First off, domo go-shinetsu ni for your congrats and comments for "Trailer".(That's about the extent of my Japanese, recalled from a girl I dated from Osaka many years ago, lol).
Nice piece here, Kot, always enjoy your stuff. I've always wanted to visit Japan but can never seem to squeeze a trip in.
I especially like your use of imagery. One thing I would be careful of though is overusing the adverbs, the dreaded "lys". I'm guilty of this in my own work and have to be especially vigilant. You're great with description, let your writing speak without the weak adverbs. Example would be "She quickly and noisily eats her breakfast and picks up her lunch,".
How bout something like "She grabbed her lunch and rushed out the door, crumbs trailing behind from the toast she had swallowed in two massive bites". or something to that effect. It's the old "show, don't tell" rule. I believe you have a great deal of talent, don't cover it up!!
Nice work and keep writing.
Thanks again,
Stosh
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/stoshman
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.06 seconds at 3:30am on Nov 24, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
