I love this. The simplicity, combined with the pure emotion felt from the love interest, is conveyed through the narrator/speaker's words and given directly to the reader. It is simple, it is full, it is good. I love the sense of yearning that is expressed by the love interest through the speaker. It is so intense that the reader can feel it and relate to it or yearn for that kind of love themselves.
I love how well you convey the strength of that yearning to be one with someone, and how simple and perfect it can feel in a safe and mutual relationship.
I found your work in the review requests. I would love it if you could check out a piece or two of mine and review them.
Love this! It is well-written and heartfelt, and the imagery is phenomenal. I read this multiple times over and find myself really relishing it. Your usage of the required vocabulary is really good. I am impressed.
My only note is that the first three lines do not seem to flow with the rest of the poem. The imagery is amazing, and I love the word choices; however, something about the second line throws me off. I feel it could flow nicer.
This is quite the poem. It is heartfelt and heartbreaking and relatable. I have no notes for the poem itself, but I think you could adjust the name and description to pull more readers in. Maybe use more imagery in the description and use a name that people will understand a bit better. :)
An interesting and simple poem. It gets the point across and shows recognition for those nameless heroes who step up when they don't have to and don't ask for recognition. I would love more, maybe in this poem or another, about the 'hero' and a bit more about why they do what they do. Maybe because no one helped them or because someone did. I would love to see some purpose, you know? You have an opportunity here to get people thinking about this poem longer. Give the reader something to think about, something they have to grasp at and meditate on.
Really, a heartfelt poem that I felt I could relate to in some way or another. There are some points I felt the words didn't quite flow or make sense, however.
"She has beaten, broken" could be changed to "she is beaten, broken." I believe this would fit better with the following line and make more sense. Also, "one day / she rise" could be intentional, but it doesn't flow very well without the "will."
Overall, an amazing poem. I really liked it and felt myself relating to it.
Love the storytelling and the writing! You write very well and have good pacing in your stories. My only note is that a bit more inner monologue would be nice, especially with his emotions. I feel like it's really sudden when Clyde begins crying because we can't really see the train of thought that leads to it. I feel more of that emotional inner monologue would impact that greatly :)
I know many people love a slow-burning enemies-to-lovers or lovers-to-enemies, and somehow you have managed to capture that in 8 stanzas of poetry. You did phenomenal with this, taking the reader with the narrator through each of the words, the experiences, and leaving the reader wondering in a way that feels as though we are wondering and questioning with the narrator.
Love this! When I was 14, I was constantly writing, and this is a lot of what it felt like. I love the anchoring repetition of the last line of each stanza; it really builds a foundation and brings the poem together. The imagery is really good, too. Overall, I loved it!
I am very impressed with this poem, especially after reading the description/from the author below and going back to read the poem again. You need a lot of thinking and intentionality to create a steady stream of ideas in a poem designed this way. Well done.
Nothing much that I can say except applause. This is well written, interesting, and compelling. There were maybe one or two times I felt I had an opinion about word choice, but they were minor things that became insignificant in the grand scheme of things. I often struggle to get into a book of any kind; most of them are either uninteresting to me, aren't even close to my preferred genre, take a long time to build up, or are all cheesy romances, but this is really good.
It doesn't seem like my preferred genre at face value, but as I begin to read this story, I find your ability to draw in the reader, as well as your word choice and storytelling, and I am very impressed and want to read more.
Amazing introduction! The storytelling aspect is really well done and draws the reader in. This feels like how the journey to the center of the earth felt to me when I was a kid. Love it.
This is really good! I love the imagery used in this poem. There is a fight seen here between you wanting your pain to be seen and wanting it to stay invisible, which is so relatable to a lot of people, making a poem like this a powerful one. I really like reading it and find the more I read it, the better it gets.
This poem is loaded and meaningful, wow. I really like it. It really captures both the longing and the avoidance that come with grief. That sense of wanting to find something and mend something that will bring you closer to that person you are grieving, and that aversion and avoidance as you push it away, not wanting it to hurt you more.
You take the reader and bring them somewhere where they either get it or they don't. No metaphors or analogies, just "here is what happened, do you feel it or not?" which creates a solace for those who relate and makes the meaning so much deeper.
I love this; this is very well done, and I feel it draws the reader in. It speaks in a reverent way of God, and I feel it does illuminate the supreme joy he gives.
I really appreciated the imagery and the vocabulary that was given here.
Beautiful imagery and story. The way you play with grief, loneliness, and the hidden insanity that can seem to come with losing everything important to you is phenomenal. I really enjoyed reading this. This is exactly what I like to see in writing. I would love to check out more of your work.
This story really makes you sit and wonder what happened to the boy, what happened to Dexter, and his family. Will anything ever come from Dexter, or will he be wrapped in this grief for the rest of his life? Is this the rest of his life? I love that you tell a solid story, but leave the reader wondering and wanting more. bravo.
Wow, this poem is very well written and makes you think about the earth we live on and what it has done for us and what it would do without us. I loved the lines "perhaps my feelings were never my own / but yours, my every step, a dance / guided by you, dust flying, gracefully flown / in stillness of movement, swaying in trance."
This poem is one I would love to come back to and read again in the future. I find it brings me a lot to think about. Good job.
I really enjoyed this story. It took me a moment to get into it because it is not my usual genre, but once I got into a flow, I really enjoyed it.
The storytelling and pace are really good. I love how you were able to pace this story and how you were able to transition between days and settings.
My only bit of critique is near the beginning, there were some times when you used sentences such as "the girl's mother replied tiredly." Using an adjective like this has a lot of unused potential. I think it would really help to immerse the reader if you were to scratch using the adjective at all, and use words to tell the reader what it looked like for the mother to reply tiredly.
Other than the one or two times I noticed something like this, your imagery was very well done, and I was able to visualize the setting in most of the story, which is a bit of a challenge for me.
I loved reading this! This isn't usually a genre that I enjoy, but I found myself really interested in this story and would love to see a bit more of the long-term effects that this technology has on the consumers and especially on Samir.
I find it especially interesting as a psychology nerd (so please forgive me as I begin to rant a little). Technology like this, that begins to "build" the receiver's life, can also control it. As well as this, is there an age limit? Can anyone use this technology? because it has the power to produce a strong sense of learned helplessness in its users, especially if they use it very early in their development. From this learned helplessness comes a learned dependence on the technology. Is this something Samir can recognize, and if he does, does he decide to use it to boost his future sales? making people rely on it for their survival in a way that convinces them that they cannot exist or thrive properly without it? Or would he place warnings and restrictions on the device to protect the minds of the consumers, eventually bringing down his sales?
This is such an interesting work. I love the imagery and the metaphors used in this piece. The word choice used throughout the whole piece is excellent. I would love to check out more of your work.
I am curious about what inspired this work and where the idea came from.
This story is simple and truly gives the reader a slice-of-life kind of feel. I enjoyed it and find that I really enjoy work like this. I would advise one thing, however, the plural for wolf is wolves, not wolf's. Unless this is intentional, I just thought I'd help out. :) overall, good job.
I really enjoy this poem. I love how it is written. my first impression was that it flows well, it is organized and intentional and has a set rhyming scheme. However, when I read it again and take a closer look, there isn't a set rhyming scheme like I thought, and the poem IS a mind scrabble. I thought this was very well done, seeing how you were able to both give the illusion of an intentional and structured poem, when in reality it is more nonsensicle. a mind scrabble.
It is a mind scrabble that doesn't feel like one, which I feel is almost a more effective, reverse psychology type of way to achieve a mind-scrabbling goal. The reader feels compelled to find meaning and purpose in the words because of the flow, structure and feel.
i love it, well done.
Hmm, I like this poem a lot, and I would love to pick at it for a while. I really resonate with the line "I take what solace I can find / in what rests easy on my mind." The rhyming, the meter, and everything about these lines is really good, and the words themselves are interesting and relatable.
I love how packed these both are. They are rich, but simple and, at first glance, to the point. I feel as though I could sit and re-read these for a while, attempting to pick your brain on it. Overall, I would say very well done!
This is phenomenal. I really enjoy this poem. I can find myself relating to it both as a whole and in little snippets. I would love to check out more of your work!
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