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333 Public Reviews Given
2,250 Total Reviews Given
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Review of SMOKEY'S LESSON  
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello! I am reviewing your true story as you requested.

First, regarding grammar, there are a few places where you use sentence fragments (as in the second sentence of paragraph 2) or could use a comma (as in paragraph 3, after the words "at the campsite"), but for a casual and anecdotal tale like this one, those things are not really a big deal.

There are a few places where you refer to "Jim" -- but since there are 3 people named Jim and you have nicknames for each, it would be clearer to use the appropriate nickname to avoid confusion.

Your story is cute and fun and relates well the "lesson" the bear learned - though I'm not sure "suckered" is the right word in that last paragraph...maybe you could just say:

"The twinkle in Schwartz-B's eyes showed me there was nothing wrong; before tossing a tin can that sent the bear scurrying away, he replied, "You knew that Smokey can already handle a shovel - but now, you've taught him how to use a rake!" "

I remember well the "Smoky the Bear" commercials from the 70s and 80s, and this story reminded me of those, as well as put a smile on my face. I'm glad there was no dangerous incident involved and everyone was safe.

Write on!

Amy


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of The Lake  
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
What a poignant, heartbreaking poem. You have met the requirements of the Ravenfly form without anything ever sounding forced or trite.

Your details bring the scene into clear focus while providing a vivid backdrop for the gentle end of day coinciding with the end of a life. Without stating it outright, you imply many past visits to the lake and a long history coming to its gentle end. Beautifully sad.

I would say this one is a winner!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of Sustaining  
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I loved your story - so full of rich detail and beauty. I was drawn in easily with your expert prose and as startled as Xiong at the shattered glass and its resulting, unusual blessing. In such a short work you've imbued incredible metaphor, color, surprise, meaning -- and helped your reader understand a lot of Chinese culture in subtle ways that do not resort to preaching or instructing. Really incredible work. Awesome writing!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
This is a fantastic A-Z poem! You've worked some rhyme into it as well, seamlessly meeting today's prompt for the Writer's Cramp. It was a lot of un to read -- "color" me impressed. Write on!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of The Jewel Thief  
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
This could be a minstrel's song played for a group of merry festival-goer folk. I loved it and could almost hear the minstrels playing a rollicking melody! Congrats to you for your Writer's Cramp win today. I'm very interested in reading more of your work.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of Vision  
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I love this. Now you *really* have to read Anne McCaffrey's books. In her word (Pern), girls are the ones who impress the golden eggs, just as in your piece. You weave lovely language with easy rhyme and a solid story, into a fantastic poem! Thank you for helping celebrate Writing.com's 23rd birthday. *Wink*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of A Love Story  
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Wow - you work so well within this form to create a truly lovely poem full of longing and memory.

My favorite line:

The ancient elephant is no longer
a threat, but still you’re saving me.

It's beautiful, as is the sentiment you create. You avoid writing what could be a very trite poem, considering the prompt was simply "something that happens on a carousel." (If you don't win Writer's Cramp with this today then I don't know what!)

Amy *Wink*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
This is lovely and sensual - I love your direct metaphor throughout, and the subject fits so well within the pi form.

The only thing I might suggest is replacing the one simile with another metaphor - instead of "like chicory," perhaps "of chicory" or simply "chicory." Just a thought.

Wonderfully delicious! Thanks for sharing.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Love this contest and very much appreciate the opportunity to compete with my fellow poets! Your contest inspires me to write more - and write better. I am grateful and will continue to participate as I am able.

Thank you so much.
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Review of Travelling  
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello! I am a fellow entrant into today's Writer's Cramp contest (and sometimes I'm a judge). I loved this entry! I think you really knew how to work within the strict form to give your reader a sense of image and feeling. Images like photographs move outward, upward too, into concepts.

It's as though you started focused in to tiny detail and then slowly pulled back for a broader view. I read it several times and enjoyed it more each time. Bravo!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of End of Summer  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Congratulations on your writer's cramp win today! This was a fun poem that met the prompt perfectly!

Amy
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In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
This is a great response to my (admittedly) ignorantly unscientific Writer's Cramp prompt. You have a great writing style that keeps your reader's interest and tells the story with clear, concise language and great dialogue, with the added benefit of scientific facts. Bravo!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Congrats on your writer's cramp win today. Very clever poem!
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Review of Preparation  
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I like the way this looks on the page, and how you've developed the poem. It builds in line length as it adds meaning and images. The short phrases and single words separated by periods adds to its stark, empty tone.

My favorite line is: Two Bits for Fare. Red Light Pallor.
because it adds dimension and is indirect.

The last three words, separated by wide spaces, add to this too. I'm so sorry for your loss.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of Tear Soup  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
What a lovely way to remember your mother. I like how you include both edible and inedible elements (and words themselves, as in the lyrics to Yankee Doodle Dandy) as ingredients in your recipe. It feels soft and sad at the same time. The 2nd to last stanza is particularly powerful, with the tears taking longer to boil than anything else.
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In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
This is lovely and at the same time sharp. I like how you've used visuals (with shortened lines and the spacing in 'slowbeats') to emphasize and bring alive your meaning. The word "icebox" brings your reader back to your father's day and time - I remember my own father saying it, and his mother as well -- and how their generation shoved their pain and feelings "to the back of the shelf," as you describe. Love how the glacier melts and thaws in the last stanza. It feels like a great fatherly affection.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of April  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
What a clever raincloud shaped-poem! I enjoyed reading your take on April Showers while successfully avoiding. Great use of alliteration and assonance...your poem seems to gather speed as it goes along, much as water would running down a mountain stream in spring. Best of luck to you in the "The Taboo Words Contest ~ On Hiatus" .
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for entry "A Mosquito's Plea" 
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I thought your mosquito poem was incredibly clever!
One drop of blood, yes -- but a lot of itching lol
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Review of Addicted to ABBA  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Ha! This is fun and very clever. Love how you wove "mama mia" into the poem, and the end is a great bonus...I was even thinking in the beginning "well at least it's not Barry Manilow!" Hahaha
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Review of Poetry  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Don't know why this has no ratings but I'll remedy that right now. Wonderful work! I hope you keep writing.
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In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Another goodie. And another cool form I've never heard of and now want to try. I'm loving your work. Who the heck gave this 3 stars?

This reads like a Moody Blues song - you've woven lyrics, methinks. I felt compelled to read it several times, to savor the phrasing and taste the sounds. I love questions in a poem, especially when they evoke images. And that last couplet is stunning: "senses breach the fences of compromise" is such a uniquely crafted idea. Nothing trite here. Thanks so much for sharing!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of To May  
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
You're now one of my official "favorites." I love when poets try different forms as well as free verse, and you're so good at it! You don't reach for fancy language or over-wrought metaphor, and nothing feels forced.

I kind of want the butterfly to be a she. Can the butterfly be a she?

With all that rhyme it could easy fall into the realm of sing-song-y tripe. But no! It's very sweet - and never saccharine - with a wink at the end. Nice!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of December  
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
OOOh this is lovely. I'd love to try this form, because yours is inspiring with its gentle flow and crisp, inventive images. I do love a fireplace, and could almost feel the warmth from the one you've conjured. Thank you for sharing.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello! Fellow writer's cramp-er here. I really enjoyed reading your dystopian short story. It flowed very well and held my interest all the way through, and you worked the required phrases in seamlessly. I wonder if it could be expanded into a larger tale. I want to know what happened, and whether they find freedom! Thanks for sharing.

Amy
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Review of Recipe  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hahahaha! Loved it. A well-deserved first place in the Humorous Poetry contest!

Amy
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