This was really great! It was an original take on the Tooth Fairy, and I LOVE originality.
Plus, as you are well aware, I am partial to fairies anyway. I couldn't help but become absorbed in the story because it had all of the things that I love in a good horror story. :D
Great job!
OVERALL OPINION
OMG. This was so icky! But that is what makes it so great!
DID IT FOLLOW THE PROMPT?
Yes, you did!
WHAT I LIKED
I liked your take on the prompt.
WHAT I DISLIKED
I would have liked for the main character to be a little more horrified. I couldn't sense any fear from him, which made this less creepy but more icky.
Either way, I enjoyed reading this. The little blurb at the end was a nice touch!
DID IT FOLLOW THE PROMPT?
It followed the prompt perfectly.
WHAT I LIKED
I liked the set up at the beginning, mostly because I could see myself doing exactly what she did - rolling her eyes at a 'fake' tabloid.
WHAT I DISLIKED
This seemed a bit choppy, like the flow was off. Everything seemed abrupt toward the end, and could have used more description to paint a clearer picture. This is a tough piece of advice considering you only had 1000 words to work with, however, so I'm not too concerned. :) It works as is wonderfully.
I enjoyed reading this! Good luck with the weekly contest!
This was amazing from beginning to end! I thoroughly enjoyed it!
You kept me on my toes the entire time, and the thought process really added to the effect you were likely aiming for. I've been in shock before, and you really do think in single, clipped thoughts. That part was outstanding and really made this shine.
You thrilled my psyche with this, giving me the suspense I craved, the gore I was expecting, and stimulated me intellectually. So few can boast that because I am a bit jaded on horror sometimes!
This really kept me on the edge of my seat! This entry thrilled me over and over again. It made me feel a plethora of different emotions the entire time. Horror, sadness, excitement. This had everything and worked wonderfully.
My only nitpick is that there are some places in here where you were missing words or letters. But it ultimately did not detract from the read at all. Just go over it again and comb through and it will be in perfect shape!
WHAT I LIKED
I love a good revenge story. I really, really do.
WHAT I DISLIKED
I think it could have been more obvious that it was following the prompt. It still works because of the revenge angle, but a little chuckle at the end may have really made it obvious.
I enjoyed reading this! I hope to see you enter the slice again soon!
OVERALL OPINION
I love anything dealing with folklore! I wanted more. I think you should expand this, definitely, past the word limit and send me a link. :)
DID IT FOLLOW THE PROMPT?
Yes!
WHAT I LIKED
The whole thing,
WHAT I DISLIKED
It wasn't really scary until the end, and I was left wanting more.
This was good, but I would have liked to see more! I felt like you left me hanging at the end instead of giving me some closure. That can be hard to do in a story with a word limit of 1000 words though, so it was still awesome given the limit. :)
This was an AMAZING read. I love stories like this. It put me in a superstitious area of the US, built up a lore and good story, as well as had characters that felt real. The story felt real and supernatural in stark contrast, and it was just a perfect combination of things to me. This is my kind of read!
Great job! I look forward to reading more from you.
I love a good story, and this had a lot of the elements I like in a serial killer. Obsessiveness, creepiness, crazy ways to be hurt (the hooks), and complete lack of understanding about his own condition.
They say crazy people don't know they are crazy, and that is the feeling I get from your story. The guy doesn't have the faintest clue that he is messed up and torturing this woman. That is what adds to the scare factor for me, because to him, it is all in good fun and for the sake of theatrics.
Great job!
ERRORS Keep in mind that I only point things out that I see wrong or sound off to me. Most of this is only my opinion and you can completely disregard it if you like!
I saw no errors in this.
OVERALL OPINION Keep in mind that I am one person! My opinion is just one! You may have many people with an opinion opposite of mine. :)
I can tell that you put a lot of time and effort into this. Every stanza is perfect and delicately crafted. The imagery is beautiful and it made me really love the creature described. It made me think that something typically viewed as evil could be peaceful and long for better days.
This was full of emotion without overdoing it, making it a great read!
FIRST IMPRESSION
HUGE PARAGRAPHS. They need to be broken up into smaller paragraphs. :)
ERRORS Keep in mind that I only point things out that I see wrong or sound off to me. Most of this is only my opinion and you can completely disregard it if you like!
The first paragraph is full of mistakes. It also has a choppy feeling to it. It is basically like "I did this, I did this, I did this, I did this" over and over again.
founded needs to be found
There needs to be more puncutation in this (mostly commas)
You switch from past tense to present tense all throughout this.
This had so many mistakes I stopped counting them.
I would also suggest taking the rating from 13+ to 18+, because it is graphic at times.
There were also times that you needed to capitalize and you didn't.
OVERALL OPINION Keep in mind that I am one person! My opinion is just one! You may have many people with an opinion opposite of mine. :)
I liked the idea for this, but I will be honest. If you want to grow as a writer, you need to learn a little more about punctuation and spacing. This whole things was very hard to read because of all of the errors. It detracted from the read for me.
As for what I liked, I did like the idea behind it. I like stories with sad endings because they seem more 'real' to me. This left me with some questions though.
Why would Thomas stab Denel if they were working together or why would Denel take Jess to the man that stabbed him? The ending made little sense to me, and needs to be fleshed out more so that it is cohesive to the rest of the plot.
CLOSING THOUGHTS
Revisit this and flesh it out more and made the necessary edits. This could be a lot better. I know you can do it. :)
ERRORS Keep in mind that I only point things out that I see wrong or sound off to me. Most of this is only my opinion and you can completely disregard it if you like!
I found no errors in this.
OVERALL OPINION Keep in mind that I am one person! My opinion is just one! You may have many people with an opinion opposite of mine. :)
Brief, but not as strong as your other poems that I've read, though I thought the first line was particularly good.
ERRORS Keep in mind that I only point things out that I see wrong or sound off to me. Most of this is only my opinion and you can completely disregard it if you like!
It is mostly opinion, but the lines seem a little choppy. It doesn't seem to flow like it should as a result.
OVERALL OPINION Keep in mind that I am one person! My opinion is just one! You may have many people with an opinion opposite of mine. :)
The imagery in this was good, and I could tell that you put time and effort into this, even I found it to be a bit choppy at times.
ERRORS Keep in mind that I only point things out that I see wrong or sound off to me. Most of this is only my opinion and you can completely disregard it if you like!
There were no flaws that I could see. :)
OVERALL OPINION Keep in mind that I am one person! My opinion is just one! You may have many people with an opinion opposite of mine. :)
I absolutely loved this. My favorite part was "and as you rest your head on my tangled hair
the scars on our feet will fade." I thought this was striking imagery, and it brought to mind the comfort the narrator could find in the embrace of the person he/she was talking to. It was very soft and elegant despite the peculiar feeling that they may have endured great hardship together? Maybe I am reading too much into things.
CLOSING THOUGHTS
Keep writing! This was wonderful!
ERRORS Keep in mind that I only point things out that I see wrong or sound off to me. Most of this is only my opinion and you can completely disregard it if you like!
I saw no errors in this.
OVERALL OPINION Keep in mind that I am one person! My opinion is just one! You may have many people with an opinion opposite of mine. :)
My only nitpick is that this seemed a little scattered. It shifted from one thing to another quickly. The last line was especially my favorite though.
Maybe that was your intention. Either way, it was a very good read!
ERRORS Keep in mind that I only point things out that I see wrong or sound off to me. Most of this is only my opinion and you can completely disregard it if you like!
I hated the double spacing in this. It detracted from the read for me. As for spelling and grammar, I didn't really see anything worth pointing out :)
OVERALL OPINION Keep in mind that I am one person! My opinion is just one! You may have many people with an opinion opposite of mine. :)
This comes across as heartfelt and very intimate, like I was watching everything from the window or something. It was rife with emotion, and I have been in that place before. Trust doesn't happen overnight, but patience wins in the end.
It doesn't hurt that this was beautifully communicated either.
ERRORS Keep in mind that I only point things out that I see wrong or sound off to me. Most of this is only my opinion and you can completely disregard it if you like!
There were no errors that I could spot in this.
OVERALL OPINION Keep in mind that I am one person! My opinion is just one! You may have many people with an opinion opposite of mine. :)
I like this. It was poignant and brief but still packed a needed punch. I could feel the emotions in it despite the brevity, and if anything, the fact that it was so brief added to that fragile effect you created so flawlessly. Great job!
I know nothing about Naani or I would give you my take on this from a technical point of view, so since I can't, I will tell you that I found no errors in this except maybe some needed commas in the first line. The subject matter was light and flowy, making this a simple but good read. :)
ERRORS Keep in mind that I only point things out that I see wrong or sound off to me. Most of this is only my opinion and you can completely disregard it if you like!
This was riddled with minor errors that could be easily fixed.
OVERALL OPINION Keep in mind that I am one person! My opinion is just one! You may have many people with an opinion opposite of mine. :)
I will be honest with you, because honesty helps people grow as a writer. You have a good narrative voice, but I feel like this fell flat a little. The name was a little cheesy and I knew what was going to happen before it did.
You should expand on this and fill in all of the blanks. I can tell you are a good writer based on this, but I feel like you didn't put much effort into this. It was like you were holding back. I want you to let me have it! Inject some suspense into this. Make my jaw drop. Keep me coming back for more. You have all you need to do this, but you aren't digging deep to bring it all to the forefront.
CLOSING THOUGHTS
Don't let me discourage you. I am just honest and want you to get better because I believe in your writing ability. You are good, but you have so much untapped potential.
FIRST IMPRESSION
This was beautiful from beginning to end.
ERRORS Keep in mind that I only point things out that I see wrong or sound off to me. Most of this is only my opinion and you can completely disregard it if you like!
I saw no errors in this.
OVERALL OPINION Keep in mind that I am one person! My opinion is just one! You may have many people with an opinion opposite of mine. :)
I loved this stanza especially: I am writing this for you,
My dear, My Love,
For when the going gets rough,
And you feel the river running dry,
You will have a fresh well
To drink from, and renew
The springs of life
That you know are there.
I thought this was poignant, charming, and beautiful. I could feel the love coming from it as well as see the effort you put into it. It was great.
CLOSING THOUGHTS
Keep writing!
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