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Review by jaya Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Cynaemon!
This free style poem left me breathless and overwhelmed, believe me.
What a cruel fate that she and her friend were killed in a ghastly accident. The state of her three little girls is beyond my anguished imagination.

" her life ripped away." at thirty-six.

Imagining what her later life looked like is not an easy challenge. Yet, you did it successfully, hearteningly and memorably.

The description of her life, stage by stage, brings into focus the family she could never enjoy, the contentment she could never share.

"At seventy her adventurous
spirit led her to worlds"
This is the time when a woman is free of her familial duties and is able to travel to interesting regions of the world. So true to life!

From this brief but touching sketch of a mother's life, I can easily read her character. Here is a lady, who worked hard, loved her children, had friends and who loved to look on her family with pride and contentment.
This poem sounds like a tribute to a mother who is no more. It instills love for one's own mother.

Write on!

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Review by jaya Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Jen!

Memories of by-gone days are effectively expressed in the stillness of a quiet room. What a nice location to do so.
"The aged lady" sounds happy and contented just to recall the past moments of joy. There is no edge of sadness on her or teary eyes, which make a difference.
"She perched comfortably in her armchair"

Nice to find her without grief but only with contentment for the happy life she must have had.

The clutch of flowers is prettily inhaled and their fragrance is a sure reminder of another happy occasion of the past.

Past happiness sheds a great effect on the present. Past is not dead, it's very much alive and vibrant where memories dwell and cast a happy shadow on the present.

Senses are well used and the imagery plays a core role.

Write on!

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Review of Why?  Open in new Window.
Review by jaya Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Blue Jay!

these questions might seem easy, but they take time and effort in explaining. It is difficult to answer the obvious, not the hidden.

So we need to explain the natural elements in order to satisfy the whys and wherefores.

The children's questions, as above surely come from five or seven-year-olds. They must have already reached the age of reason. These are not basic questions. They must have observed a lot. That is right, it is observation, which gives rise to curiosity and the related questions.
"Why does a fish live in water and swim?
And why does a bird build a nest on a limb?"

A teacher is committed to answer these queries, and so is their mother. Usually, it is the mother as far as my experience goes. They would persist till they find answers. Thank God, I was patient. Only then, they are encouraged. "Just keep asking questions"

I revisited their childhood, thanks to this flowing rhyming verse.

Write on!

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Review by jaya Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Wendy,
this looks like an interesting journey from New York to California. Many dream of such adventure.
All the girls are bold and ready to face odds like that of being questioned by the police.
It is also good to see the police keeping tabs on hitchhikers and lonely road travelers.
The last bit of conversation is humorous.

"Donna showed them the map we were using and the route we decided to take and said "our fathers are not in our lives so it doesnt matter what they think".

I should appreciate your mother's support in your travels. Generally, mothers are very protective and wouldn't dream of letting daughters travel by themselves.

I hope you reached California safe and sound.

Edit-
"doesnt"
(doesn't)

"a 21 year old women"
(a 21 year old woman)

"He eyed my with"
(He eyed me with)

There is punctuation to be inserted almost throughout the story.

Write on!
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5
5
Review of Breakable  Open in new Window.
Review by jaya Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Equilibrium!

this looks like an abstract poem about passion, determination or even anger.

"Fire crawls through your eyes"

Fire to me, sounds like passion, which burns slowly to show in the eyes first. Fierce emotion breaks through eyes.
"running through your cracked exterior."
That smile seems like a crack filler repairing the surface cracks.

Terms like "burning" "bleeding" speak of deep involvement.
It also seems to symbolically mean an intense, destructive, or painful phenomenon. All in all, it sounds like an inescapable, searing emotion. It seems to have covered the entire body.

"a smile breaking from your mouth"
This "breaking" appears to me as a sudden eruption of a smile.

"as flames dance on."
indicate euphoric highs and destructive lows.

A vivid and imagistic poem!

Write on!
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Review of She  Open in new Window.
Review by jaya Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hello Krazy Daze!

It is quite obvious to see the siren's song got you chained to the bewitching beauty and you have become a willing slave without much force.

"As I let her feast upon my will"
A very telling visual in which we see your complete surrender, for she wins your love with ease.

Enslaving people seems a familiar game for her, she knows how to take advantage of gullible men and keep them dancing to her tempting tunes.

"And one by one her sirens song
Has kept us chained within her throng"

Like the sailors of Ulysses she chained all for a long time.

I can hear your cries of despair, for there is no way to get away from her hellish charm.
Desire is destructive as I observe.

And so it went for as long as "she" desires and not before.

The sealed fate of a young man is shown in vivid imagery and perfect word choices.

Rhyme and rhythm are winsome.

Write on!
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Review by jaya Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
Hello Eric!

Like you, I too am a fan of the WDC.
Ever since I stumbled on it by accident, I am taken by its various activities. To my surprise, I found that it is not just a writing and reading site but has several other activities,

"there are statics, madlibs. and campfires to do"

I remember the thrill I felt when I saw my first appeared on the site followed by several reviews as well plus gps.
"whatever you write, you can find it here"

Reviewing is another activity by which I am able to read several authors and poets writing in different genres.
The contests and competitions inspired me to experiment with genres unfamiliar for me till then.

" the sandbox you see
now transformed into a hive full of bees"

Metaphorical use of an empty space becoming busy verging on chaos.
"full of bees"
indicate a lot of noise.
This is expected. When there is a large crowd, it tends to get busy beyond limits.
However, there is no chaos here because the site runs like clock work.
I can't endorse that observation.

Write on!

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Review of Peace  Open in new Window.
Review by jaya Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello rjsimonson!

The quality of peace is well shown in vivid imagery. You took me to the sea, the air and the living breath which demonstrate the idea of peace.
"Tranquility fills the
Mind,
Body
and
Soul."

Peace is a state of mind where there is an absence of conflict and restlessness. I think it is something one has to find and experience. The quiet moments when we let the brain rest and the breath to balance and the spirit to experience utter stillness are the moments of peace. It is like still silence in the woods or calmness in the lake.

This rhythmic verse follows the pattern of peace, with a leisurely movement and a calm flow of words, effortless and spontaneous.

"A serene stillness" brings a "wealth of happiness" which is peace.

Splendidly stated.

Write on!

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9
for entry "Sprinkler August" Open in new Window.
Review by jaya Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Hi Philwon!

This is an August poem describing sprinkler rain. Those showers of rain hit now and again but not a downpour. Light rain lets you take a walk enjoy the sprinkle for a while.
"leaves
beech apples bushy green"
and the parched earth get enough rain to get sated.

To "keep bad hours": This idiom describes someone who is regularly late or early in returning home or retiring for the night.

"better rain" seems a figurative wish for a better rain to clear the air or improve a situation.

This is different from the idiom "as right as rain."

"soon today
tomorrow"

The above lines used without punctuation is about a doubtful situation. Not sure of today or tomorrow.
It however is difficult to predict rain.

Somehow, I find this short poem enjoyable. It makes me put an effort to decipher it.

Write on!

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Review by jaya Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Snow!
This is a pretty little poem hailing spring and its joys.

It is a free style poem with a great rhythm contemplating spring.
Spring is one season noted by all. Even in a snowy cold place nature has a way of showing the joy of the flowering season.

"proclaiming to all
the arrival of spring."

"spring's celebration" is renewal of nature. Blooming flowers and new leaves and singing birds bring in vitality to things dormant during the hardships of winter.
Animals emerge from hibernation. What an energetic season it is!

It also symbolizes new beginnings and outdoor activities.

This poem moves with a spring to its feet and shows the inherent happiness in hailing spring.

I enjoyed the vivid imagery and simple word choices.

Write on!

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Review of Letters from home  Open in new Window.
Review by jaya Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello CP!

Your experiences of joining the war and serving in the Korean conflict are worth reading about.
For civilians like me, they are of great value and understanding.
"physical workouts, classes, marching, and inspections."

Getting mail from home is considered truly valuable and worth waiting for.
"The highlight of the day was mail call."

I am sure, it was like finding a treasure.

Your generosity in sharing letters from Mom must have provided your colleague with remembrance of his home memories.
I think of it as an act of kindness on your part, an instinctive gesture.

"For some unknown reason I handed my Mom’s letter to him. He took it immediately and read it slowly without saying a word"

It is a good thing that he too finally started receiving mail from his sisters.

You drew my attention to the difference between email and actual hand written letters. The latter bear human touch, not so the electronic email.

Very informative and emotional write up.

Write on!

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Review by jaya Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Dobie Mom!

This horror story is quite interesting. The flash fiction entry deserves credit as it pulls the reader through halls of fear slicing through the body, delivering it with chill.

"Ice travelled throughout her body ending in her stomach."

The motif that runs through the events is "I know who you are."
So the invisible presence and the girl in the story, know what befell them and that they were participants in the incident, which might have resulted in death.

It is an interesting factor that the dead souls become ghosts to reap revenge on their wrong doers directly, as it takes place in this tale of horror.
"Finally, she kicked out and felt her legs go free."
The ghost actually held her captive?

My doubts apart, you created a horror-charged atmosphere very well. Kudos for that.

Write on!
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Review of Childrens' Dreams  Open in new Window.
Review by jaya Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello Mitch!
Children's dreams never go wasted. Their hopes and goals and exciting ambitions and hopeful outlook are a healthy influence on later times.

The dreams I had as a child are full of imagination and righteousness to lead a clean and sincere life. I loved a teacher's career, which I realized after my college studies.

"Children's days are much too short"
But of course. Pleasure winged days fly fast. Don't they?

As they transform into adults, in actuality, their dreams should of need, be stronger and more possible.

"If grown-ups could regain their long lost dreams,"
It is possible to make "if" turn into reality. I have learnt to dream better and bigger as I grew.

Even as you "dream of getting by" there is still a possibility to fit in your favorite dream. I know I sound like an incurable optimist, who I am. But this is the reason why I don't just get by, but live a full life with minimum needs and time to spare on myself.

Should dreams change? My answer is no.

Write on!

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Review of Socks and feet  Open in new Window.
Review by jaya Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Shadowcaster!

I can understand the problem with feet and socks. Winter or summer feet need ventilation. It is difficult to keep them covered in socks all the time, especially at bed time.

"During the winter it starts anew
The argument of what to do"

Yet, the strong winds and the cold snow of winter make coward of us all and drive us to find warmth to counter the killing chill. They say that pneumonia strikes through cold and this cold has a fair chance to creep up to the lungs from feet if they are not properly protected.

Those heavy winter coats and jackets frighten me causing aches in the neck muscles. Yet, ice is a pretty good agent to kill. So it is not impulse that saves us from bitter cold but the warmth of the fire side with feet encased in socks.

What you say is true but you haven't said is also true.

Write on!

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Review by jaya Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Ann!

The title is a strong symbol of hope, love and spiritual guidance.
The devotee in the poem is embarked on a journey that assures in reaching the light because he or she can spot it in the distance and so the journey continues.

In the second stanza, you mentioned "inner light" which to me is another essential feature that keeps up the zest and drive to find light, which in turn promises paradise.

"Answers to my many questions" will surely be found with persistent search in the soul. It is nothing short of a miracle that quite often, unsolved puzzles of life and unanswered questions find solutions and answers as one kneels in prayerful silence.

With faith burning bright in the depressive darkness of life, light will surely dawn ending a long night.
This poem shows how to find light and how to continue seeking it till you reach your goal.

"I know that a paradise waits for me
If at the end of a tunnel light I can see."

Imagery is vivid. It is spiritually charged symbolic poem.

Write on!

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Review of Old Yellow Chair  Open in new Window.
Review by jaya Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Jeanette!

this is a heartening poem, in which you become the child again suffering untold miseries and painful beatings at the hands of a parent, your father.

If he is giving vent to his urge to beat the kids he fathered, he is letting out the beast within.
The yellow chair is used as a metaphor for past punishment, a chair that reminds a child of the uncalled for ire and beatings at the hands of father.
It is not surprising therefore, to know that there is no love lost between the children and their dad. Only bitterness and helpless anger remain.

"I can still feel the fabric
pressed tightly to my skin,"

The above lines suggest discomfort of clinging clothes due to sweat and sorrow.
Fathers, who cannot bring up children with love and care have no right to father them.

It is but natural for a child as it grows to nurture bitterness and murderous feelings to a beastly father.
"I'd put it in an empty lot
with all the courage I found,
shoot it with a shotgun,
then burn it to the ground."

This should serve as sufficient warning to erring parents.

Very appealing poem with details told in a vivid manner.

Write on!

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Review of Are You Happy?  Open in new Window.
Review by jaya Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hello giftedmuse!

These encounters between former lovers could be a bit uneasy as they come. Words run short and sentences hang in the middle as though unable to fill the gap.

"the sentence dissolved before it reached your lips."

Such meetings could evoke a range of emotions from nostalgia, renewed connection to renewed bitterness depending on the reasons why parted.

" our truths stayed buried."
Metaphorically speaking you don't want to connect again, which sometimes is good for both.


"but it felt like borrowing someone else's face."
you no longer have endearing memories of the person concerned.

Realities cannot be forgotten, particularly when it comes to how he broke her heart.
"remembering how to break."

It is a telling and a visual poem that graphically shows emotion-filled meetings between erstwhile lovers.

Write on!

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Review of Grandpa's Room  Open in new Window.
Review by jaya Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hello Don!

this is an excellent attempt at making use of more than one sense besides vision.
Your life as a grandchild is truly appealing.
In my opinion, grandfathers are impatient and do not like too many questions.
I find the character of grandfather is well thought out and his patience with his inquisitive grandson is admirable.

The little boy seems to be enjoying the art lessons sitting with his grandfather as he paints away.
"Then I'd watch as he took a dab of red, a dab of white, and with the hushed scraping of a stiff brush,..."

The second part of the story is just the opposite of the first part. Things work most miserably sometimes. To see the tiny girl immobile suffering from Anoxia is pitiful.
Two sides of a coin are well presented. Grandpa's room is interestingly presented from two different angles.
Description and dialog appeal to me.

Write on!

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Review of Old and Gullible  Open in new Window.
Review by jaya Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello plainsue!

This is a true to life poem. Frailties of age and mind emerge like devils out of darkness, when years accumulate.
Face is lined with pain or concern, gait is slow and mind has the misfeature of forgetting.
"Time and frustrations
Etch across my face"

They say age is just a number. But it makes difference in thinking and acting as old age takes on. Staying young at heart is another euphemism for not getting worried about old age. Nothing can go against nature, even positive thinking.

The perils of age are well brought out in this autobiographical poem.
" Being too gullible with dealings
Of money.."

Again a well uttered truth from life with regard to the disadvantages of old age!

This is a common occurrence with seniors. Strangers and known people alike take undue advantage of their weakness to calculate or spend money, especially with no support.

Keep moving, for moving is life and life is moving for maintaining healthy body, says a doctor my neighbor.

Write on!

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Review by jaya Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi afamwriter!

I find this a useful tutorial.
Our grammar classes used to be dull and monotonous. It sounded as dry as mathematics for me.
As days went by, when I started reading stories for comprehension purposes, I understood the significance of quotation marks, commas and spacing.

Talking of spacing, I came across a letter written to me in which there is no proper spacing. With the result, I was not able to connect words and sentences. I brought it to the notice of the person, who wrote it and showed how he should do it for clarity.

Your class room example serves the purpose splendidly.
""Bulls-eye!" Tim yells. "I love that game!""

Of quotation marks and spacing- Examples of this kind make the lesson interesting and a learning experience.

Enlightening!

Write on!

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Review by jaya Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Alice!

Hope you had fulfilled your dream occupation of getting your hair washed and set.

Humorous to the hilt, I find it wonderfully recreational.
Indeed, the importance they attach to taking care of hair is super abnormal.
"And then…I just leave it. Ah it's okay but I don’t feel like a million bucks. Maybe like 25…and change. 25 Cents? Sometimes."

Spending a lot of time contemplating hair wash and styling sounds like sin beyond forgiveness.

But when it comes to hair, for some women or men too, it is pure vanity that makes them either thrilled or left in the sloughs of depression as per the result.

"you walk out feeling and looking like a million bucks. It's the best feeling in the world."

It is none short of feeling the whole world rotates around you. Happiness depends on good hair. Alas!

Absolutely refreshing satire!

Write on!

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Review of The Empty Seat  Open in new Window.
Review by jaya Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello K.Ray!

Undoubtedly this is a touching poem with visual imagery.
"I miss all
of the things I took for granted..."

When the dear one departs, understanding dawns.
"I miss the shape
of your head blocking the view"

Yet, those precious moments of time spent together, are restored in memories. None can replace the smile, the kiss and the moments of togetherness despite the wheel chair.

It is the heart that brims with love, it is eyes that glitter with a smile and it is the tears that speak of sorrow that count long after the wheel chair became empty.

The title "The Empty Seat" is used as metaphor for the absent love physically yet, never far from a heart that bears the imprint of love that lasts forever.

A reaching-out kind of a poem.

Write on!

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Review by jaya Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Stallion!

The spiritual journey you embarked on is absolutely captivating as spiritual journeys do. It reminds me of pilgrimages undertaken by the devotees to Mecca, Benares or Bethlehem.
As you have weathered many perils on the way to the land of milk and honey, the soul progresses from obstacle to another to finally reach the destination where it is possible to experience the presence of the Almighty.

From a desert land to a place of rain and then a glimpse of the land you sought and believed to be a land of milk and honey take place painstakingly.
Nothing but a deeply embedded belief alone could see you through sand, dust, rain and river.
"...River was now flowing to the Throne of the God who rules
over the land flowing with milk and honey."

The narrative is interestingly done with fascinating observations of Biblical origin.

This prose poem goes a long way in instilling faith in the non-believer too.

Write on!


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Review of At three  Open in new Window.
Review by jaya Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Kare!

The thoughts of a three-year old are brought to my mind in vivid images.
You did go into the psyche of one in precise human terms.

That is exactly how she behaved at three, Sofia my grand daughter.
She would scream in excitement at the change of traffic lights from red to green as she learns the names of colors.

Their sense freedom is of another level, innocent and free at three.
"open the gate to Mary's yard,
or go through Libby's."

Sun, burning or not, made no difference, her world is full of play and laughter. She plays with the water hose, happy to be wet, giggling through out.

I like the engaging tone as real life of a three-year old unfolds before my mind's eye.

At five, the child is already into a different world. That too is real.

Write on!

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25
25
Review of Cellar Dark  Open in new Window.
Review by jaya Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello nomlet!

the real scare is at the end, but you prepared us well to expect it.

"The cellar door was open... just a crack."
It tells me that it is not usual that the cellar is open just a crack. So I get into an anticipatory mode. I walk with Jack to peer into the two inch gap. Anything can happen to me, I know.

The dark always threatens and proffers a challenge, if you can.

"Cellar black. That particular quality of dark that hides things."
You showed how the mind works under such circumstances. heart beats faster, pulse quickens.
Now the final step.
" something peeked out."

What made Jack sink to the floor gripped in fear?
The reader is shocked too "other Jack grinned pure evil and winked. Winked goodbye."

Fear can kill, shock can stupefy. Poor jack!

Visual images of fear fill my mind.

Write on!

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