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Review Requests: ON
1,638 Public Reviews Given
1,686 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Minimalist. Focus on technical. I also look at how a work would fit into the traditional publishing landscape. I don't use a template. Warning: I am Australian, and so cultural differences may apply.
Favorite Genres
Most, really.
Least Favorite Genres
Fan-fiction
Favorite Item Types
Short stories and essays.
I will not review...
I will not review porn, fan-fiction or pro-religious/OTT-pro-USA essays. No interactives either, please.
Public Reviews
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Review of The Keepsake  Open in new Window.
Review by S 🤦 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


This was a really strong little bit of fantasy, telling a story of hope in the flash fiction format. It is always difficult to get emotion and story into flash, and you have managed to succeed in both of these. Your descriptions are just the right length, and technically it was very clean.

There is not much more to say. I have nothing to offer in the way of suggestions; this was just a great piece of fantasy flash fiction.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
2
2
Review of The Red Centre  Open in new Window.
Review by S 🤦 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
This is what I expected for a story. Some nice creature horror here, including the final death scene - great use of description there - and the use of the sound of the 'roo. I like the slow build up, the "everything is normal" vibe getting steadily worse until the attack.

Technically, there are some issues with direct speech, and you used 'unto' instead of 'into.' Just needs a bit of an edit.

Storywise, it worked really well.

Great tale; good luck going forward.


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3
3
Review of THIRST  Open in new Window.
Review by S 🤦 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
That was a story I was not expecting.

There was a bit of tell - as is normal in flash fiction - but then the end came and the mother's instincts kicked in and it became a tense tale of survival.

I guess, story-wise, it did feel like Nikki managed to outrun the bioroo a couple of times, and the tail weapon did not seem to be utilised, but otherwise it was strong. And technically, very clean.

A strong concept for this topic. Well done, and good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
4
4
Review of The Bradbury  Open in new Window.
Review by S 🤦 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


I was going to wait a few more weeks to do this review, but anniversary review time... so here I am!

The concept of this activity is excellent - one short story a week for a year. With no minimum word count, this is something that writers of fiction should be able to do with ease.

Three things, though, make it especially appealing:
1) it is an activity, not a contest;
2) the ability to use things written for other activities on WdC here; &
3) the ability to catch up.

So far, my entries have all come from activities here at WdC, and I hope that keeps up; it is probably the best way for you to make sure we are writing new things this year. I appreciate the tick off squares, though am wondering how easy it will be to keep track once we are well past 10 of them.

I think my only issue is that rules do feel rather lengthy, but I am guessing you have had so many try to find loopholes or put forward items that are not stories that you have to spell everything out.

But, for an activity, this is a great concept.

Thanks for giving us this opportunity!
5
5
Review by S 🤦 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
This came up on 'Read & Review' so here I am.

This struck a chord with me. Until we were in our early 40s, we used to have an annual bonfire, at the end of winter, say early September, before fire bans kicked in. Huge one on a property in the Hills. Phones didn't come out; we just sat around and talked and shared ourselves with one another.

You have portrayed that experience so well in this brief piece. You haven't over-stated it, or drawn it out - this is how it is.

I think if I was to offer suggestions, it would be to include the senses in this - the smells, tastes, physical sensations, as well as sounds and sights - to really take the reader there.

Still, a really good little article. Well done and good luck going forward.


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6
6
Review of Water Works  Open in new Window.
Review by S 🤦 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
This came up on 'Read & Review' so here I am.

An interesting look at the mind of a worker, this poem is an example of using poetry as a self-meditation, and kudos for that.

Now, I read poetry out loud, and this poem was difficult to get into. The inconsistent rhyming structure threw me as I want to get into a rhythm that wasn't there. At times, the rhyme scheme just disappeared. And that meant some forced lines used to maintain a rhyme really stuck out. If it was free form and just stream of consciousness, it would have worked better, and then the different line lengths also would not have mattered.

I found the form of this poem awkward to say and get my head around. Sorry.

Still, strong topic. Good luck going forward.


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7
7
Review by S 🤦 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
This came up on 'Read & Review', and it struck me. Though the piece is nearly 20 years old (yes, I know...) I think it still holds true today.

My kids, fortunately, love hearing about the 1980s, my teenaged years, and my son seems to prefer a lot of the things from that time period.

This sets out the sort of thing an older person would say to a younger one, but there is very little recrimination. It is almost said/written with a sense of melancholy, and, again, that is something I can relate to.

Technically, I found nothing amiss, and as for content - it struck too many chords with me.

This is a fine "in my day" piece, and one well worth looking back on now.

Good luck going forward.


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8
8
Review by S 🤦 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
This came up on 'Read & Review', so here I am!

A story about counting blessings even in what feels like the most difficult of times. A story with a message that didn't beat the reader over the head with it.

It was more tell than show, but that did make it feel like a story from Chicken Soup For The Soul or Reader's Digest, which would be the sort of market for this sort of piece. However, there was very little emotion in it, and I think an injection of some of that would make the piece hit harder.

Technically, a few places need looking at around direct speech, and a few commas and hyphens were missing, but a good edit will clean it up.

So, a story with a strong message that has potential, I feel, to be even better and maybe sellable.

Good luck going forward.


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9
Review of The Red Goddess  Open in new Window.
Review by S 🤦 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
This came up on 'Read & Review' so here I am.

This brief poem reads like the opening verse of a country song, probably Bro Country. And I don't say that to be negative - it works and in my head I heard it in a southern USA accent. And I read poetry out loud, and this one begged to be sung, especially with the lack of a solid rhythm throughout.

I guess I have one question. "Don't mind the sweat love..." Why would the love of sweat mean anything? The thought of loving sweat did draw me out of the poem. As such, maybe look at punctuation, as you have punctuated the end of each line.

Still, fine poem/ song. Well done and good luck going forward.


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10
10
Review of Wavewatcher  Open in new Window.
Review by S 🤦 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
This was quite a good descriptive poem about waves coming from the sea onto the shore. Some strong imagery - this couplet was really nice: "A splash, a haze, lifting from the surface,/ Disappeared without a second thought or trace." - and it all makes sense.

My issue is that I say poems out loud, and the inconsistent rhyme threw me. It starts without a rhyme, then it has some couplets, some of the rhymes very forced (surface/trace), and then some lines without rhyming. I think if this had been a straight forward free verse poem, it would have helped it as an actual poetic form.

Still, some very good word work here. Good luck going forward.


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11
11
Review by S 🤦 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This came up on 'Read & Review'. I know it's old, but it intrigued me.

I am a sucker for jack and Whitechapel, and your poem captured some of that unease that lasted long after the last death occurred.

The rhymes were natural, and I read poetry out loud and this worked as an oral piece as well.

Thank you also for explaining the poetic style used. Little things like that do help novices like me.

This was a strong poem. Thanks for sharing and good luck going forward.


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12
12
Review of Valhalla  Open in new Window.
Review by S 🤦 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


This was an interesting look at facing one's death with calm detachment, much as the Northmen of yore would have done. There is almost a yearning for the next life in the words, which is an interesting way to take this in.

However, the mixture of religions does not quite work. If you had listed a series of the heroic afterlives - Elysian Fields, Duat, the Summer Isle, etc. - as well as some more from fiction - The Creator Zone, into the Force, etc. - then it would have been more inclusive.

As it is, because of the last word, I would have stuck with the Klingon and focused on that culture, so it felt more tied together.

I did like this poem, I just felt it could have been tighter. Good luck going forward.
13
13
Review by S 🤦 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


It is often said that the best way of diffusing a negative situation is through the use of humour. I still use it with my kids and they are young adults. It was something I learnt from a sports coach many years ago.

These brief vignettes showing how you and yours use humour is well done. It shows not only an understanding family, but quick wit (which my own son is devastating at).

The thing I would look at is the technical side of this. There are many mistakes in grammar, punctuation, paragraphing, syntax, et al. that sometimes the meaning was lost. Some solid editing would help a reader get more of a handle on the brief tales being told. It's a shame, because this was a fun read otherwise.

Good luck going forward.


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14
14
Review by S 🤦 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


This is a poignant tale, one that is sad, but also has elements of hope and love.

To start, after my separation from my ex, I went through not seeing mt kids, but it was the stories I wrote them that helped keep our relationship strong, so I also know the power of words in that situation.

A few missing commas was the only technical issue, so quite clean.

Now, my biggest issue, I guess, is that this felt like all tell and very little show. We didn't really get to feel the separation, the sadness, the loneliness that Elise felt when she became ill. As it was, it almost read like the outline for a much longer work. It really did lack the emotion this sort of story could have exploited so well.

There is a strong story in here, I feel it could do with fleshing out.

Good luck going forward.


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15
15
Review by S 🤦 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


I was attracted to this by the hook of it being steampunk, a genre I quite enjoy.

Technically, your writing is very clean. I saw no mistakes. Always enjoy that.

The story was an interesting one, but in Western culture, a short story has a conflict, and this did not have that. Someone invented a pump and... that was it. More than that, it was all tell and no show. This was just something that happened. It does not even read as an outline because there were no stakes.

The imagination and the idea are there, the writing ability is there, but it lacked the body that engages a reader.

Good luck going forward.


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Review of Lucid Dreams  Open in new Window.
Review by S 🤦 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


A brief poem, so a brief review for your anniversary.

As one who has a lot of lucid dreams, the title really drew me in.

This is the best line: "Brings song to the mute and colour to the blind", and the metaphor of the Fae being involved certainly feels that way when experiencing one.

However, the rest just felt a little flat, not really touching what makes a lucid dream so incredible.

Now, I read poetry out loud, and this was an easy read, so well done there. Not sure about putting each line inside single quotation marks, though.

But, in the end, a decent little poem. Good luck going forward.


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17
Review of RELIGION  Open in new Window.
Review by S 🤦 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (1.0)
While this is informative, yes, it is plagiarism. You have simply copy-pasted the Wikipedia article on religion here. You have even left in the footnotes references, but not included the footnotes.

This is a rather contentious Wikipedia article, and has been temporarily stopped from being edited because of the information included.

However, the simple fact of the matter is you have included someone else's work here without reference to them, and included their mistakes and their technical writing errors. While I do understand there is technically nothing I can do about it, the fact is, this is not your work, you have put it here as if it is your work, and so this is plagiarism.

Rewrite it in your own words at least!


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18
18
Review by S 🤦 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


I cannot tell how much of this is truth or fiction, but you have definitely captured the sense of a person in a situation that they find unpleasant, and yet sell it short to their own minds. "It's only this," they say, because otherwise they have to admit a greater harm being done.

The way you have written this with diminished personal acknowledgement is very realistic.

Technically, there are a number of sentences here that need work, looking at structure, missing words, run-on sections, punctuation, etc. - too many to list here. It does need a thorough edit to clarify what was/is meant here.

Still, the emotion and basis are strong.

Good luck going forward.


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19
19
Review by S 🤦 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


This sad and yet also almost hopeful story is something I have tried myself, but the use of the squirrel couple to jolt the memories was a nice choice here, giving a sense of reality to a memory.

Technically, very clean and very strong. Emotionally, you managed to pack a punch. I liked that you didn't linger on the pill scene; you didn't have to - you had the acorns.

This was well-written and a strong piece with a great metaphor at its core.

Really well done. Good luck going forward.


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20
20
Review by S 🤦 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


This is an honest and open look at an addiction that many writers can well relate to - that of dreaming, of living in our own heads, searching for the next dream we can latch onto.

It was a fun, albeit brief, look at the concept.

Technically, it was fine. However, your labeling is not right. This is not a short story. It might be a prose poem, or an article or a piece of prose (at a pinch), but this is not a short story. Labeling correctly will help get the readers who will appreciate it.

Apart from that and its brevity, this was a decent Little piece. Good luck going forward.


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Review of "He Lies"  Open in new Window.
Review by S 🤦 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


An interesting article, looking back on a long history of presidential liars. As someone who is not USian (or even has ever visited the USA), I have to say it is rare for people to be so forthright and forthcoming about the failings of their presidents. The media we get paints most of them (not all) as above reproach.

As an article it was well set out and made sense to read (I had not heard of Polk's lies before). I did like the way you finished with an honest man - Carter is actually looked at fondly here, moreso than the two before and two after him, that's for sure! My only two little nitpicks are the repeat of Reagan's excuse for lying (you quoted it twice), and the lack of a strong conclusion. It just sort of ended.

Still, a strong article. Nicely done and good luck going forward.


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22
Review of Creeping  Open in new Window.
Review by S 🤦 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


Having looked through a bit of your portfolio, it seems this might be about the pangs of addiction resurfacing. While that is not clear from the reading, that's fine - that makes this poem all the more personal.

I was also intrigued by some of the simplistic rhymes, but, again, considering the nature of the poem, that makes sense. In the fac of something so powerful, there is a child-like quality to our thought processes. If this was a deliberate choice, well done; if it just felt right, then also well done for trusting the process.

I read poetry out loud, and this had an easy meter and rhythm to get into.

Thank you for sharing something so personal with us. And good luck going forward.


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23
23
Review of BEING OLD  Open in new Window.
Review by S 🤦 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


This is one of those poems that I think speaks to too many. I definitely related to most of the sentiments here, and am sure that as I continue to age, the rest will make sense to me as well.

What I liked was that it feels like you are being specific, and yet you aren't, you are encapsulating some near-universal things so many go through by making them feel personal. That is some true mastery of language there.

I guess my only nit-pick is that I read poetry out loud, and I struggled to get a handle on this as an oral piece. That's it.

So, really well done and good luck going forward!


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24
24
Review of Christmas Curse  Open in new Window.
Review by S 🤦 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Even if the elf’s anger was justified, you have certainly fulfilled the prompt well. You have a nice descriptive flair here, utilising most of the senses well (although there could have been more done with the stabbing in the thigh) and painting a nice and vivid picture of a rampaging elf.

You build the tension well and keep the reader engaged with each escalation of what turns into a battle. The final ending of the elf also felt like it made sense in context; there was nothing that didn’t follow or wasn’t foreshadowed.

Technically, the things I have are really nit-picky – the use of italics and some of the punctuation of direct speech. Really technical, and I am not sure that even some publishers would care that much. But I am nothing if not pedantic.

Still, you have delivered a fine story for the contest. Good luck going forward.


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25
25
Review of Insidious  Open in new Window.
Review by S 🤦 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Interesting little tale here. You certainly hit the prompt well – Jack frost was definitely the antagonist – and someone with cold abilities working in the virus field does make sense, as cold slows growth rates in the majority of smaller entities.

You also managed to get all the senses involved and really increased that sense of horror. It did feel rushed as times (and Eliza’s cry of Eric trying to eat her brains felt like a parody comment), but it was still a decent (if not standard) zombie tale.

Technically, it was quite clean, so well done there!

Story-wise, it was good with one little exception. Jack Frost was an amazing utiliser of the ice magic, and yet he couldn’t hit one dog? If it was a hoar wolf, sure – they’re immune to cold and ice. But a regular dog? What was wrong with him? I can accept Santa dodging it because he knows Jack well, but Laddie? It felt convenient.

Apart from that one nit-pick, this was a fine story. Good luck going forward.


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