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7 Public Reviews Given
7 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review of Questions  Open in new Window.
Review by Wackness Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (2.0)
Content is standard, but personal, and thus could work when put in the right way.

A good lesson is that "form can amplify content", and I think this is something you can definitely utilize in this piece.
It seems like the speaker's feelings are all over the place; "butterflies running rampant". So why not format it that way?

Let the lines go all over the page!

Maybe one can go here.
Then one here.
And who knows, maybe one here.

However you format it is up to you, but the scattered look on the page might help your emotional message.

-Wackness
PS. Butterflies? Phrase is kind of cliche, sorry. I believe you can do better with all the potential you have.
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Review of Razor Bend  Open in new Window.
Review by Wackness Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Definitely a solid piece, but I really think the stanza,

"Behind the eyes of what
makes this man
hidden behind shields
of
good nature
virtual honesty
while knowing
it's not my total truth"

is the true poem here. You say a lot without being too cliche [i.e. darker side of my mind]. I really feel like this is the core of your piece, and perhaps you should work from this stanza and surround it with others that compliment it in whatever style you choose.
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