You are rapidly becoming one of my favorites to read! This was beautifully done and it has a wonderful flow and rhythym. My favorite line is "when someone decided progress was worth suicide.' That's a gorgeous line, I must admit, and absolutely true. All in all, this is a great poem. Don't change a thing!
I really like how the story is written, from Emma's point of view. I love how she imagines how they met, and you can really feel that it's her way of dealing with the trauma and stress of the situation. I would've liked a little more information on the crash, because it was a bit confusing in the beginning. I could really picture the scenes she was imagining, so you did a great job with the imagery. All in all, a good story and you left wanting to know what happened to these people afterward, how they coped with it all. Also, and I don't know if it was my computer loading or what, but the end sentence of your story might have been cut off?
Really good flow to the poem, I liked the rythym. I love the first line, as momentary jerk can be taken two ways. It struck a chord with me because it's a pretty accurate description of what I think the afterlife is like. The only thing I can really critique is the use of the word dreamtime. It kind of jarred me out of the flow, like a wrong note in a melody. Altogether, though, this is beautifully written!
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/wordwing
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.09 seconds at 2:55am on Nov 18, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
