I have chills reading this. i have nothing to critique at all. it is just simply beautiful. Congratulations, I am very hard to please with writing since all i do is edit. but wow....wonderful. sorry, I am breath taken by the power behind your words that flow from your fingers. please write more!
I like the story line behind your words and the connection of each verse to another. But just some constructive advice, maybe start each verse with a descriptive word like you did with your first. Starting with words like "the", "they", and "she" kind of take away from the beauty you are visualizing and what your audience is trying to visualize. You're a wonderful poet, and after reading this I am very impressed with your ability to come up with magic and meaning behind each word! keep it up :) There is power in your writing.
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