\"Writing.Com
*Magnify*
SPONSORED ITEMS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/tgifisher77/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/3
Review Requests: OFF
283 Public Reviews Given
283 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Every word we put to paper comes from someone else. We learn from parents, teachers, books, movies, idle conversations - our entire life becomes our source material. The only thing that's original and unique is our choice of how we put the words together. To be 100% honest, we'd have to credit the Dictionary, Thesaurus, and Google for every poem and story. I may suggest changes in my review. This is not meant as 'serious' literary criticism (I’m no expert). It's merely my record of the ‘bumps’ I encounter as I travel through your words. If I'm thrown by a typo, an awkward word, or a line that doesn't scan, then it's likely that others will be as well. My intent in giving a review is to applaud your work and maybe help you to improve it. A review is merely another reference to consider. If the suggestions prove useful, then use them. If I ‘just don’t get it’, then by all means ignore me! Only the author can take credit for the final words, no matter what the source.
I'm good at...
My co-workers used to call me a 'typo savant'. Apparently, I read letter by letter instead of word by word. This is both a gift and a curse. I am often distracted by a typo when I should just move on in the story.
Favorite Genres
Science Fiction, Horror, Fantasy, Mystery
Least Favorite Genres
I'm not a big fan of romance writing.
Favorite Item Types
Poetry, Short Stories
Public Reviews
Previous ... 1 2 -3- 4 5 6 ... Next
51
51
Review of Avatars  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Logan,

Really nice poem. There are a lot of good images here. Your meter and rhyme are mostly spot-on, and that's difficult to maintain in a long poem. My aging eyes would prefer a larger and darker font, but that's just me.

I do find a nit to bring to your attention (because that's what I do best *Smile*).

I think you meant vacuum here, but if it's intentional, then ignore me:

a vaccum of spent nights


Thanks for sharing and keep writing!

Words Whirling 'Round Author IconMail Icon


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
52
52
Rated: 18+ | (1.0)
Prosperous Snow celebrating Author IconMail Icon

This is truly a poor poem, but I'm tempted to up the rating to two stars because it could have been even worse. You show an unfortunate lack of spelling errors and the grammar is very nearly correct. In addition, there is a definite sense of meter throughout and several true rhymes that spoil an otherwise wretched effort.

Please do not feel encouraged,

Words Whirling 'Round Author IconMail Icon

p.s. This was a fun review to write! *BigSmile*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
53
53
Rated: E | (3.0)
Kay,

This is a good story with many powerful images. There is excitement and sorrow as the sisters make their way from slavery to freedom. You show a good imagination and I think your story is a good beginning. Thank you for sharing it!

There is room for improvement, here are some general suggestions:

The text is very dense. If it were broken up into smaller paragraphs, it would look more inviting to the reader. Each paragraph should present a single idea or describe a single scene. Dialogue is usually separated from the other text, this also creates white space. You can use a favorite book similar to your own story as a reference for how to format your material.

Some of your chapters are numbered and some are titled. A consistent choice of format might be better.

It's more interesting to show things rather than just tell them. For example, 'I rose in the pre-dawn darkness' shows the reader more than just saying 'I woke up at 3 am'.


And here are some more specific suggestions:

"grabbed those inside" might be better than "grabbed those in"

"it felt like a desert" would be better than "it felt like a dessert"

"don’t be afraid to slap me" did you mean "don’t be afraid to slap them"?

Tali is writing a letter and describes how Americans write before Betty teaches her letters. This seems inconsistent. Perhaps Tuli could write the first letter in her language and write the second one after learning from Betty?

grits is made from ground corn rather than oats.

"You will go into that space." would be better than "You will go into space."

"Me and Renate ate food twice a day" would be better than "Me and Renate food twice a day"

In some places the name is "Tali" or "tuli" and in others it's "Torli"



Keep writing,

Words Whirling 'Round Author IconMail Icon



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
54
54
Rated: E | (4.5)
dog pack,

Nicely written, I enjoyed reading this one a lot. The only disappointment was looking at the header and seeing that it's fiction. It seemed very realistic to me.

I saw one rough spot that you might want to look at. This line sounds a bit awkward to me:

Some soldiers can’t take this kind of life pressures and rigorous fearfulness that can engulf a person.


Maybe it needs some punctuation? Or break it into smaller sentences?

Anyway, good job.

Thanks for sharing and keep writing!


Words Whirling 'Round Author IconMail Icon

A signature for exclusive use of winners at the 2019 Quill Awards



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
55
55
Rated: E | (5.0)
T.A. Brooks,

I came across your story at Read & Review and enjoyed reading it.

Well done! This is a well-written piece with some powerful images. The dialogue sounds natural to my ear, especially the silence.

Technically, the spelling and grammar are good, I don't find anything to critique.


Thanks for sharing and keep writing!


Words Whirling 'Round Author IconMail Icon

A signature for exclusive use of winners at the 2019 Quill Awards


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
56
56
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Jakrebs,

To grok thy plight is to be rightly named 'poet'.

I came across your poem at Read & Review and enjoyed reading it. Most of us have been there and despaired, whether for a day or a year.

This is a well-written piece that makes a good glass of lemonade. The rhythm and rhyme mostly work and the comic effect smooths the few places where they don't.

I enjoyed some chuckles and learned the correct pronunciation of Dionysus. My only question is why Euterpe instead of Erato?


Thanks for sharing and keep writing!


Words Whirling 'Round Author IconMail Icon

A signature for exclusive use of winners at the 2019 Quill Awards


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
57
57
for entry "Dandelion" Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Ned,

Very nicely done!

I really like this poem. It totally works even beyond the 24 syllable requirement. The sunny bloom youth/color reference is perfect for the white head age reference. And of course who can resist a child's breath? You've captured the prompt beautifully.

Thanks for sharing and keep writing!


Words Whirling 'Round Author IconMail Icon

A signature for exclusive use of winners at the 2019 Quill Awards


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
58
58
for entry "Language Fascinations" Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
sindbad,

I saw that you won the comedy contest and decided to read your entry.

Well done!

This is certainly deserving of an award. The piece is well-written and your examples flow smoothly throughout to an appropriate finale.

Here's another example you may use if you feel it fits your purpose: In the early 1980's I spent a month working on a project in England. One day a question came up that I couldn't immediately resolve. Due to the time difference, I thought it best to call home for help in the evening, so I told my host that I would 'get on the horn' when I got back to the hotel. He gave me a peculiar look and laughed nervously. It seems that the English use that particular phrase to mean the same thing as 'horny' in America.

I do find a nit to pick (because that's what I do best *Smile*).

In this line:

          it's time for other English speakers to accept the American usage is winning


would 'that' work better than 'the'?


Thanks for sharing and keep writing!


Words Whirling 'Round Author IconMail Icon

A signature for exclusive use of winners at the 2019 Quill Awards


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
59
59
Review of I Forget  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
rinsoxy,

I came across your story at Read & Review and enjoyed reading it.

There are some good hooks here to draw readers in and leave them wanting to know more. I think this is a promising beginning for a longer story.

The memory thing is a good device to suggest age. We all (well, us old folks) tend to lose details. Even big ones. I've been trying to write about my Dad building the house that we grew up in. My Mom, my sisters, & I can't agree on exactly which year he began!

I do find a nit to pick (because that's what I do best *Smile*).

In this line:

         It wasn't it was just the result of superhuman endowments

I'd suggest a comma after the word wasn't'.


Thanks for sharing and keep writing!


Words Whirling 'Round Author IconMail Icon

A signature for exclusive use of winners at the 2019 Quill Awards



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
60
60
Review of Frantz: a movie  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Xtren070,

I came across your story at Read & Review and enjoyed reading it.

This is an interesting and poignant tale. It's well-written and your English is very good.

I do find some nits to pick (because that's what I do best *Smile*).

In this line:

         his future wife, Anna, was living with the family as a daughter Germany lost the war,

I think you left out a period after the word 'Anna'

In this line:


         She identified all of his friends.

I think the word 'knew' would be better than 'identified'.


Thanks for sharing and keep writing!


Words Whirling 'Round Author IconMail Icon

A signature for exclusive use of winners at the 2019 Quill Awards


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
61
61
Review of An Artist's Peek  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
T.L.Finch,

I came across your poem at Read & Review and enjoyed reading it.

There are many evocative images here that make a beautiful ode to the natural world. I'm a fan of poems with meter & rhyme and this one works well on both counts. Your images, both literary and literal, suit your subject well. I like the way you've played with the word lense to make it rhyme visually with cleanse.

I don't really find anything to critique.

Thanks for sharing and keep writing!


Words Whirling 'Round Author IconMail Icon

A signature for exclusive use of winners at the 2019 Quill Awards


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
62
62
Review of Nature's Nocturne  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
HuntersMoon,

I came across your poem at Read & Review and enjoyed reading it.

This is a lovely ode to nature. I like poetry with meter & rhyme and this one works well. Your images are great for your subject. Very well-written!

I do find a nit to pick (because that's what I do best *Smile*).

In the line:

         echo above the ponds and logs.

Echo doesn't sound right to my ear, would echoes be better? Of course, it's your poem so your choice is ultimately correct.


Thanks for sharing and keep writing!


Words Whirling 'Round Author IconMail Icon

A signature for exclusive use of winners at the 2019 Quill Awards


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
63
63
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Stephbee,

I came across your story at Read & Review and enjoyed reading it.

This a good piece of fanfiction. A lot of people wanted to see Harry & Hermione get together. It's very well-written and the dialogue sounds natural. I find very little to critique, but . . .

I do find some nits to pick (because that's what I do best *Smile*).

Did you intentionally use the name Hermoine? I'm used to seeing it as Hermione

In this line:

         He was always harassing Potter, instigating him

The word 'instigating' doesn't sound right to my ear.

In this line:

         Harry, full a teenager’s doubts and worries

you may be missing the word 'of'.

In this line:

         What would he think if I complemented like that

I would suggest 'complimented him' instead of 'complemented'

In this line:

         Petificus Totalus would have been a perfect command

I would suggest 'Petrificus'


Thanks for sharing and keep writing!


Words Whirling 'Round Author IconMail Icon

A signature for exclusive use of winners at the 2019 Quill Awards


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
64
64
Review of Curiosity  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Zeke,

I decided it was past time for me to return the favor of doing you a review.

This is a nice piece with a good message. I'm a fan of poems with meter and rhyme, so this one works well for me. The rhythm of the third verse sounds a little off to my ear, but that's just nitpicking. Overall, it's a very good effort.

I'm sorry you're not feeling up to writing anymore, we're poorer for it.

Regards,


Words Whirling 'Round Author IconMail Icon

A signature for exclusive use of winners at the 2019 Quill Awards


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
65
65
Rated: E | (4.0)
WindSpirit3,

I came across your poem at Read & Review and enjoyed reading it.

There are many evocative images here that mostly work. I applaud your boldness in creating words and making unexpected juxtapositions. It makes for an interesting read.

Thanks for sharing and keep writing!


Words Whirling 'Round Author IconMail Icon

A signature for exclusive use of winners at the 2019 Quill Awards


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
66
66
Review of Me and only me  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Elexis LaFay,

I came across your poem at Read & Review and enjoyed reading it.

This is a nice piece that captures the teenage tension of conformity vs authenticity. Most of us can remember (or still identify with) the struggle to 'find ourselves'. I'm retired but still unsure what I want to be when I grow up!

I do find a nit to pick (because that's what I do best *Smile*).

In this line:

         Maybe your too blind to see

you may have confused 'you're' and 'your', but it's a poem so your choice is ultimately correct.


Thanks for sharing and keep writing!


Words Whirling 'Round Author IconMail Icon

A signature for exclusive use of winners at the 2019 Quill Awards


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
67
67
Review of A Villain's Game  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Falling Ocean,

I came across your story at Read & Review and enjoyed reading it.

I confess I don't know much about gaming, but your story is well-written, the dialogue is good, and I liked your characters. There are many images here that are familiar and draw the reader in.

I do find some nits to pick (because that's what I do best *Smile*).

In these lines:

         I’m not fairing much better : 'faring' may be a better choice.
         window like portal : a hyphen might be better 'window-like'
         “I will now draw and end my turn. : the second quotation mark is missing

Overall, a good piece,


Thanks for sharing and keep writing!


Words Whirling 'Round Author IconMail Icon

A signature for exclusive use of winners at the 2019 Quill Awards


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
68
68
Review of dangly earrings  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Rhyssa,

I came across your poem at Read & Review and enjoyed reading it.

There are many evocative images here that work beautifully and the subject is refreshingly different. I especially like the line "the happy necessity of an artist’s junk drawer" to describe an explosion of colors.

Thanks for sharing and keep writing!


Words Whirling 'Round Author IconMail Icon

A signature for exclusive use of winners at the 2019 Quill Awards


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
69
69
Review of Raising Worms  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Jatog the Green,

I came across your poem at Read & Review and enjoyed reading it.

I'm not sure exactly what is going on here, but I was drawn in and now I really care about those worms! Are these merely pets longing to roam free in the great out-underground? Or are they destined for a bait shop? Is that the reason for those accusing eyes? Horrors!

Seriously, there are many evocative images here that make the worms seem real to the reader. Giving them eyes is a perfect silly touch. The lines are well constructed and the verses are well laid out on the page. My only critique is for the word 'appeasing'. It doesn't sound quite right to my ear, but maybe that's just me. It's your poem and it's a good one.


Thanks for sharing and keep writing!


Words Whirling 'Round Author IconMail Icon

A signature for exclusive use of winners at the 2019 Quill Awards


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
70
70
Review of Martian Olympics  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Don Two,

I came across your poem at Read & Review and enjoyed reading it.

There are many great images here that call to mind both facts and myths of Mars. I'm a bit of a space geek' myself, so this really appealed to me. I especially enjoyed 'when life went with the flow'.

Your rhymes work well and the meter is mostly consistent, but there are a couple of places that sound awkward to my ear.

I did find a nit to pick (because that's what I do best *Smile*).

In the line:

         So onto Mars the athletes went

would 'on to' work better than 'onto'?

Of course, it's your poem so your choice is ultimately correct.


Thanks for sharing and keep writing!


Words Whirling 'Round Author IconMail Icon

A signature for exclusive use of winners at the 2019 Quill Awards


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
71
71
Review of Banning and Best  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Rhyssa,

I came across your poem at Read & Review and enjoyed reading it.

There are many evocative images here that illustrate your experience with diabetes. I especially like the reference to 'sugar crystal blood'

This is a poetic piece that links history and personal experience in a compelling way. I don't find anything to critique.

Thanks for sharing and keep writing!


Words Whirling 'Round Author IconMail Icon

A signature for exclusive use of winners at the 2019 Quill Awards


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
72
72
Rated: E | (4.5)
SandraLynn,

Nicely done! This is a well-written and humorous piece that made me laugh. I like how you draw the reader into a neighbor dispute with increasingly bizarre behavior, and then 'oh, it's a squirrel'. Good stuff.

A couple of nits:

I think you left off a 'y' from 'dirt laundry'

I'm not sure about the word 'purveyor'? It doesn't sound quite right to my ear.

Of course, it's your story and your choice.

Thanks for sharing and keep writing!


Words Whirling 'Round Author IconMail Icon

A signature for exclusive use of winners at the 2019 Quill Awards


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
73
73
Review of The Real You  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Peter,

Welcome to WDC!

I came across your poem at Read & Review and enjoyed reading it.

There are some good thoughts here and you've put them into a nice poetic format. I like the way you worked pets into the picture. Perhaps it's a reference to them loving us in spite of our faults? or that it's easier to interact with a pet than to face a human relationship?

I do find some nits to pick (because that's what I do best *Smile*).

Your meter is mostly consistent, but there are a couple of lines that don't quite match the rest of the poem (at least, to my ear). There are also a couple of places where it seems like a comma might work better than a period. Of course, it's your poem so your choices are ultimately correct.


Thanks for sharing and keep writing!


Words Whirling 'Round Author IconMail Icon

A signature for exclusive use of winners at the 2019 Quill Awards


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
74
74
Review of Lloyd's Song  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Tema,

Welcome to WDC!

I came across your poem/lyric at Read & Review and enjoyed reading it.

This is a beautiful tribute piece. It has strong images that illustrate how much you cared for each other.

I don't find anything to critique.


Thanks for sharing and keep writing!


Words Whirling 'Round Author IconMail Icon

A signature for exclusive use of winners at the 2019 Quill Awards


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
75
75
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Ben,

I came across your poem/lyric at Read & Review and enjoyed reading it.

I sympathize and I wish I could say I feel for you, but I'd rather we not touch just now *Smile*

You've done a good job of capturing the s***ty moment and setting it to a tune that's thoroughly inappropriate for your subject. That's pretty much the essence of parody, so, well done!


Thanks for sharing and keep writing!


Words Whirling 'Round Author IconMail Icon

A signature for exclusive use of winners at the 2019 Quill Awards


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
133 Reviews • *Magnify*
Page of 6 • 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/tgifisher77/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/3