Hi Ned!
this is truly an enchanting poem, content-wise. The form of course, is interesting.
It takes me to that place down the lane, where daisies grow. Must be a serene and solitary place.
The picture of two friends engaged in summer activities takes me to my own summer holidays in the distant past.
Even as the story is repeated as per the "task" it hasn't lost its charm. That's the specialty I find in this poem.
With vivid imagery and appealing word choices, with rhythm and rhyme intact, it flows well.
The thrill of being on rapids is well shown here. There is a feel-good message to the reader. It is not fear that the rapids ignite but it is a joy of a different level.
"Such a peaceful tranquil melody the waters deliver'
This is exactly how I felt during my recent visit to the river Ganga in India during the river festival. The cool and clean waters had me in their thrall. Unforgettable indeed:
Your imagery is vivid and the thoughts are spontaneously expressed. Rivers are great sources of providing water and their banks are the places where cultures develop and histories made.
It is a pleasure and privilege to review this flash fiction, which also sounds like nonfiction.
The blessings of internet and online studies are well highlighted in this undoubtedly credible story.
We have dozens of Edgars frequenting our society albeit with great talent and academic merits. But for their timidness and shyness, they would shine like a million stars. Along with timidness comes the inevitable stress of facing strangers. Facing unfamiliar people can downgrade their self confidence sending wrong signals to those interviewing him or her. Therefore the failure.
Calling Edgar a "coward" is taking it to an extreme. He is not shying away from meeting the challenge other than facing orals. He is made that way and no amount training could have improved his nature.
I am happy that this sad tale of Edgar ends on a justifiably happy note. Thanks to "online schooling," he is now a Diploma holder. Congratulations to Edgar!
springtime green in various patches of the garden is alluringly displayed in this rhyming verse.
Spring is here in our patch of green as well. The blades shine in the sunlight and the trees stand tall with their leaves glistening as well.
The mint and lemon are made prominent along side the jade green trees and bushes in the garden.
Their scents are intermingled producing an aroma of the healthy kind.
The green you proffer in the poem is such a soothing shade for the eye.
"But the garden beyond has deeper hues of jade."
This poem appeals to senses and the imagery is vivid and visual.
The experience of falling in love is expressed in an easy way.
The question of what is love is given an answer in an unassuming manner.
"We found something special in each other
So special that I would rather not have another"
Distance can only make the hearts grow fonder. "Love is not love that alters when it alteration finds". How true!
Come what may, the idea of love is found fresh and new by every generation including the present. Love is as eternal as the elements.
It flows fine.
Have a wonderful WDC Account Anniversary!
Like most people, I see the author is secretive and is an introvert. He is not what he appears to be. All of us shut up and stay silent at some point of time, when our wishes do not come true, when people question us of your motives. We don't like it. It is perfectly understandable because it is human nature. Nobody is perfect. Yet, of what use of is our intellect, if we stay holed up in a secret cove called self, of burying oneself in self? Obviously, when we don't want to answer questions that threaten our feeling of security, we stay silent, which they say is ill-advised.
" I made it so no one can interfere and leave me alone."
An expressive confession!
Edit-
"more about you then you."
(more about you than you.")
Well, this sounds like a great plan for the newly appointed candidates.
The kind of job that the author mentions is not the kind where you can work without training.
At least, three months of apprenticeship is needed.
" I don’t understand how people could start in this field (or any specialized field for that matter) with no training."
All the points you raised are worth considering and are of use once someone joins here.
The way you charted out the steps to success, makes it work with ease.
Searching for a dear friend in the deep water shows a desperate attempt to bring back the past, the reluctance to say goodbye forever.
Poet's emotions are clearly reflected in her reflections of a friend who will not come back despite a deep search.
Imagination plays on her mind and it shows her face in the water. it is a waking dream wherein the logical and conscious mind is cheated into believing what the subconscious wills.
"I blinked twice, and opened my eyes
I saw your face in the stream."
It flows well with vivid imagery and a clear imagination.
For a poet, it takes effort and feeling to express what he means. Your poem illustrates it in appropriate imagery.
“You must follow its map
of tiny bloody pricks..”
At times, poet’s feelings are akin to the soft touch and smell of rose petals and lo! he is instantly inspired. Either way, a poem is not “abracadabra”.
Comparison of a poem with a hymn shows the devotion and belief a poet experiences as he writes.
The truth about writing a poem is well shown. It flows well.
Thank you.
Have a wonderful WDC Account Anniversary, dear redringhhood!
I miss your Newsletters.
A son's agony of sin and his ecstasy at the feet of mother Ganges are duly described with verve and grief.
Dear Prof. Moriarty,
I loved this piece of splendid prose on the magnificence the most venerated of rivers of India and her tolerance of millions of Indians who pollute her on a daily basis.
The fact of forgiving comes naturally to a mother and a river. They forgive the sins and protect the progeny.
"Scientists are still grappling with her mysterious ability to retain dissolved oxygen."
A true miracle indeed!
I enjoyed reading through this emotional piece of prose.
Eternal sea gives rise to reflections as the poet takes a breather on the steel deck. Elements appear in different shades to different people. Expression is all about what is happening inside a person.
"The roar of wind upon my face
Like accusations in my ear.'
The ambience at sea is shown in the wind's "roar". Yes indeed, the power of wind could sway the ship in any manner.
The color of the sea under a hot sun seems to mesmerize the poet. It takes all your attention and wits with it.
Beware the witching waves!
Great imagery and vivid description lend charm to this poem.
It flows well.
It is hard work. And it is shown well as the worker concentrates on mending fences. Whether in the physical sense or the metaphorical, the title reaches out. Mending fences involves a person to spend a lot of time cutting and fixing the fence with wire or wood, whatever is needed.
"Long hours spent in weather's hand
Resting's just a token."
This poem takes me to places and I could see work in progress as the day advances. It is a great job requiring not only skill and talent but also patience and perseverance.
"From sun up to sun down'
Wagon or horseback do not matter except the completion of the job at hand.
We are told that to get a job is no easy matter. One needs put his or her likes behind it and secure the job.
It is great idea like they say, "a bird in hand is worth two (or ten) in the bush" during a phase of unemployment.
Loved the pace and language of the story poem. Style is unique too.
This poem is a true reflection of helplessness and aloneness in facing a problem and not able to help solving it.
"The frustration of not being able to help
Can drive one to distraction."
I am just looker-on of the unwanted things and broken ties between the two I love most. When things fall apart, we need to build the bond from the very beginning. But sometimes the beginnings are untraceable. Then comes the only solution you could think of and the one support we all fall back upon,
"One must resort to prayer,
And ask the Lord for a resolution."
You have very sensibly and appealingly shown as to how to solve a tough problem.
Word choices are superb, imagery is visual and the rhythm and rhyme are true winners.
The joy of listening to Him and obeying His will are clearly and heartily reiterated in this poem.
Obviously, a believer with strong faith in God, the poet has great joy in declaring her deep devotion to God Almighty.
"How precious is time spent in your Word."
Why do we believe in Him? The answer is simple. He is the only one to stand and support you in times of calamities we face in life and unsolvable other things we come across in life.
"At times, the way is not clear."
The benefit of obeying His will is enormous, the only qualification being the ability to listen to His voice, which of course, few are blessed with.
"In my missteps, I recall your precepts."
Indeed, blessed are those who are His true devotees.
There many levels at which this poem excels.
First of all, the bookshelf point of view, twisting the tale at the end.
"With love,
Your bookshelf."
It is much more than what the reader expects.
Secondly, the appropriate theme, which took the generation by storm, namely, the era of cellphone.
"You’re always on your phone these days
It’s always in your hand"
Third of all, there is a gentle satire regarding the way we neglected the reading habit, especially the younger generation. Oh, what happened to all those books we were pouring, I mourn.
"You and I were once so close
Sharing good times together"
I love the inherent message, an eye opener if you may.
Nothing like reading, nothing matches the kind of imagination and inspiration we derive through reading.
The poem flows well and right into my heart with vivid images of books and the iPhone, the new love of the masses.
This flash fiction story has the ingredients necessary for an appealing story. The beginning, middle and the end are convincing enough not to ask questions like,
why was Miranda's granny living like a recluse?
Why is Miranda anxious to meet her?
what was it that made Maisy afraid of Lady Byron?
Is she related to Lord Byron, the poet?
Of course, flash fiction has a limited number of words wherein you cannot fit in all the answers.
Wonderful end, sounds natural too.
""Maisy, I'd like you to meet my grandmother.""
Who would ever imagine?
Love is such a powerful thing. It is an indubitable truth for you. It lets us be what we want, imagine and realize.
It is well explored in this short and telling verse.
Figures, especially the simile is used with effect, to bring out the essence of love, the motive.
"....I want to disappear into the obsession of you."
The bond of love is a promise, a dream and an aspiration. it is shown as "destiny" the unseen force in life.
Hope never dies so long as it is kept alive by love.
What you are saying, if I understood it well is,
example is better than precept.
Mere words don't satisfy or prove anything.
"The ramblings of the resolute
are wasted words, spent on our youth."
Object lessons matter. They are crucial to educate someone like a son or a student. They are very sharp. They look for a follow up. Practical wisdom reaches out quickly, especially, if you are a teacher.
This is a realistic poem. You seem to have tested the truth. It comes out very well indeed in this rhyming verse.
Imagery appeals along with simple and understandable word choices.
Stunning in impact, this poem is a winner.
Crisp and quick the visuals pass on my mind's eye.
Two short stanzas, the first about the plane taking off and then crashing down for reasons unknown.
They could be technical or human errors. Is flying safe enough? is the doubt that springs on my mind.
The second is more diagrammatic. It shows a ghastly scene of death and mortal remains. What could be more saddening and shocking? Innocents killed right before our eyes. Whom do we blame? Safety measures not in place.
This short and practical piece of writing shows how important it is to keep mother earth clean so we humans and all life could lead a life of joy and health.
Imagine the beach cluttered with plastic and other things of waste. It comes close to hell.
Care and considerateness are important for a peaceful coexistence.
Everybody should follow the rules.
"We always gathered our own locally sourced fire wood. At the end of the trip we always made sure our fire was all the way out before packing up the car."
There are no exceptions to this rule of observing cleanliness.
Like the mother in the family, every family should have steward to watch for the young children to keep the place clean and tidy from the beginning of their lives.
It is both a need and there is no option.
In simple terms, the story highlighted the need of the hour i.e. to watch over the earth sincerely.
It is a lovely thought to have a would be grandfather to give the bride away on her marriage. The importance of being escorted down the aisle with someone you love to have by your side during a life changing ceremony called matrimony.
The details of the bride's background are skillfully woven into the fabric of the poem. It shows how convincing it is to have the grand father to be in the place of a father.
This is exactly what happened during my son's marriage. In the absence of the bride's father, the boy's grandfather took the initiative to give the bride away. I can relate to the idea very well.
The setting of the wedding appeals to my aesthetic sense. With the ocean afar, the sky and the earth, the presence of elements is appropriately seen.
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