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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/wilmillion
Review Requests: OFF
3 Public Reviews Given
3 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
It's about time I get into this review thing. I don't care a whole lot about spelling and grammar, but I sometimes give pointers about spelling mistakes and how to avoid them. What I mainly like to do is help make your characters feel more alive and relatable. Don't make your character sound like a boring, typical narrator. Make him sound like that annoying step-brother, that wise sage, that cat, that whatever.
Favorite Genres
Speculative fiction (Sci-fi, Fantasy, Steampunk, etc.) Supernatural, Action/Adventure, Teen
Least Favorite Genres
I don't know, to be honest. It depends on how the story reads.
I will not review...
Porn - I'm 13 years old and what is this?
Public Reviews
1
1
Review by William Fowlkes Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
This is a review from "Invalid ItemOpen in new Window.

Hello there! Here to review your piece. I will examine parts of your piece that can use some good revising. Please excuse the rather rudimentary organization, I'm still trying to set up a template... Anyhow, here are some errors in your piece, not in any specific order:

"Studies have shown that when there is an active father they develop confidence and less likely to get into trouble[...]"

The sentence needs an "are" in between the words "and" and "less," because without the underlined words the part of the sentence would look like:
"[...]Studies have shown that when there is an active father less likely to get into trouble[...]"
which doesn't make much sense.

"Start teaching your son's from day one how to treat his mom."

The bolded word "son's" does not need an apostrophe, as it does not state that the son is possessing something. A good tip to keep in mind is, when in doubt, do not use an apostrophe. Also, the sentence before it has already used the term "Studies have shown" so make it sound different perhaps?

"When looking for a lifelong mate your daughter is going to have high expectations[...]"

The sentence needs a comma in between the words "mate" and "your."

"Teach him at a very young age to open doors for them and pull out their chairs."

"Them" and "their" apparently refers to women in context, so it could be a better idea to replace "them" with "women" so it is less ambiguous.

"[...]they grow up more secure emotionally, have better social skills and have stronger outside relationships."

There is always a comma before an "and."

"[...]just want to spend time with their dads. They don't expect dads[...]"

You can use a semicolon to replace the period in the sentence; it's not necessary, however.

"As critical as a father/daughters relationship is raising a son[...]"

I think you meant "father/daughter relationship" but it isn't really that intrusive. Do fix it though.

There are some minor issues with the flow of the article.

"Dads who don't try to be Christ like are missing the most important influencing time in her life."

This sentence sounds off to me. You can either use "Christ-like" or "like Christ" to replace "Christ like." Also, the last part can be rewritten into something a little more clear.

"Dads who don't try to be like Christ are missing out on the most important part of their fatherhood: being a good influence on their children."

And this concludes the review! Sorry if it doesn't quite meet expectations, but it might be able to do the job.
2
2
Review by William Fowlkes Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Sending GPs to the Original Character Tournament Bank.
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