This...was excellent. It's made all the more excellent even though I KNEW what was coming, yet I still enjoyed it.
Plot.
The plot was simple, yet effective. There was a natural progression through each evolution of the DTH, up to 7 (as in the 7 days it took to create man, or am I reading too much into it?)
Characters
I'm not sure if I'd be able to differentiate Mike and Roy if I read it again, but for a story like this, individual character voice isn't as important. If you were going to tweak anything, this is what I'd suggest. It even seemed as if both main characters had the same snarky sense of humor.
Descriptions
Perfectly fine descriptions of each version of the DTH and what it could do.
Overall
I love science fiction stories like this. It has an old school feel with modern sensibilities (c'mon, who wouldn't want a sex-bot who speaks fluent Klingon?) I didn't notice any major grammatical errors, and the writing style you chose fits the story.
A wife climbs a moutain, gains access to ultimate knowledge, and ends up only caring about her own insular concerns.
I really enjoyed this short piece. Your dialogue provided all of the information needed to form a viable world, and you did it in a small space. Very impressive. There's a lot of absurdist humor and the ending feels right. If there's anything to criticize, it's that the wife's name could've been worked in, but ultimately it's not necessary.
Hey Michael! It's been a while since I've checked my email so forgive me for not taking a look your work earlier
Overall thoughts: Good piece of drama/horror. No real grammatical or plot problems that I could see, and something that could easily be expanded or kept as is.
Critique: I alrealy consider you a good writer, so any analysis I give is the same I'd have if I'd written the piece, even to the point of nitpickiness.
I think the opening could be a lot more active. Describing her ordeal is a great way to start the story, but the passive voice takes away some of the effectiveness of the third-person narration. Had it been first-person, I think the passivity would be appropriate, considering Elizabeth is forced to be a passive participant in the act.
No need for a cliche such as "lock and key". As I said before, nitpick, but you're good enough not need any type of cliche in your writing.
You could probably work in a description of Tichiban earlier.
The original pity I feel for Elizabeth dissipates as the piece goes. I understand she's a victim of horrible circumstances, but there doesn't seem to be any remorse for the use of rat poison or voodoo.
I think I've told you in the past I like the gothic feel of your writing, and that goes for this too. Love the list of items she has to collect to make the doll complete.
The parents' deaths were deliciously gruesome. My only suggestion would be to differentiate the deaths a little more. Maybe make them appropriate to their particular sins against Elizabeth
Conclusion: As I said before, this is a already good piece and any critique I've given is of the type I'd give myself. There's nothing about your story that needs to be changed.
I think you have something here with a little bit of polishing. It's an interesting premise on both the horror and sci-fi side, but the meat of the actual story seems to be more in the favor of horror. And there's nothing wrong with that, really. The problem I have is with the actual voice of the story. I think there' too much passive voice and adverbs, considering the content. It weakens the terror being portrayed.
Of course, that's just my opinion. It wasn't a bad story by any stretch and I hope to see more of your work. Write on!
This is a pretty creepy story that was fun to read. You style is nice and straightforward. You took a lot of care with your descriptions, using an artist's eye to paint a scene of murder and debauchery. The internal monologue was done effectively. Is Lilian's name coincidental, or is it an intentional play on the 'lily' theme?
Interesting story. Pretty original idea, at least to me. The ending really brought everything together, put it all into place. That being said, I was confused until those last few lines. If you ever reworked the story, maybe pepper in a few more hints about what's going on and who in the government is the culprit. Nothing to give away the end, but to ease the reader into it. Just a personal opinion, With that in mind, I understand you were under word count restrictions. I still liked what you did with the story.
It was well-written. No major grammatical errors. Nice job.
Fun story about a couple of amateur treasure-hunters.The style is simple and straightforward. Maybe a bit of repetitiveness here and there, but nothing major to complain about. I liked how you infused a fear of commitment into Bobby's personality. Most people don't like adding touches like this in a piece this short. No major grammatical errors that I can see. Good luck on the challenge!
Great story! A deserving winner to the challenge. Nice descriptions, good dialogue, apt imagery. A lot of good, old-fashioned horror fit within 1000 words. I'm sure you could expand this into something larger if you wanted, but it's fine as it. Hope to read more from you.
I think the topic is just fine, more than enough for an interesting novel. You're definitely going to have to walk a fine line, though. Gods-as-ancient-aliens isn't an entirely new concept, so you'll have to make sure you cover some fertile ground in your treatment. So far, it looks like you've done that, and it's not as if you don't have an almost infinite pantheon of Gods, parables, and myths to draw from and extrapolate. Having The One be the most mortal of the heroes is a great idea.
All in all, I think you have the makings of a good story and I wish you luck. Write on!
Nice start to what would seem to be a larger, more encompassing tale. The tropes are familiar--ordinary person inperceptibly brushes against the extraordinary until one day he/she realizes he's an important part of it--but your execution is good enough to keep it from cliche. My only suggestion would be that if you ever returned to this story, give Russell more of a fleshing out, or have a completely human supporting character anchor to accentuate the differences between the two sides of the Threshold.
I like the descriptions of the crystals and the interference patterns produced. There's a pretty nice balance of science fiction and relationship drama, something I know I have trouble with in flash fiction. This is definitely something that could be expanded upon, since there's a lot of backstory here you couldn't delve into with a 300 word limit. Because of that, it was a bit confusing until I made a second read, but, once again, you only had 300 words and you did a good job in that space. The only real criticism I have is that since a lot hinges on Delphi finally saying goodbye to Cruv, you could give a clearer picture of the extent of their relationship.
I liked this piece a lot . For such a small space, you pack a lot of punch with your words and descriptions. Kyle is a man who realizes he's running out of time and decides to use his precious few moments to say goodbye. It's a reaction I could easily identify with and a plot I could easily get into.
My only complaint --which probably is a bit irrelevant due to your word constraints--would be that we don't know enough about Kyle. How does he know what no one else seemingly does. Is there at least one key physical feature the reader can use to picture him? Why is it that he has a feeling of surrealism even before he realizes that the failure of his car and radio is due to much more than a random fluke?
Anyway, great flash fiction.
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