Existential free verse suggesting what cannot be explained. The last two lines suggest the relationship will continue into the next sunrise and the reader screams, "There must be more!"
I struggle with the absence of completion in this work. The lack of a whole picture. I have written minimalist pieces and it's one of the hardest forms I've ever under taken. Every single word must fit and stand alone and yield a full spectrum of vision. I do understand there is value in the fracture; the shattered perspective, but I would think it could only be tragic. Here, you have presented a sliver of the whole but yearn for a positive outcome. I'm left skeptical. Maybe you could continue this as a serial? Anyway it's a promising piece. I enjoyed it. Thank you for sharing.
Very unique story. I couldn't figure it out at first; thinking it was going into mental illness with multiple personalities. But then when the attacker came along it started falling into place. I don't have the training and knowledge to offer any helpful tips on improvement. Sorry. But just wanted to let you know I thorughly enjoyed your work. Best wishes.
I'm impressed first of all with your command of grammar and punctuation! (losing is spelled 'loosing' in the 3rd fromt he last sentence) This is not a slight of story and content. When I first began reading I had to pull the page down and look at the beautiful structure of this.
The conversations are very real. I read this aloud and wasn't tripped up once. You've obviously put a lot of work into learning conversation constructs or are just naturally gifted. The flow of events move effortlessly.
That all said I have not read further than this chapter. I'm interested in your development as a writer. Did you study in college? Maybe you could do your BIO page and help us understand more.
Terrific. Extremely short three part story that caught me up and made me want the conclusion. Loved the fear of emptiness and archtype of the "bum", as the "wisdom" aiding her decision. Tight, satisfying, and a good wish for all sufferers. Would you teach me to write?
I had no idea something this fine had been created in writing.com. Your "genre" article is solid writing. The "presentation" and lay-out is pleasing to look at and read. You obviously spend a good deal of time working on this. I am now a fan and have saved "People's Choice Newsletter" to my favorites.
I always like looking at how other folk come to such conclusions, such as ratings of what we do here in writing.com. Your reasoning is well thought out and ably explained, easy to read. My rating scheme is a bit more stripped down and explains only the over-all impression. Oh, and I definitely do rate below a four, though the majority of it is tongue-in-cheek. For some reason I can't get too excited about numbers. I much rather appreciate those bone chilling criticisms that turn my works inside out and sends me back to the story board, so to speak
My scheme is:
1.0 There aint no way!
1.5 This is really bad.
2.0 Some real effort here.
2.5 Almost there.
3.0 Yeah, this is good.
3.5 Above average.
4.0 Really good stuff.
4.5 Can't get much better.
5.0 Whoa!
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/thimpin
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.08 seconds at 11:19am on Dec 22, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
