Anyone who has ever had depression will identify with this. It's well written and deals with a dark subject appropriately. Good luck with your battle against the beast. If yours is like mine you won't be able to kill it, but writing about it helps you understand it and will tame the bugger a little !
Overall this is a good start to your diary, but you need to pay attention to your punctuation as it is really quite off-putting when the text all runs into one like that. Same goes for the spelling 'Cline' for instance, or have you done this on purpose to show it's a young person writing it? I really liked the bit about the stickers flooding her socks, that was a good word picture.
I like the first second and last verses very much. The third verse doesn't fit for me somehow. I think it's because the other verses ask the question 'friend' or foe, but the third verse seems to have decided that the answer is 'foe'. I hope this makes sense. I thought that the image of 'sticks and stones baring their teeth' was particularly strong.
This is very funny. I got a similar reaction from my seven year old grandson when he caught me swatting flies last summer. 'Flies are God's creatures' he told me sternly. 'You mustn't kill them grandad.' He made me feel incredibly guilty.
My eight year old grandson would love this. Anything to do with creepy crawlies. I could see this working well as an illustrated kids book. Phyllis Phillips and Artie McFinnigan are great names. You've obviously got a good imagination, no bad thing for a children's author.
I like the verse. I really, really do like the verse...look at your rating. I'm sorry though, I don't get the decorative bit and I feel really guilty because I know you've worked hard on it. It distracted me from the message. I was trying to look for hidden meanings in the words/letters with similar typeface. If there are any I couldn't find them. If this verse had been written in straight typeface I'd have rated it a five. Sorry, it's just me being thick or old fashioned or something. I did enjoy the verse. I did!
I liked the internal conflicts of the author. There was just enough information to make me want to know more about her. I also liked the way your prologue is apparently going to take us both forwards and backwards in time. Forwards to see what happens next and backwards to see how this strange relationship started.
When I read the first line, 'eerily silent' and 'drone of the police siren' I thought your descriptions were going to be full of cliches, but they weren't. Some of your descriptive narrative is really good in fact. Especialy when you use descriptions that I haven't heard before like...
'all that was left was an empty purse.' The bits that read best are the ones that seem to come from the heart, and as this is semi-autobiographical maybe there should be more. Stuff like the Wild Mouse at the RoyalShow...I bet that's a personal experience?
Overall I enjoyed it. Well done!
This is really good. I especialy like the last four lines. They really struck a chord. The way we ask for the truth when all we really want is a sanitized version of what we want to hear. Everyone tells you they want honest feedback, but when someone tells you your baby is ugly...man it hurts!
I loved this. Absolutely loved it. It just so reminded me of Desiderata which is my favourite piece of writing of all time. I think that the fifth couplet has the word 'at' missing? I tried to spot a weak couplet, but they are all equally powerful. Leave them all in.
wow James, this is great. You'd have moved me to tears if I hadn't been sat in the same room as my wife! This reminded me how much I used to enjoy poetry when I was a kid. Now that I'm 55 and a grandad I appreciate the subtleties in your poem. Keep up the good work.
I always find poetry like this very moving, probably because I start off wondering what prompted the author to write it and then I find myself fitting my own personal life experiences into it.
It's a very sad, but well written little poem which reminds me of the Simon and Garfunkel song 'I am a rock'.
What a simplistic but great way of explaining to a newbie like me how this fantastic site works. There is so much to see and do on the site that it can all seem a bit daunting at first. This short item is really helpful. Thank you. Some similar articles have too many links and just left me feeling confused. This is spot on. Cheers!
I like this poem a lot because of it's optimism.
It scans well and the centered text is pleasing to the eye.
I'm not sure about the 'wave thing' though, mainly because you normally only wave hello to someone you already know.
Hello on it's own is less restrictive. Something that you would say to a total stranger to start a new friendship.
I tried reading the poem again, substituting the words ' a hello' for each phrase 'a wave of hello'.
Sorry if ths sounds picky because the bottom line is it's a great poem. Well done.
I joined writing.com about an hour ago and have since been navigating my way around this amazing site.
This is a really useful article to ensure some consistency with reviewing. A minor criticism of this item, as with the rest of the site, is that there are too many interesting links. I have ended up hopping from one link to another and forgetting where I started. My head is now spinning and I feel as though I have probably already missed some important points.
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