I wish you had used more of your wonderful creativity with these, given the decorations the site had for its birthday. Still, it's more than I can do, so kudos to you!
These are nice too, but they lack the beauty of your other C-Notes. I like the fact that you've got different gp price options for those who have a small bank but a big heart
You have a flair for catching the essence of each of these beautiful flowers. The way you put them together with the sentiments creates a very pretty effect. These really look like professionally done postcards. ***sigh*** wish I could do stuff like this
Wonderful variety! Some are fun, and some are truly spooky. The prices are also very reasonable. You are one talented lady! I think my favorite is the "BOO!" one, because of the spiderwebs and the cat. Great job!
In a very well-written, conversational tone, you have captured exactly what I go through every time I sit down to write. Perhaps we are long lost relatives? I like your writing style. It's clear and purposeful, yet entertaining, and depicts something that I'm sure every writer can relate to. Great job! Keep up the good work, and welcome to the site.
This is a wonderful idea. I can't believe I've never seen one like it before. Hope you have great success with it, and welcome to the site!
take care
rhi
This story is elegantly and beautifully written. The reader falls into the music as Charlotte does, we cry with her, we laugh when she can't, we really feel her determination not to let this break up bring her down and turn her into an old maid. You've given a very old plot a lovely, graceful twist that was a pleasure to read. You give hope to all those who have been rejected! Great job. Keep up the good work, and welcome to the site!
Thanks for giving me a laugh tonight. (Even though I started hacking and coughing...would have been a great distraction for the yucky monster...) I especially love the option regarding "wussy attacks" and the promise to never vote democrat again.
Very clever and entertaining. Keep up the good work!
take care
rhi
I too, felt I should have been born in Middle Earth. When I read Tolkein's tales, I feel a connection that I've never felt with any other book.
You've really captured the beauty, majesty, and wonder that is Middle Earth. Anyone who reads this poem would be curious about such a wonderful land. You've done a great job of describing it with elegance and grace. Some of the rhymes are juuuust a bit out of place, and sometimes you put commas where they don't belong, but it doesn't ruin the overall effect of this piece for me. Everything flows beautifully. I enjoyed the read!
I chose the last option, "I think I'm better off not saying" because you didn't give a choice for more than one option. I've had a mixture of everything, so picking one wouldn't really be an accurate representation. If you really want to know, you might want to turn this into a survey, so you can get some real answers
So far so good! But if you're going to do this in book form, you really need to put your first chapter in here as well. I have some suggestions for this chapter too, I hope you find them useful.
Arath and Thunderhoof to see what was wrong. In the previous chapter, you set off the unicorn's speech with ~, but I noticed you didn't here. You might want to correct that. only just two hours ago Either "only" or "just," not both, and "just" would sound better. He wanted blood as much as a'his' would make more sense here. friend, if not more so Thunderhoof, got here to late to save her, delete the comma after Thunderhoof and the first "to" should be "too" I offer to barebear you for as long as you’ll have me he went to werewhere Ryder was being stabled. to shrink to abutabout the size of a one story house Now his daughter seemed to share the same fate
I'm looking forward to your next installment. I'll keep my eye out. Good luck!
This is a wonderful story! I was entranced from the first word. I really enjoyed reading it. It's very well-written, fast paced, exciting, and fun. You've used dialogue to keep things going, and your transitions moved the story along nicely. Since I enjoyed this so much, I really took time with my suggestions, because I feel that if you work on this a bit, it will really be an outstanding story.
Let me mention a couple of things before I get to specifics - you need to watch your punctuation. I noticed that you rarely used an apostrophe to show possession as in "Araths horse" or something like that. So You really need to look this over and get those in! It will polish everything up!
Also, you might want to slow things down just a bit, take time to describe scenery and clothing. It will really help to draw the reader into the story. I have that problem. I want to get the story down so badly that I just rush through, forgetting all the little details. Show us what the countryside is like. Show us how ugly and disgusting and frightening the trolls and orcs are.
Okay, here are my other suggestions. I hope they can help you.
The two went to the courtyard and mounted they’re(their) horses Kalira blushed and fingered the dragon necklace she was wearing absently The way this sentence reads, she was wearing the necklace absently. It should say "Kalira blushed and absently fingered the dragon necklace she was wearing." he had endeared himself to the king and everyone else when he had killed two Orcs and a Ghol defending Kalira This sounds like you're saying the two orcs and the ghol were defending Kalira. It should read "he had endeared himself to the king and everyone else when he had killed two Orcs and a Ghol while defending Kalira" avoided her father's gaze And when had she put it in there you just said in the previous line why and when, so this line is unnecessary That is good to herehear but we must make duedo but I said I must respect your wishes." Thunderhoof soon as they pastpassed He had known Arath totoo long What’s good about today is that it’s Kalira’s nineteenth birthday today YOu have "today" twice in this sentence, and you only need it once. You can either say "What's good is that today is Kalira's nineteenth birthday" or "What's good about today is that it's Kalira's nineteenth birthday" Ryder was brought to Arath, saddled and ready to goYou should just stop at "Ryder was brought to Arath." since you just stated in the previous line that all the horses were saddled and ready to go. friends lying deadon dead on She slowly turned his head and he felt the horn grinding away at the inside of the tree. Soon, the girl slowly started to pull as she turned. Inch by inch, the horn slowly started to come out. When it was free, he shook his head and she patted his neck.Too many slowly's in this paragraph. It's distracting. One is sufficient to show that she is being cautious. You have saved my life twice today and yet you walk away from me. She saved his life twice? What was the other time? The way it sounded, this was the first time they'd seen each other. not being able to barebear to be away from her for totoo long This sentence is a little awkward. Try "Not able to bear being away from her for too long
If you have any questions, please feel free to email me. Good luck with your writing! You've got a great start here!
What a wonderful dream! These are things that most people fantasize about, wishing they could escape for just a little while. You've provided that outlet. Great description paints vivid scenarios. Great job!
I love this poem! It's short, but perfect. It combines fantasy with reality, the past with the future...it really jolts the reader into thinking about how the world has changed. How simple and true everything used to be as compared to all the death and destruction we see every day now, you know? It can mean many things to different people. Great job! keep up the good work.
Wonderful! It's amazing how just dialogue can carry a piece of writing along so well. There's no description, really, but the reader can still picture the setting, and get lost in the story. Great job. I only found one small error, "take care not to loose too many stripes"
I really enjoyed reading this! You managed to make it seem real, at the same time celebrating its unreality. It's got subtle humor, yet is still kinda creepy, reminding me of Beetlejuice, and the Handbook for the Recently Deceased (I think that was the name...) anyway, it's very well-written and entertaining. Way to go!
Looks like this forum is off to a great start, and I see that the posts are of a more serious nature, not so much social, which is what I'm looking for. I'm glad I discovered this forum. I've put it on my favorites list, and although I don't have time to post and introduce myself at the moment, I will definitely be returning! Thanks for making a place for serious writers who truly want to discuss their work and get honest feedback. Great job!
What a beautiful, sweet poem! Reminds me of Iris, the daughter of the rainbow, or the rainbow goddess...I can never remember. But you've given her (whoever she is) a wonderful, playful, spiritual personality. I can envision a tiny sprite delicately dancing...I love when an image forms in my mind as I'm reading a poem. You've done a wonderful job of creating that image for me!
I liked the opening paragraphs. At times, when the story doesn't begin with action, the reader can easily lose interest, but your writing style is so lyrical, that it drew me in right away.
This is an amazing story, a myth for the ages, of how the North Star came to be. It's beautifully told, with stunning imagery and vivid descriptions. There isn't a single thing I would change about this story line, or the dialogue, which was sheer poetry. You drew me in from the first paragraph, got me to care deeply about the characters, and at the end, my heart broke right along with them. But there was such a soft beauty to the whole story...it was truly enchanting and mesmerizing. I've listed some typos below, in the hope that you will be able to correct them, and enhance this story even more. It deserves it!
down deep valley'svalleys
until the sky could barebear
In an instanceinstant totoo busy with their chores
So strong and was his young voice You're either missing a word here, or you need to delete "and"
and believed no love greater than that with he possessed Do you mean "and believed there was no greater love than that which he possessed"?
that I could see youyour face, just once
into her husband's face
Dread fear entered the bard's heart
the bard's heart dropped It’sIts blue light
I just love this contest. You always have the most interesting words for prompts, and your contest is so popular, that the competition is a lot of fun. And it's such an honor when one wins and is featured in the newsletter. You're doing a great job. Keep up the good work! I don't know how you judge all these great poems.
Wow. This is an amazing story. It's exciting, terrifying, fast-paced, moving, emotional, imaginitive, creative, death-defying...okay, have I sung your praises enough? I have to tell you, this is by far the best story you've ever written, and the award is well deserved. My eagle eye could only find a few typos
First of all, you've done a wonderful job of telling it from Zack's point of view, and in a young voice that doesn't sound TOO juvenile. The dialogue is believable and natural, and enhances the storyline admirably. Wonderfully vivid descriptions that touch all the senses help the reader fall into the story. And the whole idea behind the story, what the watercourse is, and the ending...is just so fresh and inventive...this really ought to be published. I am so impressed! Congrats on a job VERY well and thoroughly done. Now on to the icky part:
(I'm sorry this took so long. I'm staying with my in-laws and I have limited computer access.)
It was a warm day under a bright blue Spring spring - seasons are not capitalized. sky
This is crazy If this is an internal thought, you need to set it off w/ either quotation marks or italicizing. If not, then I would change it to "this was crazy"
with a ragged-grin, ragged grin (no dash) unveiling several missing te
Momma, momma, momma!”These should all be capitalized, as they are being used as a proper name. she screamed.
So, not only was this story an outstanding narrative, it was technically superior! Way to go.
This piece is extremely well written, and has such sweet, simple humor...that I was laughing hysterically through the whole thing. Cats are the funniest creatures. My friend used to have a cat named "Sabby" who'd been run over or hit or something, and half his poor little head was caved in, so he wasn't the brightest of the bunch, and every time you'd do something that would confound him, he'd give you this look, like "what'd you do that for?" But he was the sweetest, and slept on my head whenever I spent the night at my friend's house. Great story!
I did notice one small typo: It was a loosing (losing) battle and he lost
I knew I had to read this as soon as I saw your name, cause I used to r/r/r your work quite often when I was here before (I was a mod...had to leave for personal reasons, but so glad to be back!)This story gives new meaning to "no solicitations" right? Very well written, entertaining, chilling (cause it could really happen) and nice job leaving a big surprise till the very end, to give the whole story a real BANG. I kinda saw what was coming, but not how, you know? I like the suspense. Great job.
I saw two small things you might want to take a look at.
1,000 arguments (should be "a thousand")
laid {should be "lay")
This is a wonderfully creepy, gory, creative story. I was mesmerized. I think I read it when I was on the site before, but I'm glad I came across it again. Great job! The only problem I noticed was that in the scene where her husband shoots her, he's pointing the gun at her head, but then shoots her in the chest. Good luck with your submissions, and have a wonderful day!
take care
rhi
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Arath and Thunderhoof 
only just two hours ago 
He wanted blood as much as a
Thunderhoof, got here to late to save her, 
I offer to bare
The two went to the courtyard and mounted they’re
Kalira blushed and fingered the dragon necklace she was wearing absently
he had endeared himself to the king and everyone else when he had killed two Orcs and a Ghol defending Kalira 
avoided her father
And when had she put it in there 
That is good to here
I have to tell you, this is by far the best story you've ever written, and the award is well deserved. My eagle eye could only find a few typos