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1,223 Public Reviews Given
1,228 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I try to give reviews the way I prefer to receive them. Honesty, thoughts for improvement, and identifying strengths are aspects that I prefer from others, so I give these things in return.
I'm good at...
I can pretty much review anything, whether poetry or short stories. My favorite genres to read are horror and the odder side of fiction, but I am open to reading other genres. If I do review a genre that is not one I particularly enjoy reading, then I am most likely going to review it based on the structure, rather than the content.
Favorite Genres
I tend to gravitate toward writings in the dark genres. With short stories and novels, horror is my favorite. With poetry, I prefer writings that display raw emotions. If your writing tackles a subject that people find offensive, I might like it.
Least Favorite Genres
Christian literature, Western, and Children's. I will NOT read or review anything that consists of XGC material between minors and adults or encourages abuse as acceptable behaviors.
Favorite Item Types
Dark poetry, horror, emotional, autobiographical, erotica, psychology
Least Favorite Item Types
Horror is one of my favorites to read and write. Also, poetry that tackles intense subject matter interests me.
I will not review...
I WILL NOT review anything that encourages abuse as acceptable behavior or includes XGC material between a minor and adult. All review requests asking me to read whole novels or later chapters will be rejected. The reason being is that I can not give a fair review of chapter 3 when I have not read the chapters before that and, the time allowance when requests for reviews are made does not allow for enough time to read a whole novel.
Public Reviews
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176
176
Review of An Impetuous Walk  Open in new Window.
Review by Warped Sanity Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Dark Society  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
** Image ID #2097750 Unavailable **

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


It is me again. I had to see what other offerings in the horror genre you had for me. This was quite an interesting tale.

The hook
The first paragraph is done well, grabbing the reader by showing them that something important has happened. I wanted to read on to see what it was.

Dialogue
Dialogue is done well for the most part. There is an area where you wrote "he said". Typically it is obvious that someone said something, so body language works better to show the story.

Character development
There is plenty of character development. Kim obviously has gone through some sort of head trauma and is very disoriented. She scares easy too, obviously.

The man that comes into the story later is calm, which enhances the skittish qualities shown in Kim.

Scenery
The darkness of the woods, which can be creepy, is clearly shown. I particularly like how you describe the crackle of the leaves under her feet and show the ground to be wet by showing her slipping.

Plot
There were some interesting twists. I kept thinking this was going to be a werewolf story. Very cleaver distraction.

One thing that I am confused about is Rebecca. Mention of her makes it seem that she has left this other woman behind somewhere, yet this is never clarified. Instead it is a man that appears, which leaves Rebecca an unsolved mystery for the reader.

Mechanics
Was I in such a snit- I was
spilled and brilliant under the moonlight. I would remove "and" in this sentence


Suggestions
The darkness felt- when the words "felt" are used, there is telling rather than showing. The lines read better without that word. This is something that has been pointed out to me in my own writing several times. It is a challenging habit to break.

Final thoughts
Your tale was interesting and full of imagery. Besides the issues mentioned, it is a good story. It just needs a bit of editing.

Thank you for sharing your writing. When you get around to editing this, make sure to let me know, so that I can up my rating according to repairs made. *Heart*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
177
177
Review by Warped Sanity Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Dark Society  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
** Image ID #2124167 Unavailable **

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


I noticed that you have an anniversary with WDC this month. Happy anniversary and thank you for your contributions that are part of what makes this a wonderful place.

There was so much diversity to choose from in your port, but horror is my favorite, so I figured I would see your offerings in that genre. This title of this particular story caught my eye. For such a short write, it is packed with excitement.


The hook
A friend that is published once told me that publishing companies often look at the first sentence. If it doesn't grab them, they don't read the rest. You begin by telling the reader that "it was a dark and stormy night." My suggestion is to remove that. The story is stronger without it. If you would like to express that it is dark, maybe show your character trying to find the moon, but it being hidden by the thundering clouds.

Character development
This is done well. The woman in this is realistic in her actions, especially when she rationalizes whether to go to the boat or her husband's life jacket. I like how you did not make her weak. She is strong, not giving up, even after the ocean has taken her husband.

Dialogue
The speech from the characters follows normal speech patterns, rather than being overly formal. You also add body language, rather than the redundant "she said" or "she responded".

Scenery
This is done particularly well, while being added into the actions of the story. The reader does feel those clashing tidal waves and the emergency of the situation.

Plot
It was pretty interesting. I am thinking that the monster was supposed to be real and not a metaphor for the ocean. Though, it is a little unclear. Maybe, if it is supposed to be an actual monster adding some clarity with hints of it somewhere in the story would help. Other than that, the story was very interesting and action packed. It had me on my toes anyhow.

Mechanics
In several areas there needs to be a comma before "but". Other than that, from my perceptions, there are no other grammatical issues.

Final thoughts
This was an action packed story that you penned here. I enjoyed the read. Thank you for sharing y our writing with me. *Heart*


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178
178
Review of Where Did I Go?  Open in new Window.
Review by Warped Sanity Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
** Image ID #2097750 Unavailable **

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


I noticed that you have an anniversary with WDC this month. Happy anniversary and thank you for your contributions that are part of what makes this a wonderful place.


*Hug* This is one of those poems that makes the reader feel all warm and fuzzy inside. It has an element of sadness with the passing of time, then the end made me smile. I imagined a sweet grandmother reminiscing about youth and embracing her age as a grandmother. So very sweet, indeed.

Imagery
The picture adorning this poem goes perfectly with the analogies used. Even though I am not old enough to be a grandmother yet, I often look in that mirror, which displays the passage of time in wrinkles that are forming. Then towards the end with the granddaughter seeing the picture, there is a sense of appreciating those wrinkles. Beautiful metaphor! I couldn't help but smile about the imagery of it all.

Flow
Rhymes are consistent without seeming forced. Each line is strong, flowing cohesively to the other, telling this beautiful story of a grandmother reflecting. Each stanza flows beautifully expanding on the previous, without any confusing gaps.

Mechanics
Structurally, this is well written, without any issues with grammar or spelling, at least as far as my knowledge can find. The only thing I could suggest is that not every line needs to begin with a capital in poetry. Sometimes, visually it is better to use capitalization where the punctuation makes sense to do so.

Final thoughts
You have penned a lovely poem, that I am sure many can relate to. I have enjoyed the sweetness of your words. Thank you for sharing.


I've enjoyed browsing your port. Hopefully you get spoiled on your anniversary. *Heart*


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179
179
Review by Warped Sanity Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
** Image ID #2097750 Unavailable **

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


It is me again, fulfilling my 30,000 characters in reviews for "Invalid Item" Open in new Window.. Happy anniversary! *Heart*

I've had some fun roaming through your horror. I suppose every horror anthology has to have a vampire tale or two and this story in particular was an enjoyable read. It was creative and quite shocking.


The hook
I am thinking that the first few stand alone sentences was a prompt, but it works well to grab the reader as well. It intrigued me and encouraged me to read on in order to see how you spin your end of times vampire tale. Then after those few introductory sentences, you go right into the actions of the story with the dialogue, rather than boring me with long drawn out descriptions. Well done. *Bigsmile*

Dialogue
There is a lot of character development in the dialogue. The happy-go-lucky personality of Clayburn is clearly shown. He is starving, yet he's joking about it. Then there is his darker friend, pushing the urgency of the situation on his friend to the point of expressing quite a bit of anger in reaction his positive view. Though, the close relationship between the two, for which I imagine has developed over hundreds of years, is apparent with the actions toward each other.

Character development
I suppose sometimes dark and sinister leads to higher prospects of survival, especially where vampires come into play. Trudeau is a very serious vampire, expressing the urgency in the situation. This makes him more cautious, unlike his friend. Claburn is about making the best of the situations, yet this also makes him less careful, which leads to his demise.

Scenery
The world, especially when people are beginning to burn is shown in frightening clarity. I would imagine that people would be running for cover once there was a hint of relief from the coming night. At the end with the concrete slab closing them in, the imagery leaves a dark and sinister feeling with the reader, just like the character locking them in forever.

Plot
Although linking vampires with the apocalypse is not an original concept, the delivery and outcome of the story are pretty unique. There were some good twists here. Most would expect a positive outlook to increase odds on survival, but in reality, as your story shows, it leaves room for sloppy decisions. So, your choice in survivors was clever. Then that little bit at the end was a shocker. He gets a big snack before his forever sleep.

Final thoughts
This was a fun read and I enjoyed that the ending was a surprise. It is always disappointing, especially with horror, when the ending is expected.

Thank you for sharing your writing with me. *Heart*


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180
180
Review by Warped Sanity Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+
** Image ID #2097750 Unavailable **

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


For "Invalid Item" Open in new Window., I have to conduct 30,000 characters in reviews this week, so since you have anniversary this month, I figured I would raid your port. Happy anniversary and thank you for your contributions that are part of what makes this a wonderful place.

This was a light little story. I find your personification of Hooves in your various stories to be a fun read.

The hook
The first few sentences di grab the reader, giving a hint to what the story is going to be about. I can relate to those two sentences, as it does seem that in political conversations, the debates do seem pretty redundant, about the same thing over and over, nobody ever fully agreeing on a resolve.

Dialogue
Dialogue was done well, avoiding the overuse of "he said". Instead, you utilize the actions of the story and body language. In addition, the words spoken in the quotation marks follow regular patterns of speech, rather than seeming too formal.

There is a lot of character development in the dialogue too, specifically in the human. She does seem quite demanding towards poor Hoove's.

Character development
Character development is done well. Hooves is a very determined cow, promptly doing her bidding. She even tries to get the correct picture on the stamps. She is very proud as well, flaunting her fancy purse, yet she shows some humbleness with it. The little bit with tossing out the exact chance must have taken great skill, especially without the use of hands, so she is quite coordinated too.

Scenery
The post office is done quite well. The description of the "heavy clouds" adds to the frustrating feel of the long line that awaits her at the post office.

Plot
This was a cute little write, meant to obviously be light. The punch line about the incompetence of the government gave me a little chuckle, as I imagine was your intention.

Final thoughts
This was a fun little read. Thank you for sharing it. *Heart*


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181
181
Review of Slaughterhouse  Open in new Window.
Review by Warped Sanity Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
** Image ID #2097750 Unavailable **

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


For "Invalid Item" Open in new Window. I have to conduct 30,000 characters in reviews this week, so since your anniversary was this month, I thought I would stalk your port. Happy anniversary and thank you for your contributions that are part of what makes this a wonderful place.


I do like a good horror story and you delivered a good one here. It is no surprise that three ribbons adorn this story.

The hook
The beginning grabbed me. I have been known to stare into those wood grains, seeing images, as I am sure many other people have. It is something so mundane, yet if someone is mentally ill, those images could become disturbing illusions.

Character development
I imagined the main character as being emotionless, yet having an intensity about him. The build up of his character is almost like a volcano. He appears calm, yet there is something fierce building up under the surface. He doesn't speak much, but his emotions and actions toward the slaughterhouse environment and toward the end with the children, shows his character clearly.

Dialogue
The dialogue from the parents are realistic, as well as their actions in the situation. Most parents would be upset, spewing angry words at someone who posed a threat to their children in such a way. You also avoid the redundant "he said", and instead utilize implementing the actions and body language of the characters.

Scenery
The scenery is what makes this story. Reading the slaughterhouse description, I 'almost' want to be a vegetarian. It is quite gruesome! I've heard it said that the cows are pretty oblivious of what is going on, but that is likely to protect their psyche as they eat their steak.

My favorite descriptions here is the explanation of the amount of blood and how the cattle react to the smell. Then that image of the cows bunched together, and the excrement from the limited room, is pretty disturbing.

Halloween was a perfect way to set the scene. It is the perfect holiday to present dark legends.

Plot
The build-up in this story was done excellently. I could feel that cold man boiling inside, begging to set his monster free. I kept reading to see what the monster would be once it was freed. Honestly, I feared for those children. This being a horror story, I was unsure what their outcome would be. Then the ending was quite a surprise. It was almost as if the touching he felt was something demonic, devouring him in his demise. The use of the song at the end and around the beginning, sets the mood and delivers a punch to the ending.

Mechanics
I could not find any grammatical or spelling errors. This is a well edited and excellently crafted story.

Final thoughts
I enjoyed your horrific tale. Writing psychological horror is pretty challenging, so I applaud you for succeeding.

Thank you for sharing your writing. I truly enjoyed the read. *Heart*


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182
182
Review of Forget Me  Open in new Window.
Review by Warped Sanity Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
** Image ID #2097750 Unavailable **


Hi there! I found this while searching for writings by newer members. This is an emotive write and one that I can relate to. I too have had experiences with addiction in those that I care about. It can be extremely difficult watching them destroy themselves and those around them.

First thoughts
With my first read through, I felt that the emotions in your words. It is almost as if you are angry, which is not uncommon when we have been hurt by those who are supposed to love us.

Flow and rhyme
It seems that you were trying to follow a particular rhyme scheme, but you strayed from it with "person", "version", and "now". The stray interrupts the flow some what.

Imagery
The language is blunt for the most part, rather than utilizing analogy to express the emotional content. Though, you do use a metaphor in the first two lines. It is a strong way to begin the poem.

Emotive qualities
I feel that this was a quick write to express your emotions and hurt. With the addition of more analogy, rather than a straight forward approach, I think that the poem would deliver a stronger reaction from the reader.

Here is an example:
"Do I even know this new person" - something that could work is "There's a stranger in my bed that wears your skin" or something to that affect.

Mechanics

"upgraded version"- wouldn't they be the downgraded version of themselves? upgraded gives the image of self improvement.

Thank you for sharing your writing. Remember, this is just the opinion of one person. It is up to you to decide which advice to apply. Hopefully my thoughts on your writing have been helpful. When you get around to editing this, make sure to let me know, so that I can up my rating according to improvements made.




















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183
183
Review by Warped Sanity Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
** Image ID #2097750 Unavailable **


Hi there! I found this on the random review and read area and thought I would give it a read. Remember, the thoughts that I express here are only from one person. It is up to you, the reader to determine which advice to apply. Hopefully this review is helpful to you.

The hook
The first few sentences grabbed me because of the blood explanations and then the explanation of the drug addicts being her victims got me curious.

Dialogue
Words spoken in the quotation marks follow normal speech patterns, rather than seeing too formal. Though, I would suggest not using "said" so much. Instead, adding some body language would enhance the story and character development. Below is an example of what I mean.

“Are you lost?” Beth asked.

example of correction: Beth bend down to the boys level, making herself less threatening to the child. She wiped one of his tears off of his cheek and hoped her smile would comfort him. " Are you lost?"

Character development
There is some interesting character development in the descriptions of the characters and in the dialogue used. The friendship between the werewolf and vampire is interesting. It is almost as if they super heroes in a demented way, since they only feed on those who are the dangerous part of society.

Plot
The story line was interesting. I like the connection in how the super natural beings choose to protect the boy.

The only issue I have is that there is no surprise ending. It just ends pretty much like it starts by her eating another addict.

Mechanics

In the beginning you wrote that she wiped her mouth on a red napkin. For imagery and symbolic purposes, maybe consider it being a white napkin instead.

The use of "then" is a bit redundant. I would suggest rephrasing without the word. Most descriptions flow better in the story by just omitting that word.

She also saw the dirt and scrapes covering his- We already know that she saw, because you already express she is looking at the boy. So I'd suggest just go into the details of his description, without expressing that she also saw this or that.

Thank you for sharing your writing. I have enjoyed the read. When you get around to editing this, make sure to let me know, so that I can up my rating according to repairs. Most importantly, keep writing.


















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184
184
Review of Thinking is Bad  Open in new Window.
Review by Warped Sanity Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Image for GoT




I am Warped Sanity from the White Walkers, sponcored by "The Witch's House" Open in new Window. . Welcome to the biggest review war here on WdC, "Game of Thrones" Open in new Window..

*Snow1* First impression
I liked your verse. My boyfriend and I were just analyzing this issue in our society. Both of us are artist,which in turn we are more non-conformist, free thinkers. It is a really sad existance to not really live and instead function as just another part of this machine.

*Snow1* Strengths
You stayed true to your rhyme scheme and for the most part this flows well. I appreciate how you used mundane aspects of society to show how people just convert to society norms, without free thought. Like you explain, it can be kind of a cage and there is an illusion of happiness in that.

*Snow1* Suggestions
There is an area where you use gay. I am aware that the original meaning of gay is happy, but now when most see the word they think of homosexuality. Just like the original meaning of fag was a cigarette, but now it is considered a derogatory term. So, when I see gay, especially in reference to a cage, I think of someone's sexuality being surpressed, not their happiness.

*Snow1* Final thoughts
This was an emotive and powerful poem. I enjoyed the read.

Thank you for sharing your writing. Remember, this is the opinion of only one person. It is up to you, the writer, to determine which advice to apply. Hopefully my thoughts on your writing have been helpful.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
185
185
Review by Warped Sanity Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Image for GoT




I am Warped Sanity from the White Walkers, sponcored by "The Witch's House" Open in new Window. . Welcome to the biggest review war here on WdC, "Game of Thrones" Open in new Window..

*Snow1* First impression
This was a lovely free verse and a beutiful tribute to your mother.

*Snow1* Strengths
This is very emotive and the love and respect for your mother is shown clearly throughout the poem. The sadness is shown, but what I appreciate most about the writing is the element of healing. Allthough you miss her, positive memories carry you through. Even in her death she comforts your tears.

My favorite aspect is in the middle of the poem when you mentioned your mother's favorite song to sing.The imagery is beautiful. I imaged you at this amazing woman's grave, reflecting on her singing Amazing Grace and finding comfort in that memory.

Structurally this is written well. You use enjambment perfectly, enhancing the emotional content of your words.

*Snow1* Suggestions
This is a well written free verse, so I have no suggestions for improvement.

*Snow1* Final thoughts
Snow,it was a pleasure seeing a glimpse at your kind heart and learning more about this amazing woman, who obviousy was a good mother to you. Thank you for sharing your strength and healing with us.

Thank you for sharing your writing. Remember, this is the opinion of only one person. It is up to you, the writer, to determine which advice to apply. Hopefully my thoughts on your writing have been helpful.
186
186
Review by Warped Sanity Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Image for GoT




I am Warped Sanity from the White Walkers, sponcored by "The Witch's House" Open in new Window. . Welcome to the biggest review war here on WdC, "Game of Thrones" Open in new Window..

*Snow1* The hook
It is not such a great idea add nature descriptions as your first paragraph. It makes for a slow start and does not hook the reader. Besides, that first paragraph explains that it is Monday, which you already do later, so it is a bit redundant. Consider maybe scratching out that first paragraph and beginning the story where the second story starts.

*Snow1* Dialogue
You do well with the dialogue inside the parentheses. The words follow regular speech patterns, avoiding being overly formal. I do have a little advice though. Instead of she said, responded etc. consider adding body language. This would add more to the character development, besides we already know that they said something because of the parentheses. Below is an example of what I mean.

"As I'm sure you all know-" She said, clicking a button so that a picture of a few pills and powders appeared on the white board. "Drugs aren't something to mess with. They can cause serious damage, and sometimes even death."

Idea for suggestion:
"As I'm sure you all know-" their was a pregnant pause as she clicked the button on the overhead projector so that a picture of a few pills and powders appeared on the white board. "Drugs aren't something to mess with. They can cause serious damage, and sometimes even death."

*Snow1* Character development
For the most part character development is done really well. I really get a sense of the main character through explanation of his past, his posture, and how he interacts with others in the dialogue.

There are some descriptions that would work better if you supplied body language. Below are some examples.

'are you okay?' kind of look- Consider different ways people act when concerned. Sometimes they move closer, as if inspecting. Sometimes their face softens into a comforting smile.

She made an angry noise.- What kind of angry noise? Did she stomp her feet. Did her nose flare as she inhaled an angry breath?
*Snow1* Plot
The plot is interesting so far. Being tricked into selling your soul to the devil has been done a lot, so I would have to see where you take this in future chapters. After reading the first chapter, I would turn the page to see what happens in chapter two.

*Snow1* Mechanics
I always walked with my head down and my back hunched over trying to hide my looks. My dad always told me to stand up straight.- Technically this sentence is gramatically correct, but the last sentence seems out of place, consider revising. Below is an idea.

Despite my Dad's constant nagging to stand up straight, I walked with my head down and back hunched, as an attempt to hide my looks.

*Snow1* Final thoughts
So far this is pretty good, but it just needs a little more fine tuning. Overall though, it is better than some first chapters I have read on here. Hopefully when you get around to editing you will share it with me, so that I can up my rating according to repairs.

Thank you for sharing your writing. Remember, this is the opinion of only one person. It is up to you, the writer, to determine which advice to apply. Hopefully my thoughts on your writing have been helpful.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
187
187
Review by Warped Sanity Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Image for GoT




I am Warped Sanity from the White Walkers, sponcored by "The Witch's House" Open in new Window. . Welcome to the biggest review war here on WdC, "Game of Thrones" Open in new Window..

This was an interesting idea that you have come up with. With some editing this would be a great story.

*Snow1* Suggestions
I never believed in the black knight satellite but this activity was not normal it was possibly terrifying. - This is a run-on sentence.

my tome is even with a hint of alarm- Did you mean tone?

“All right Roger lets have a look” - Needs a comma after Roger.

at the very lest - Did you mean least?

All right, we need to get eyes on it look at it.- Either their needs to be a period after "eyes on it" or the word and.

“yes, yes Roger Mallay I have added the Persistent to the call explain what were looking at.- You seem to have forgotten a quotation mark.

the persistent- Did you mean president?

This wasn't the first time you know we have protocols for things like this who knows what data it had collected or even how far away the other end was, for all we know it was some other cultivation voyager but chances could not be taken” - This is a long run-on sentence. May want to add some punctuation.

“To you new life”- Did you mean your?

“A new life, a new world how long do you think it will take before they get the signal”- This is another run-on sentence.

Towards the end of the story you change from past tense to present tense. This is a bit confusing.

*Snow1* Final thoughts
The overall idea for this story was interesting. It just feels like more of a rough draft. Hopefully you will get around to fixing the issues in it.

Thank you for sharing your writing. Remember, this is the opinion of only one person. It is up to you, the writer, to determine which advice to apply. Hopefully my thoughts on your writing have been helpful.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
188
188
Review by Warped Sanity Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Image for GoT




I am Warped Sanity from the White Walkers, sponcored by "The Witch's House" Open in new Window. . Welcome to the biggest review war here on WdC, "Game of Thrones" Open in new Window..

*Snow1* First impression
Well, that surely was a surprise! I so thought this was going to be a bully story, but I was pleasantly surprised with all the twists.

*Snow1* Strengths
You have some good twists in this short write, that distract the reader from figuring out the outcome. In the beginning I suspected that this was going to be a bully story because of the boys name and start of the cafeteria fight confirmed that. Then that little shocker came at the end. Nice twist!

There is some good imagery here. At first I wondered why you mentioned the birds if the had no part in the action, then when you express that they stop flying to watch, it gives an ominous feel to the writing. Nicely done.

At the end when you describe his decline as he is dying, there is a lot of visuals given, which brings some dramatic elements to the story.

*Snow1* Suggestions
This is written well, so I really have no suggestions for improvement.

*Snow1* Final thoughts
This was an entertaining read with plenty of twists to distract the reader from the eventual outcome. Thank you for sharing your imagination with me.

Thank you for sharing your writing. Remember, this is the opinion of only one person. It is up to you, the writer, to determine which advice to apply. Hopefully my thoughts on your writing have been helpful.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
189
189
Review of INvasion  Open in new Window.
Review by Warped Sanity Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
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I am Warped Sanity from the White Walkers, sponcored by "The Witch's House" Open in new Window. . Welcome to the biggest review war here on WdC, "Game of Thrones" Open in new Window..

*Snow1* First impression
I do love a good horror story and you delivered a nice horrific one. It was an entertaining read.

*Snow1* Strengths
Those little bugs were creepy how they appeared, dissipated, and then invaded his body. I couldn't help but suspect that it was all in his mind due to mental illness, especially since you suggest it when his friend visits. It was a good detour away from the eventual truth that they are real and destroying humanity. Well, at least his unfinished sentence suggests that.

The build up in this is done well. It begins with seaming like these bugs are more of a curiosity to him, then they work up into an invasion in his body. Then it peaks with the horrific park incident. It was then that I thought this was a story about maybe a mentally ill serial killer. Nice little detraction!

*Snow1* Suggestions
This was a great story, so I really have no suggestions for improvement.

*Snow1* Final thoughts
This was a horrifically entertaining read. It was an interesting and unique use of that days prompt. I enjoyed reading your horror/science fiction story.

Thank you for sharing your writing. Remember, this is the opinion of only one person. It is up to you, the writer, to determine which advice to apply. Hopefully my thoughts on your writing have been helpful.


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Review of The Field Trip  Open in new Window.
Review by Warped Sanity Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
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I am Warped Sanity from the White Walkers, sponcored by "The Witch's House" Open in new Window. . Welcome to the biggest review war here on WdC, "Game of Thrones" Open in new Window..

*Snow1* First impression
*Rolling* Yep, she misjudged that universal finger sign! Your understanding of comedy elements stands out in this one. It was an entertaining read.

*Snow1* Strengths
The whole time travel thing was interesting how you portrayed it. Their misunderstandings of history was a unique concept. When you explain that they thought cars were for controlling the population, it kind of builds up for that funny ending.

That joint rolling symbolism with the young man gave me a giggle, and of course so did that ending.

Interestingly, the way that you chose to name the futuristic characters adds to their character development. It would make sense that the names would devolve with the removal of a vowel or two. After all, it is already happening with many of our words in our time period.

*Snow1* Suggestions
You seem to have forgotten all the grammar and punctuation in the first sentence.

*Snow1* Final thoughts
This was a fun read. It gave me a good laugh at the end and a few chuckles on the journey there. It was a creative and interesting use of the prompt as well.

Thank you for sharing your writing. Remember, this is the opinion of only one person. It is up to you, the writer, to determine which advice to apply. Hopefully my thoughts on your writing have been helpful.


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Review of Tech!  Open in new Window.
Review by Warped Sanity Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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I am Warped Sanity from the White Walkers, sponcored by "The Witch's House" Open in new Window. . Welcome to the biggest review war here on WdC, "Game of Thrones" Open in new Window..

*Snow1* First impression
Madge is like a lot of people that I know who have swore off Facebook and have a love/hate relationship with technology. Even I, who am online constantly have made those comments about Facebook. I mean really, like I care what someone had for dinner last night. Unless it is some gourmet meal, in which you share the recipe, it really is stupid.

*Snow1* Strengths
I had a good laugh with her love/hate relationship with the car. By the way, structurally, it was smart to add in those telling details about how she disliked technology between the car's speaking. It kind of adds a build up in the story.

You add a little twist in the middle, which is challenging to do with such a short write. The twist is when we realize that she is supposed to be going to the city, but she is now in the countryside. Then that shocker at the end was a surprise ending, which is refreshing.

*Snow1* Suggestions
I am not sure why you have the question marks in parentheses. It would make more sense to the story of you changed those areas to internal thoughts, leaving the appropriate end punctuation.

*Snow1* Final thoughts
I enjoyed your story. It had all the elements a short story should have, yet you had very little words to work with to accomplish it. Great job.

Thank you for sharing your writing. Remember, this is the opinion of only one person. It is up to you, the writer, to determine which advice to apply. Hopefully my thoughts on your writing have been helpful.


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Review of Upgrade  Open in new Window.
Review by Warped Sanity Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
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I am Warped Sanity from the White Walkers, sponcored by "The Witch's House" Open in new Window. . Welcome to the biggest review war here on WdC, "Game of Thrones" Open in new Window..

*Snow1* First impression
This is a creative little story you have twisted. It was a fun read.

*Snow1* Strengths
You hook the reader in the beginning by jumping into the actions of the story, rather than giving long drawn out telling descriptions.

You handle dialogue really well. There is a lot of character development in the dialogue. Words spoken are also includes more natural speech, rather than seeming overly formal.

The plot is interesting and you show it well. There are plenty of hints in the beginning with the empty box without giving too much of the plot away. Then there is a nice little twist when we learn that the voices in his head is coming from an alien.

Structurally, this is written well. I could not find any grammatical, punctuation, or spelling errors. In addition, the story flows from subject to subject smoothly, without any confusing bits.

*Snow1* Suggestions
There needs to be a little bit more of a twist. Half way through we already know that he is being inhabited with the alien, so I expected some sort of shock at the end, but there was no twist at the end.

*Snow1* Final thoughts
This was an entertaining read. I just wish there was more of a twist at the end.

Thank you for sharing your writing. Remember, this is the opinion of only one person. It is up to you, the writer, to determine which advice to apply. Hopefully my thoughts on your writing have been helpful.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
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193
Review by Warped Sanity Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
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I am Warped Sanity from the White Walkers, sponcored by "The Witch's House" Open in new Window. . Welcome to the biggest review war here on WdC, "Game of Thrones" Open in new Window..

*Snow1* First impression
We all know how much you love your chocolate *Bigsmile*. I enjoyed reading this fun little poem about your true love, chocolate.

*Snow1* Strengths
This was a light and humorous read. While others are complaining about being alone on Valentines, you are dreading having to share chocolate with the woman of your affections.

Structurally, this is written well. Meter is consistent, which helps the poem flow without the reader fumbling over any areas. Rhymes are consistent with your chosen abab rhyme scheme.

My favorite lines are the last two stanzas. As the reader, I suspected what the conclusion would be, but that second to last stanza could be leading different ways, like the temptation of chocolate, but those last two lines summarize the poem perfectly by stating that you just don't want to share *Bigsmile*. Those last two lines put a smile on my face.

*Snow1* Suggestions
This is written well and I have no suggestions that would improve on the poem.

*Snow1* Final thoughts
This was an entertaining read. I just might love cheesecake like you love chocolate. I am known for hiding the last few pieces.

Thank you for sharing your writing. Remember, this is the opinion of only one person. It is up to you, the writer, to determine which advice to apply. Hopefully my thoughts on your writing have been helpful.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
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Review of Croix de Guerre  Open in new Window.
Review by Warped Sanity Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
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I am Warped Sanity from the White Walkers, sponcored by "The Witch's House" Open in new Window. . Welcome to the biggest review war here on WdC, "Game of Thrones" Open in new Window..

*Snow1* First impression
As the cliché goes, never judge a book by its cover. Your endearing tale shows that beautifully.

*Snow1* Strengths
What I like most about this story is that you chose a female hero. It seems that on the day that we were to read military items, I ended up running into an abundance of tributes to men who fought in wars. So, reading your little tale was refreshing.

The priest is someone that we can relate to. We have all at one time or another prejudged someone. Unfortunately this is the attitude in a lot of churches, which is the fate of this awesome woman.

I appreciate how you made her character humble. Interestingly, those that I have met who are heroes to some degree are humble, because the remember those that they lost more than they saved.

The imagery is strong in this writing, especially when you describe the woman. I could see her face softening, looking prettier, even with the scar.

The history that you gave was interesting and something that I was not aware of. I am going to have to look up some information about these great women.

*Snow1* Suggestions
Excellent story and I have nothing to offer that would make this even better.

*Snow1* Final thoughts
This was an endearing story with an important lesson and I enjoyed the read.

Thank you for sharing your writing. Remember, this is the opinion of only one person. It is up to you, the writer, to determine which advice to apply. Hopefully my thoughts on your writing have been helpful.


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Review of I Like Marigolds  Open in new Window.
Review by Warped Sanity Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
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I am Warped Sanity from the White Walkers, sponcored by "The Witch's House" Open in new Window. . Welcome to the biggest review war here on WdC, "Game of Thrones" Open in new Window..

*Snow1* First impression
Oh my! *Shock2* Apparently Granny has been taking lessons from King. What a wonderfully twisted and horrific tale.

*Snow1* Strengths
Ok, Yes, I am warped, but I just loved Granny's character. I envisioned her as this emotionally strong and battle worn old lady. She was someone that I would want to sit around, drink tea, and get some life lessons from.

You did well showing how abuse plagues through generations in families. It is an unfortunate reality and apparently Granny figured out a solution. Well, sort of, I guess you could say she was a part of another cycle, one that kills off their sons once they turn fifty.

It was interesting how the daughter in-law was not freaking out about her husband's death that would be occurring soon. It was almost as if she was welcoming it and instead was sad to see her mother in-law die.

Structurally, this is written well. I could not find any issues that I tripped over.

*Snow1* Suggestions
The part where Granny is going to read the King story pretty much told the plot for me and it would for most horror fans. Without that obvious hint, this story would have more of a surprise ending.

*Snow1* Final thoughts
This was a great horror story. I enjoyed your twisted tale of a woman scorned.

Thank you for sharing your writing. Remember, this is the opinion of only one person. It is up to you, the writer, to determine which advice to apply. Hopefully my thoughts on your writing have been helpful.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
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Review of Miguel's Duty  Open in new Window.
Review by Warped Sanity Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
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I am Warped Sanity from the White Walkers, sponcored by "The Witch's House" Open in new Window. . Welcome to the biggest review war here on WdC, "Game of Thrones" Open in new Window..

*Snow1* First impression
What an emotional tale of a true hero. This was an action packed and emotive read.

*Snow1* Strengths
I can't help but to wonder if Trump was your muse for the president. It does seem like you envisioned what it would be like if a minority were to have to protect him with his life. The sexist bit and racial comments comes to mind when I think of Trump.

Miguel's character is well developed into this amazing father, who cares about the country enough to protect its president, even if the man in power apparently has no respect for him or his culture.

The action in this had me on the edge of my seat. I kept thinking he was going to die. A Mexican man taking a bullet for a bigoted president would have made a strong statement to the reader. What irony that would be. Though, I grew to admire and like Miguel's character, so I am glad that his life was spared.

The fact that the gunman trying to kill the president were white, made a good contrast with Miguel, showing that we should not judge by the color of someone's skin.

*Snow1* Suggestions
This was excellently written and I have no suggestions.

*Snow1* Final thoughts
This was an emotional and powerful read. Thank you for sharing your imagination with me.

Thank you for sharing your writing. Remember, this is the opinion of only one person. It is up to you, the writer, to determine which advice to apply. Hopefully my thoughts on your writing have been helpful.
197
197
Review by Warped Sanity Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
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I am Warped Sanity from the White Walkers, sponcored by "The Witch's House" Open in new Window. . Welcome to the biggest review war here on WdC, "Game of Thrones" Open in new Window..

*Snow1* First impression
For a straight man, you sure are not afraid to dive in to gayness with your writing *Smile*. Obviously you are observant with the world around you and must do plenty of people watching.

*Snow1* Strengths
Well, I knew this was supposed to have a supernatural aspect, but I was unsuspecting of what that was exactly going to happen in this story. Those cold hands could have meant dead as in ghost or vampire.

The personalities of the characters shows a lot in the dialogue. Ken's teasing by calling his new friend "B-B-bobby" makes him look more relaxed, instead of all stiff like. It is easy to imagine Bobby as mousey because of his shyness and his comparison to Ken.

Poor Bobby, such disappointment for him in the end. At least he has eternal life *Bigsmile*. Something tells me they just wanted something to make fun of.

*Snow1* Suggestions
“Do me now, big boy. I wanna live forever!”- I am not really fond of this dialogue. I not that you were sharing your quirkiness, but it seems kind of cliché, like the tall dark and handsome phrase.

*Snow1* Final thoughts
You have woven an interesting story. It is quirky like you and a fun read.

Thank you for sharing your writing. Remember, this is the opinion of only one person. It is up to you, the writer, to determine which advice to apply. Hopefully my thoughts on your writing have been helpful.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
198
198
Review by Warped Sanity Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
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I am Warped Sanity from the White Walkers, sponcored by "The Witch's House" Open in new Window. . Welcome to the biggest review war here on WdC, "Game of Thrones" Open in new Window..

*Snow1* First impression
This was a fun read! It was funny and a creative use of that month's prompt. It was definitely fitting and festive for the Christmas season.

*Snow1* Strengths
I loved how you used the whole robot thing to replace Santa. I mean, after all, everything else us humans used to do seems to be being replaced by mechanical devices. So, why not Santa?! I had to laugh when the cyborg went into her spiels about all the political correct stuff.

You show how the kiddos suffer quite a bit, which in some ways you could equate to today. Like the whole gender neutral and politically correct stuff is damaging to the Christmas holiday, it does kind of suck the life out of childhood.

Mrs. Clause has quite the tempter, which is understandable since she they are not compensating them for monetarily for the change over. Mr. clause seems to be more even tempered, but it becomes obvious that he was just scheming all along.

The little jokes equating the robot to Terminator were cute. They gave me a giggle. it showed that there was a little bit of personality built into that cyborg, too.


*Snow1* Suggestions
Excellent story and I have no suggestions that would improve on it.

*Snow1* Final thoughts
This was an enjoyable read. Thanks for the giggles.

Thank you for sharing your writing. Remember, this is the opinion of only one person. It is up to you, the writer, to determine which advice to apply. Hopefully my thoughts on your writing have been helpful.


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Review of Malaco Malone  Open in new Window.
Review by Warped Sanity Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
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I am Warped Sanity from the White Walkers, sponcored by "The Witch's House" Open in new Window. . Welcome to the biggest review war here on WdC, "Game of Thrones" Open in new Window..

*Snow1* First impression
This was an entertaining read and a great use for the contest prompt. There were some good submissions that particular month, including yours, that made it a challenge to judge. Luckily good ol' Charlie helped me decide, yet again. By the way, I noticed that you wrote his name into this one.

*Snow1* Strengths
Be careful of those sweet little girls, they might have a taste for arson *Bigsmile*. There is a lot of good character development in this. By the time the detective reaches his demise, the reader has a close relationship with him. We see the inevitable, but hope that he is not going to suffer any dark fate because we like him.

It was smart beginning this with playing on people's priest stereotype of being a pedophile. Even though there is a hint in the beginning with the fire, the reader is distracted, thinking maybe the priest might have had something to do with it.

The little twists in here, like the guy from the hospital calling, builds this story. I kind of suspected what was going to happen, mostly because of the prompt picture. Without the picture I would not have figured it out. Though I might have suspected with the little fire hint in the beginning.

That ending I loved. I mean who doesn't love a good story where a pedophile most likely gets murdered horribly in the end.

*Snow1* Suggestions
Very typical of you, the writing is well edited, so I have no suggestions on ways that you can improve on this.

*Snow1* Final thoughts
This was an entertaining read. Thanks for sharing your imagination with me *Bigsmile*.

Thank you for sharing your writing. Remember, this is the opinion of only one person. It is up to you, the writer, to determine which advice to apply. Hopefully my thoughts on your writing have been helpful.


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200
Review of "We Can"  Open in new Window.
Review by Warped Sanity Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
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I am Warped Sanity from the White Walkers, sponcored by "The Witch's House" Open in new Window. . Welcome to the biggest review war here on WdC, "Game of Thrones" Open in new Window..

*Snow1* First impression
This was very emotive and a wonderful dedication to those who have fought for our freedoms.

*Snow1* Strengths
The repeated words, "we can" brings a lot of emotion to this poem. In a lot of ways when I read those words out loud, it brings a sense of pride, which I am sure was your intention. It is as if you are expressing that they didn't give up and continued the fight no matter the cost.

My favorite lines are those four closing lines. Expressing that "we can" have freedom because of these brave soldiers was a perfect way to conclude this poem.

Rhymes are consistent with your aabb rhyme scheme, without seeming forced. When read out loud this reads beautifully, almost as if it should be sung.

*Snow1* Suggestions
You are an excellent poet and this is a well crafted poem, so I have no suggestions that would help in improving this already great poem.

*Snow1* Final thoughts
This was a powerful, inspirational, and emotive read. It was a beautiful tribute to those who have fought for our country. Thank you for sharing your beautiful words with me.

Thank you for sharing your writing. Remember, this is the opinion of only one person. It is up to you, the writer, to determine which advice to apply. Hopefully my thoughts on your writing have been helpful.


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