Woweee!! This is too interesting. I want to know what happens next. Are you planning to add more here?
The imagination behind this is really good and you hold the interest of the reader. Do keep writing and, if possible, tell us what happens next.
Just one suggestion. Do you think it will be more natural if Charlie reacted to the inexpicibly clean house with a bit more surprise? Just a suggestion though.
Cheers,
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Let your creative juices flow. This is a contest with a difference.
Yes, you are right. All of us feel this once in a while.
A nicely written poem. It is easy for anyone who has suffered in love to relate to this poem. Ryhme and Rythm are good and, on the whole, the poem is easy to recite.
One typo that I would like to point out:
I have to live though(through) this
Most of your other poems are freeverses. I personally feel that in this poem, rhyme restricts the flow of feelings.
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Let your creative juices flow. This is a contest with a difference.
Welcome to Writing.com. And thanks for sharing this poem with us.
What I like:
When you read a poem, you can make out how close the poem is to the poet's heart. And this seems to come straight from the heart. The feelings of longing are beautifully expressed and it is evident that they are your feelings. Tell me if this is not true.
Suggestions:
Some lines are too long and the others too short. The rhythm seems to be broken. If this is deliberate, then please ignore this comment. The following line is a bit unclear, maybe because of the placement of "and". Do you think you can rephrase it ?(Again, just a suggestion!):
Everynight lasts forever when I think and dream of you and I together
Overall Feel:
A lovely little poem that touches anyone who has ever loved. Great work. Keep Writing. :)
Cheers,
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** A Proud Member of the WDC Angel Army
Let your creative juices flow. This is a contest with a difference.
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Hi,
Usually, reading a long piece is not easy, but your story held my attention completely. I really like the way you build your characters. Jeremy, Rose, Dr. Rockwell are all so intriguing and are developing well. Do let me know when you add more to this. I would love to read.
Suggestion:
In my opinion, the title does not do justice to the content. Something with a little more punch would be great.
I am not able to find anything else to point out. You have written this very well.
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I like the story in spite of the fact that it does not touch upon anything extra-ordinary. It is a story about small issues that we face every day and that is what makes this special.
Just one suggestion though, try to put more line breaks between paragraphs.
I just happened to visit your port and liked the title of this poem.
What I like:
The title, as already mentioned, and the bravery. I like the imagery you use in describing your demons. Everyone has these demons. And I like the way you want to face them.
Suggestions:
Meter of the poem may need some work.
Overall Feel:
The poem talks about something everyone can relate to. And it shows what a brave person you are.
Keep Writing,
Cheers,
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** A Proud Member of the WDC Angel Army
I wonder why you kept this so short. The poem is going great. It will be lovely if you can add more. The rhyme and the rhythm are consistent and the poem is very easy to read.
The poem ends abruptly. Is this still in work?
The length is my only complain. I would definitely like to read more about "Waves of Pain".
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I love your poem. The rhyme and rhythm is perfect in most places and the subject is very close to my heart. The way you put it across is very simple yet effective.
Only a few suggestions:
"they struggles to get free."
"on concrete cliffs he rest(s)."
Rest is perfect.
Very Well Done,
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Hi Shishir,
I will be reviewing your work "Drifting".
What I like:
The imagery is absolutely amazing and the analogy of the rose is simply lovely. Meter is good and the thoughts are profound.
Suggestions:
At places I feel that it sounds more like prose than poetry. Some lines end in the middle and make it difficult to read the poem in aloud in a consistent rhythm.
Overall Feel:
Readers like me may have to read the poem many times to understand the basic idea. I really want to understand this completely but, to me, the real meaning is lost in the analogies. This is just my point of view. A poetry is usually personal to the poet so it is always for the readers to interpret in their own ways. I guess your poem is a good candidate for interpretations.
The story is really great and imaginative. I like the way it completes the circle. Thanks for sharing it.
Compared to the rest of the story, the end disappointed me a bit. I was expecting something stronger. It kind of just ended suddenly. Just my feelings though.
How absolutely amazing! The analogy of the word and the book to the soul are really wonderful. Though the poem is a bit complex, at least for me , upon reading it twice, I understand it now and love it. It will haunt me for a while now.
What I like:
The poem is simple, direct, and easy to understand. I like the rhythm in most places and the fact that the poem is talking about the other side, if you get what I mean. It is easy to find poems from the point of view of the tormented. But I have not read many that speak from the tormentor.
Suggestions:
If you could somehow rephrase "He tied a noose round his neck" to make it a bit shorter, it would be as rhythmic as the rest of the poem. It is important as in my opinion, this is the turning point of the poem.
Another thing, you give the reader a hint about the impending suicide in the fourth stanza as well. I personally think that without this hint, the effect of the suicide will be more profound.
Overall Feel:
A nice poem, easy to understand and relate. You convey their feelings very well. Kudos and do write on.
Cheers,
-Vibha
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Nicely written! Just one complain... I want to know what the prize was
The short piece held my attention. The writing is crisp and to the point.
Looking forward to your novel..
Cheers,
Vibha A Proud Member of the WDC Angel Army
This is beautiful! My husband is away on a long business trip and this poem touches me deeply.
I also like the way you add new words to increase the length of the last line in subsequent paragraphs. It is a unique technique. I, at least, have not seen this ever in poetry.
Thanks for sharing,
Cheers,
Vibha A proud member of the WDC Angel Army
I guess it is easier to live when you feel that you are a good person and have not done any harm to anyone. It is always easier to live with a clear conscience.
I guess, for me, world's approval or disapproval or even indifference is not a good enough reason to change yourself. In case you want to change, it should be for yourself. But then this is what I feel personally.
You write well and express yourself beautifully. Apart from the following spelling mistake, I cannot point out any other technical improvement:
Weekend was a bit busy and I was not able to log on at all. So here are my comments as you requested.
I can totally identify with parts of this piece. The thoughts are beautiful and to the point. They flow well. It is like reading poetry.
Just one suggestion. How about breaking this piece into two paragraphs. One from "Find a place....you wish to obtain." And the second from "Pray...within to speak."
This is very interesting so far. I want to know more about Eleanor and I am sure I will read the story again once you add to it.
Just one small suggestion. In Chapter 2, you talk about Eleanor in para 1, then Anya in Para 2, and then Eleanor again in Para 3. Do you think it will be better if you mention Anya first and then go into details about Eleanor?
I am also working on a story dealing with a mental institution. It is really painful to watch these people dwelling in their own little worlds.
All the best for this story. I am sure it will turn out well.
This is absolutely Amazing!! The imagination, the feelings, and the brilliant way of writing made me read the entire story at one go. You are really good and I cannot point out any errors or give any suggestion for improvement.
If only they would talk to each other about the stuff they write in their diaries. I mean, lack of communication is what causes most families to fall apart.
You have done well to display the three sides of the story. If in any way, you could do it without using their diaries (may be as a friend trying to solve the families issues by talking to each member) it will appear more realistic.
Technically, I have not found any errors in the story.
Thanks for sharing this.
Cheers,
Vibha
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And thanks for sharing this poem with us.
What I like:
Suggestions:
may have to read the poem many times to understand the basic idea. I really want to understand this completely but, to me, the real meaning is lost in the analogies. This is just my point of view. A poetry is usually personal to the poet so it is always for the readers to interpret in their own ways. I guess your poem is a good candidate for interpretations.