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Review Requests: ON
2,410 Public Reviews Given
2,466 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Minimalist. Focus on technical. I also look at how a work would fit into the traditional publishing landscape. I don't use a template. Warning: I am Australian, and so cultural differences may apply.
Favorite Genres
Most, really.
Least Favorite Genres
Fan-fiction
Favorite Item Types
Short stories and essays.
I will not review...
I will not review porn, fan-fiction or pro-religious/OTT-pro-USA essays. No interactives either, please.
Public Reviews
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Review by S🤦‍♂️ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Anniversary Reviews Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
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An interesting take on the speech from As You Like It, but taking it in a slightly more positive manner. Jacques in the play was bemoaning how life sucked, then you die; this poem looks at each change as a new opportunity. Nice subversion.

Now, I read poetry out loud. The first stanza felt like free form, then the next two lines got into a rhythm, before the next series of stanzas became easier to read as they had a more constant rhythm with rhyming couplets. The last 2 lines then lose the rhyme and rhythm again. Overall, it had some places where it was awkward to read. Sorry.

However, it is still a well thought-out poem. Good luck going forward.


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2
Review of Strays  Open in new Window.
Review by S🤦‍♂️ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Anniversary Reviews Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
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An emotional piece, of members of an estranged family having to come together to live and grow beyond a family tragedy. The characters were well-written, especially Jared. Some of Cass' attitudes did feel a little out of age, but she had been through a lot.

You said it was a "parent's funeral", and this was obviously David, but don't mention what happened to the mother. She should have been at least mentioned.

Some of the backstory was confused. So he chose to stay with the foster family, while David returned to their mother. And David blamed Jared for abandoning him, and yet had enough there to send him a photograph of his daughter. It felt odd.

Technically, one or two little things.

But a strong story, a story of a new beginning. Good luck going forward.


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3
3
Review by S🤦‍♂️ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Anniversary Reviews Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
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Nice little piece of flash fiction. I did sort of guess the ending coming when they stopped to look at their reflections, but that's okay - for most it would have been a bit of a surprise.

I'm not sure what your word count limit was, but at 120-odd words, I reckon you had a few to play with. As such, I would have added something before the line: "I'm glad they make movies like that." The jump felt a little awkward.

Otherwise, a good piece of flash! Good luck going forward.


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4
Review of Zipper Drive  Open in new Window.
Review by S🤦‍♂️ Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
This came up on 'Read & Review.'

This reads almost like the sort of short story used to explain a greater concept in a longer work. The tale of an initial trans-stellar journey at vast speed works as one of humans pushing the envelope. Some interestingly developed science there, using the vacuum to drag the ship through a created fissure.

Now...

I don't think we needed the year at the start. "The stars had never felt closer." works. The year sets it as a determinate, and that feels awkward.

"The field behind them showed no disturbance; the parting would only become invisible once the zipper closed." This indicates that the field is already invisible, not that it would become invisible. This sentence confused me in the way it was written.

I assume they going to Proxima Centauri (makes sense - red star, closest to Earth) so why mention Proxima B, a planet? It only confuses issues for the reader, especially one who may not have a basic astronomical understanding.

So, a couple of little things. Technically, it was very clean.

So, a fine tale. Good luck going forward.


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5
5
Review by S🤦‍♂️ Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Saw this on review request.

An interesting poem about memories of love lost or love past. I do understand the need to use the words bolded, but I do not get why the walls of the mind would be alabaster; that did not really make sense.

Now, I read poetry out loud, and the second line was too long and drew the breath of the reader out, hastening the speed too much. Maybe cut it somewhere? Otherwise, it was an easy read.

So, nice job; good luck going forward.


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Review of The Moment  Open in new Window.
Review by S🤦‍♂️ Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
This came up on 'Read & Review.'

Short, sharp and shiny, not overstaying its welcome, and yet with a surprising amount to say. It something too many of us - myself included - struggle to do: just live for the "moment", as you say.

I read poetry out loud, and this was simple to read, going slowly and emphasising the second line. On that = stanza 2, should the about be in the first line like the other 2 stanzas? Reading it out loud, it felt more logical to read it that way.

So, nice job, and good luck going forward.


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Review of Challenging Week  Open in new Window.
Review by S🤦‍♂️ Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
This came up on 'Read & Review.'

What a pleasant little meet-cute. The girl leaving her bag behind and not even realising it until it is brought to her could have been my boss.

The story went along nicely, with the girl's distraction caused by her lifestyle made clear without being dumped on the reader. My only issue with it is how comfortable John made himself at home with her just dropping a bag off. Good show or not, it felt like an intrusion and she went along with it.

Then the ending with her already busy life being made busier made me smile.

Good job and good luck going forward.


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Review of First Snow  Open in new Window.
Review by S🤦‍♂️ Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
This came up on 'Read and Review.'

This is not something I can relate to. Not just snow, but cold at Christmas. However, you have, in so few lines, made it seem like something I should experience.

I can see no way to improve it; just a charming little poem. Good luck going forward.


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Review by S🤦‍♂️ Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
So, this is the second tale of the situation.

Many of the things I said in my review of the first piece still hold here. The story beats, the characters, the need for a thorough edit (this time you also mixed up a you're/your) are all the same. However, in this case, Maureen does not need to be there; however, we still need more conflict.

However, this story does have two added complications.

First, April's parents. The turn from kind to strict was sudden and was not even hinted at in the first interactions between April and them. In much the same way Ken's mother came across as uncaring, these came across as almost mood-swinging. More consistency in character would help, especially with them admitting they were wrong at the end. And, like last time, that comes too much out of nowhere, especially after how adamant they were. Slow build-up could have worked. This is where this story's conflict should have been built. April vs parents. A lot more.

Second is the Bechdel test. This fails it. The only thing April talks about, thinks about, anything is Ken. It is very different when representing female characters compared to male; April and Roberta needed to talk about things other than Ken and Dave. They didn't. This needs other interactions between them that do not involve boys in any way, shape or form. And, no, the algebra test and how April did at school don't count because April makes a point of saying it is to avoid talking about boys.

To be honest, I preferred the Ken version, but this is about on a par. The Bechdel test is where the half a star drop comes from.

And again, I hope this is what you wanted. Like I said, cut-paste much of what I said from the first review here.

Good luck going forward.


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10
10
Review by S🤦‍♂️ Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
As requested, I have read the first story in the duo of tales. I'll do the next one tomorrow for you.

Yes, you are correct, it is a cliche-ridden story, but for the audience, that is exactly what is expected. I will say here that in my country this would be considered Middle Grade; Young Adult involves characters aged 16 (or 17) and older (generally) here. I do know this is a cultural difference, but it is something that makes it awkward for me with the audience. This is a story, when I was a teacher, I would have given to 11-13 year olds in our system.

Technically, there were a few missing commas, quotation marks, etc. and a couple of times where capital letters were misused. Just a bit of editing; otherwise, for a longer tale, it was clean.

Story-wise, the set-up was perfect. The reader would have thought Maureen was the one who was going to end up being the partner, but then April steps in. The conflict with the parents is nicely set up with talk of little brothers and not being allowed to stay over. I also like the way you used play terms for the little chapters (though I would have bolded them or underlined them to make them stand out).

Now...

The section where the kids talk about younger siblings felt rather forced, not natural. I get it is trying to make them relatable and so the reader can see something of themselves in them, but the conversation did not feel natural.

Ken's mother felt like she was making fun of him. If that was what you were after, fine, but it did feel like a mocking parent. I think the fact she is comfortable enough to go to his room means she should have been a little more supportive, especially having not got it right with the previous child.

Maureen disappears. I think she should be more of a menacing threat in the background. This is just a suggestion, but it is obvious by the interaction with the lighting guy that people are noticing how good the dancing is. Once it is spread around - and it's a school, it will be spread - that April has rejected Ken, I would almost expect Maureen to make a move to be seen to be dancing with someone who has now proved themself. It adds an extra layer of conflict, and the reader won't want to see Ken go with her.

The ending, I think, rings a little hollow and too convenient. The parents accepting a boyfriend/ girlfriend scenario just like that feels out of place. I get Mrs Jenkins had something to do with it, but it really does come out of nowhere; here, a teacher would not dare try to foster relationships between students, so it did not ring true. If anything goes wrong, the teacher can be blamed. To me, I think there should have been more tension. Maybe the parents go to every performance and soften over the three shows, and the interaction happens after the final show? If Ken's mother is to be sympathetic, should she have been involved as well? It felt that way.

And "I love you" feels very wrong coming from younger teens. But that could be me.

Now, this sounds negative, but I don't mean it to be. There is a strong meet-cute story here. The characters are not the smartest, not jocks, not the best-looking, just regular kids who happen to dance well together. That makes them ideal for that MG age group. I just think some of the story beats could be beefed up a little.

Anyway, I hope that is what you were after. I don't feel like I am often the right person to be review requested, but I liked the story enough to accept.

Good luck going forward.


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Review of Sea food  Open in new Window.
Review by S🤦‍♂️ Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
This came up on 'Read & Review.'

Fun little poem. Not wanting to eat fish because of the familial ties is a cool concept and one you have delivered well in this brief little poem.

Just a fun piece of writing, really. Nice job.

Good luck going forward.


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Review by S🤦‍♂️ Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
This came up on 'Read & Review.'

One more word, and it's a drabble! Getting a whole story into so few words is always difficult, and you made me laugh as well, which is always good. Asking for a volcano but not stating it should be dormant... funny.

Technically clean and just a fun little tale.

Good luck going forward.


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13
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Review by S🤦‍♂️ Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
This came up on 'Read & Review.'

What a fun re-write of the Dr Seuss work. It was short enough to not outstay its welcome, it didn't really rehash the story-beats of the original, and yet the character of the Grinch was as he was at the start of the original. Yes, we need to ignore that his heart had grown three sizes, but maybe he was just having a Grinch of a day.

Good rhythm, no forced rhymes and technically clean. And it did a reasonably good job of mirroring the style of Dr Seuss.

Just a fun little tale in rhyme. Good luck going forward.


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Review of Back To School  Open in new Window.
Review by S🤦‍♂️ Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
This came up on 'Read A Newbie.'

The story itself was an interesting one, telling the back story from the PoV of a man who made too many mistakes and struggled under the weight of them. The set-up to the final denouement was going well. We had the school, the memories, the times when things were good, the disappointment of his family, the changes wrought by prison time.

But the ending felt like a let-down. While the build-up was tell as opposed to show because it was back story, you just told us at the end what he had done to Simon and Sara. There was no tension, and definitely no sense of horror. It was just told.

The final two paragraphs should have been complete show, utilising the memories already spoken of, the five main senses, the details of what had happened, and, in my opinion, should have been extended right out. This was begging for a show ending, but it was just there. Emotionless. Horror is an emotional genre.

Sorry.

Good luck going forward.


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15
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Review of A Golf Hazard  Open in new Window.
Review by S🤦‍♂️ Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
This came up on 'Read & Review.'

I do like a good rhyming poem that tells a comedy story - around half of my publish poems follow that path - and this one about golf is one that I reckon most people could see. I knew where it was going, but still smiled; the use of the rhyming does add to the tale.

No forced rhyme and a strong 5/6/5/6 syllable count make it technically very clean.

Good work, and good luck going forward.


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16
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Review by S🤦‍♂️ Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is an interesting little personal reflection.

I am guessing you are from the USA because you say your choice would be mocked. Where I live, being an atheist is just what most of the population do.

I think I would have liked to have seen more of that change in perspective. You said you realised you won, that you finally defeated the negativity being thrust your way. What was the final tipping point? This is a fascinating look at you arriving at the decision you have, but I personally feel that little detail was missing.

Still, I do understand in some cultures this can be a tough admission, so I applaud you for being so honest and open in a space where you could face backlash.

Good luck going forward.


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Review of 3i Atlas  Open in new Window.
Review by S🤦‍♂️ Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Saw this on Newsfeed.

Fun little take on the tale. While not the first I've come across with this premise, it is definitely the first where it is a cold call about insurance! Intergalactic cold calls - nice take.

Technically, a few missing commas, but I am nothing if not pedantic...

So, a fun tale, and thanks for sharing. Good luck going forward.


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Review by S🤦‍♂️ Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | N/A (Review only item.)
I risked it.

That was a truly groan-worthy pun. This felt more a study of the mother than Jimmy, to be honest; she might have been on the periphery, but there was more subtle condemnation of her than anything else.

Then the happy ending so we could have that pun in the last line.

It's a Christmas tale; the ending had to be happy, I guess.

One typo: "He didn’t deserve it, she’d sad." sad-> said?

So, a good little tale for the time of year.

Good luck going forward.


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Review by S🤦‍♂️ Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This came up on 'Read & Review.'

While it is an older article, I think the main thrust of your arguments here are needed now more than ever. People read something on Facebook and believe it without doing their due diligence of research.

What I like most about your article was you going through the steps you took to look at the veracity of the article. Not only finding alternatives, but looking at the source of the assertions. You examined alternate reasoning and then looked at other articles by VC. It is something I think more and more should do.

The fact you showed your steps is so much better than just stating VC was wrong.

Really strong, and the sort of thing that has become, unfortunately, timeless.


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Review of Rave  Open in new Window.
Review by S🤦‍♂️ Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Saw this in The Bradbury.

A sweet little tale of the worrying mother and the child exceeding expectations. We went through something similar with my son, so I can relate all too well. The thoughts of the worst happening ring all too true and the ending where the child has made a sensible choice made me nod in appreciation.

Technically, one nitpick: "She blinked at me," does not need a comma, but a full stop, as blinked is not a dialogue tag. That's it. (Yes, I am pedantic.)

Still, good story. Well done and good luck going forward.


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Review by S🤦‍♂️ Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
This came up on 'Read & Review.'

As someone with no tattoos (and at one workplace, I was literally the only one, male or female, who was a "cleanskin"), I can see where you are coming from here.

As a discussion on tattoos, I feel it is a little short. For example, why have tattoos become more acceptable? Your cons are glossed over as questions. The pros leaves out things like a sense of belonging and a means of self-identification. At 322 words, it could easily have cracked triple that with some more in-depth examination.

And it did not really have a conclusion, which things like this need to tie it all up.

Still, good start and good luck going forward.


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Review of Gray  Open in new Window.
Review by S🤦‍♂️ Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
This came up on 'Read & Review.'

An interesting tale of two youngsters doing something not good, and the consequences later on (as implied). Gray definitely comes across as the instigator, so that is well done, and the ending section just gives us enough to understand what is going on.

Now, the opening para has "his shorter, younger teen." Should this be friend? Teen does not work here at all. And then a little later, "How do you know... something." stands out because it is separated from the speakers, so it makes no sense as to who it is implied is saying the phrase.

So a good little piece of flash, just could do with a little tightening. Good luck going forward.


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Review of A fish story  Open in new Window.
Review by S🤦‍♂️ Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
This came up on 'Read & Review.' And, yes, I know it is quite and old piece, but it just tickled my fancy.

The idea of the youngest "annoying" sibling outdoing the rest, and the words being used not being normal ones is the sort of subversion that is subtle and harms no-one in the story, and just brings a smile to my face.

Technically, very clean.

This was a fun piece of flash fiction. Good job and good luck going forward.


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Review of Query Letter  Open in new Window.
Review by S🤦‍♂️ Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
This came up on Read A Newbie.

As far as a query letter goes, all this does is tell the agent about the story. While that is important, there should also be something about you in there. Previous writing credits are vital to getting an agent (or to even get traditionally published), and if you have none, then your previous writing experience - school newsletters, online, etc. In today's market, they also want all your social media details. Many agents also like to have a third person biography of around 50 words, the sort that would appear in a magazine if you were published in one. Some also like to know if you have other works written or if you are working on anything else, but that is individual to the agent you are submitting to.

It is fine that you did not include an entire summary or synopsis of events, as that is a separate document they look for. What you are trying to do here is capture the agent's attention. The final sentence where you just repeat what the story is is unnecessary. It feels like padding.

I will also say that 40k words, while technically a novel, is a hard sell in today's market. I have had 1 novel sold of that length (to Grinning Skull Press), but the rest of my novels have been much longer.

Technically, it is fine, although it does not read smoothly, but format wise, I would either indent the paragraphs or add an extra line between them.

Anyway, I hope this review helps. Good luck going forward.


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25
25
for entry "Was That So hard?" Open in new Window.
Review by S🤦‍♂️ Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Nice little drabble here! Glad to see you are still using the format to write some fun stories.

And I did not see what he was going to say coming, so you surprised me, but I should have.

Brought a smile to my face.

Technically, one little thing: full stop after sarcastically, not comma, as "grinned" is not a dialogue tag. Yes, pedantic. I know.

Still, fun tale. Nice work and good luck going forward.


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