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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/turtlegreen
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6 Public Reviews Given
23 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of Sunet's Finality  Open in new Window.
Review by turtlegreen Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Incredible twist at the end. Very strong and yet, it flowed to the point one wouldn't expect the character to shoot himself.

I like the imagery of the sunset, and the softness that came with it. I wonder what was happening in the man's head prior to taking his life. You did a good job grabbing the reader-

Quite powerful!
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Review of Memories  Open in new Window.
Review by turtlegreen Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
Quite strong for a 12-year old. You have a few grammatical errors (i.e., typos)...

I don't know if you need to use the headings Memories 1, Memories 2, etc. Spacing your stanzas will have that affect just as well.

I found the following to be confusing:

Me and my grandma,
we look so happy
without a care in the world.
In her arms, feeling safe and secure
knowing that nothing will harm me,

My thought, with the first stanza, was that you lost your mom, but it wasn't clear to me.

It's a strong poem for someone so young!
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