What a nice story.
The descriptions in this paragraph are awesome. I can picture this in my head. (A blossom of hot breath floated across the upstairs orphanage window as a small pale finger etched a holiday scene across the glass. Intense blue eyes focused on the snow that lay thick upon the yard, and he imagined he was looking at himself outside: playing, making a snowman--his skinny chest rose and fell in a frustrated sigh. He wiped the fog-markings from the glass—thin lips pinched together in a tearful pout. A car drove by, kicking up slush and splashing dirty snow across the six-foot wrought-iron fence that surrounded the dilapidated old orphanage.)
I would love to see more of yur work
Wow, I couldn't have said it better. I too have been in the spot where I wanted to say things but didn't and later regretted it. Although sometimes I think it is a good thing I didn't say anything. I have lived under the poverty limit most of my life. For a little while I was able to make money and pay my bills with a little left over. but now I am again in a position due to my health (I have to use a wheelchair) that I can't work as much as I need to. I still however find not only are there times and ways I can help others; I often find people who have much less than me. I am always pleased to say my life is blessed.
Thank you for your article. It is an excellent piece.
I think this is a great idea. I don't know if this is where I should put my letter but hopefully if not you will let me know. You can use my letter for anything that you think will help our soldiers.
My submission
Dear Friend,
How hard it must be to be away from home at this time of year. Everywhere one looks there are reminders of the holidays. A picture of a family shopping for Christmas presents, Christmas decorations, Christmas carols all remind of of the family we wish we were with.
Any time we are away at this time of year brings those bittersweet memories to mind. That one Christmas where things almost went perfectly suddenly represents the time we are missing this year.
I know for you it must seem hard. No one would purposely choose to be away from their family when there are Holidays. Even if your family is small or only consists of friends not relatives we all want to be home for the Holidays.
Songs herald how perfect home is. Christmas cards show families gathered around the tree. When we are away at this time of year it seems somehow more lonely than a regular day.
So now that I have reminded you once again that you are not home for the holidays what do I have to say that can help you? I am not sure, but I will try to send a little cheer and hope your way.
I don't want to write the same old thing that everyone says. The sentences about because you are there we can live free. I think you already know that. If not we are not doing our part because evry American should say than you to the soldiers who risk their lives for our freedom. But instead of that I thought I would reflect on the first Chistmas.
On that first Christmas Joseph and Mary were not home for the Holiday. The government had demanded that every Jewish person should travel to register for taxes. Mary was unwed and probably in a turmoil over her condition. Her fiance, Joseph, was a gentle man and didn't wish to bring shame on Mary even though he knew the child, that would soon be born, was not his. So they traveled as a couple to register. But when they arrived they found the town was full of people from out of town. Maybe Mary and Joseph got a late start, maybe they didn't want to seek out relatives since Mary was obviously pregnant and they were not married, maybe they had to stop frequently because of Mary's condition. Whatever the reason, they couldn't find a place to stay. Mary was a virgin. She had probably been around other women when they had children; but she had never had one herself. She must have realized the baby would be there soon but she may not have known how soon. So here they are in a strange town with no family and no one who really cares about them. Joseph must have done some fancy talking. I can just about hear how it went. “See that young girl out there on my donkey. She is about to give birth. How can you say you don't have any rooms. Any thing will do. All she needs is a clean warm place to lay her head. I can sleep outside. We don't even need a bed. She can sleep on a pallet. Please don't make me go back there and tell her there is no place for her.”
The inn keeper was probably an older man with a family. He most likely had been around when his wife gave birth to their children. Joseph may have looked a little frantic. Maybe he was even touched by Mary's innocent beauty. Whatever the reason the stable sprung to mind. It wasn't elegant. There were either animals in it or nearby. But it was warm, they could sweep out the floor and it would be shelter for the night. Maybe the next morning this poor couple could find something better. So he offered what he had.
Can't you see Joseph walking back to Mary. In his mind he must have been thinking, “A stable, what kind of place is that? A stable, how am I going to tell her that is all I can find? What kind of man am I that can't provide better than that?” Then when he gets close to Mary he makes himself smile. “Hey, we are in luck they have a room-well it's really a stable-but at least it will be shelter for the night. We will be safe and warm.”
Mary could have scolded and whined. She could have said “Is that the best you can do a stable? I don't think so. Go right back up there and demand that we have better.” But I don't think she did. I think she looked at Joseph with love in her eyes and told him that he was a great guy. Maybe she was already having labor pains and knew the baby would be there soon. Maybe she didn't know what labor pains felt like but thought that anything would be better than another minute on that donkey. Whatever happened between them we know that sometime during the night her baby was born. And from this night the world received a leader. And now thousands of years later we still celebrate his birth.
This story helps me to focus on how little they had and how great it worked out. There are many people in our world who don't get to be with their families on Christmas day. There are some who are not home by choice and some who can't go home for other reasons. There are nurses who have to work all the Holidays, there are firefighters, ambulance drivers, policemen and women and soldiers. There are people in prisons, there are people in hospitals and nursing homes.
Until I retired, I worked as a nurse. I seldom got to be home with my family for any Holiday. I missed birthdays, awards and Holidays all because I couldn't get the day off. So in a small way I understand what it is like to be away from home. To be unable to see the person you most care about. I know how hard it is to find anything to be joyful, when all around you people are unhappy because they are not home either.
So when I am in that situation I try to find someone I can do something for, just like the inn keeper. Maybe there isn't much I can do. Maybe I don't even have a stable. Maybe all I can offer is a smile and a prayer. I hope it helps that lonely person. I know it helps me because I feel the loneliness lifting just a little bit.
I hope your Holiday is filled with peace. I will pray for you every day, starting on the week before Christmas until New Years day. I will ask that the Lord send you peace to fill your heart, warmth to sooth your spirit and blessings for your family to help you feel less lonely.
I saw a few little errors, easily fixed.
I am from the shadows[could use a comma here]
the light[another comma here]
whose glowing eyes I remember[period]
There's something deeper than affects the now.[did you mean that instead of than?]
I liked your poem. I don't know a lot about the form poetry should be writen in but I think it should tell a story and your poem does. Every couplet (is that the right word) paints word pictures. I especially like the one below.
In your memories I carry my tears of sorrow
I ache for an eternity with you
Come back, my dearest
Can't you just feel the heart full of tears still aching. Nice job
I liked the thought expressed in this poem. There are many with regrets who just don't do anything about it. Our lives are not over till they are over to paraphrase.
One criticism
That there whole life has been spent, The ther should be their.
your mad now - Should be you're mad now. I like the concept sometimes when people write poetry they get hung up on the stanza and forget the thought. Good job
Very nice. Reflects how the start of a relationship feels. I am not a good poetry critic since I don't know exactely how the rythm is supposed to flow but I like the thoughts and enjoyed the read.
wow I didn't see that coming. Nice job. I don't know a lot about poetry but the sory told was very interesing and the end was a surprise. did you plan for it to end that way or did it surprise you too.
I just want you to know I never give 5's. This is only the second I have given and the other was for poetry. I enjoyed reading your work. It was inspiring and thought provoking. I feel that somehow you gave me just a little glimpse into your soul. Mental illness is so poorly understood.
I feel totally inadequate to actually review your work. It was so spellbinding I read it through without looking for errors or syntax but that is the purpose isn't it. Therefore the errors that were there will not be seen by me.
Bravo it was a great job. I will look forward to reading more.
Good use of words for mental images. In the sentence"When the once cold and potent realizations are forsaken, new strategy plungers out did you mean plungers or plunges? Did you change the use of capitals for I at the end on purpose? Were those words reads better than was those words unless you were trying to indicate the onset of madness scrambling the use of language.
I will pass on an example of help someone gave me. When you write poetry write it as a sentence, put your punctuation in and then turn it back into the poetry it started as.
Oh boy, does this sound familiar. I went to the dentist this week. It was supposed to be an easy visit. Not so the bloody guaze, the cooper taste are all too familar. Good work. Some extra commas might have made your point clearer example the bitter tang of copper, blood. Overall very good
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