I am writing in response to your review of "Good Call". First, thank you very much for your review. I greatly appreciate the time and effort you took to actually read and make suggestions that I can use to improve.
And having read your short story, I can see how you provided me with such a valid critique...this story is incredible! I attempted to go through your story with the same critical eye you employed on my piece, but your talent so far exceeds mine that all I could do was remain awash in what you were writing. The flow and intensity brought me into the water with Oliver from the first paragraph and left me drifting with him at the end. The organization with which you documented his history, all the while describing his anguish completely blew me away. And your structure, usage and spelling were also perfect.
This is the best contribution I have read on this site and I will not only refer to it again for inspiration (from a mechanical standpoint), but for an example of the comments you made on my writing. Thank you once more for providing me a veritable lesson in writing.
You have a wonderful gift for descriptive devices...some of which were completely over my head. I could feel your character's agony and his intensity, but I had difficulty understanding exactly what his issues were, (beyond the obvious writing of his story of the end of the world) which may very well have been your point. I would like to read more and get a better look into your character's psyche and I certainly want to know what comes next.
I found it disturbing from a content standpoint, although I think it was well written. Your descriptive efforts are very effective and I was there in a couple of the scenes. I would like there to be a more complete view of the impact the eyes had on the assassin...he needs to benefit from the pain he receives from them.
From a critical standpoint, I would suggest checking to minimize mis-spelling and sentence fragments, but other than that I thought it was a very interesting read.
All I want to do is read your book! What an outstanding story! You had me in the first paragraph.
I wish I could give you a valid analysis of what I liked and why, but the entire writing just appealed to me, the beginning, middle and end. It was spare and descriptive. It placed me with you in the room with the police, and I was earlier gurgling salt water in the raft as it took on water.
It was clean with elegant structure...what more can I say? I liked it very much, and I apologize that I cannot provide any critical input. Wow, I wish I could write like that.
Your story is exceptional and I really enjoyed the way you built up what appeared to be a relationship/fidelity issue between spouses. The twist at the end caught me by such surprise that I found myself laughing. And your use of the cosmetics as introduction and familiarization also brought in every individual over 40 who has noticed the physical changes occurring to our "no-longer-20-something" bodies. I enjoyed the play between your character and the beauty shop lady, together with the references to the loss/disappointment...truly felt.
I did, however, find the missing words and mis-spellings interrupted the flow of the story. When I am as immersed in a story as I was in yours, I am not reading...I am almost seeing it as a single impression and the individual words flow into one whole. Your story and its ideas were strung together beautifully, but its flow was hampered by the fits and starts caused by the mis-spellings, word fragments and incomplete sentences. It appeared as though you typed it in very quickly without checking it. Please don't take this as criticism...it is easy enough to use a spellcheck on any finished product. You probably know all about that anyway.
Again, I thoroughly enjoyed your story and I can't tell you how much I enjoyed the twist at the end.
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