I thought I'd snuck you in while no one was looking on the Fantasy Forum! Got to look after a fellow English woman, after all!
I enjoyed reading this very well written piece. It is a somewhat sombre story that is dark and interesting. I love the title; it is a very good one. There are a lot of good descriptions and imagery. The ending is unexpected and therefore makes a good twist. The reader is left intrigued and made to wonder, which is a very good thing.
this is a very powerful and extremely clever poem, although rather pessimistic. It flows beautifully down from each line and the way you start each line with the same letter is something I haven't come across before. I give you full marks for such inventiveness and creativity in finding words under the banner of 'D' to fit and not just fit, but that go together as though intended to be there; not just fitted to rhyme.
I thoroughly enjoyed reading this and you so deserve the awardicon for this.
this is a good story that I enjoyed reading with a surprise ending. I expected Christina's body to be found at the bottom of the cliffs - that she was 'whisked' away to join her parents was lovely and made this a more enjoyable fantasy than a sad one. It is a good idea and this story could easily be expanded further covering more of emotions and adding dialogue.
this is really beautiful and ends on such a wonderful optimistic tone. It is a very encouraging and uplifting poem. You have a gift for poetry and I look forward to reading many more of your poems.
this is a really delightful read and I enjoyed every bit of it. You capture well the magic of this 'special' trip with your father and the reader can easily imagine the scene. It is written very well without any over the top sentiments, which could easily have crept in, including nice little touches of humour.
The only thing that may enhance it is just a little bit of dialogue - maybe where you actually catch your very first fish? Just a suggestion to think about or discard.
This is a really nice gentle poem and I enjoyed reading it. It is a tranquil poem and leaves the reader with a nice feel good factor. I loved the imagery and the poem flows well throughout to a very good ending.
This is a good strong emotional poem and touching to read. The reader can plainly hear your anguish and wistful yearning for your grandad. It is a good read and many people will be able to identify with this poem.
The worst thing about this disease is how you see your loved ones become strangers: the shell of their bodies are there but the person you loved has died. You have captured some of this in your poem.
This is a lovely poem that although there has been much sadness resounds of hope and optimism for a brighter future. It leaves the reader with a feel good factor. It is well written and a joy to read.
I enjoyed reading this poem and the added sss really gives the poem the feel of a serpent. I think the expression 'baby' doesn't really go here but for all that it is amusing and well written.
I was drawn by the title straight away; it is very good. It is a poem that you can easily put your own intrepretation to whether you want it to be fantasy or two real lovers, etc. I liked verse 1 and 5 the most and you have included some lovely phrases and images into this poem. A good read.
I've finally got round to reading your story. I was thoroughly fooled at the end. I was expecting all kinds of things - but for the phantom figure to be Miklos's shadow was a very good twist.
This is a good and inventive story and sadly all too credible.
The only thing I found off-putting is that it reads like a play in parts yet it is a short story. The two didn't mix for me and stopped it from flowing and gelling.
Other than that, I enjoyed reading this. It captures fully the dark brooding atmosphere of a tortured man both physically and mentally.
I thoroughly enjoyed reading this and will look to read further chapters. You end the story just right - the reader wants more. I like the names you have used and the title drew me straight away.
I particularly liked the detailed descriptions of the dragons; you brought them to life. And although quite reminiscent of the Pern dragons, you have still, so far, made this your own story. A very good and interesting read.
A very telling acrostic. I particularly liked the first line; apart from being so true it sets the whole tone for the poem. You portray in so few words the anguish of an overweight person and their desperate need to be 'normal' as the world dictates. A very clever title to have used for this by the way.
A funny, yet sad story. I enjoyed reading it. I liked the way you used this story in journal form; it really works. A good slant to use fleas instead of the normal virus, etc. I also liked the way you kept giving different facts about the microscopic organisms that are part of our daily life - even if we don't want to know about them!!!
A suggestion:
Please relook at your first sentence it doesn't read properly. It would be better if you changed it to:
"Some interesting news has just come in, another sign of global warming; right after this message from our sponsor.”
Another great story with another very inventive idea.
I particularly liked:
The heat emanating from them is so pleasurable.”
They hyperventilate when afraid and more oxygen is dumped into the bloodstream, improving the flavor and giving us an extra boost.”
“It’s so warm and smooth, like satin,” he gushed, his words beginning to slur in anticipation.
Ted gasped reflexively. “I don’t want to kill dozens,” he whispered. “I just want her. She’s so soft and sweet, like minted melons on a chilled fork with a glass of very cold champagne.”
These are all very good phrases and give the story so much. The ending is good too.
Very amusing and a really good read. Quite a novel idea a vampire needing a dentist! Your fantasy type stories are always a pleasure to read and you are so inventive with your ideas.
The very first sentence is fabulous and sets the tone for the whole of this story.
I thought the lingering smells in the bakery reminding them of their lost humanity was a nice touch.
This poem starts off very good and then is spoilt by the length of line 7. If you broke it up into two lines and shortened the wording it would read so much better.
Also the last line needs a little work. I believe that if you address this you will gain a much higher rating.
You certainly give the feel of a desperate woman and child trying to escape a violent partner; the fears and sad reflection of her hopes that have been dashed. I especially liked 'Child in tow with all she can carry'; it really sums up her life now.
I enjoyed reading this poem. I especially liked the way you end it. You take the reader with you; giving a wonderful sense of peace. It has a charm all of its own.
The only thing I did not like was how you mentioned the month of May. This had a jarring quality for me. The rest flows nicely but this just did not flow and was not needed.
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/wolfdancer
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.08 seconds at 2:38pm on Nov 18, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
Got to look after a fellow English woman, after all!
