First, congratulations on your win with the contest entry. I love the friends to lovers premise, and was rooting all the way for your very likable hero/heroine. I love the title, very apt. I realize this was written some time ago, but would like to make a few suggestions. I did not quite believe that the two-year-old Janie, though advanced for her age, would have remembered Eric so well if, as it sounded, they hadn't seen each other in a year. Smirked--you used this 3 or 4 times, and I know this is a personal pet-peeve, but I have seen it way over used in books lately. Better, if possible, to go deeper into the characters emotions as I believe this is a form of lazy writing(something I struggle with myself!) Last, the final scene had a few POV switches. I am not a POV purist as some, but I thought the switches a bit extreme. Better, when possible, to show the other character's reactions through body language and dialogue, when possible. I hope my review has been at least a little helpful. Take care, and keep writing! Vada
I saw your piece in the Embracing other Cultures' Newsletter and was intrigued by the excerpt. This is a fun short story. I thoroughly enjoyed it. The only nit that I picked up is that I believe a comma belongs after his friend, the principal.
This is my first review! This is a good 'tease', I would like to know more about this couple's relationship. I just have a couple of 'nits'. I would delete 'to be' from to be cropped so would read Her hair--recently cut,cropped against ect. tightens the prose a bit. Then you could delete As, from as I stood. Could read something like --I stood in the doorway and watched my beautiful artist draw....ect. Just my opinion, of course. It's your story and your decision how to write it. Keep writing! vada
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