This is an odd story, but a decent one nonetheless. It's entirely dialogue, so I assume that was what you were going for? A couple times, I got confused as to who was speaking and had to work it out.
On the fourth line, you missed an ending quotation mark.
"Who’s rules?'" should also have a starting quotation mark. And although "Who's" makes sense, it should be Whose. Who's is actually a contraction of "who is" or "who has."
"But, why?'" Another missed quotation mark.
"How’d you get behind me!'" should have a question mark, or both.
This is a great poem. I love it dearly. It made me think about the one I loved and lost recently, so maybe that's why it's struck me in the heart, but either way, thank you for this masterpiece.
The only thing I have to say is that maybe you should use more commas / periods in it to make it easier to read, but it might be a stylistic choice to not.
Again, thank you. I'd make a badge for you if I had more GPs.
I particularly like the latter fourth, and the ending two lines.
Short and sweet. Good twist to Lucy not being a person, but a dog.
However, there's a few errors. The quotation marks weren't closed, and the word luxuriating doesn't fit where you put it. It'd also flow better if you removed "were" from the first sentence.
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/vastowen456
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.07 seconds at 3:26am on Nov 24, 2024 via server WEBX1.