Woo hoo!! Two whole chapters in one weekend! Okay, story is good, didn't see the whole village rising up thing coming. The only thing I noticed is this "Branston climbed onto his tall white" guessing his horse. Oh, also, there was once, maybe twice, where there was an inadvertent carrage return. For example, "She was walking
To the store when she noticed the car."
I don't know if you do it this way, but I usually type out my stories in a word processing software (I use Microsoft word) then copy and paste it into wdc. I think sometimes it doesn't post right.
I hope this helps! Maybe I'll actually get to anothe one!😀
Okay, I have finally read a second chapter! The story itself is good, there were only a couple of things I noticed. Twice he refers to his injuries in the same way. His knee then his shoulder, he was "sure was going to bruise." Maybe refer to one as he was prepared for it to be sore for some time e, or something like that. Second, when he kicks the soldier in the groin it says he gives him a "swift quick" I'm guessing you meant swift kick. Other than those two things, it all seems on the up and up. I didn't see any other glowing errors. Keep writing!!
Hey! It's me! Finally, I know. I love the story! The only gripes I would have, and don't get me wrong I know it's about the time it's set, but the names are not quick to pronounce. Not all of them, for example Faldashir, I like the name, but it creates a bump in the reading. meaning, now I have to stop, figure out how to pronounce the name and now move on.
For the second, Seriously?! No second chapter? Come on!
As far as errors in spelling, I'm not real good at that, but I didn't see any glowingly horrible spelling problems. The grammar looked great. I'm a little anal about grammar, so it would have grated every nerve.
I really love this! I'm not as good of a reviewer as you, so the only thing that really stood out was when you used the contractions like "took’im". I realize its short for "took him", even so I was told it should still be "took'em". I know this is technically short for "took them", but that's just what I've been told.
This is really great!! One tip, Local LEO's don't usually have a particularly good relationship with the Feds, especially the FBI. But there are always exceptions, some of them are really cool.
I admittedly don't know a lot about poetry, but I can really identify with this. I have felt this pain before, and experienced the same thoughts/feelings of what others felt or were thinking.
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