Oh my Goodness all that hype, all that planing, I could see his face such character building and he died! How entertaining! This is great and again small enough for my short attention span. Poor Josh he will be remembered, flashing down the river. I really enjoyed this and honestly your are of my favs for small fiction. Thanks!
Work poem, brought me to the question what kind of work? This could be a strive forward imagery type poem too. I had to read it a few times, not a lot of imagery but straight to the point. True not everyone works the same and some feel some may not as good. The only suggestion I have is the first line concentrate's "concentrate is". Thank you for sharing.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts on love, trying to explain how that word works for you and your other half.Well written, simple pleasant imagery. Kudos! I'll go with what the lovey dovey drops you dropped, but personal opinion aside, I'll pass.
Cotton Candy Clouds what a sweet image. This is a kind stable poem just just daydreaming under the sky happy and content. Such relaxing imagery. Thanks! Tense changes from past to present, and it catches me, but that might be your intent.
I stand silhouetted at the top of barren hill
I would stand..
Speaking of being in the moment of watching the clouds as a storm approaches. Dream of being under the tree, than go to standing on the hill. Thanks for the warm huggee poem.
Random Review link helped me. This was interesting and the misleads to other than what was actually going on are a nice touch. Has a mystery feel, but it more humor. You used the prompt great, I enjoyed and appreciate the small size. I don't see any errors, Thanks!
Not often have a read a poem about the financial side of death. Well expressed I read this a few times. I suspect this is somewhere with taxes, credit people leave when they die for whoever gets that debt, and I also suppose many don't think about this, their funeral costs and that's about it, unless you've dealt with this personally and this poem seems to have.
Conversations as hard as they need to be need to happen with the living before their death gives sleepless night both from grief and the long term debt. No errors, well written, Thank you.
Good old romance that so many feel, the slow burn of years together, the end of the novelty stage and good honest love. I suppose a couple would be so connected they felt as one. Simple, not embellished, made me smile. Thank you and enjoy your day wherever you may be.
I enjoyed this moody poem, and got on board on what is being expressed. That great voice in our heads that trips up the happy voice. A dark cloud looming brining you down like an unexpected rain shower. Keeping to some form was a added touch.
Well done, to the waitress hobbling, not knowing why or even why it mattered to know, to "slurp" his soup. I enjoyed this a lot, as I often avoid short stories cause I lose interest and this didn't disappoint. The image of a small toes in soup was delightful!
I read a story once where yogurt became self aware and took over the world. This held the same type of humor. Well done Thanks!!
A spooky word search, quite hard too. All in the theme of the best time of the year. I enjoyed it, and honestly happy to see more word searches. Thanks and enjoy your day!
Little confused by the title, since the prose expressing imagery of winter, frost, cold temperature, trees free from foliage,ice. Thank goodness spring comes. Cold stark feelings and small and to the point. Thanks!
Your poem was highlighted in Random Review and I couldn't help myself. Contest entry and so sad without saying a lot. Very very sad, I guess I relate more than I like to, but saying hopeless is such a change from most I come along.
Fav!
Happiness is a mirage,
an illusion with no meaning.
No suggestions, it is well edited, but in that simply expression it reaches far. Thanks!!! staiNed
Well thought out prose covering a lot. I agree with the sentiment just being in my flannel, with my cat and a book or anime, as long as we are happy none on the noise matters. We are all the same just trying to get through the one life we have, and if that means some old school, that's no problem. I enjoying this, see no errors. Thanks!
Good afternoon, Adherennium Thanks for the link at that end.
slow paced and wow! quite the imagery. Third line, " in truth she drew "in" a pain filled final breath" parent might be "parents" since mother and father were mentioned. "but" could be omitted. well written. Thank you for sharing and I hope I was helpful as that was my only intent.
So much expressed in a simple non imagine way. Retaining faith despite is powerful to some indeed. I have no suggestions to change or improve on it, and found it interesting. Thank you for sharing and enjoy your day.
I really enjoy a good angry love poem, as most are bruised these days about some wronged relationship, I have a friend though that been married all her life and is so close I worry about them both ageing.
I like that you choose to say love is gone, not beaten away, not a mistake, just gone. Often we don't move or make changes even those that better us till we're forced to in some way. Some reference to religion, heartbreak and finding stable happiness. I know there a syllable count but the fifth line doesn't read right to me, it seems to be two lines not a sentence. Aside this is well edited and presented, Thanks!
Me and my zombies are off, Have a good one. staiNed
Death, indeed. rating might be wrong, suggestive but not for everyone. I like how you made death "the man who eats time" as I guess that is what happens time with people ends with death. A lot of feelings touched in this prose, abortion, suicide, addictions,abuse, regret. I'm not sure if the absence of punctuation is intentional, but I feel if some is used its an all in thing. Perhaps adding stanzas to emphasize the different imagery expressed like this:
Welcome one welcome all
leaves turn orange and turn to fall,
The world and all its lovely trees
quickly start to crack and freeze
cars slip slide and skeet
causing crashes in the street.
Dead meat,dead beat
all of us will die
Some pray to the sky
some look down to the rocks
some drown themselves in drugs and cocks. etc..
Thanks for sharing and I hope I was helpful as that was my only intent. Take care and enjoy the spooky season.
Good day, it's Random Review time and Louis Williams your it.
I had eye of a tiger memes happening badly, and honestly saw the strive forward feelings conveyed in the well edited prose. It's very hard to be positive when things happen beyond our control that seem so harsh, and unwarranted. That struggle is a very human thing. Thank you for sharing and take care.
Good Day Words Whirling 'Round Random Review and gosh! delightful story in a prose form to share the day your got Charlie, why, and the feelings. well done and I really enjoyed as I have my own boy, Milo. Kind soul, getting from a shelter, and honestly expressed. Thanks and again enjoy you day.
I always enjoy these small poem forms that spot on express some wonderful imagery without saying a lot. With winter in our headlights this is so pleasant. Thank you, and great editing, I see no errors.
If this is true, how creepy, I've really seen too many horror movies. Must have been some impact to write later about it. Well told, not a lot of imagery but my mind added some. I too am wondering about the missing fingers. Thank for sharing, and perhaps a little creepy, I enjoyed it! Thanks!
A metaphoric way to describe a dragonfly. Well done. describing as a spiritual experience was a neat touch, and I could get on board of the mystic feelings you were dropping. Well edited and small and enjoyable, Thanks!
Favorite spot,
Gifts which can come only
from this iridescent beauty.
dark, expressive look at technology and how its used. Some big words that aren't common, and erie imagery throughout. It's well done and I see no errors, thanks and enjoy your day. Enjoyable in it grim outlook.
Very suggestive, and quaint. A romantic poem, tells true if romance is one's thing, I myself am not. The thoughts and passion of a special night, the feelings, the rush, it all laid bare in this small, well edited prose, even fancy word usage, "proclivities".
Thank you for sharing, off I go back into my happy dark places. staiNed
Romantic and full of love without being too fluffy. It's great to see feelings for her quirky ways as stated. I see no errors and suggestion only presentation more as a poem, not prose. Thanks! and enjoy your day.
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.19 seconds at 9:53pm on Jun 30, 2025 via server WEBX1.
| (4.5)
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
My review has been submitted for consideration in "
