Thank you for your story I found it to be intriguing,and suspenseful. I enjoyed that you used a wide variety of descriptive wording to make the story what it is. As for being a horror story like I mentioned before I found this more of a suspenseful/scary story. I think with a few tweaks, and some extreme carnage this could be a true horror.
First off, Thank you for your writing. Being a veteran I understand a lot of this. I'm not sure how many people will understand at first,but I think once they look up what certain words mean they will get. I liked and enjoyed this piece.I would try to find words that people would understand more,and not take away from the poetic side of it.
I think this piece is a great expression on what we all are looking for.I like the way you use time taking forever,yet vanishing so fast.You are passionate on what you want , and what you will give in return. If this is about real life, that person you are describing is out there,be patient.
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