serves as a clever literary device to show the narrator’s detachment from herself while grieving, and it bridges the gap between the physical world and the spiritual presence of her grandmother.

Thematic Analysis
* Resurrection: The story uses the grandmother’s Greco-Roman myth about poppies to foreshadow the narrator’s own life. Just as the poppies return every year, the narrator "resurrects" her grandmother’s legacy by returning to the house.
* Coming Home:

The title is literal and metaphorical. It is about returning to a building, but also returning to one's true nature (the "painter" and "soul mate") that was suppressed in the city.
Tips for Improvement

1. Tense Consistency
There are a few moments where the narrative shifts between past and present tense in a way that can be slightly jarring.
* Example: "I wonder how far back in time I should go... or maybe to the day of my birth... when I met my grandma."
* Tip: Ensure the transitions between the "now" (sitting on the bench) and the "then" (the memories) are clearly demarcated to help the reader stay grounded in the timeline.

2. Pacing in the Middle
The transition from the narrator's city life back to the cottage happens quite quickly. While the dream of the "circle of remorse" is a strong catalyst, a bit more detail on the emptiness of her city life might make her decision to leave it all behind feel even more powerful.

3. Punctuation and Flow
Some sentences are "run-ons," using commas where semicolons or periods might create a more dramatic rhythm.
* Example: "I was fifteen and full of fears, and from that moment on I was even more scared, I knew quite a lot already but not enough..."
* Suggestion: Breaking these into shorter, punchier sentences could emphasize the narrator's state of panic.
Final Verdict

"A Sort of Homecoming" is a touching tribute to the people who shape us. The ending—where the poppy seeds move on their own—is a perfect touch of "magical realism" that doesn't feel out of place because the groundwork of "soul mates" and "life after death" was laid so early on. It is a comforting read for anyone who has ever felt the pull of their roots...sindbad


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24
24
Review by sindbad Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi
Joey Says...Where's Winter?


Here is my fourth story review and all the stories did mesmerise my experience and all this I discovered in the auto reward section: "A Question of Hearing"

"A Question of Hearing" is a charming, lighthearted comedic essay that explores the humorous disconnect between academic learning and "real-world" vernacular. It captures a universal experience: the moment a student realizes that their chosen career path might require a different kind of "language" than what is taught in textbooks.
Overall Impression
The story is highly relatable and effectively uses Malapropisms (the mistaken use of a word in place of a similar-sounding one) to drive the narrative. The author, Joey, does an excellent job of positioning himself as the "straight man"—the serious, slightly pretentious student—against the colorful, linguistic creativity of his rural family.
The pacing is brisk, and the transition from his initial medical ambitions to his eventual career in engineering provides a satisfying "full circle" conclusion.
Key Highlights
* Comedic Timing: The reveals are handled beautifully. The transition from the clinical definition of Asperger’s to Uncle Buck literally sitting on a bag of "ass-burgers" is the comedic high point of the piece.
* Character Voice: Uncle Buck’s dialogue is rich with personality. Phrases like "I Suwanee" and "feather head school" ground the character in a specific cultural setting, making the humor feel authentic rather than mean-spirited.
* The "Lost-o-me": The evolution of medical terms into "Searoaches" (Cirrhosis) and "Lost-o-me" (Colostomy) highlights the creative ways people interpret complex jargon they don't quite understand.
Tips for Improvement
While the story is engaging, a few minor adjustments could sharpen the impact:
* Dialogue Formatting: In some sections, the dialogue tags are a bit repetitive or separated by semicolons where commas would suffice. Cleaning up the punctuation would improve the "flow" of the conversation.
* Show, Don't Tell: The author mentions Uncle Buck isn't known for his joviality. Instead of telling us his demeanor was "much darker," you might describe a specific action—like him staring intensely at a fish hook or ignoring his favorite snack—to show his mood.
* The Ending Punchline: The final line about "lithium grease" is clever. However, you could strengthen the "why" of the career change by emphasizing that machines don't have "limp nodes" or complicated family histories—they just have parts.
Final Verdict
This is a wonderful piece of biographical comedy. It highlights the "Hearing" in the title—not as a physical disability, but as a barrier in communication between two different worlds. It’s a warm, funny look at family dynamics and the humbling realization that sometimes, a university education is no match for a garage full of uncles...sindbad


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25
Review of The Gifted Ones  Open in new Window.
Review by sindbad Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi
Desire's Paradox

This story, "The Gifted Ones", is a compelling start to a YA speculative fiction or "dark academia" thriller. It establishes a chilling atmosphere where the comfort of a privileged upbringing is abruptly traded for a cold, militarized education.
Here is a detailed review of the story, broken down by its literary elements:
### 1. Tone and Atmosphere
The author successfully creates a sense of creeping unease. The transition from the "warmth" of the home (symbolized by Ella’s pastries and Gregory’s kindness) to the "cold" reality of the School (symbolized by the gravelly roads and the firearm) is handled with great subtlety.
* The Contrast: The contrast between the word "gifted" and the reality of being "sold" into a life of solitude is the story’s strongest thematic hook. It redefines a positive adjective as something ominous.
* The Incarceration: Describing the school as an "institution" and the driver as a "temporary keeper" immediately tells the reader that Liam is a prisoner, regardless of how many ivory shirts he is given.
### 2. Character Analysis: Liam
Liam is an intriguing, albeit somewhat "unreliable" narrator in terms of his ego.
* The Ego: Early on, he admits his keepers built his ego until he believed he "could do no wrongs." This makes him appear sophisticated but perhaps a bit arrogant.
* The Adaptability: His reaction to receiving a firearm—calmly checking its holster and hiding his trembling—shows a character who is highly controlled and observant.
* The Voice: His dialogue with the Masters is formal, almost Shakespearean in its calculation. He isn’t just a student; he is a politician navigating a dangerous landscape.
### 3. Key Plot Devices
* The Firearm: This is the "inciting incident" of the second act. The moment a 15-year-old is handed a government-grade weapon instead of a textbook, the genre shifts from a school drama to something much more dangerous (likely espionage or state-sponsored assassination training).
* The Keeper Ella: She serves as a complex "antagonist." While she seemed doting, her decision to "sign over his life" suggests either a deep betrayal or a belief that Liam is too dangerous to remain in a normal home.
### 4. Areas for Improvement / Suggestions
* Pacing the Revelation: The transition from the car ride to being at the school for three weeks is a bit abrupt. A small scene showing his first night in the "private dormitory" might help the reader feel the weight of his isolation more deeply.
* Word Choice: The prose is very formal ("bade present myself," "equal parlance of information"). While this fits Liam’s character, the author should be careful not to let the dialogue become too stiff, or it may distance the reader from Liam’s emotions.
* The Parents: The mention of his parents going to their "Maker" is a quick way to handle the "orphan trope," but a little more hint about who they were might explain why the State took such an interest in Liam specifically.
### Summary Table
| Element | Strength |
|---|---|
| Voice | Sophisticated, observant, and slightly detached. |
| Mystery | Excellent "hooks" regarding the true purpose of the School. |
| Symbolism | The polished shoes vs. the lethal weapon highlights the "gentleman assassin" trope. |
| Pacing | Fast-moving; gets the reader to the "meat" of the story quickly. |
Final Impression
"The Gifted Ones" is a polished piece of writing that excels at building a world through a specific, biased lens. It leaves the reader with the perfect cliffhanger: What will happen at 5:00 AM on the firing range?
It promises a story about the loss of innocence and the grooming of a young man into something formidable and potentially lethal...sindbad


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