This piece has a lot of potential. I do, however, have a few tips:
1. It's a bit choppy. You could try building more into your current paragraphs, or try to combine them
2. This is an interesting concept, I just want more details.
3. I'm sure you've heard the adage 'don't tell the reader, show them.' This time I feel it's pertinent. I wanted to see more of the building, more of the appearance of the counselor, etc.
You did a wonderful job! I would very much like to offer you some sort of constructive advice, but I have none to give. You certainly don't need it. This was masterfully developed, and although I am too young to understand some of the references, it did not take away from the story. I loved it!
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