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Review Requests: ON
161 Public Reviews Given
177 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I like to encourage writers, while giving accurate, insightful, truthful feedback. Reviews for novel length items will be an overview and general comment. I don't review line by line or focus on grammar, spelling or punctuation -except perhaps if I see something affecting the storyline, or if I have suggestions relating to improving relevant areas of the work.
I'm good at...
I find it easy to give positive comments, and encouragement, but I struggle to be critical.
Favorite Genres
Thriller, Horror, Mystery
Least Favorite Genres
Gothic. Historical. Satanism. Overly violent. Nope, get someone else for that stuff.
Favorite Item Types
Mainstream fiction
Least Favorite Item Types
Stories that lack conflict, drama, purpose.
I will not review...
Stuff written while obviously high on drugs :) OK yes I will review that too..
Public Reviews
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51
51
Review of What's Behind Me?  
Review by Sparky
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Wow! I'm still dizzy here. Your story went up and down like a richter scale meter near San Fransico! One minute I thought it was real, the next I relaxed into thinking it was just children playing make believe out in the back yard before tea (dinner for you americans) and then at the end came the twist that I was expecting much earlier. Huh! :)
It's good to read a story that has those unexpected events in it, and you've kept up a fast pace, pushing the reader along.

Improvements? There is one or two small bits I sort of tripped on as I too tried to evade something behind me! "worry about co-eds going off sparkling most of the time" had me guessing for a minute that it was alcoholic beverage so perhaps reworded might be clearer to dunderheads like me.
You could probably take away the word "said" at times, just a suggestion, for example instead of saying "he said, shouldering the axe" just say he shouldered the axe. You already know from the previous lines that he will say it. Another example, "said as Sandy climbed the tree" Just write, Sandy climbed the tree.

Ok perhaps I'm just being too razor friendly in saying that stuff. I like to try to craft my stories the way John Grisham writes; absolutely pared to the bone. The words he leaves there just barely cover what you need to know, with a bit of description but no fatty bits. No rubbish. Nothing! And it makes the story so much better. While you might say, oh but then I wont have as many words and i'll have to think up more stuff to get my numbers and pages up!" Wouldnt you rather something hard hitting and just right? Yes you have already edited it like crazy so far.
And I can tell. It's good. It's pretty lean already.
Anyway, just a couple of things that may or may not be of help.

Sparky
52
52
Review of Atlanta Summer  
Review by Sparky
Rated: E | (4.5)
Your memoir of earlier years and your mother's history, your longing for her and the trigger for that feeling has been well crafted and easy to read.
I can clearly imagine how it was, the long days of summer. I have similar memories of this exact situation, waiting for my mother who worked in an office doing their accounts and bookwork.
There is a feeling of longing, and loneliness, put across in this writing piece that takes me into your past.
Thank you for writing this down.
Sparkyvacdr
53
53
Review of Well Fertilized  
Review by Sparky
Rated: E | (4.5)
I've enjoyed your little story of some of your family history.
The vocabulary and clear descriptions coupled with the dry humour of the "fertiliser" brought to life what could have been private family details; perhaps of interest only to yourself.
But every family seems to have these little gems, funny anecdotes and you have put that across well.
Please keep writing and adding zest to your stories such as this that was well worth the read.
Nothing springs to mind that needs improving, but perhaps add to it some more of your family memories.
Sparkyvacdr
54
54
Review by Sparky
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
You have excelled with this story.
At first I was unclear about your small chorus like bits of poetry at intervals but it all made sense further into the story.
Something like this happening can sound so corny or banal. Puppy love even. But the way you have used understatement and colourful descriptions makes the entire experience very real.
The honest nerdiness, the acceptence of faults of someone else, the oh yes...counting of the days since last met.
Then the cruel stolen life.
The message of lost love for the first time is put across to the reader in a thought provoking manner.
Thanks for your efforts!
Sparkyvacdr
55
55
Review of Earth: Lost  
Review by Sparky
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I have enjoyed your story and the journal style of it.
You have kept good consistency and plausability with the dates and time lapses between them. You could describe your surroundings, people and their characteristics a little more, and perhaps have some conversations recorded in there.
But whist being short simplified journal entries, it still contains enough information to form a picture of a lost earth, returning group of people and their horrific discovery of the lost Earth. Character empathy is built but could be improved on, for example with his grief at losing Max. But I'm reminded, it IS a journal, not a letter home to his mother or a personal diary, so you have probably found the right balance there. If you did intend it to be his personal diary, then you could build this into a lengthy story.
A couple of suggestions of things I have learned the hard way. Get rid of the word "actually". Try not to ever use it. Describe the irony a different way.
Something else I've been able to improve on, reread it again as a complete work and then simplify stuff that is repeated or you have tried to hard to describe or explain. This happens to me often in my writing.
What I'm referring to is a "feel" in the story. It's an atmosphere that builds as you read it. And if there is an extra description of something you have just read, it takes away from the story, makes the reader feel like a dummy, and as a writer you probably didn't even notice or intend it to come across that way.
I can see you will grow the more you write. It's there in this story.
Sparkyvacdr
56
56
Review of Anna  
Review by Sparky
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Woah that was unexpected! A good twist at the end.
I would perhaps rework some of the sentences is the only thing I can think of to suggest in improvement.
And you already knew that! :)
Thanks for an enjoyable short interlude!
Sparkyvacdr
57
57
Review by Sparky
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello M & Mmpty.

I have enjoyed this story and it seems the right length because I had an empathy for the characters, a picture in my head of their appearance and related strongly to their various situations in life.

The dialogue you used at the end is probably not quite what I would, but then, I'm from Australia so I wouldn't use the word "Oh!" as in "Oh Erwin!" like you have.
Then again, it occurs to me that when people are in shock or have a dramatic moment, they DO say things like that.

In a nutshell, your story ramped up its crescendo ending and even though I'd half guessed by this time what was going to happen, it took nothing away from the atmosphere and tension, and the pleasant surprise.

Don't you wish you were a fly on the wall in some of these stories. Well, I guess we are. That's what readers are, are they not? A spectator to someone else's imagination.

Sparkyvacdr


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
58
58
Review of What is writing  
Review by Sparky
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello!

This is an example of why I like reading material from new writers. The originality, honesty and a keen sense of joy, yes pleasure in writing!
You can't help it Christi52 can you? You put across to me, communicate with me; some anonymous reader who really probably hasn't a clue how to review properly, but I know writing that has cost someone something to write it. That investment, that letting go of inner self and transferring it to thoughts, words, printing.

In a short few sentences you have described what writing entails and revealed the freedom. Because all your questions are answered at the end where you mention joy!

I get it! Oh yes, I get it all right...

It's joy because all writers are FREE.

FREEDOM!!!!!

sparkyvacdr


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
59
59
Review by Sparky
Rated: E | (5.0)
Yes of course it's a winner! :)

Thought provoking and well written. No repetition and original descriptions. I like it!

The flow of it seems to pick up the pace until at the end it's like a game of basket ball, dodging here dodging there and a rhythm of words bouncing and finding a gap in the defence of my mind until at the end it sails over my head (not just figuratively speaking! :) ) and pops through the net scoring a goal of one positive review for you! And a need to re read it and re read it for me, because it' has stimulated my thinking.

Mission accomplished yeah?

Sparkyvacdr
60
60
Review of Trial  
Review by Sparky
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I have never read any of your work, elizjohn.
But after reading this there is a much greater chance that I will! :)
Cat's have always scared me because contrary to what some people think, nobody owns cats. They own people. You cannot tell a cat what to do. It's that simple.
They only do stuff when and if it suits them and is in their interests.
You have not mentioned cats here except the meow noise and licking black fur but I can imagine the alien group of talking felines.

Well done. It's well written and enjoyable, and in just a few words you have stimulated my thoughts.
Sparkyvacdr.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
61
61
Review of Autumn Playground  
Review by Sparky
Rated: E | (5.0)
I can picture the scene vividly from your descriptive
short tale. Mystery abounds from what you have left unsaid. This character's appearance, sex, era and a lot more. This makes me look for more. What happens next?
That is what writing is about
62
62
Review by Sparky
Rated: E | (5.0)
I'm a relatively new user of writing.com in spite of being a member for some years.
Recently I returned to this site after making serious headway with a novel, and along with it a poem that I submitted; the inspiration from this simple act seems to be self feeding, snowballing cyclone or hurricane-like.

So when I saw the heading for this small part of your helpful article, I was keen to see your information and views, and now others; the semicolon is still as important in literature these days (88.4% of current users opinion according to this poll) as a colonoscopy is in medical diagnosis. (Just a random fact http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Colonoscopy)

Any correction here of my use of said semicolon would be great as like others, I'm confused with its correct placement too.

Now I have a question in reverse for you.

Referring to fiction writing; Why is it considered basically SINFUL to use wikipedia as a source of information and to state that fact? (I'm told this is so by our three teenagers)
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