Wow! This was really intriguing! So was the ovoid at the end a result of the baby dying? Or did the ovoid that was sucking the vitality of the baby move on to feed off Auxiliadora? Every time I read your stories I learn something new about the occult :D it's very refreshing.
He just HAD to look didn't he!? lol I loved how detailed this was in culture and ritual. I learned a lot from reading this. This story teaches a valuable lesson: If you're delving into the occult, don't screw anything up! Where was this story set? I got a south/central american feel from it, but I wasn't entirely sure. (Mostly because geography is not my area of expertise :3) I enjoyed reading this story though :D happy writing!
I love this poem! I don't understand it, but the imagery is delicious! It reminds me of a lot of the things I see when I daydream or my mind wanders. These images, while not "saying" what they mean at the same time convey something so very elusive. Something I've always been trying to reach for but could never quite understand. When I read this I feel so close to discovery! And I don't know what it is, but something about that very first line "A small child unbuttons his black raincoat in front of me" seems haunting for reasons beyond me. Surrealism is so wonderfully wise :)
Clearly someone has attempted to flaunt authority at you, and this is your response. I think it's good to be strong and not let anyone control you or kick you around. Be your own boss and let everyone know it! I like the variety of imagery in your references to someone trying to control you. I can't tell you how many times I've felt the same way! The emotion of this poem really peaks with the last line of "Who's laughing now!" That feeling of pride, victory, and empowerment. I think this is a very short, sweet poem people can relate to, and feel inspired by. Nice work :)
I like this poem! The way the lines of "Time ran fleet of foot....Youth, vigor and beauty, ran in tandem" the way they repeat seems to me to express the steady inevitable flow of time. That no matter the realizations or experiences time never changes, and keeps going forever. (Unless you're Einstein, then time is relative, but that's not important right now) I can't say I know what it is to experience the realization of age yet, but I do know what it's like to see old dreams stretch further out of reach until they become only "what could have been, what I wanted to be..." But the dreams not come true don't hold a candle to the memories of the ones that did, and the enjoyment of life to be experienced. That's the feeling I got from this, a message to never fear and live life to the fullest. Very encouraging :D
Oh my goodness! It was short but it packs a punch I must say. I was able to gather a lot of information from what was left unsaid. But one thing I don't understand, is what exactly happened to the girl? Early on when the man walks to the diner it says the doctor said the girl would be okay, but the way his memory is at the end makes it seem as if she died. Clearly Harold has an abusive female (wife? mother? girlfriend?) deriding him, but it is unclear whether or not the voice is in his head, or is that of a real woman. Or maybe that's the point, in which case, it does add speculative interest to the story. This strikes me as a psychological mystery of sorts. Clearly something tragic happened, and Harold is forced to relive painful memories while at the same time living in wonderful ones. I liked this story personally :)
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/sixvultures
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.07 seconds at 5:29pm on Nov 23, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
