I really enjoy learning about other authors on this site, their likes and dislikes, and comparing them to my own. Congrats on getting your book published. That has been a dream of mine for some time...maybe some day. I have to stop procrastinating so much first! Your work is very well-written, organized, and thoughtful, giving just a hint of what goes on inside your head. It gives readers a great taste of your writing style, to see if they would like to read more! I certainly intend to check out some other items in your port. Great job!
It's like you've reached inside my head and plucked out all my nasty little secrets to be aired like so much dirty laundry. Modern day philosophy served on a plate of disdain. Don't know where that came from but it seems to fit, so I'll go with it. These are the thoughts we don't want to admit having, but that we wonder about just the same. And you've presented them in a lyrical, chaotically ordered format that makes them slide down easily, while stirring up even more questions. Then POP at the end. The bubble bursts, life doesn't really matter anyway, right? So what's the point? That's what I love so much about poetry, that the meaning depends on the viewpoint of the reader. Your original message may not have anything to do with what I just said. But I enjoyed reading it, and it's really got me thinking, which is always a good thing, right?
On to technicalities- in my opinion, you don't need to change a thing. The rhythm and flow of this poem are outstanding. They really pack a punch. The repetition of "all I really want" glues the whole thing together. Great job!
done rambling now. Keep up the good work!
take care
rhi
Usually, it takes me forever to figure out how a story is going to end, but I'm proud of myself, I saw it coming only about halfway through this time! To me, that means you did a good job of foreshadowing. I still haven't mastered that. I love the revenge theme, and you have great buildup to the end. The dialogue was good and the whole story flowed well, if it was a bit fast-paced. You might want to draw it out just a bit more, get the reader really involved, and cheering for Betty. Right now, it's kind of hard to sympathize with her. We also don't see any inkling that she's the type of person who would snap like that, you know? Just a thought. Keep writing!
wow. i love the graphic-ness of this poem. not a light read! very vivid yet a bit detached as well, which makes it even more creepy. ooohh...i'm getting shivers up and down my spine. this poem just reaches out and smacks you in the face. no holds barred, no punches pulled. Fantastic job. Wish I could send you some gps, but I'm saving for an upgrade. Keep up the awesome work!
Yes, I remember this story well...it was written for my contest when I was a mod, wasn't it? Still as creepy then as it is now...I'll have to revisit that picture. That was a good one! I really like this story, the simplicity of it, and the fact that it seems so normal on the surface, a concerned teacher and school children, makes it so much more eerie and fun! Keep up the good work!
oooppsss! I found one small typo: I believe their (they're) on a simple nature hike to the park
Well, from what I've read so far, you've managed to hook me. You've created some very interesting, odd, compelling characters, and left the reader wondering who these people are, why they move around so much, how the grandmother can tell if someone is not really as happy as they seem...oh so many questions! Great descriptive details make this piece just sail right along. I will definitely have to go check out the rest. Keep up the good work!
Very interesting subject for a sonnet. Kind of a weird love poem, you know, stick with me, and we can make it through anything. I'm not sure that reads as well...the form doesn't quite fit the voice, you know? But the descriptive detail certainly sets the scene nicely. It's always good to try new things!
Wow! You paint the picture so vividly, I really feel like I am there. Great descriptive details! This would make a great beginning to a story. And the surprise at the end! Very startling. Wonderful alliteration throughout. But then, you always do stellar work. Keep up the good job! OOOHHHH creepy and spooky and eerie...leaves the reader wanting more, but afraid to go around that next corner...Perfect Halloween tale!
I love "I'm breathing the whole big sky." Just makes me feel like I'm on top of the world. I understand your feelings about not changing it, but consider perhaps a sequel? It seems you have a lot to say, and a very interesting way to say it.
My only suggestion is that the title is a bit too long and awkward, you really need something with a lot more impact. Think about it! You have a strong voice, and I'd love for it to be heard!
I liked this, except that it was too short! You really grabbed my attention and kept it till the end, then left me panting, gasping for breath...well you get the idea. Perhaps a little more about who they are, why they want you, and what they're going to do with you once they have you. One more suggestion: "Feel Them asking" doesn't really fit with the attitude of the piece. "They" don't strike me as the asking type. You might want to rethink that part just a bit. It doesn't create as forceful an image as the rest of the words. Otherwise, I really enjoyed reading it. Have a great day!
This is a very intense poem. What I find the most interesting about it is the fact that at first, I thought it was the inmate, contemplating his release, but at the end, the reader discovers otherwise. The description you gave, "emotion:dread" was what really pulled me in, but I still didn't connect it with the subject of the poem. It seemed more like the inmate was dreading his release because he squealed on someone or something. Or am I reading it totally wrong? Or is this confusion all on purpose?
What I like about poetry is that even if the poet is writing with something specific in mind, the words can still be twisted to fit the reader's perspective and life experiences, you know?
I was also really drawn to the role that steel played in the first few stanzas - how it just seems to take over everything. It's very strong, emotional imagery, and really pulls the whole poem together. I enjoyed reading this, so much so that I had to go back and read a second time. It's very rare that I'm so moved by a poem. Congrats on your achievement. I wish I could give this an award, but I don't have many gps left.
This is a beautiful poem, one which I can relate to since my mother is a quilter, and it seems as if I just have to have every quilt that she does. But it's not just about the beauty of the quilt, as you so artfully show us. It's about the love and the time that go into the making of the quilt, and knowing that someday, granny will be gone, but you'll still have the love and the time that she can no longer give you. Wonderful memories!
I do have a couple of suggestions to help with the flow. The last stanza slips into present tense, and it sort of throws off the balance of the poem for me. It would blend better if it read "A smile escaped the corners of her mouth this one was granny's quilt"
Just a thought! Good luck either way, and keep up the great work!
I enjoyed doing this puzzle, because I like to challenge myself to remember all the state capitals, and I did well, I just had to look two up because I couldn't remember them to save my life. I'd also like to know one answer, because I just can't figure out what you're asking for. It's 15 down. U.S. what?
Also, you might want to correct the answer for the capital of Arizona. It's spelled Phoenix. The o comes before the e. I've always had the hardest time with that one!
As I happen to love and live for crosswords, this is a wonderful addition you've made to the site. Congrats on your innovation and creativity! This place gets better and better every day. Thanks!
This is a wonderfully crafted story. It's well written and very fast paced - lots of action happening here. Nice, gory, vivid details bring the reader into the story without going over the top. I would have liked the suspense to be stretched a bit further...perhaps have David running through the Victorian house, have Jen come in and see him being chased, something like that...it's just over so quickly. Just as the reader is settling in for a creepy tale, it's over You did your job too well...you wrote such an entrancing story that the reader is left panting, hungry for more.
Very humorous and enjoyable poll. I chose Stay-Puft, because after all, he's evil. I just can't see the Dough Boy being bad, even if he was enlarged. Although I have to admit I would never have thought of this myself, I have thought other, stranger things, and I commend you for having the guts to be honest about your weird wonderings.
This is a wonderfully written tale with drama, horror, excitement, and plenty of fantastic fantasy elements. You've created an environment that the reader immediately falls into. With few words, you bring the reader close to the scene, allowing one to see and experience what your characters are doing, as if we were there by their side. Great job.
I have one comment...when she says "master" it should be capitalized, as well as "father" because she is using these nouns as names.
Now this poem seems complete to me. It's simple, but so full! I feel like I've been allowed a special glimpse into a magickal world, but it's so wonderfully vivid that I'm satisfied with this small peek. Makes me want to close my eyes and make a wish, and almost believe that it will come true.
Like "Prophecy," which I just read, this poem seems to be just a teaser of so much more! You have wonderful description, which sets the eerie tone of the piece, there's a hint of expectation, of anticipation, but you leave the reader wanting to read more of this seeker of arcane knowledge. Who is she? Is she a white witch? What does she seek, and why? Does she wish to contact someone on the other side? AAAhHHHh You just can't leave me hanging like this!
It's your own fault, you know. Your writing just leaves the reader panting for more. Hopefully you will oblige!
You set the scene wonderfully here, giving us a glimpse of something much greater than is actually shown. This poem seems to be just a teaser! What is the prophecy? Who is the seeker of the knowledge, that uses these mystical items? What is the evil, and why is it coming her way?
Hopefully, you plan to expand on this poem (or already have, and I just haven't come across it in your port yet), or turn it into a story, because I'd love to read it!
You have done a stellar job of researching these different poetic forms, and writing your own examples of each. I am truly awe-struck by your abilities! I have had this on the back burner for a long time, hiding away in my favorites list, and I'm so happy I finally got around to looking at it. I can't wait to start experimenting. Way to go!!!
Excellent folder. I like how you mix the little graphic in, and promote yourself without being obnoxious. Also, that your poems are so diverse, not just horror. Keep it up!
Again, this is an example of just how scary real life is. Who needs ghosts and ghouls when you have war, famine, pestilence, murder, homelessness, etc? (well, actually, I do, but that's beside the point.) You've made this very personal, but it's also sort of detached, like this person is watching things happen around her, be is somehow outside of it as well, like a commentator.
The only thing I could see with this poem was one verse:
My brother is angry.
So he follows his father's example.
He thinks it's ok
to hurt his sisters the same way.
by using "his father's" and "his sisters" you're making it more impersonal, as if the narrator is unbiased, not a part of what's happening. The rest of the poem reads like we are sitting next to the narrator, having a conversation. You might want to try "our dad" and "us" to keep it on a much more personal level. Just a suggestion
Whew! I'm tired now. You've just drained everything out of me!
This folder is just chock full of examples of why you are such a well-respected and successful writer here on Writing.com. Next to the Opal Twins, whom I miss very much You are my hero. Keep up the great work.
I pretty much figured this is what everyone would say - 4 stars...see, we have to toot our own horns, but recognize our limitations...and self-promotion is all a part of being a writer, isn't it?
Great poll. I actually stopped and thought about it, and it made me realize I think more of myself than I thought I did. Think you can think that one through? I think so
have a wonderful day!
rhi
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Your work is very well-written, organized, and thoughtful, giving just a hint of what goes on inside your head. It gives readers a great taste of your writing style, to see if they would like to read more! I certainly intend to check out some other items in your port. Great job! 
You did your job too well...you wrote such an entrancing story that the reader is left panting, hungry for more. 