Dear Catney ,
It was a pleasure to read your work titled Perspective of My Life!
Thank you for sharing and giving me an opportunity to review your work.
Highlights
This is a deeply emotional and personal poem. As all good poetry should, it made me pause and think.
Your feeling of being on the outside looking in is very believable and potent.
Suggestions/Comments
I recognize the feelings expressed and often feel them myself.
It frightens me anytime I read or hear anyone say they want to give up on life. I hope that is not true but just a momentary thought.
I like your poem, you have great talent and would love to read more of your work.
Who you are is a poet/writer with great potential.
The above review is solely my personal view. I am a reader, first and writer second. I share only my opinion in an honest effort to give support and encouragement.
Dear ,
It was a pleasure to read your work titled "liars"
Thank you for sharing and giving me an opportunity to review your work.
Highlights
An extremely emotional poem highlighting a journey of discovery
Suggestions/Comments
You have documented a story of a girl's experiences with 'love'. You did a great job of showing the pain and distress felt with the early relationships and then the beauty of the right relationship.
You are right that we too often hear the lies about how love should be instead of the truth.
Well done.
The above review is solely my personal view. I am a reader, first and writer second. I share only my opinion in an honest effort to give support and encouragement.
Dear Rhasperidon,
It was a pleasure to read your work titled Fields
Thank you for sharing and giving me an opportunity to review your work.
Highlights
Hello Newbie! Welcome to WDC
Suggestions/Comments
A delightfully crafted poem about life and broken dreams and mistakes. It also speaks of forging onward.
This is a very emotional poem using good imagery and expression. The poem is dark, holding deep feelings of pain and remorse.
It is well written and holds great potential.
The above review is solely my personal view. I am a reader, first and writer second. I share only my opinion in an honest effort to give support and encouragement.
So keep writing and keep sharing. Smile
*BurstR**Smile**BurstR* ~ Reviewed by Smiles~ *BurstR**Smile* *BurstR*
Dear Isola Bertolucci,
It was a pleasure to read your work titled Don't Worry, Young Man
Thank you for sharing and giving me an opportunity to review your work.
Highlights
A nicely written, original poem about anxiety to grow up.
Grammar/Punctuations/Typos:
I see no obvious errors.
Suggestions/Comments
Your end rhymes are good. The wording is a bit awkward in places causing me to falter a bit when reading it out loud, as all poetry should be read.
I offer a couple of suggestions that you may wish to give thought to:
Stanza one: Line one: I feel that using a contraction "there's" would be easier to read and more natural than to say " there is"
Stanza three; line one doesn't flow well for me. Consider making a change such as ...."foolish, to quickly wish life to start"
Overall the poem is very good. I like it. I feel it needs a little polishing but you have the framework of a great poem. Your creativity and passion show through your work very well. I urge you to keep writing, your skills will grow.
Thank you for a very pleasant read. Keep Writing.
The above review is solely my personal view. I am a reader, first and writer second. I share only my opinion in an honest effort to give support and encouragement.
So keep writing and keep sharing. Smile
*BurstR**Smile**BurstR* ~ Reviewed by Smiles~ *BurstR**Smile* *BurstR*
Dear A*WDC*Faith! 1954629 ,
It was a pleasure to read your work titled Prom Night
Thank you for sharing and giving me an opportunity to review your work.
Highlights
A quick-paced poem about a special night. Nicely done using required prompt words.
Grammar/Punctuations/Typos:
I could find no errors in grammar or typos. I wonder if "As" should be capitalized since it is not the beginning of a new sentence.
Suggestions/Comments
My overall impression of this poem is very good. I enjoyed reading it. I could feel the nervousness and the resolve to carry on. A very nicely done poem.
The above review is solely my personal view. I am a reader, first and writer second. I share only my opinion in an honest effort to give support and encouragement.
So keep writing and keep sharing. Smile
*BurstR**Smile**BurstR* ~ Reviewed by Smiles~ *BurstR**Smile* *BurstR*
Dear Axolomeh
It was a pleasure to read your work titled "Loss"
Thank you for sharing and giving me an opportunity to review your work.
Highlights
A very interesting and emotional piece. Your characters are well developed and believable. I could feel the tranquility in the beginning of the poem. As events unfolded I could also feel the pain, shock, and chaos. Well done.
Grammar/Punctuations/Typos:
There are several areas in your poem that need a little tightening. One line in particular is: There was a deafening silence in the room, and I swear I could he his heart struggling to support him.
I think you meant to say; "I could hear his heart."
Suggestions/Comments
My impression is that you have the start of a great story/Poem. Your line arrangement is rather unusual and a bit strange looking. It is not often that I have seen the lines extend left of the left margin. I am not saying that you need to change anything, just that it threw me off just a bit.
The above review is solely my personal view. I am a reader, first and writer second. I share only my opinion in an honest effort to give support and encouragement.
So keep writing and keep sharing. Smile
*BurstR**Smile**BurstR* ~ Reviewed by Smiles~ *BurstR**Smile* *BurstR*
Hi, my name is Smiles I am reviewing your piece as a "Good Deeds Get Cash' Review.
I am not a professional reviewer and you may accept or reject any suggestions I make as you wish.
Your poem is a very long list of descriptions of hugs. A lot of thought and effort certainly went into compiling this list. Although you do not list the genre as poetry, it is written in stanzas giving the appearance of poetry.
It is interesting how many ways a hug can be described. I applaud your efforts, I could not compile such a complete list. In my opinion the list is too long. By the 10th stanza my interest started to wander.
Your creativity shows through as does your attention to detail.
Suggestions: Break this piece into several smaller poems, focusing on details. Example a poem containing only the first 6 stanzas would be nice. Although your use of hugs as the first word of each line is uniform, it seems just a little redundant.
Please remember that my statements reflect only my own personal opinion and I implore you not to change anything on my opinion alone.
My overall impression: A very well thought out poem with great attention to detail. It is creatively and skillfully done. I feel with a little bit of tweaking this poem would be a real winner.
I enjoyed being able to read and review your work. I look forward to reading other works of yours. Keep writing, you have great skill, creativity and are a true wordsmith.
Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work. Smiles
Hi, my name is Smiles I am reviewing your piece as a return for reviewing my poem.
I am not a professional reviewer and you may accept or reject any suggestions I make as you wish.
Your poem is wonderful. Your use of language is well-developed and your play on words is great.
You first use of 'prey' made me stop, until the irony and truth set in. I like the poem. The flow is good, and the entire poem is tied together nicely.
Well done, I wouldn't change a thing.
Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work. Smiles
Hi, my name is Smiles I am reviewing your piece as part of the 13th Birthday Celebration here on Wdc.
I am not a professional reviewer and you may accept or reject any suggestions I make as you wish.
Your poem is very interesting, concerning a subject that encompasses us all.
You rightfully identify clutter in various areas of ones' life.
It is an interesting thought that clutter could win by taking over a persons' life. Your questions are thought provoking. Some say that a poem should not end with a question, but I think in this poem it is a perfect ending.
I look forward to reading more of your work. Your creativity shows through very nicely. Keep writing.
Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work. Smiles
Hi, my name is Smiles I am reviewing your piece as part of the 13th Birthday Celebration here on Wdc.
I am not a professional reviewer and you may accept or reject any suggestions I make as you wish.
Your poem is very good. The moral of the poem is right on target.
I feel that your poem would be easier to read if it were broken into stanzas. A break after your refrain, Do for the others as you want them to do for you. would create white space and improve the readability, in my opinion.
I would also suggest breaking up your one long line into two lines..
I did find one typo. Line 5. you have written: Learning form mistakes, you’ll be regarded as wise.I believe that you meant to say "from mistakes"
In the 4th line from the end I wonder if the line would flow better with removal of the word "to" and then change " goes" to go.
ex:. So remember love and forgiveness go far.
I enjoyed reading your poem and feel that your have a great writing skill. I believe that you will find success and fulfillment from your writing.
Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work. Smiles
Hi, my name is Smiles I am reviewing your piece as part of the 13th Birthday Celebration here on Wdc.
I am not a professional reviewer and you may accept or reject any suggestions I make as you wish.
Your story captivated me from the title until the end. I am so glad that it has a positive ending. You have done a wonderful job of using imagery throughout your story.
I could easily follow the train of thought and the pain of being prisoner inside oneself.
I could find few technical issues with your work. I have only one suggestion, in your second paragraph you write: Seething pain courses its way throughout my body In my opinion, simply using the word "through" would flow better and still get the concept across. Seething pain courses its way through my body This is of course just my personal opinion.
Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work. Smiles
Hi, my name is Smiles I am reviewing your piece as part of the 13th Birthday Celebration here on Wdc.
I am not a professional reviewer and you may accept or reject any suggestions I make as you wish. *Smile*
Your writing is very dark and emotional. I can feel your pain and struggle. The feelings expressed are very palatable.
My favorite line is : I attempt to kick and swing my arms, to resurface for air, but I am tied by the binds that my very hands have tied.
As you know, from your own comments their are technical issues, grammar and cadence that need improvement.
The content is well expressed and you have done a good job of showing, not telling your feelings and circumstances. This work may actually be better as a short story than a poem, because it reads like prose. But then, the emotional impact is definitely that of poetry.
Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work. Smiles
Hi, my name is Smiles and I am reviewing your piece as part of the WDC 13th birthday celebration.
I am not a professional reviewer and any thoughts I present are simply my own opinions. Take or leave them as you desire.
Your poem describes a first day of school. You did a good job of getting the image across. The indecision and apprehension is well expressed.
Possibly each instance of "tick tock, tick tock" would be a good breaking point for the stanzas.
In summary, I enjoyed your poem and feel that you have great potential as a poet and a writer. I encourage you to continue writing. I look forward to reading more of your work.
Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work. Your creativity is alive and well, continue developing it.
Hi, my name is Smiles and I am reviewing your piece as part of the WDC 13th birthday celebration.
I am not a professional reviewer and any thoughts I present are simply my own opinions. Take or leave them as you desire.
I enjoyed your poem, and could easily follow your train of thought. Doubt is certainly a disease, as you portray. I liked the way you used people from various walks of life experiencing doubt.
I think it would be good to break up your last long stanza into two 5-line stanzas, in the same form as all of the others.
I am not sure that you got the point across that doubt shouldn't be the ruler of our lives. Your ending is almost a chastisement from doubt for abandoning him. (Please note: that is is my personal opinion only, not a judgement of your poem.
Poetry is so personal, it is hard to be sure that both the poet and the reader receive the same message.
You have great creativity and I expect that you should find success as a writer.
Keep writing.
In conclusion: This is a very well thought out poem and nicely written, it has nice flow and in thought provoking.
Thank you for allowing me to read and review this poem. Smiles
You have great creativity and I expect that you should find success as a writer.
Keep writing.
Thank you for allowing me to read and review this poem. Smiles
Hi, my name is Smilesand I am reviewing your piece as part of the WDC Birthday Celebration.
I am not a professional reviewer and any thoughts I present are simply my own opinions. Take or leave them as you desire.
You did a good job using a scripture passage as your lead-in. I liked the lesson your presented.
Your story is a testament to your faith, and to your humanity. It is an interesting read.
You show a lot of correlations between the behavior of the disciples and the way you may have handled things. You did a good job tying them together.
One suggestion I would make is to indent your paragraphs and to leave some white space between each of them, rather than after every two paragraphs.
I would recommend having a friend read your piece out-loud. There are a couple of places that don't flow as well as they could.
I found one typo-probably changed by a spell check. LOL
In your last paragraph you have "In order words,", I believe you may have meant "in other words".
In conclusion, this is a well written inspirational piece. I enjoyed reading it and wish you the greatest success in your writing career. Thank you for allowing me to read and comment on your piece.
Hi, my name is Patricia(smiles) I am reviewing this poem for 2 reasons: one as a return for your gracious reviews of my work and secondly because you ask your readers to! How delightful.
Your poem is humorous and friendly. It is not at all what I expected from the title, although the title is perfectly appropriate and fitting.
You have a superb command of words which makes for a cadence that is easy to read and follow. As you indicated things don't always turn out as one would expect.
My favorite lines
I open the door and what do I find?
My wife has a new walk-in closet!
A great poem, thank you for sharing. It was an enjoyable read and brought a smile to my heart.
Hi, my name is Patricia(smiles) and I am reviewing your story today. Impression
A very interesting and captivating story. I found it easy to relate to your story.
It affected me on an emotional level, which made me want to continue reading.
Characterization
You did a great job in building your characters. They are believable. You did a good job of showing your dad's character rather than just telling about it. Technical Issues
Your story is well written, obviously well proofread, and has few technical issues. The only things I question are the lack of capitalization on "mom" in two places. In the fourth paragraph you have written
Dad and mom were
and again in the same paragraph
After mom’s death
Thank you for a very pleasant read and for allowing me a peak into your life.
I am positive that you will find great success through your writing.
ImpressionThis piece is extremely interesting and fast paced. You have a good handle on dialog, very effective. The pace is quick.
As in all good science fiction, your story is believable, making it more ominous.
Technical Issues I found few issues, but that could be because I read the piece for pleasure as well as a reviewer.
You have a lot of very short paragraphs. Not all of them are due to dialogue. I would suggest combining some to make for meatier paragraphs along with the short dialogue to present a more balanced piece.
Although grammatically your sentence is correct, it feels out of place and a bit odd the way it is worded, A utopia it was.It is hard to pinpoint exactly why, but it just doesn't flow right. Of course, this impression is strictly my personal opinion.
Conclusion
This piece is very interesting, it piqued my interest and held it right to the end. Your chapter ending is very good because it leaves me wanting to read more.
Hi, my name is Patrica and I am reviewing your work, as requested on Newbie Help And Support Review Central.
This piece is very emotional, and realistic. You did a great job portraying emotions and used effective dialogue.
I enjoyed reading this piece, the fact that I could easily relate to it helped a lot.
Your pace is good, it was easy to follow the transitions in.
There are a couple of technical items I would like to point out.
In the second paragraph you wrote; That night Danny had gone home and sobbed relentlessly into his pillow. In my opinion, (That night) is redundant because the scene was perfectly set in sentence 2 with the words (that day) There is no doubt about it being the same evening. ~~as I noted above, this is my opinion only and is offered as an honest attempt to review.
In paragraph four you wrote, His Mother picked up the receiver but he knew what that call was This sentence does not seem to really fit, although I understood that the mother answered the phone and he knew who was calling without being told; it is oddly worded and caused me to stop reading and read it again. I guess I am trying to say that the flow was interrupted. Perhaps you could change the wording a bit.
I believe that this sentence should be broken down into at least 2 shorter sentences. It is rather too long, to me. The days leading up to the cremation passed in a busy haze for Danny, as he tried ineffectively to cast aside the guilt coursing through every inch of his being and to help his mother with all the tireless work of planning her father’s final farewell.
In the paragraph starting with "NO I WASN"T" the capitalization of granddad isn't uniform. He wasn’t my granddad granddad should be capitalized.
These technical issues are minor, change any you feel should be changed. Don't change them on my advice, you are the author.
Thank you for the privilege to read your piece. I found it very enjoyable and interesting.
Keep Writing.
Hi, my name is Pat and I am reviewing your story because your title interested me.
This story is immensely interesting. The plot is detailed and has quite a few twists and turns, keeping the reader hooked and wondering what will happen next.
It is a very nice touch to write about the perspective of each side. One often forgets that the main character is not the only person experiencing things in a story. You handled the change of perspective excellently. The story flowed and is an easy read. I didn't want it to end. You included many emotions in the story; happiness, fear, illness, getting well, anger, jealousy, love, empathy and most of all humor.
I found no technical issues with your story.
This story could easily be the first chapter to a very good book.
Thank you for the pleasure of a great read.
Keep Writing.
Hi my name is Pat and I am pleased to do a review of your short story.
The story line is wonderfully intriguing and grabbed me right away and didn't let go. Although the story line was quite involved it was both easy to follow and to believe. There is a lot of dialog, which moves one quickly through the story.
A noticed a couple of minor technical issues. , blood-stained letters bloodstained is one word without a hyphen Some time during the long night sometime is a compound word Ms. Taylor allowed me inside my old apartment In my opinion I think it would read easier if it read Ms. Taylor allowed me in my old apartment...this change is my opinion only.
A very interesting story, well done.
Thank you for the pleasant read.
Hi my name is Pat and I am reviewing this poem as part of the poetry package from The Poet's Place
This is a very interesting poem starting with first life as a seed, followed by life in bloom which is followed by decay and death.
The imagery is very good. It is a good description of life from conception to death. This poem is a bit harsh, but my general impression is that I like it. This is a well-done poem.
Thank you for the pleasant read.
A very nice poem. I like the use of the refrain, so many questions and so few answers. Your use of imagery is very good. The use of punctuation appears to be random. Your 1st stanza has no punctuation at all, the second stanza has question marks, and the third stanza has no punctuation until the last 3 lines. Poetry often uses very little punctuation, so it is a matter of personal choice to a large degree, but I am of the opinion that whatever method you use it should be consistent throughout the poem.
Her head feels like its swarming with bees In this line I think its should have an apostrophe "it's" because it is a contraction. Her head feels like it is swarming with bees
Very well done, thank you for a pleasant read. I wish you success with your writing.
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