I like it. I like the repetition. Though a couple line, because I think, you were going for the rhyme, the rhythm was off a bit. And I'd love to give you a solution, but I don't have one. I run into the same problem with my sestinas. But overall, good job.
I wrote this kick-ass review and then... And then... the computer blipped out. Short version - Good wording, good rhythm, but sounds like a poem, not a prayer. Which is not to say it isn't good *which I explained well and eloquently the first time I wrote this*. But it could be polished. The joke kinda falls flat at the end. But I see the horse, I just think you have some more to chip away.
This is great! The bad habits our parents teach us. My Mother believed that if it was in a pile, on a table, then it was "put away." I have piles on every flat surface in my home, which means it's clean.
That's why this poem is so good. I think most people picked up a habit or two from their parents It's universal.
Very, very nice. Perfect. I've always seen snow as white paper. I'd never thought it the other way around. Remember: A blank piece of paper is G-d's way of showing you what it's like to be G-d. G-d. White paper. Mashed potatoes.
I felt this piece was choppy. I follow from the ball to the roll to the pins to the strike. But the explaination of the safe crackers just feels shoved in there.
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.10 seconds at 6:02am on Nov 26, 2024 via server WEBX1.