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Review Requests: ON
159 Public Reviews Given
548 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
In a single word, thorough. I will turn your piece upside down, shake the change out of its pockets and look at even the most minute details. I can be technical but will do so when emphasizing a larger point about the piece as a whole.
I'm good at...
plot structure analysis, technical/formatting issues, character development commentary (especially checking for continuity), diction and dialogue
Favorite Genres
political, dark, dystopia, speculative fiction, plotty erotica, some sci-fi, anything with emphasis on social science
Least Favorite Genres
teen, young adult, romance, most erotica, anything ultramilitant, (creative) non-fiction
Favorite Item Types
novellas and novelettes, short stories over 3,000 words, poetry in challenging forms
Least Favorite Item Types
flash fiction, short stories under 3,000 words, full novels, short poetry
I will not review...
anything with a subservient female character, nature poetry, stories with happy endings
Public Reviews
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51
51
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)


Greetings! Though I don't read all that many stories that deal with cannibalism, I can say this is one of the better ones I've read. One of its strong points is the vivid descriptions, and I commend you for not going overboard in using them. Enough description is used to give the reader a detailed image of the man's meal yet never gets wordy or overly grotesque. Despite the nature of the meal, the description appealed very much to my senses, and that truly made it work.

While your descriptions are wonderful and you keep the scene relatively simple, I do have one quibble with the story. Towards the end of the story, I began to feel that the victim was more well developed than the man. I had a lot of questions enter my mind about the man. What significance does his height have (other than putting his victim's petite stature in perspective)? What prompted his blood(and flesh) lust? Why would he miss his psychiatrist (mentioned in the fourth paragraph)? I felt the main character could have been a bit more developed; otherwise, he comes off as almost unhuman, completely unfeeling, unsympathetic, and devoid of psychological substance (so to speak).

Overall, it was a descriptively powerful story. Once more is made known about the man, then it willl be a wonderful story overall.







~Elisa
A brand new siggie from the Stik!!
52
52
Review of FINISH THE DYING  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Greetings! I know it took me a while to come back to this one, but let's just say I about lost my mind this weekend*Smile*

Anyway, as far as the poem is concerned, I like this one! The imagery here is splendid and easily grabbed my attention. I did find one spelling mistake, though...

deceipt

Easy correction. Otherwise, this is a pretty solid poem that makes its point very clear.

~Elisa
For plugging Acid Tongued
53
53
Rated: E | (3.5)
While not exactly along the lines of a typical Acid Tongued work, it is a poem that is pleasant to read. It is cryptic enough, but the metaphors come through clearly. I only have a couple beefs:

*Bullet*What noose a more skilled executioner To me, this sentence seemed awkward at first. After rereading it a couple times, it finally made sense. It's kind of an unusual use of personification, and if you're not careful, it's bound to trip up some readers.

*Bullet*I felt like more could have been said. The last couplet confused me, and I was left wondering the exact point you were trying to make on betrayal. It seems as if you're nullifying the pain of betrayal by saying that the person him/herself is responsible for this act due to seemingly trusting everyone. Was that your message?

I came you cam over to Acid Tongued. I will be soom reading your other piece.

~Elisa
~~Image ID# 784410's Content Rating Exceeds Item Content Rating~~
54
54
Review of Redemption  
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
Greetings! I've finally gotten to your story. You have a good start, and what content you have in place is riveting. However, there are some things that need to be fixed...

*Bullet* There is a wasn't that has a question mark instead of an apostrophe*Right*wasn?t-wasn't

*Bullet*Put a space between every new paragraph. It looks cleaner and is much easier to read.

*Bullet*"It's time for me to do, what I should've done 31 years ago."No comma needed.

*Bullet*Everthing from the line "Kenny Chen" to the end was very vague. I found myself asking a lot of questions:

Who is Kenny Chen? Why does the narrator choose to kill him?

Why does the narrator walk off with a diminuitive sense of vindication after committing the murder?

Any reason he lets the blood remain on his arm?

Why does the narrator have no fear of being caught?

*Bullet*There seems to be something about the narrator killing another person that doesn't seem normal. Of course, my forum isn't for normal pieces*Laugh* Still, I thought the narrator was going to kill himself, and thus I was very surprised when he killed someone else, someone we as readers don't get to know at all. Why a murder as a means of redemption? I think that needs to be addressed.

I'm glad you stopped by my forum. I hope you visit again!

~Elisa
For plugging Acid Tongued
55
55
Review of A Thing For Socks  
Rated: E | (1.0)
*Sick* Can't believe I skipped this during the Anti-Slam (good times!). Maybe I should've stayed away from it*Sick**Sick**Sick**Sick**Sick**Sick**Sick**Sick**Sick**Sick**Sick**Pthb*


~Elisa
56
56
Review of just?  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Wow. Definitely a story for adults. That said, I think a rating change to GC or even XGC might be a good idea. You don't wimp out on descriptions (a good thing), and since this is so detailed in the acts, it may be a little too strong for its current rating. My other comment is this. Why exactly do Sen and Harry do this? From what I could gather, this is something of a cross between an unnatural desire and an interesting sense of justice. Still, at least to me, their motives are unclear. Other concerns are minor, such as punctuation, and you did mention that the spelling/tense changes were intentional. Myself, I have to admit I hardly noticed! I think part of it is I've had a tendecy to interchange tenses, but here, it seemed to work. My last suggestion before going is that You take out the "Entertainment" genre and replace with something else. It didn't seem to fit to me*Confused*

I liked this piece, and I hope you visit "Acid Tongued"  again soon.

~Elisa
57
57
Review of The Satanic Angel  
Rated: ASR | (3.0)
I see here a very interesting conflict, both for the narrator and the themes examined in this piece. I understand your hardship, as I have experienced it in reverse w/my parents. You have brought up many profound questions that snare a reader's attention.

However, the drawback to this "profound insight" is that in the piece itself, your ponderings seem to separate into various tangents. You start off wondering about the definition of angels, but then, as you discuss meeting Andrea and how she affects you, you give the backstory of your conflict (over meeting her) in a haphazard fashion.

Ex.I fell in love with Andrea, and she was Satanic. Being a Christian, it seems highly unlikely that two opposite spirtual principled people can love each other.

Being a Canadian, I am open to new ideas, new philosophies, new religions. Sure, I am a Christian, but a very open minded one.

My mom always told me "Watch out for people who will take you away from God."

Which God is she talking about? There are many religions, and I think that most are correct to a point. I began to question everything I was taught.

You mention a lot of brief points very quickly. I felt like these pieces of information didn't quite fit together because there wasn't further explanation to them. It seems like you rushed into listing all the things that lead to your conflict. If you slowed down and elaborated on each of those points, the reader would get a more accurate impression of your mood. Right now, it seems flippant and irreverent, a turn off for some readers. Slow the pace a little, and you'll lure more readers.

There are also some grammar/syntax errors, like This Andrea girl, I met, is really nice. Here, the commas aren't really necessary, and I don't feel nice is exactly the best word to use in that sentence. I suggest putting this piece in an offline text file of some sort and reading it over. Sometimes, you can spot your own errors if you're reading the piece offline. I've had success with this on a couple occassions. To be safe, have someone else look for such errors. Another set of eyes truly makes a big difference.

I like the emotion that you present here, but it does need cleaning. Also, want to give it some genres? It's not necessary, but it is a nice touch.

~Elisa
58
58
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hey, there. Your plug coaxed me in. However, I struggled to come to a conclusion on this piece. I was able to picture the narrator in this stark, autumn environment, but so many cryptic images in one swoop all clamored for my attention. Thus, I read this piece several times in order to unearth the theme of the poem, something that in retrospect was something I shouldn't have struggled with. On the lighter side, I did like your use of advanced level vocabulary words. It kept the poem from sounding trite. However, check how you spelled requiem in the item body. That was a minor distraction for me. The theme and imagery in the poem could be more solid, but your word choice and structure show a lot of promise for this poem.

~Elisa
59
59
Review of Why me?  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Nice surprise ending there! I felt that the focus on luck was taking away from the story at first, but once I got to the end, it all made sense. Anyway, in the paragraph "Down the.....", there's a fragment in there. It's a little distracting, but it can be easily fixed. Other than that, this is a humorous little anecdote, and I especially liked the character's lonliness at the beginning. I can really empathize with those emotions. *Smile*

~Elisa
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