I enjoyed this story very much. I liked the explanations of the vibrational energy and the effects it had on the people there. I also liked the little clues at the beginning that they might have been living there for a long time.
The only thing that I didn't like was that it went too fast! I would have liked to know more about the people and their life there. However, that is probably just the nature of the 'short story'.
I must admit that, although I am a non-fiction reader, I do tend to read non-fiction written for lay people. This piece presented a little more of a challenge for me, but not because of the writing, rather the topic. (Math majors are not required to do literary analysis, go figure .)
Not being an expert in the field, I found the idea that Shakespeare used other sources fascinating. I guess I have always assumed that the greats just had amazing imaginations. (Probably pretty naive, but there it is.)
Your essay was well-written and flowed smoothly. I would recommend it to anyone wanting more insight into the writing of one of the greats. Thank you for enlightening me.
Keep writing.
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Excellent. Your reasoning is good. I was once told by a pastor (tongue in cheek, I think) that Democrats can't get into heaven. He may have been teasing, but the the two issues that you began with were certainly topics of conversation (on the Republican side.)
Thanks again for stating something that many of us think, but might not know how to put into words.
Susan
I really enjoyed this piece. It is touching and exciting. It leaves me wanting more.
The dialog seems natural and flows nicely, with enough description to "see" the scene, but not to obscure the action and characters. Excellent!
There was one thing that seemed inconsistent to me though. This is a fifteen year old boy that they originally mistook for a man. The when the mother comes into the room you say "She knelt down and he practically leapt into her arms . . ." Just seems like a younger boy here to me.
Your pieces that I have read leave me wanting more.
Keep writing!
Susan
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Excellent. I wouldn't change anything. The only question I have is what happened to the couple? I really liked the couple and didn't want the story to end.
Keep writing
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Ohh, what happened to this girl? I really like this. It reads as you would expect a journal to, not many details, but inner thoughts. I would really like to know more.
Excellent! I don't have children and still read the entire piece . I enjoy learning about things that are different in other cultures (the bondla, and methods of feeding) and about the many things that transcend culture such as the medical and behavioural results of stopping breast feeding too early.
It was well written and gave simple, clear instructions. Keep writing!
I had two thoughts when I read this that may sound contradictory. The first when you wrote: "In other's quests to be special, the harm they cause is accidental and unforeseeable." I don't think it's always accidental. Many intend the harm that they cause.
The second when you wrote about Ernest Rutherford. I don't think that being special is a concious motivator of all scientists. Many are truly just curious about the world and do accidentally discover amazing things.
I guess what I'm saying is that what motivates humans is often subconcious and not as simplistic as it sounds in your description.
However, I realize that this is a quick description of an idea and you have probably had the thoughts above as well .
Overall, I think it is an intriguing thought for a story. I will go on and read "The Extractor" and give you feedback.
I enjoyed every piece in this folder. You tell the story of the Trojan War with a fresh eye. It is one of my favorite stories. The rhythm and rhyme give it a new sense of urgency.
This piece is written with tenderness, reverence, and a little humor. You obviously loved your grandfather very much and will remember him as a loving and good man.
I particular liked some of your phrasing, such as
". . . his passing was beating its wings closer and closer."
"He did not demand it (reverence), but his presence whispered it."
". . . he dissolved like a sweet breeze."
I like how you compared 'navigating' through life as being driven by Sido and now having to drive yourself.
I enjoyed getting a glimpse of a culture that is very different from mine. And, I felt privileged to get a little peek into your life with your grandfather.
You do a good job of setting the scene and describing your main character.
You do an excellent job of letting us into his head to understand his motivations.
This seems to be the point to me - that we so often appear to others differently than we appear to ourselves, or than we want to appear.
You made the point in a very interesting and concise way.
Write On!
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Thank you. As someone who is new to this 'art', as you say, I have often been filled with doubts when I hear how others write. It is very encouraging to know that just because I can't do it in a particular way, it doesn't mean that I can't do it.
If I didn't already admire Gabriel Byrne as an actor, I would have to find some way to see him perform. I've never had the pleasure of seeing him in a live performance, and your description makes me jealous!
This is also the first or your writings I have read. You do a superb job describing Byrne's performance and the 'event' in the theater. If your words "fail miserably to express how amazing it was", then I can't imagine it.
I finally found time to read this. I shouldn't have waited so long.
You have a very nice writing style. As I'm sure you know, a lot of history is dry reading. Yours is not. It kept my attention throughout the entire piece. The pace was good. The language was at a good level for an adult reader, but I believe would be appropriate for students as well.
I noticed a few typos, but they were not important enough to stop the flow of my reading. (I will go back and try to find them.)
I had no idea that Custer was such an interesting person. Thank you for teaching me about one of my own countrymen.
Susan
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I really liked the couple and didn't want the story to end.